the plateau

[claire_hollinger]

i wont say that my wife is accepting, merely tolerant of my crossdressing. She doesnt want to see it, and never really brings it up. She balks at the idea of me going out with someone else while dressed, and wont go out with me...was wondering how long it takes to get off the plateau

[Tiff Rivera]

Its different for every SO how long they will stay on that plateau.

I would say be honest in answering her questions and don't push the issue on her or force her to talk about it. If she's upset it will just upset her more and close her off to an open discussion.

My :2c:

Hope that helps :hugs:

[Karren H]

Most of us when we push too hard to get off the platue... Plumet to our deaths, relationship wise..

[msniki48]

Most of us when we push too hard to get off the platue... Plumet to our deaths, relationship wise..


I agree with Karren. Pushing is not the answer...possibly education will help.

There are many sites and letters and blogs and science papers explaining what is happening to us. Letting your wife know this is not a game for you, but rather a part of you.

My therapist gave my 1st wife several things to read, suddenly, I no longer was the pervert or whatever decriptive adjective she would choose, but rather a loving partner capable much deeper feelings than she ever knew.

she may move off that plateau, once she better understands...she will however find another place of comfort...the next plateau


hugs

msniki

[claire_hollinger]

she is a memeber of this site, and is well educated, i just want her to be more of a part of my journey....and believe me, im not pushing. Every now and again (every few months) ill pull up the calender of events for a group near us, and mention one i may want to attend, and shes always cold on the idea. I dont drive, and need someone to take me to the event, and to be honest, most of the people i would feel comfortable asking are gay, and i think thats what scares her about THEM taking me, and i cant really blame her. Not that a gay person is going to be all over me just because theyre gay or anything, just because i didnt tell her at the start that i was a cd, she may think that there are other deceptions as well, which there arent, but i understand her reluctance. i just wish that she understood that this IS part of me, and i want her to be involved..in my opinion (which we've established doesnt count lol), crossdressing is no weirder than dragging her off to a trekkie convention....just a lotof guys dressed up :)

[Karren H]

So why don't you just ask her? If she's intelegent she can do the math and figure out how much time she needs? From what I've seen here if you plataue... You may be there for a long time... Even for the rest of your life... And if your on this journey and she isn't... Or its not where you want her to be then there's going to be a disconnect...

[Alice Torn]

If a SO starts singing the 1960's song, by The Seeds, "Pushin too Hard, pushin too hard on me", its a hint to back off, and let go. My cats even do that!

[DianeDeBris]

"no weirder than dragging her off to a trekkie convention....just a lotof guys dressed up"

I * love* this notion -- hundreds, likely thousands of people of both genders dress up in various ways -- Civil War reenactors, medieval buffs, CPA's dressing like Hell's Angels, whatever -- and so many of us even in our "regular" lives adopt "costumes" to invite a particular perception, e.g., granola nuts, aging hippies, etc. -- costumes are simply costumes, no more and no less -- why do some of us feel, or allow others to tell us, that wearing this particular set of costumery is "wrong?"

Hugs - Diane

[Renee_E]

Even a plateau has a top. It may be where you're at. You can always try to improve the siuation, but remember you can only do that one step at a time. Sometimes you can only take babysteps.

[SuzanneBender]

You owe it to your loved ones to give them as long to accept your dressing as it took you to accept it.

[BLUE ORCHID]

If you rock the boat too much you may get thrown over board.
I too am in a similar position it is what it is.


Orchid

[Sandra]

How Long.

It can take years...yep I did say years and more so if the SO found out after marriage or a long period of time together.

Sit down with her and talk to her both of you put your cards on the table, what you'd both like to do, what worries either of you have etc. Just don't push things because if you do then that will cause more problems.

[Daintre]

This isn't something your wife signed on for when she married you. You have had a long time getting your head around your CDing and she is late to the game. It has been said many times here that communication is the key to greater understanding. Your opinion is needed, don't just discard it, an honest sit down cards on the table talk may help your wife understand your needs a bit better.

[KimberlyJo]

I'm sure you don't want to hear this, but she may never express more than cold tolerance for your dressing. This may be the best she will ever be able to muster. I also hope that my wife will come around and be even more accepting than she already is, but I'm not holding my breath for it to happen. If it happens it will be slow and gradual I think.

[Sandra]

I just wanted to add that if rules/boundaries have been set then don't go break them. Instead sit down and discuss them to see if they can be widen.

If these are pushed or broken then the SO is never gonna be over the moon with the cding.

[claire_hollinger]

You are right about some people reaching a brick wall in acceptance, not willing or even able to go further, but with my CDing gaining some steam, i wonder if im able to put on the brakes for her.....i dont want to leave her behind, but how long before the gap between us is too far to reach each other anymore. I find myself more crabby and disconnected to her, and it bothers me. I dont want to give up my marriage because of this, but its a huge part of me at this point, and i am beyond cutting this part of me off.