Male Mode Femininity

[Wendrme]

Lately I have been thinking about whether our femininity shows or does not show while in male mode.
Recently I met a man who could best be described by the word "effeminate". Though he used very effeminate gestures and speech,I got the feeling that he probably cared nothing about crossdressing.
I wonder how many of us consider ourselves, while in male mode, to be effeminate? It is possible, and indeed probable, while even underdressed or hair curled or wearing light makeup in male mode, to not be "effeminate" or "sissified"?
If you think of yourself to be effeminate while in the guy state, is it because you consciously want to be that way or is that just the way you are?
If we are in male mode, can we, unashamedly, join GG's and mixed groups, in conversations about typical girly things?
I, in no way, consider myself to be "effeminate". But would not be adverse to joining GG's friends or co-workers in discussing makeup or the continuos bra sales at Kohl's.
Would you?

[Karren H]

Hell I don't even consider myself effeminate when enfemme! Sigh...

[lavistaa62]

Effeminate in actions- maybe to a small amount. Effeminate (which wikipedia aka our fellow humans say is "nurturing, life-giving qualities, creativity, and an openness, or yielding, to other people") in thought, interests and emotions- most definitely and the more the merrier. As long as your actions aren't affected- by that I mean so long as they are a natural part of your actions and don't seem deliberate or fabulous- most people including yourself probably don't even realize it. The best gauge of your outward femininity is, I would guess, a stranger or near stranger.

[KimberlyJo]

In social situations I normally (and unconsciously) tend to gravitate towards groups of women rather than men (I don't know anything about sports or cars). If I cross my legs, it's in the more feminine style not the typical male ankle on knee posture. I have to consciously control my hand gestures to not appear feminine while in male mode.

Since I've become more comfortable with my dressing, I'm more comfortable with my "femininity" in general. So I don't care as much about controlling it while in drab. This is something I've struggled with my whole life, so it's refreshing to finally come to terms with it.

So yeah, it shows because it's an integral part of who I am and how I express myself, but I don't think it overwhelms anyone to the point where it raises eyebrows (consistently).

On the flip side of that coin, I'm sure a lot of CDers adopt a more constructed machismo persona for their male mode to compensate for their feminine side and or behaviors. I never really did, in fact I rather abhor it.

But that's me, to each their own :battingeyelashes:


Hell I don't even consider myself effeminate when enfemme! Sigh...

lol Karren, well you certainly look the part in your pictures. Now I'm picturing you strutting around like John Wayne in your heels and pencil skirt :lol:

[Kate Simmons]

Good thread Wendy and good question. I have gotten to the point where I am gender neutral and can be comfortable being myself doing or discussing anything in either mode. For myself, the mode is simply a choice of expression and who I am is not governed by clothing or presentation. I look it as being more of a full spectrum person than just one or the other. Getting this perspective does not come overnight, however, it takes a lot of intropsection and requires total self honesty.:)

[sempervirens]

I know I look more chickish than the average guy when I'm in guy-mode (longer hair, pierced ears, clean shave, some boobage). I act somewhat girly, but try to constrain that if we're at WalMart or Agway. Men don't say anything about it. Women react more positively, in general.

[Erica2Sweet]

Basically, I don't seem to successfully fit into the common (cliche) stereotypes with regard to gender as society dictates. I find its easier and much healthier to forget societal rules, and instead, allow my SO and I to enjoy my gender flux, as opposed to trying to chop up my life into blocks where I need to constantly think about how I should be behaving according to society's rules and my outward appearance at the time.

That being said, when I do go out as a woman, I do my absolute best in playing the part, mainly because its a lot of fun, and often it is a wonderful learning experience to see a snippit of life from the other side so to speak.

When I'm back in boy mode, I'm sure some classic feminine mannerisms do surface, but that's OK by me. I realize now that I can't keep my guard up 24/7 and not wind up a figity, twichy, tired mess.

[minalost]

In social situations I normally (and unconsciously) tend to gravitate towards groups of women rather than men (I don't know anything about sports or cars). If I cross my legs, it's in the more feminine style not the typical male ankle on knee posture. I have to consciously control my hand gestures to not appear feminine while in male mode.

Since I've become more comfortable with my dressing, I'm more comfortable with my "femininity" in general. So I don't care as much about controlling it while in drab. This is something I've struggled with my whole life, so it's refreshing to finally come to terms with it.

So yeah, it shows because it's an integral part of who I am and how I express myself, but I don't think it overwhelms anyone to the point where it raises eyebrows (consistently).

On the flip side of that coin, I'm sure a lot of CDers adopt a more constructed machismo persona for their male mode to compensate for their feminine side and or behaviors. I never really did, in fact I rather abhor it.

But that's me, to each their own :battingeyelashes:



lol Karren, well you certainly look the part in your pictures. Now I'm picturing you strutting around like John Wayne in your heels and pencil skirt :lol:

Like kimberly I've always been a little fem (much to the sadistic glee of my high school knuckle draggers...). Unlike Kimberly, when I was younger I tried to actively aquire more masculine gestures and postures. I always felt like I was faking it! Now I try to cultivate more feminine gestures and postures. I'm so confussed :brolleyes:! LOL!

[Karren H]

lol Karren, well you certainly look the part in your pictures. Now I'm picturing you strutting around like John Wayne in your heels and pencil skirt :lol:

Only not as graceful and with a deeper voice! Lol. At least in my minds eye..

[Rachel Morley]

I wonder how many of us consider ourselves, while in male mode, to be effeminate? I'm not sure if I am "effeminate" as such (I expect some people think I am) but I do like to think of myself as non-manly. I guess I am a fairly effeminate in boy mode.


It is possible, and indeed probable, while even underdressed or hair curled or wearing light makeup in male mode, to not be "effeminate" or "sissified"? Humm .. good question. Id under dressing and light makeup being effeminate? I guess so .. it's very subjective isn't it. I think there comes a point where being non-manly (gender neutral) tips the scales and you become effeminate, but where that point is I don't exactly know. I would say if your other clothes are girls ones that people can kinda tell and also you're wearing makeup but you are otherwise In boy mode (no wig and forms) then I would say that IMHO you are somewhat being "effeminate". I also think "effeminate" could be more about mannerisms and behavior rather than clothes and makeup.



If you think of yourself to be effeminate while in the guy state, is it because you consciously want to be that way or is that just the way you are? A lot of it is just natural. The way I stand and sit is the same that I do in girl mode. I can't help it. Hvaing said that, if I do notice I'm sitting girly or something I don't change it. I like being this way.


If we are in male mode, can we, unashamedly, join GG's and mixed groups, in conversations about typical girly things? I absolutely love this when it happens. :) I love it when women seemingly treat me as "one of the girls" ... it can happen in boy or girl mode. I love it all the same.

[Michelle 51]

I look all guy .I'm 6 ft tall with a very deep voice.Short and to the point when i talk and my wife says i'm very gruff but i have a very femme side that i've tried to hide my whole life.I use a lot of hand gestures's.I sit very femme if i'm not thinking about it.I have to hide teary eyes if a movie is too emotional etc'etc.So i have to say on the exterior i'm all guy but inside there is a fair amount of women.

[mykhelee]

As I have been in High Drab mode for too long to seem real this perks my interest.
I don't have "longer" hair, I have hair past the middle of my back. Unless you know I "dress" you would never guess. My gay friends had no idea I was BI, let alone "dressed" until I spilled the beans.
If you carry yourself with confidence no one will notice or care.

[Hali]

Yeah sometimes i'll have to say oops! wen the femme part suddenly surfaced.

[Wen4cd]

My girly side is more masculine than my boy side, which is quite feminine.

[Elsa von Spielburg]

Unless I'm looking at some cute shoes or something of that sort, the femme rarely, if ever, comes out in my "default" male-mode. I can see it changing and seeping together in very small ways down the line, but not a whole lot; in the end I'm perfectly fine keeping them seperate for seperate situations.

[Erica2Sweet]

...
If you carry yourself with confidence no one will notice or care...

Indeed.

[WendyH]

I spent a lot of time in my teens studying how other teenage boys moved and held their hands, etc. so as not to appear too effeminate. The more I express my natural femininity and allow myself to just "be" without trying to put on a masculine front, the more effeminate I am. At least in my own mind. It's hard to see yourself as others see you.

[Sandygal]

I never thought I showed anything other than male growing up. I've been married 32 years and about 5 years ago we were invited to visit some old friends. We were all sitting in the spa when he said that it really surprised everyone when I got married. A lot of my school pals thought I might be gay or something. I never in a million years thought I was giving off that vibe. I can only wonder what my wife thought, I had only came out to her about my crossdressing a little before that.

[shayleetv]

Back in the middle ages when I was a teenager in high school I was in a play where I played an old mailman. A gentleman in my neighborhood who was with the Universities drama dept. told me I nailed the part and wonder who coached me. No one had coached me I just observed some old people that I knew and copied them. The mailman thing didn't come out in my daily life and neither does Shaylee. I guess what I am doing is playing a part. And the big question is which part am I really playing, boy or girl or is it both? When I am boy, I am all boy and my wife likes it that way, but when in girl mode and the longer I am there in that mode the more natural like feminine I am. My wife says that sometimes when I am dressed she forgets that I am not a woman, that is until I jar her back to reality by opening my mouth and speaking. I have never tried an affectation of a feminine voice, maybe i should.:):battingeyelashes::)

[Emme]

I don't even consider myself effeminate when enfemme!

I can't imagine talking "like a girl"..... I do talk in a softer voice. I often find myself thinking," How would a woman do this?" I usually go wiith the woman within.

I have watched GGs lately....they don't talk or act effeminate.

Effeminate males have their "own movment and swishes."

I was just telling my wife that Cds do not "swish" and neither do GGs.......I think she agreed???

In my limited experience at Tri Ess meetings I have never seen a " swisher"

This is just my observation of the past 30 years. I don't use the term "Swish" In a mean or demeaning way.

I have practiced walking like a woman. My wife said she saw me coming across the yard from the dumpster and said I looked pretty convincing. I asked her. Did I "swish" and she said, "heavens no" But she did say it was different from my former "lumbering- leaning in the direction I am vertically falling. I don't walk like a woman in drab...evah!

[msniki48]

Lately I have been thinking about whether our If we are in male mode, can we, unashamedly, join GG's and mixed groups, in conversations about typical girly things?
I, in no way, consider myself to be "effeminate". But would not be adverse to joining GG's friends or co-workers in discussing makeup or the continuos bra sales at Kohl's.
Would you?

Wendrme, i am lucky to have a group of girls [ neighbors] that come frequently and chat with my wife and myself....while i see their husbands many time leave to watch the tv in the other room or play pool down stairs after a very short time, i am very comfortable holding wonderful conversations...and yes my hands and gestures uncontiously go feminine along with voice inflection.

It is when i am around men that i have to be concious of my voice and movements. i also tend to curse a lot....what do they call that??? over compensating?!?!


hugs


msniki48