Head still in the sand

[helenr]

after finally updating my avatar, I wonder why it is so hard to present a facial image on ones avatar? I suppose the inability to apply makeup, fear of observant wife seeing unremoved makeup-women are super astute on stuff like this when they already harbor 'suspicions', unwillingness to spend $50-100 for a professional to apply makeup so you don't look like a clown, maybe just not thrilled with your facial features-few have that sweet Oriental rounded face-, or fear of being exposed-as if 'normal' people scrutinize posts to 'find us'. For me, all of the above. If you are still 'shy' what is your reason?

[StaceyJane]

It took me a long time to get to where I could post this avatar. First I had one of the cartoon ones. Then one where I'm hidden behind sunglasses but now I have one I really like. It shows my face and my sexy legs.

[minalost]

But I hope to change that sooner rather than latter!

[carolinoakland]

in the begining it had to do with my neighbors showing up at all hours, if I was dressed I would just put a robe or cover up on... but make up? I think i would have raised more eyebrows if I opened the door with a paper bag on my head to hide the make up. Of course I eventually STOPPED ANSWERING THE DOOR AFTER 8PM! That fixed it. But , honestly, you do what you have to do to keep the boundaries that keep you safe. Carol

[sandra-leigh]

or fear of being exposed-as if 'normal' people scrutinize posts to 'find us'.

I don't know about 'normal' people (what's normal anyhow?), but I first encountered this site while searching for information for a purchase I was thinking of. Unfortunately I do not recall now what I was searching for, but my meta-recollection is that I was not using cross-dresser specific keywords (e.g., might have been something about pantyhose.) The MTF members here are more likely to study items of clothing, so someone searching for information on that clothing are more likely to encounter a hit here than on most other sites. (On the other hand, we're less likely to immediately pull back when we see what the site is about.)

I have learned through experience that I am quite recognizable no matter how I dress; I have also learned that very few people are surprised to learn that I cross-dress. Thus unfortunately I do not have either of the traditional escape routes, neither "Surely no-one would recognize you dressed", nor "Surely no-one would believe it was you."

But beyond that... my cross-dressing is more experiential, more about how I feel about it, something internal; pictures of me aren't too important to me. For example in our local club newsletter, if there is no picture of me, I may get a bit disappointed, but from the perspective of having been "left out", not because of how I look. e.g., a few months ago I was the exemplar of "What Not To Wear", and I was as pleased to appear that way as I would be to appear in finery.

[Stephanie Miller]

Here's how a I solved a few of your delemas when I first started out and was just as scared as you:
1) Told wife outright so I didn't have to worry about her finding out on her own. (Somehow they always do - and then s..t hits the fan)
2) Had a free make-over done at one of the make-up stores in town when they first opened and very few customers. Sans lipstick and wore sunglasses out of the store. When I got home I applied lipstick and changed.
3) Was able to comr to the realization that your so called "normal" people don't really cruise this site. People that do cruise the site are doing so for the same reason we do. They're interested in this lifestyle and can end up being great friends. (If people want to find "dirt" on you - they will. Hiding doesn't stop it, just prolongs the inevitable in most cases)
4) I think you should reconsider your assesment that round Oriental faces are the top pick here. Beautiful women have all shapes. Tell Miss Universe 2009 her face just isn't gonna cut the mustard. :heehee:
Hope this helps.

[Wen4cd]

after finally updating my avatar, I wonder why it is so hard to present a facial image on ones avatar? I suppose the inability to apply makeup, fear of observant wife seeing unremoved makeup-women are super astute on stuff like this when they already harbor 'suspicions', unwillingness to spend $50-100 for a professional to apply makeup so you don't look like a clown, maybe just not thrilled with your facial features-few have that sweet Oriental rounded face-, or fear of being exposed-as if 'normal' people scrutinize posts to 'find us'. For me, all of the above. If you are still 'shy' what is your reason?

:D:D:D
What if you DO want to look like a clown?
:tongueout

Yeah, I think my wife actually took that picture, too.

"Hating your face" I can relate to, because I did for a long time. It's another expression of self-loathing.

If you hate your face, do you fix your face, or fix your hate? I like my face nowadays, both of them, through some magic or other. I don't know how that happened, but it did, and it was somehow related to this whole 'self acceptance' thing we do.

I think it's also the paranoia that someone, (by astronomical chance) is going to go "I recognize you, Chuck, lolz."

As if that person wasn't here for a reason. There's always that comeback, huh? "What were you doing here then?" :)

[Karren H]

Took me like 5 minutes to post my first photo. But then again hiring a female stunt double to take photos of give awesome results though is a bit on the expensive side!! :D

[Ruth]

helenr, if you are in the closet, then makeup is tricky. As you say, leftover traces could be a real problem. But then I would suggest that if you are not 'out' to your nearest and dearest, putting up a photo on a site like this is not a top priority.
As regards people surfing the site and seeing you, I don't see this as a problem. For one thing, people who are not in the transgender community are really not going to spend a lot of time reading this site. It's not that interesting if you are not involved in CDing in some way. And for another thing, most of us who post mug shots do not look much like our male alter egos.

[Kathi Lake]

My issue is that I'm not bright enough to think of the consequences of posting pictures. :)

If you do a Google search of crossdresser Utah, you'll find plenty of pictures of me. As I sid in my photo album on my profile, ". . . maybe I want to get caught."

Kathi

[Christina2008]

Maybe getting caught is part of the fun, also who's really going to notice you unless they are a CD'er too. Practising applying makeup is fun, just go for it.

[Erica2Sweet]

Life is too short to be shy and timid...:battingeyelashes:

[melissacd]

You may eventually work your way through all of these concerns to a point where you can post a picture. Do it when and if you are ready.

[docrobbysherry]

I had been dressing wearing masks EVERY TIME for 10 years! BEFORE I came out of my closet online here!:D

So, hiding my face has NEVER been an issue!:heehee:

[WandaRae2009]

It part of the compromise with my wife. She made me promise not to put any pictures on the internet. I want to keep the relationship, so I don't post any pictures. She is barely tolerant, and not accepting and is afraid someone else might find out.

[Danielle76]

I had a full body shot including my face as my avatar...for about 30 seconds. Then I chickened out and thought of the far fetched possibility that my wife may someday stumble on this sight and see my face. Much too risky....

[sherri52]

I like my avatar, if you want to see my face see my home page. Its open to everyone

[Leanne2]

I have the perfect solution to the avatar dilemma. I don't know how to post my picture there. A few months ago I finally figured out how to post pictures of my new hairdo. I don't have enough time to figure out how to put my picture over there. Heck, I don't even know how to put a cartoon picture over there. I guess you could say that I am a dumb blond even though my hair color is dark brown. Leanne

[AKAMichelle]

My issue is that I'm not bright enough to think of the consequences of posting pictures. :)

If you do a Google search of crossdresser Utah, you'll find plenty of pictures of me. As I sid in my photo album on my profile, ". . . maybe I want to get caught."

Kathi

I just tried it for crossdresser denver and there was my picture. Surprise Surprise. You can't even find a picture of me in male mode, but you can find one of Michelle.

I guess I wasn't too smart either. :D

[aggi123]

kathi you were on the frontpage for crossdresser eldersburg =P

I used to hide behind sunglasses. Then I posted a better picture and all was happy :)

[Barbara Dugan]

I am shy and timid on my other life but here I am somehow more bold. My first avatar was a virtual image of myself I still don't know much about makeup but still decide to show my true self:hugs:

[NathalieX66]

I'm an artist.
That being said, I'm never satisfied with my avatar. The tint is kind of bluish because daylight blue color 250 watt photo floods don't work with digital cameras....and my skin looks red. The dress I'm wearing is actually a plum purple. My camera picture quality gradually deteriorated, then died completely, which is why I'm buying a new one this weekend.
Plus, I think I'm ugly. :sad:
All I ever wanted to do was be a face to the words you are reading.

[helenr]

Thanks for the thoughtful replies. Re the Oriental reference, I recognize that there are many stunningly beautiful women who have angular faces-Sophia loren comes to mind as one. Yet, I sincerely believe that the Thai, for example, with the combination of shorter height, rounded face, far less facial hair-really assist them as far as blending in goes. Look at the world famous Thailand Katoye (mispelled, but I am lazy tonight) with their beauty pagentsand stunning outcomes.
I think that I will try to get a skilled beautician help me for a face 'make over'-but not easy to find. I tried to list on Craigslist or follow up a listing for one who offes this service, but the 'weirdness' component must have turned them off. Too bad that, to some, any sort of enquiry like this must be associated with bad things-like maybe sexual assault-hardly what a transgendered person on hormones is likely to be interested in!

[Frédérique]

If you are still 'shy' what is your reason?

Because I like being shy, period. You see what I choose to show you, and there’s precious little of that, since I’m not here to show myself…


I think it's also the paranoia that someone, (by astronomical chance) is going to go "I recognize you, Chuck, lolz."
As if that person wasn't here for a reason. There's always that comeback, huh? "What were you doing here then?"

It’s comforting to know that I’m in the last place anyone would think to look for me. It also helps to…ahem…not know anybody. :heehee:
People barely know me here, for crying out loud, and those that do are red-shifted, i.e. moving away from me at tremendous speed…:eek:
Oh, I didn’t mean you, Wen…

[Lainie]

I've had some feedback from CDs who don't like seeing a handlebar and a dress on the same person. Here, I guess I am unnecessarily secretive, I also post a lot on flickr, usually in GG fashion groups, so I do the trick of holding the camera in front of my face, or just photoshopping the mouth out. Trying to blend in and promote the fashion fun without visually screaming that I deserve special attention. I am continually surprised that I get nice comments from GGs, invitations to post, inclusions in galleries... I think a lot of them don't notice. Anyone could go to my profile and get the correct information--apparently they're not concerned. I'm certainly not beautiful like some CDs. Just a 'Fatshionista' showing off my favorite outfits.

[EnglishRose]

Well nobody will recognise me but that doesn't stop my irrational fears of the same :)

[jenna_woods]

it took me a long time before I could poast a pic, so don't feel bad, we all go through it

[Rianna Humble]

I think it's also the paranoia that someone, (by astronomical chance) is going to go "I recognize you, Chuck, lolz."

Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean that the whole world isn't against me :eek:

I'll confess that the main reason that I do not post facial shots is that I cannot afford to take that astronomical chance.

In a few months, my situation will have changed and I will be much freer to pursue my happiness.

In the mean time, if someone saw and recognised me then accidentally told certain others, I could be responsible for destroying the life of someone about whom I care.

You may ask what are the odds of that happening, yet people still play the lottery despite odds (in the UK) of over 14 million to 1 - and a few people do win despite those odds.

[Tisha Ann Ryan]

I have not posted a picture yet because:
I do not have a wig ... bought some last week and waiting for them to arrive
I am lousy still at putting on makeup and have to buy my own soon as I get the nerve up to visit a makeup counter in a distance community
I want my picture to be pretty and am willing to put the time and effort to get there .. so that means dieting ... and it should take me some time to get to goal weight
I am still assembling a wardrobe after my last and final purge
The photo I post has be different enough from my male image to maintain my security and secrecy and that will take some time for me to find my comfort level with

But someday soon, I will post my picture of Tisha en femme, and it will a day I am proud of.

Tisha

[windycissy]

I can totally understand the paranoia about being recognized, but honestly, if you've got a good wig and put on a little makeup, you look a lot different...as for tell-tale traces of makeup, cold cream or makeup remover pads work like a charm. I love the observation that anyone trolling this site is unlikely to call you out if they recognize you!

[Rachel Morley]

Don't worry about having apparently too much makeup on and looking like a clown, even with lots of makeup on that isn't applied "that" well will still look ok. You need to add a ton of makeup anyway if you want to see it at all in an itty bitty avitar of only 150 x 150 pixels.

As for your face not looking very good, I would say try adding a little bit of soft focus in Photoshop to maybe smooth (blur?) things out a little. :)

[sandra-leigh]

I can totally understand the paranoia about being recognized, but honestly, if you've got a good wig and put on a little makeup, you look a lot different.

I get recognized as my male self from 20 to 100 feet away. When I'm side view to the person. Who has only seen me twice before. The last time being 4 months earlier. When they never seen me in anything other than stealth clothes before. In low light. In seconds.

And not one of these people has been surprised about the way I'm dressed, just surprised / happy to find me there at all.

What-ever it is that makes most people look "a lot different" when they put on a good wig and some makeup... I haven't got it.

I've had significantly more people surprised that my bust is forms rather than natural breasts or implants, than I have had surprised that I cross-dress. So apparently, although my appearance leads 99.99% of taxi drivers to refer to me "Sir" no matter how I am dressed, still people (evne those who barely know me) pretty much expect me to be somewhere towards trans.

What's the TG/TS equivalent of "gaydar" called, anyhow? :heehee:

[Christina Horton]

I took me about a year to post a pic for a few reasons.

1) I was not ready to go out dressed. This site and Second Life helped me get ready to go out.

2) I did not have a Camera that I could take pics with .

3) I did not for awhile ( I barely know how to work the computer and to down load a pic.

I was never afraid to post a pic. But I am open with it to everybody I care for. It was just my lack of puter skills and equipment.

Every body has different time frames in witch they do or try something. What is quick for one person is slow for another. So when your ready that's when you do it and not before.

[windycissy]

I get recognized as my male self from 20 to 100 feet away. When I'm side view to the person. Who has only seen me twice before. The last time being 4 months earlier. When they never seen me in anything other than stealth clothes before. In low light. In seconds.

And not one of these people has been surprised about the way I'm dressed, just surprised / happy to find me there at all.

What-ever it is that makes most people look "a lot different" when they put on a good wig and some makeup... I haven't got it.

I've had significantly more people surprised that my bust is forms rather than natural breasts or implants, than I have had surprised that I cross-dress. So apparently, although my appearance leads 99.99% of taxi drivers to refer to me "Sir" no matter how I am dressed, still people (evne those who barely know me) pretty much expect me to be somewhere towards trans.

What's the TG/TS equivalent of "gaydar" called, anyhow? :heehee:

That would explain why your avatar is a goat!

[Frédérique]

That would explain why your avatar is a goat!

Sandra’s avatar is positively caprine! There’s a word you rarely see nowadays. I would explain further, but I’m wrestling with the English language in another part of the forum…:doh:

[sandra-leigh]

Sandra’s avatar is positively caprine!

My choice of avatar was capricious. Which is appropriate, considering that ultimately the word "capricious" is derived from the word for "goat".

(BTW, if anyone has been wondering: no, I'm not a Capricorn.)

[windycissy]

I'm not an expert on the goat world, is your avatar a male or a female goat? How can you tell them apart, by the face I mean? I wonder if they have transgendered goats?

[sandra-leigh]

I'm not an expert on the goat world, is your avatar a male or a female goat? How can you tell them apart, by the face I mean? I wonder if they have transgendered goats?

I'm not sure; I wasn't going to get inside the fence and examine its anatomy, not with those horns!

What I can say is that in either a part I cropped out of that photo, or a photo I took a few seconds later, there is a second goat which did not have horns or the beard. On the other hand, if I recall the plaque correctly, they were different breeds.

I think the "preponderance of evidence" would be that the photo is of a male goat. Unfortunately I did not get anywhere near as nice a picture of the second goat.

I didn't have any special motive in picking that avatar. I looked back through my photos and it was the first one I found that was in-focus, distinctive and mammalian. And it seemed apropos since some people might say that I'm "as stubborn as a goat"... except those people would be more likely to say that I'm "as stubborn as an ox", reflecting the fact that I was born in The Year Of The Ox. (We are currently in another Year Of The Ox, but it finishes in mid February if you go by the Chinese calendar.)

===

Addendum: I re-checked, and the second goat did have horns and a beard, just not as prominent.