Seeking to qualify for the Pink Team...

[helenr]

Perhaps a silly, but sincere, self analysis. Like others I so wish I could have been born female, and have spent most of my life wishing, trying to be accepted. Maybe taking estrogen and anti androgens is a complicated way of attempting to enter from the side-as if developing breasts would somehow merit inclusion and acceptance? The human mind sure is complicated. Do others ever see their situations similarly?

[kellycan27]

I not only figured out that I was a woman along time ago, I accepted the fact. Hormones only help to make my outside more closely resemble my inside. Had for some unforeseen reason I'd not able to take advantage of HRT, I would have still proceeded the best that I could.

[Katesback]

The real change in transition that is priceless has nothing to do with how you look physically!

[Frances]

The real change in transition that is priceless has nothing to do with how you look physically!

I totally agree. In my opinion, transition is mainly a psychological process. It is about overcoming fears and affirming one's true self regardless of looks, surgical procedures or hormonal enhancements. Sure surgery and hormones will help you pass better, but they will not dispel fears or worries that have not been dealt with in therapy. I did not believe people when they said as much in group therapy in the beginning, but after a long transition process, and now living full-time, I totally believe it. Acceptance from others starts with acceptance of yourself as a woman.

[GypsyKaren]

Taking a pill won't give you a pass for anything, if it's not inside you before it won't be after.

KS :g1:

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Helen my heart goes out to you.

I recall you talking about therapists in the past, and I don't remember exactly, but i think you werent high on going to one.

I've always read your posts, and I can see your struggle in them

Perhaps I can say a thing or two that you might get from therapy (so you don't have to go!! :heehee:)

First..there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with you. You and I and many of us are simply human beings that are naturally brought into this world. This feeling that something is WRONG is a huge roadblock to good mental health, and caused me so much suffering and confusion.

Second...focusing (obsessing - iknow i did) on how you look and how you look is only one way to feel female. This is often the only way for many of us that spend our entire lives trying to be men. That's why there is a saying that the difference between a crossdresser and transsexual is five years...this isnt really true as crossdressers want to stay men...but MANY MANY TS women start by crossdressing, assume they are "crossdressers" and go on their merry way as guys until reality sets in..
By the way, its a pretty typical female trait to care more about appearance. Based on your posts, u are obviously doing this right now and its totally and completely normal to feel that way.

Third..it is never ever too late. in fact, i am in a therapy group and there a number of older women that transitioned in their 60's or 70's!!! Their only complaint is they didnt do it sooner..they are very very content to be older women....its interesting to Francene's point...when you transition, you obviously care about how you look..i want to be attractive as a woman, but at the same time, I now have a feeling of peace (i describe it to non t folks as "normalness") that I never had before and its wonderful..many successful transitioners have talked to me about this... You are totally of age to transition if you desire....

Fourth... you need to accept this feeling you have..totally and completely...only then can you be successful in trying to deal with it..i don't know and a therapist won't know (although we can guess) what's exactly in your head. once you accept yourself then you can really deal with all the other issues, medicine, money family and all that...you may find that you can't or won't transition but knowing yourself better gives you a more peaceful day to day life...many girls go down this 2nd path..

you are you! You get to choose!! so thats my 35 cents...you can look inside yourself as best you can...there is no doubt many of us have shared your feelings...can you answer the question...am i woman?? its a yes or no answer. that is your first step..

i hope you find this helpful, I'm hoping you can take steps to sort all this out!!!

all thebest
kate

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

Being TS is something one is all their life. You only it realize when you are ready to be you. I'm part of the same support group as Kaitlyn and there are many wonderful woman, many older than me (53). The defining thing about all of us is we have gone thru our lifes, knowing we are women but not having the courage to be ourselves, till one day we can't do it anymore, can't live a lie anymore. We then start to have the courage to be ourselves and with support from others we learn to fly. It's not to say we don't have fears or troubles along the way, but all these things together end up, making us stronger and more caring people. Keep striving to find oneself and know we support you. Kimberly Marie Kelly :battingeyelashes:

[Veronica_Jean]

Helen,

I think I know where you are coming from. I find that over time I realized that I have been a woman trying to fit in as a man, I was just born with something that made my body turn out male.

As previously said, pills will not make you a woman, but they can help to align your body with your self perspective. I find that the estrogen has helped my chest develop in a way where I feel more like I think I should have. Everyday movements cause me to press against them or brush past them and it simply reminds me that I am moving to where I should have always been. Do they make me more of a woman? I don't think so. They just confirm to me, if no one else, that I can be physically they way I should have always been.

For many years I have longed for the instinctive reaction that emotions I seems to lack depth with would bubble to the surface and I could respond naturally, rather than try to hide away from them. That too is coming, although much slower.

Most of all I have found a sense of calm that I never knew existed. For me that is the best part, aside from being able to live each day as I should have from the beginning. That is close but not quite here yet.

As others have already said, you have to be totally and brutally honest about who you are and what you want from the rest of your life. Once that answer is clear, despite all the potentials, both good and bad, it will become a lot easier.

Good luck sweetie,

Veronica

[helenr]

so many thoughtful, caring thoughts expressed. thanks to all. helenr PS--I function 'normally' daily, don't get morose, keep on a different hat so I don't get introspective-no time to do that. I like this group as there are many genuine people wanting only to reach out and offer positive thoughts.