intolerance and stupity,sigh

[AmberLynn]

Ok so you may have noticed i have been absent for a couple week's since the new year, let me explain what has upset me yet again. A few weeks prior to christmas,at a local pantry my mother vist's witch help's with food for family's on less then steller income,she asked me to ride along and meet the nice "gay guy's" that take care of her when she come's in there.
So i did and they are really freindly guy's.

on the 28th i belive it was my sister and i rode along with my mother to the pantry,I sat in the car with my nephew while they walked in. About 10 min later my sister come's out laughing like nothing i have never heard "like pant wetting laughter" I asker her what was so funny. She said,there's this gay guy in there with breast and nail polish on :Angry3: I asked her what made her think he was gay,i said he could be a crossdresser/tg person. She said no he is gay,he talks like a guy but he has breast and nail polish on. Then proceed to remark in front of my 16 year old brother later that day about my first attempt to come out as a cd possable tg,he had no idea prior :sad: I cant stand this stupidy,but at the same time i can do nothing more there try to educate them about us.

Needless to say that has made my telling before my birthday very diffuclt. I rember when i was 7 thinking i would give living as a man till my 30th birthday. Thats about 4 month's away. Has anyone had any luck convincing family that belive all cd's are gay are not. My mom told me i could allways tell her anything,this is something i need to bring to light because every day i hold the secret of amber in is another day that a little bit of me die's as a whole. Sorry if this is ranty or in the wrong area,but if i didnt unload some of what i felt i would most likely slip the tounge and start a war in the family,and i dont want that. thats why i have not gone out dressed,protect the family at all cost is the way i was raised,probly be the way i die. thanks for reading girl's

your friend in ribbons AmberLynn

[Phyliss]

... A few weeks prior to christmas,at a local pantry my mother vist's witch help's with food for family's on less then steller income,she asked me to ride along and meet the nice "gay guy's" that take care of her when she come's in there.
So i did and they are really freindly guy's.
my sister come's out laughing like nothing i have never heard "like pant wetting laughter" I asker her what was so funny. She said,there's this gay guy in there with... I cant stand this stupidy,but at the same time i can do nothing more there try to educate them about us.

... that has made my telling before my birthday very diffuclt. I rember when i was 7 thinking i would give living as a man till my 30th birthday. Thats about 4 month's away. ....,protect the family at all cost is the way i was raised,probly be the way i die. thanks for reading girl's

your friend in ribbons AmberLynn

Amber, first off I want to state that what I'm going to say is meant with all the love you can think of, from one sister to another.

How well I know and understand ignorance and plain outright stupidity of family, ( believe me, I have it in spades, but that's another story)
"Protect the family at all cost..." I, also, was raised the same way, I'm 65 and would lay down my life without thought to "protect the family" . Having said that. Also note the key statement, "I'm 65" a grown up person with a life of my own.

You made yourself a promise about reaching your 30th birthday, and what you wanted to do. A very difficult choice is fast approaching, live your life or "protect the family". In either case there will be pain.
I will not "tell you what to do" only you will know what is right for you. I know what I did, and I'm at peace with my choice, even though some of my family no longer like me.

Which is the lesser pain? Coming out or remain hidden, being miserable? Only you can decide, I, "came out"

[AmberLynn]

Yes,i do know that no matter witch road i walk there is going to be someone that get's hurt and most likely a life time of ill thought's. The worst part is my mother is termanily Ill,there is a chance that we may never patch thing's before she would die if she chosse not to except me.

It's been a hard road even up till now,the road of discovery has been a trail in it's self. now standing at the gate is like finding the holy grail but being afraid to touch it. Im sure Ill have to make a decison,cause if anything I know my feeling's have not changed in 23 year's even knowing how the world veiwed us at the time. It's hard to explain to someone that dont understand and gets most there ideas about cd's from the jerry springer show. Im glad you all are here for me to chat with,it make's the not knowing a little easier to deal with. Ill be around,thinking and planning my next move.

Phyliss,thank you for the encourging word's :hugs: that helps a lot

[Frédérique]

Has anyone had any luck convincing family that belive all cd's are gay are not.

Fortunately, I don’t have much of a family to explain things to. My intuitive, loving, and enlightened sister knows all CD’s are not gay, but my other sister (and her family of Red State representatives) would assume all CD’s are gay. I just avoid the issue, because it isn’t worth expending the energy to try and move mountains of intolerance built from years of close-minded thinking. Pearls before swine, I always say, and the swine are usually wallowing in their own narrow vision…:sad:

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Amber I wish you the best...nothing has to happen at any certain date.

You will be ready when you are ready.

howver, the dudette cannot abide by the gay bashing!! how is this different than the intolerance and stupidity towards us?

[unclejoann]

You say that "protect the family at all costs" is the way you were raised. Isn't this is the value your mother holds? And if you come out to her then she would protect you, as a dear part of her family.

If you can, you should trust your mother with your secret.

[Staci G]

I understand what you are going though as I am sure many of us do, I am married to a woman that believes ALL CD'ers are gay perverts. I am neither. I hope your mother and sister are enlightened by what you have to tell them, They should know you well enough to be able to understand you're not them and have different feelings than them, and love you enough to accept Amber. If not shoot them :eek: Just kidding, But not kidding about them loving you, after you tell them the monkey is off your back and on theirs. BTW the worker in the pantry deserves an apology from your sister! she is doing a service to the less fortunate and maybe your sister should think about that.

[Joni Marie Cruz]

Hi Amber-

Please, dear, don't take this wrong, but what is it exactly that you're protecting your family from "at all costs"? Are you protecting them from your own real and legitimate feelings about who you are? Are you protecting them from coming to terms and dealing with their ignorance, prejudice and bigotry? How is this helping them or doing them any favors? You're an adult and have the right to live your life how and as you please, nothing about being transgendered is wrong, immoral, illegal or bad. Oh, and neither is being gay.

Perhaps you would be doing your family more of a favor by awakening them to the fact that the world is a bigger and more diverse place than the narrow confines of their dark ages worldview. Certainly I can understand and sympathize with your wish not to start a family dispute, whether you choose to do so or not is up to you, you're the best judge of your own relatives and what they can handle, but maybe it's time to turn on the lights in their little corner.

Good luck, girl, no matter what you choose. Remember we're all here for you.

Hugs...Joni Mari

[carolinoakland]

Amber, my mom passed before I transitioned, and I mourn the fact that she never got to meet the daughter I was. I came out to her as a cd, but she never met me once I went TS. I wish I had, I think you would regret that too...and like many, I sat down and made a list of all the consequence's and the people I could lose, and made a choice. I haven't regreted it for one second... Carol

[Wen4cd]

Intolerance and stupidity are not something you can do anything about.

But, this is not what I am picking up from you family. They are displaying "ignorance and insensitivity," two things that are temporal and can be overcome.

Here's one possible way, akin to what Joni said. : Tell your sister that you are gay, (whether you are or not,) then tell her to STFU about it, or never speak to you again. , but that you hope she doesn't act too rashly, because you still love her and don't want to see her fail as a person. Say it very sincerely.

She'll have to deal with her crap, or else not, either way, she's trapped. The louder she gets, the more of a bigoted twerp she'll feel like inside. You can tell her the 'truth' or whatever you want later, after she's had her own time to take that head trip.

Either way, this 'how do I convince my family I'm not gay" question will be forever revolved. Convince them you ARE gay, then it's clearly their personal acceptance issues to deal with, not yours to feel bad about. Problem solved. :D