Do you make her feel less feminine?

[Frédérique]

Does your crossdressing compulsion make your wife or SO feel less feminine, thus causing friction between the two of you?

I’m not married, and I don’t have a SO (at the moment), but one of my girlfriends was decidedly un-amused by my feminine explorations. She dressed up often at the beginning of our long relationship, but after a while her dressing betrayed an “I don’t care anymore” attitude. My own crossdressing flourished during this period, and, once I revealed my CD activity to her, a lot of friction was generated between us, leading to our eventual breakup. Later on, she only dressed up when she had to, but it was in an exaggerated (and too-youthful) manner that made fun of the whole situation. I went in the closet and stayed there. We still see each other from time to time, when the orbits of our separate lives come together, but my crossdressing is not a topic of discussion…:sad:

[Byanca]

I had a girlfriend 7 years ago a few months. She told it it straight out at the end that I was more feminine then her. And she was scared where this was going to go. I didn't speak to her about it, cause of her negative attitude. So she came up with it on her own. I didn't object since this sounded accurate, and only replayed with ok.

[Joni Marie Cruz]

My wife's confident in herself, my dressing doesn't impact her in that sense.

Hugs...Joni Mari

[Kate Simmons]

Many women have self esteem issues to begin with. This stuff definately doesn't help in that respect.:straightface:

[Dee2U]

Even though I am in the clossent as far as my SO is concerned, I often do make her feel less than beautiful and feminine. I am slighter than she (and almost 20 lbs lighter) and as I have explained before, I am not much of an initiator of sex, often avoiding it until it is apparent that she needs it from me and then I will perform. I should probably fake it (have sex in a manly way)more often since I do love her, she wants it and it makes her feel beautiful and sexy. What I am getting at is that it might be that she feels less feminine generally just because we are less masculine and it is not always related to our femininity....Dee

[Emma Leigh]

My partner and I, had been together for 10 years, and had 2 kids, but has seems the case with most of you, when she discovered my CDing, although initialy appearing to accept it, she gradualy became to resent it, to the extent that we split up, although I do realise from reading the posts of other members, many do have supporting spouses etc. but unfortunately, it wasnt the case for me.

[ReineD]

Does your crossdressing compulsion make your wife or SO feel less feminine, thus causing friction between the two of you?

I'm more aware of my femininity now than I have been in years. This is due to several factors, and my SO's influence is definitely one of them. In the beginning when we went out dressed though, I tended to dress simply in order to enhance her femininity. I also try the wear the highest heels I can in order to minimize height differences. But as my SO's style developed, so did mine. I began to want to be as appealing to her as other examples of femininity, and I began to focus on my own style rather than want to complement hers.

My SO appreciates how I look and tells me so (just as I compliment her). If she didn't, it would be easy for me to assume that she cares more about her own looks and her appeal to others, than being with me. Also, if she spent her time focusing on how other GGs are dressed when we go out, I would begin to feel like an accessory.

Oh .. and CDing is not a compulsion. :)

[SuzanneBender]

My SO appreciates how I look and tells me so (just as I compliment her). If she didn't, it would be easy for me to assume that she cares more about her own looks and her appeal to others, than being with me.

A lesson from my father. There is not a woman on the face of this planet that doesn't love to be showered with compliments. I try to remind my better half as often as I can of her beauty. Sometimes I get the "ya right". Other times I see the little twinkle of genuine appreciation in her eyes. This happens especially when I do it in front of others. I have had guy friends threaten to take away my "guy card" because of it. They can have the darn thing! :heehee:

My wife has told me that she finds herself jealous of me. She did not see me dressed for almost a year after I told her. Her first exposure to me dressed was when she borrowed my computer and found some pictures of me. At that point she started making comments like, "Well if I had your hips I would wear something like that too, or you can wear a two piece I am sticking with my fat girl swimsuit." I thought it would lesson as time goes by but it hasn't. In fact anymore there is almost always some sort of daily catty comment made about my middle aged efforts to maintain my youthful appearance and weight.

Ohhh well. Time to go shower her with more comments.

[ReineD]

In fact anymore there is almost always some sort of daily catty comment made about my middle aged efforts to maintain my youthful appearance and weight.

I'm sorry it has to be this way. Are there perhaps deeper issues in your marriage that may cause your wife to behave like this?

[Kathi Lake]

Yes Frédérique, it is most emphatically there. When we were dating, I was close to a size 5 and she was a size 6. Fast forward a few years (OK, 20) and three children, and her body isn't quite a size 6 anymore - closer to an 8 and sometimes a 10. My body, however, seems to have gotten even smaller - most of my skirts/pants are in the size 00 to 2 range. As you can imagine, that can certainly lead to some friction. Also, our clothing styles have diverged a bit. Though we both shop at Talbot's for some items, most of her wardrobe is from there and styles of that nature (business/professional, etc.). I seem to be stuck in the younger, cuter clothes that my smaller size allows me to fit into (plus, I honestly like them!).

Since she leaves so early in the morning - well before the kids are up - it is up to me to be the "mom." I get the kids up, fed, do my daughter's hair and get them off to school. I usually end up doing most of the cooking and cleaning as she works many odd hours with her research. When she's feeling low, she often tells me that I am a better woman then her, a better mother, a better wife. She thinks I am much prettier than her (so totally untrue that it's not funny!), and sometimes says with a smile that if she's going to wear the pants in the family, at least it's good to have a husband that doesn't mind wearing the dresses.

Why this woman ever has self-esteem issues is totally beyond me. She is bright. She is brilliant. She is beautiful. I shower her with this information. As I tell her, I don's compliment - I don't flatter. I only tell the truth. Sigh.

So, yes Freddy, my dressing does at times cause friction and, occasionally, a bit of (unearned) jealousy.

Kathi

[Nicole Erin]

Wow, you mean every GG on planet Earth has not joined this forum to say "Oh no, trust us, we do not feel jealousy or less feminine cause of a guy in a dress". They typically get mad and say that.

I don't know why a GG would feel less than cause of it. True we TG might wear smaller pant/skirt sizes but that is cause very few of us have the hips to properly fill out a pair of femme jeans well.

With my wife, I don't think it makes her feel less femme. She has ultimately had enough but the whole feeling less than, I doubt it.

If this isn't an issue, then how come the GG's get so pissed when someone complains about how women seldom dress up? I don't really blame them, dressing up is a pain in the butt.

[Frédérique]

Oh .. and CDing is not a compulsion.

Well, sometimes I say compulsion, sometimes I say lifestyle, and sometimes I say existence, depending on what part of the forum I’m in at the time. Since I’m in MtF, I chose compulsion, deferring to the casual nature of SOME of the members herein. I feel like saying that I wanted you to know where I’m coming from in the crossdressing spectrum, especially in regards to the many SO-related threads I’ve seen here, but that would be incorrect, since I don’t consider crossdressing (or transvestism) to be a compulsion either. In my own case, the girlfriend in question had no prior experience with crossdressing, so she saw it as a compulsion, perhaps hoping it would run its course and go away without further discussion – she found out otherwise, and was further dumbfounded by the continuing need for my “activity.” As I’ve said before, explaining crossdressing is like trying to define the undefinable, and we all know how many words are spent on definitions around here…:doh:

I can “explain” that further, if I am compelled to do so…:heehee:

[Sandra]

Nope my SO doesn't make me feel less feminine :)

[kellycan27]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWoRCtFCkwA

[Acadeca]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nworctfckwa

lol!

[DemonicDaughter]

Wow, you mean every GG on planet Earth has not joined this forum to say "Oh no, trust us, we do not feel jealousy or less feminine cause of a guy in a dress". They typically get mad and say that.

I don't know why a GG would feel less than cause of it. True we TG might wear smaller pant/skirt sizes but that is cause very few of us have the hips to properly fill out a pair of femme jeans well.

With my wife, I don't think it makes her feel less femme. She has ultimately had enough but the whole feeling less than, I doubt it.

If this isn't an issue, then how come the GG's get so pissed when someone complains about how women seldom dress up? I don't really blame them, dressing up is a pain in the butt.

POUNCE!

Just kidding! LOL! First off, I think most GGs pounce on topics when they are more of "my wife is jealous because I look more beautiful than she does" as it implies women are shallow. But when it comes to a genuine question regarding how cding effects their lives... well I think...er...hope that the majority sees it as a need for understanding.

Second, there are fine lines in emotions of "esteem" and "jealousy". For example, the mention of weight and size comes up often on here as if these are factors in femininity. A constant bombardment of such statements would make any person feel that being anything other than thin implies you aren't appealing. This leads to esteem problems. Then its someone lashing out because they feel they are being picked on. This often seems to be misinterpreted as "jealousy" when in fact I don't feel it is. Its someone getting upset over the constant comparison.

I don't think its a cders dressing that makes a woman feel more or less feminine. It think its the implication. If the cder implies that an exaggerated behavior is "truly feminine" then it stands to reason that the opposite is "truly unfeminine". Being the average GG doesn't clean the house in a dress, heels, stockings, full makeup, hair and nails done, its like a cder is trying to SHOW a GG how to be "feminine" by over-emphasizing.

Does that make sense or have I lost everyone?

[Kate Simmons]

Makes perfect sense to me DD.:)

[suchacutie]

We found Tina when I had just turned 55. My whole experience with "feminine" to that point was observation! What I needed was instruction on how to be feminine. That's when my wife took over. Femininity is a frequent topic of conversation in our home and that generates compliments in both directions all the time, especially when it's girlfriends chatting and comparing notes! She is the source of feminine knowledge and practice. Many someday Tina will be able to catch up :)

tina

[ReineD]

Does that make sense or have I lost everyone?

Everything you said is spot on, DD! :hugs:

[Cheryl T]

Actually somewhat the opposite.
At first she felt a bit uncomfortable as I prefer to dress more feminine and not so "casual" as she does. Over time I think my style has rubbed off on her and I always encourage her to buy better clothes that are stylish and cut to flatter her. She now does just that and I think it's actually made her feel more feminine and less concerned with my feminine expression.

[Kathi Lake]

For example, the mention of weight and size comes up often on here as if these are factors in femininity. A constant bombardment of such statements would make any person feel that being anything other than thin implies you aren't appealing. This leads to esteem problems.Hi DD! Since I'm one of the only ones that brought up weight and/or size, I assume you were talking about me in your post above (Wow, the words to the song "You're so vain" just popped into my head; i.e. "I'll bet you think this song (post) is about you . . ." :)).

I do understand the usage of the words esteem and jealousy. My wife does as well, but uses jealousy in her statements to me, so that's how I stated it. I know her statements to me are linked to her esteem issues. I also know that she is unfortunately trapped in the habit of judging herself by society's standards. To her, thin is feminine. To me, curvy is feminine. I know she is feminine. She thinksI am feminine (usually when she is having body-image issues). Is that right? Heck no! Do I accept her statements? Not a chance. I try to tell her that she fits her clothes (deliciously, I might add). I merely fit inside them. Big difference.

Others here on the board have complimented me on being skinny and saying that is beautful. I accuse them of thinking like a girl (and it is not a compliment, in this case!), and that skinny does not equal beautiful.

Sometimes I wonder if I should even post here as I feel that by simply being descriptive, that I am "tooting my own horn." If you ever met me, you would soon know that I am not really like that. I have the same esteem issues that we all have. I do not feel that I am, as they say, "all that." Heck, I'm not even a bag of chips. :)

Kathi

[DemonicDaughter]

Hi DD! Since I'm one of the only ones that brought up weight and/or size, I assume you were talking about me in your post above (Wow, the words to the song "You're so vain" just popped into my head; i.e. "I'll bet you think this song (post) is about you . . ." :))....

Aw! No, my post actually DIDN'T have to do with yours but it did remind me of a complaint many GGs have expressed. Not specifically weight but how many cders on here keep a very "male attitude" when it comes to appearing as a female. Many dress rather provocatively (to put it politely) and in a society that says large breasts, short skirts and such are how you attract men... well its a bit demeaning in a sense. You know what I mean?

So though your circumstances might be different, I was making a general statement and not in reference to just yours hun. :)

[Kathi Lake]

Phew! Thanks!

Yes, I do indeed know what you mean. There are some here that tend to dress as they perceive women should, or rather maybe how they wish women would. :) As guys, we are visual, and tend to think with our gonads quite often, it seems. I know that I try to dress as the women I see around me. Utah, being a rather conservative state that gets a wee bit chilly at times, tends to dress rather conservatively. I mirror that in my clothes and actions. Call me a prude, but I just feel more comfortable that way. Others may feel comfortable another way.

Kathi

[MissyW]

Nope, not at all.

[Nicole Erin]

I don't think its a cders dressing that makes a woman feel more or less feminine. It think its the implication. If the cder implies that an exaggerated behavior is "truly feminine" then it stands to reason that the opposite is "truly unfeminine". Being the average GG doesn't clean the house in a dress, heels, stockings, full makeup, hair and nails done, its like a cder is trying to SHOW a GG how to be "feminine" by over-emphasizing.
Does that make sense or have I lost everyone?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9hMrY8jysdg give that video about 30 seconds
So GG's don't dress like that to clean house? What about the mustache? Do they grow one of those for the house cleaning occasion.

Now I don't know about other people but I know MY wife looks at me when I am en femme and says, "Oh Goddess Erin, but to look as feminine and pretty as you, I wish I was 1/2 the woman you are".

(awaits poop to hit the fan)

[Kate Simmons]

Hmm--I guess Erin Bear is a June Cleaver wannabe. God bless you Hon. You're more woman than I am.:battingeyelashes::)

[dilane]

When we were dating, I was close to a size 5 and she was a size 6. Fast forward a few years (OK, 20) and three children, and her body isn't quite a size 6 anymore - closer to an 8 and sometimes a 10. My body, however, seems to have gotten even smaller - most of my skirts/pants are in the size 00 to 2 range.

At least part of that is the size inflation (actually deflation) that's occurred as the average woman in the US has gotten heavier. I think size 10 is defined as fitting the Average American Woman. I used to wear 12-14 25 years ago, now it's 6-10, at the same weight. (ok, the few size 6 things I own are snug). I found some old cotton panties that are size 8 from who knows how long ago, and they are as snug as my currently purchased size 6 ones.

Re the topic at hand, there are two themes in our life:

1. I like to get all dolled up and go to my club once a week. She isn't interested, but she is a bit jealous nonetheless of the pleasure I get when dressed to the 9's. I know she likes to get dressed up, but such occasions are fewer and farther between for her.

2. I've always been fit and trim, and at various times, she's let herself go a bit (currently she's back in trim :). So there's a problem when I'm smaller than she is.

[Karren H]

My wife doesn't need any help... She makes herself feel less feninine... But I think that my crossdressing has threatened her unfemininity somewhat.... Her nails are growing out and she now owns a skirt!!! One skirt! Lol.

[Toni_Lynn]

My wife has always joked that I must never have prettier lingerie than she does --- this coming from someone who owns more tighty whities than I do :) -- but that's the stuff of fun.

Be that as it may -- the important thing as I always say is -- never love the girl within more than you love the girl you're with. I guess that goes for out-femme-ing her too.

Maybe this is why we have so many matching outfits :daydreaming:

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[msniki48]

Yes Frédérique, it is most emphatically there. When we were dating, I was close to a size 5 and she was a size 6. Fast forward a few years (OK, 20) and three children, and her body isn't quite a size 6 anymore - closer to an 8 and sometimes a 10. My body, however, seems to have gotten even smaller - most of my skirts/pants are in the size 00 to 2 range. As you can imagine, that can certainly lead to some friction. Also, our clothing styles have diverged a bit. Though we both shop at Talbot's for some items, most of her wardrobe is from there and styles of that nature (business/professional, etc.). I seem to be stuck in the younger, cuter clothes that my smaller size allows me to fit into (plus, I honestly like them!).

Since she leaves so early in the morning - well before the kids are up - it is up to me to be the "mom." I get the kids up, fed, do my daughter's hair and get them off to school. I usually end up doing most of the cooking and cleaning as she works many odd hours with her research. When she's feeling low, she often tells me that I am a better woman then her, a better mother, a better wife. She thinks I am much prettier than her (so totally untrue that it's not funny!), and sometimes says with a smile that if she's going to wear the pants in the family, at least it's good to have a husband that doesn't mind wearing the dresses.

Why this woman ever has self-esteem issues is totally beyond me. She is bright. She is brilliant. She is beautiful. I shower her with this information. As I tell her, I don's compliment - I don't flatter. I only tell the truth. Sigh.

So, yes Freddy, my dressing does at times cause friction and, occasionally, a bit of (unearned) jealousy.

Kathi


OMG Kathy...the heck with my wife....you are making me feel less feminine....sizzzeee 2....sheeeez:eek:

i think over the past 2 yrs i gained that many sizes....:sad:


still i love ya


hugs


msniki48

[Rachel Morley]

In my case it's the compete opposite. My wife will tell you herself, that she is way more girly nowadays that she ever was before she met me. Ever since we started developing my feminine side she has always wanted to "join in the fun" but in the begining it was always me she wanted to see dressed up.

When I was just dressing at home, she would buy me lots of very feminine clothes for just me to wear at home on the weekends. But once things started "getting serious" with me, it wasn't just the weekends, we started going out, then we joined a TG group, and really started embracing it all big time (trying to make me look more passable) she kinda just joined in doing the same things as I did.

Before I met her she didn't have any manicures, or play around with makeup much, and she hardly owned any dresses or high heels. Now look at her! ... she has way more clothes and shoes than me and we both own like 4 ball gowns each! :D

Incidentally, my "education" is not all fluff and image either. My wife is a little bit of a feminist too and along the way she has educated me and made sure that I understand that being a woman in this world is "not a bed of roses".