Do I care what other people think?

[Engendered]

I've been here a while now. There's something addictive about this place. :)
Anyway, every now and then, quite frequently in fact, someone will say "but do I care what they think? Hell no!"

I think this is a great sentiment in theory, that we can be who we want to be and if people don't like it, then that's their problem. But, I don't think it's something I'll ever be able to do. Because I *do* care what people think about me, and I try to keep in mind if I'm making people uncomfortable. I'm not going to completely deny myself because of other people feelings, but I'm also not going to.... (finish this sentence apparently)

I'm not even sure why I started this. :doh: I just always hmmm'd a bit whenever anyone posted that they didn't care what people thought. Of course you care! How can you not care? Really! Especially if it's family or friends.

(and yes, they *can* be really good friends even if they're uncomfortable when you're CDing) :)
:hugs: all round.

[Angie G]

I care. And that's why only my wife knows I dress.:hugs:
Angie

[SuzanneBender]

Darling we all care. Its human nature. However, you can never be truly happy if you spend your entire life trying to please others with no regard for what pleases you. If you rely on others approval to make you happy then you probably will never find true happiness. I think I heard that on an old episode of Kung Fu. Snatch the lipstick from my hand Grasshopper.

[Michelle 2774]

If you rely on others approval to make you happy then you probably will never find true happiness.

Hear, hear! I have told my immediate family (sisters, mother and father) and have told some some of my close friends. They have been very supportive, and I find this to be both encouraging and uplifting for me in my personal life.

However, I do care of what some others think of me, which is why I would be hesitant and doubt if I could come out to them. I find that having people that are close to me know about the real me is very gratifying.

[Staci G]

I do care to an extent, family friends that sort of thing but not a total stranger they don't effect my life

[brassieres]

I think this is a great sentiment in theory, that we can be who we want to be and if people don't like it, then that's their problem. But, I don't think it's something I'll ever be able to do. Because I *do* care what people think about me, and I try to keep in mind if I'm making people uncomfortable. I'm not going to completely deny myself because of other people feelings, but I'm also not going to.... (finish this sentence apparently)

I hear ya, I worry about it too! I am afraid of people near me finding out, even bus drivers! I have thought about traveling to another city just to do this in public. I doubt that I will though.

[Engendered]

The bus drivers are the worst alright! :eek:

[joyce483]

Suzzanne you dont look old enough to remember KungFu!

[Jason+]

I don't care much what others think beyond my parents and my wife other than for the effect it has on my kids and my wife in our community. I don't want them to suffer just so I can be me.

[docrobbysherry]

Either dead, or they're NOT completely sane!:doh:

On the other hand, closet CDs that dress alone, NEVER have worry about what ANYONE THINKS!:D

And, if I don't like Sherry's pictures from that session, NO ONE ELSE will EVER see them!:eek:

NO WORRIES FOR US!:devil:

[Rachel Morley]

I totally understand where you are coming from. I want to have that "I don't care what you think about me" attitude but I just can't seem to get there. I worry about getting read. I worry about offending people (especially GGs) and I worry that some guy is going to hate me think I need my little panty ass kicked and is going to attack me. All of these things go through my mind when I am out in public in mainstream places en femme. .... but .... I want to tell you that NONE of my fears have materialized (yet) ... I am what I am and I hope I don't offend. Please just let me be.

[Byanca]

Lady Gaga does not seem to care, and having some sucsess with that.

[Kerigirl2009]

I totally agree that I DO NOT CARE about strangers if they see me.

I do care however if family or friends see me as I (meaning male) has to live with them and explain to them why it is I do what I do. (I don't know why) I just know it makes me feel good and more complete as me.

So if I could just get everyone who has ever seen me together to go on vacation all at the same time to a far a way destination, then I would most likely have the confidence to go out as Keri.

Wait, maybe I should just go on vacation. (a light goes off)

however, when I do go out soon, if I am spotted by someone I know, I will wait for them to approach me while at the same time hoping that they do not. :)

[Hope]

You certainly have a point. We do all care about the feelings of others; if it were otherwise we would all be sociopaths. Besides we expend a lot of effort to modify our appearance so that others will perceive us differently; if we didn't care, we wouldn't go out in public. And yet most of us say we don't care. Hmmmmm...

Here is what I think is going on.

"I don't care what other people think" is short hand, and it is a confidence booster, and it is a easy to remember mantra to use when one is feeling frightened / or vulnerable. It is short hand for "I am not doing anything wrong, even if others think it is, even if I - deep down - think it might be, and anyone who honestly thinks that what I am doing is wrong is such a nut-job that they don't really get a vote, I don't care what they think." And it is also short hand for "While I realize that other people may disagree with what I am doing, I have enough confidence in myself as a human being to not allow those other people to dictate to me what it is that I will do with my life." Ultimately I think it boils down to "I realize that I am a member of a species that likes to live in a heard, but ultimately I am more important than the heard." We all care about the opinions of others, but many of us don't care enough to let the opinions of others control us. It's just easy to bluster "I don't care what other people think" when we are feeling threatened.

[Frédérique]

But, I don't think it's something I'll ever be able to do. Because I *do* care what people think about me, and I try to keep in mind if I'm making people uncomfortable.
Of course you care! How can you not care? Really! Especially if it's family or friends.

Yeah, I agree – how can you not care what others think? I guess I’m just not as extroverted as some people, because “in your face” is not my style. I can take this to extremes, however, and I wind up being highly closeted for fear of bothering others. I suppose “fear” is not the right word, though – maybe “concern” for the feelings of others is my hidden agenda, and this comes from being hurt myself along the twisting path of life. I do care what people think of me, so I tend to present myself according to their expectations, kind of a reverse dress-up scenario. I know what’s really going on behind the scenes, however, and I can frolic in my chosen lifestyle while the blissfully unaware remain just that. I get a kick out of being the secret “me.” :battingeyelashes:

I don’t let my sister in on my little secret mainly because I do not wish to cause her any undue discomfort. You have to put yourself in the minds of others and wonder how they would feel if a disclosure of this magnitude was suddenly placed before them. It helps to be compassionate with how others may feel, because I crave a sympathetic viewpoint that would accept my eccentricities – you have to start from within and work outwards. I keep thinking of how I would explain my desire to crossdress once I revealed myself – I would feel compelled to do so, even though, in the case of my sister, lengthy explanations would be unnecessary. Or would they? After all, she’s never seen me like this, and that alone would definitely cause some discomfort…:doh:

[Kate Simmons]

I think what folks are mostly saying when they say they don't care is that they are not going to compromise who they are because of the narrow mindedness of others. If something can be worked out for understanding, then okay. If not, then, so be it. Just because some people are one dimensional doesn't mean we have to be. The issue the way I see it is how important is your identity to you?:)

[Karren H]

I don't care what people think of my corssdressing... But I do care that they think I dress nice... That's why I don't wear womens jeans! Lol.

[jenna_woods]

yes I care that's whi I always try and look nice,

[msginaadoll]

I will admit I do care. If instead of being treated with respect or ignored when Im out, i was constantly laughed at or ridiculed would I still go out in public. The answer would probably be heck no. Im sure sooner or latter someone will harras me or make fun of me, that I can deal with. A repeated pattern of that may be enuff to send me back to my little closet. I do care what others think. I want to make a good impression and not be thought of as ridiculous or as a freak. Like it or not I may be the first and only crossdresser someone comes into contact with so why not care.

[Fab Karen]

It's like if a man likes purple & is wearing a purple suit- a part of him may wonder what people think of it, but if he likes it he's got good self-esteem if he decides to wear it & not worry about what others may think. "no-one gets to tell me what I like, or how to live my life."


I don't care what people think of my crossdressing... But I do care that they think I dress nice... That's why I don't wear womens jeans! Lol.
Exactly! And jeans just aren't flattering.

[Samantha43]

I do care what people think of me.

Anyone who says they don't care are being dishonest or they are really self centered............

Please remember girls, life ain't "all about you". There are loved ones and friends to consider. You can put them in an uncomfortable position by having an "I don't care what people think about me" attitude.

[sherri52]

I care with my friends but not with strangers. I can dress up go to the mall and not worry about anything. If I run into one of my friends I'll care a little and hope they don't tell the others. If they do I can't stop them. I'm too old to worry about that now. When I was 20 that's 100 yrs ago for you youngsters, I was in the closet completely and didn't want anyone to know. The internet has opened a whole new world for us and with help of sites like this and I think this is the best, we have found others that are just like ourselves. We always thought we were alone and now we have 10's of thousands of sisters to help give us the confidence to show people that we are here, we are alive, and we will grow in numbers. In so doing we will get acceptance, we still may not pass, but we will be accepted by our friends and neighbors.

[Melanie R]

When my wife and I were featured in a nationally televised documentary on women married to crossdressers in 2007 I was concerned about being "outed" to many relatives and friends. There were several relatives who said I was going to hell because of my sinful lifestyle. They have now come to acceptance of me being a transgendered person. To the best of our knowledge, we have not lost any friendships because of the show. The show did educate many thousands of viewers about what it means to be a crossdresser and what it means to be the wife of a crossdresser. That was our goal in agreeing to participate.

[crusadergirl]

I don't care what ppl think of me b/c i'm never going to know.