Dealing with Rejection

[ShirleyO]

Since my wife of 37 years passed away from cancer 3 years ago I have finally gotten to the point of trying to meet a special someone to have in my life again. I joined one of the popular dating groups and have met many wonderful ladies. Unfortunately all the ladies I have met are really turned off by my CDing. I try to tell them that there will be no problems and that I would never embarrass them in front of their families or friends and that I only go out in public occasionally especially to my local support group meetings.
I am in my early 60's and I am seeking a woman of my own age. I think that many GGs my age are too deeply ingrained in society's rules that they can't see how it would work. When I decide to tell them about me it is because I like them very much and don't want to hurt them by waiting until we got too close. There is the problem, dealing with the rejection. I can say that the rejection has been 9.5 out of every 10 and the ladies that are OK with it are accepting as long as it isn't in there back yard. Well the worst part of rejections and it's partly why I tell them about me on the first or second date is that some are harder to loose than others. I have lost some that I really liked and felt we may have a future together but as luck would have it they can't get past my CDing. Like many of us I am a good looking man and many GG's seem to be attracted to me until they find out about me. When I show them a few pictures of me en femme the main comment is "I can't compete with you". What the hell does that mean??? And I guess I have a lot more to learn about women because I don't know why they feel they have to compete with me.
So I am asking for help on how to deal with the continued rejection as well as some understanding on how the GG world views us CD's

[Lorileah]

You have met "women". You haven't met someone who loves you. Yo have met women who are looking for a companion not someone who is looking to spend the rest of their life with someone they love. The old song Looking for love in all the wrong places" fits here. You have to start out being friends, talking to each other (which sounds like what you did) and being open. If that doesn't fit you move on. Are you looking for a warm body just so you can say you are not lonely? Or are you looking for someone the share what you are and what they are and enjoy what time you have left? Take your time. There are so many women out there with open hearts and minds. Women who think you are cute or funny or smart or whatever and what you wear isn't the issue. Women who are insecure about who you are are often insecure about who they are and are on the sites or clubs you mention because someone (or themselves) have convinced them that they NEED a man to survive. They need love, just like you do. You don't NEED a body.

Good luck. Know that when you find the right one, things will work out.

[Karren H]

if your success rate is zero then you have to assume you looking in the wrong place and that all of the women on those dating sites are not CD friendly? Or 99.9% of them.. Like fishing for bass in a trout pond! So you need to look elsewhere.. Where there's a higher chance of success... Maybe take out personal adds in local papers or craigslist..... Or some alternative lifestyle sites... maybe a life companion doesn't have to be a straight female?

[sissystephanie]

Shirley, first let me offer my condolences on the loss of your wife. I lost my wife almost 5 years ago, also to cancer. We had been married for just shy of 50 years, and she knew about my CD'ing prior to our marriage. She not only married me, she was totally supportive.

You have already been told to look for the right woman!! She is out there, you just have to be patient to find her. I am 77 years old, and have been a CD for 70 of those years. But I did find one, actually just 8 months after my wife passed away. However, there is a distinct caveat in this case. The lady lives in Scotland, and is married!! I live now in Alpharetta, Georgia and grew up in the Pacific Northwest. I do love her, but know that I cannot ever marry her! But I can talk to her about anything, and know that she will respond. She is not worried about competing with me, she is much better looking!!

Just be patient and the right lady will show up!! Very Good Luck!!:)

[meri]

...Women who are insecure about who you are are often insecure about who they are ...

Lorileah,
Right on the money, probably applies to 99% of the adult population of our fair country!

[Joanne f]

It can be difficult at any age to find a partner for a long term relationship (hopefully loving relationship ) but as time go`s by because we have more of life to compare it with we get more judgmental of what we want or expect out of life , so as far as relationships are concerned few are willing to take on a new adventure they just want to play it safe .
They always say that the easiest way to find someone is to stop looking then it will just happen without you realising it .
I hope you find what you are looking for .

[ShirleyO]

Thanks LoriLeah hon, you are so right, I haven't met someone who is really looking for something other than a worm body or to be their mall walking buddy, sound crude but I have heard that too. Unfortuately many have been divorced for many years and are very happy with their single life, something that I am learning to master. As to looking in the right place I don't really know where a CD would look for a GG, most of all the dating sites are either really cheeze or a cmplete scam, any ideas would be helpful.
Thanks Girls for the help as I said before you are all the best!!! Not to mention right on the money.

[Lorileah]

Squeeze two cantaloupes in the produce aisle and look interested. Then ask the single woman who is staring at you which she would buy....for the brunch you are planning that Sunday.

Or visit your local mall, look through the sale rack and see if anyone keeps following you. Look like you know what you are looking for, hold things up, check the stitching, look politely over and give the "what do you think?" look. If she smiles and nods yes, there ya go, instant ice breaker AND a mall walking buddy :)

[Nicole Erin]

Maybe go for women a little younger. Or even a lot younger (like 30 somethings) if you can hack it.

I can't imagine why an older woman would pass a change for a relationship. I mean I hate to say it but not too many guys are flocking to the older female population for dates, love, or whatever. Very few older men are interested in women their own age.
Shirley, I would think that since you are presenting yourself to these mature ladies, then CD would not be an issue. I figured you would be a catch.

Men age like wine, women age like milk. You see all the sexy guys on TV, some are up there in age. you DON'T see post-menopausal women being protrayed as sex symbols.

[victoriamwilliams1]

I think this is why some of us have not come out to our S.O's.

I do agree that you may be looking in the wrong places and I did look at your album and I must say you look great:)

I wish you luck on your search and she is out there for you just keep going and you never know one of the ladies you met just may come around.

[Lorileah]

you DON'T see post-menopausal women being protrayed as sex symbols.

Sorry Sophia, Rachel, Sigourney, Meryl, Goldie, Ann-Margret. Now if you would please check you expiration date we can proceed. :facepalm: Erin I can't believe you really said that

[Laura_Stephens]

I've never been in your situation, but you might want to let the other person to get to know you better before telling.

[minalost]

Sorry Sophia, Rachel, Sigourney, Meryl, Goldie, Ann-Margret. Now if you would please check you expiration date we can proceed. :facepalm: Erin I can't believe you really said that

Have to agree with Lorileah on this. There are a LOT of older women I'd grab up in a heart beat, as if they'd even look at me twice... :cry: Of course the wife might also have something to say about that too... :chained: :lol2:

[Katesback]

Rejection is probably one of those things that is just part of being transgender. It is also a part of being black or hispanic or anyone seen as different.

Truth be told I have a feeling you have a better chance to meet a girl than a TS girl has to meet a guy!

It is hard to explain myself but I am actually at a point in my life where I like being single. I know it seems foreign to most people but it is just how I feel. My best explanation for this is that one I stay very busy doing things like rollerderby, two I have friends, and finally the most important. I like doing whatever I want, however I want, whenever I want, for as long as I want, with who I want, without EVER having to explain myself to ANYONE!!! That to me is priceless!!!

[stargirlGG]

Men age like wine, women age like milk.

WHAT?????????? OMG....:thumbsdn::thumbsdn::thumbsdn:

To the OP....Thank you for being so honest and upfront with the women you're dating. That takes alot of courage and maturity and will pay off for you in the end when you do...and you will...meet the right woman. As a GG, I would have appreciated such honesty and it wouldn't have changed a thing. The right woman will show up when she's supposed to, meanwhile....yay you. Good luck!

[sandra-leigh]

I can't imagine why an older woman would pass a change for a relationship.

Then you should read "The Female Brain", which examines the neuro-psychology of various female life stages.

In short, post-menopause women often discover that they love the freedom to do things for their own purposes on their own schedule, and are often not content to be a "nurse with her own money" that many men that age are looking for.

[sherri52]

Shirley the right woman is out there. What you have to consider is that women of our age did not go through this years ago. Although crossdressing is not new, it was held primarily if not soley in the closet twenty yrs ago. I am so glad it has graduated to this extent and I'm willing to help it along further until it is accepted. Keep plugging ang add women 10 yrs younger to your list.

[lingerieLiz]

Since you have come out to women you are dating, have you come out to friends. Friends fix friends up. Having women friends who know you for who you are would go a long way toward finding someone accepting. Maybe you are trying to hard and rushing it. Date and tell them early, but don't start talking about commitment.

[melissacd]

Shirley,

It is a challenge to find someone and you will face a lot of rejection. You must be honest about who you are and authentic. You must be true to yourself and not try and be what they want you to be. If you want cross dressing to be an important part of your life then you need to be clear about that right up front.

You must be honest with yourself about who you are and what you want.

You must be confident of who you are and what you want.

You must go to many dating sites and be brutally honest about who you are and what you want.

I went to many different places and faced lots of rejection but through that process I met a lot of wonderful women, most were not interested in a transgendered partner, but some were.

I persisted and persisted. I made many stupid mistakes along the way. I did lots of soul searching and I did a lot of sorting out in my mind about who I was and what I could accept in a relationship.

Eventually, I met my current girlfriend who is accepting of my transgender side and loves me for who I am. She understands that I am not prepared to be anything other than myself and accepts that she cannot change who I am. We have lots of areas of common interest and enjoy each other's company. Is this the one, who knows. I take it a day at a time now.

There is someone out there for you, in fact there are many someone's out there for you. Take hope.

Huggs
Melissa

[Terri Andrews]

The girls on this site always have great advice ,so I can only add that I was in a similar position at 50.
It is always difficult to know when to share our secrets with someone else .I was single for 8 years and was blessed to meet a lot of great women,but only shared this with three , all were accepting . The third I married .
The question that I shoud have ask myself ,and did not ,was do i want to get married again or do I want to live 24/7 as Terri .
I still have a very accepting SO but wish I had thought more about the options that I had .

[Presh GG]

Hi,

Yes, Let all your friends know you're looking. How about your friends at your support group? The Gals there with their S/Os have friends or family members.

Those of us that "came of age" in the '60s or '70s [or later] are more open minded.
Telling early is great, But reveal slowly not to make it ALL of who you are... Just a part.

She's out there! Good luck!
Presh GG


Oh and.....
Erin, Shame on you !!

[Alice Torn]

At 55 1/2 years old, single all my life, having been looking, on singles sites, dating some, mostly in my 30's, I have pretty much stopped looking for now. My parents are about to pass away, and, i will need to move soon, from the northwest, to the midwest. I have come to realize, that I was not meant to be married, am too used to being single, now. And, my sister never married or even wanted to, both my brothers are single, in prison, and many of my aunts and uncles never marries, and all died. Some, it seems were not meant to be married. I have found, it true, that most divorced women in my age range, are very turned off, at the thought of marriage, again, and love their independence, spreading their wings. Most all women 55, have been divorced, or widowed, and really look down, on a man 55, who's never been wed!!! They ask, "why haven't you been married?" Shirley, I can empathize, with you, in how difficult it is today. We live in such a jaded sex saturated society, where many women, are sick of unwanted male attention, and either don't need, or want a man, have to shew them away, or else, are desperate to bag a man. CD makes it that much tougher! But, I am becoming more content with my solitude, and cats. Wisdom comes with age.

[ReineD]

I agree with Lorilea. The women you are telling haven't gotten to know you well enough to just take it in stride. It could be you are telling them too soon. I would consider waiting until after the 6th date. You may even decide after that many dates that you don't care to get to know the lady any further, and there will be no need to tell at all. Or you will have a better feel for her level of interest. If the lady genuinely likes you, she might be interested enough to want to learn more.

:hugs:

[Satrana]

Reine beat me to it. Telling them on your first or second date is way too soon. You are still strangers and any red flag will make them back out before there is any emotional attachment. I know that is your big fear, that greater emotional attachment will make rejection too painful but you need to take that risk if you want to find someone who genuinely loves you and so will make the effort to overcome their prejudices and learn about CDing. Personally I would wait a couple of months before telling or at least until it becomes obvious that there is a real connection being formed.


the main comment is "I can't compete with you". What the hell does that mean??? It likely does not mean anything. They are not wanting to hurt you by saying what they are really thinking ie CDs are gay, perverts etc. Instead they reject you with a compliment - you are too good looking etc.

[Jonianne]

A very good and important thread! Some execlent advise given. Like some of the others said, give her more time. I wouldn't even consider taking her on "dates" at first, first become friends.

Be a part of a volunteer group or some other group activity and let the women see your heart in the things you do. As you start to become friends and someone begins to have an interest in you, then you can "feel out" when would be an appropiate time to tell her.

I was working at a women's shelter as a tutor, when I met my wife to be. After months of knowing each other, she one day said to me that she had an interest in me and that is when I shared with her the "Well, there is something you need to know about me" talk. She spent a day thinking about it and then called me saying she didn't care, she just loved me. That was 10 years ago.

[Sandra]

Men age like wine, women age like milk.


Really, well I've tasted some aged wine that was like vinegar.




Shirley

Good for you for wanting to tell them before things get to serious, but as the others have said, they haven't had a chance to get to know you a little better. Give it a few more dates then have a go at saying something to them.

Don't give up, someone for you is out there.

[sandra-leigh]

Really, well I've tasted some aged wine that was like vinegar.

And aged milk can be exquisite cheese.

[Dutchess]

Listen to Lorileah ,,please,, and I am a GG also I need to add... you just havent met the right one ,,, period ,, I just PM'd Lorileah about this very situation I see here over and over again before I even saw this thread... Yes I am married and I am not your age ,, but I am not 20 either.. I would have no problem with what you do because I am open minded to begin with ....to begin with ..... we are out there ... dont get stuck with someone you have to hide from..

I have many beautiful large ornate tattoos and a 30 year history of hanging with bikers so I would know not to approach the yuppy widower used to June Cleaver and expect him to accept me and make sure I continue to my tattoo parlor appts on time , Sunday after Mass either lol .... You just havent met the right one,, hang in there babe !:hugs::hugs:

[carolinoakland]

Maybe go for women a little younger. Or even a lot younger (like 30 somethings) if you can hack it.

I can't imagine why an older woman would pass a change for a relationship. I mean I hate to say it but not too many guys are flocking to the older female population for dates, love, or whatever. Very few older men are interested in women their own age.
Shirley, I would think that since you are presenting yourself to these mature ladies, then CD would not be an issue. I figured you would be a catch.

Men age like wine, women age like milk. You see all the sexy guys on TV, some are up there in age. you DON'T see post-menopausal women being protrayed as sex symbols.
Two words... Vickie LaMotta... the woman was in her fifties when she did the cover and pinup's for playboy. She was the boxer Jake LaMotta's wife and you could stand a bottle of Jack Daniels on the womans breasts and not spill a drop! Sheesh Erin, And I'M an oldster and I AIN'T going QUIETLY!!!!PTBPTBPTTPBTPBTPBTPBTBTPT = Rasberry's!