How to Handle the Big "Reveal"

[brookalicious]

Hi everyone!
Hope everyone is having a good January so far... Brooke here with a question for all of you who have accepting significant others:

How, when, and why did you first dress for your S.O.?

The reason I ask is that my SO is very aware of my crossdressing, and we've talked about it many times (sometimes so much I think we're blue in the face.) She understands why I do it, and, furthermore, that I'm not gay.

However, I've never actually dressed in front of her. The situation has come up a few times, but I wasn't sure how she'd react. I'm not really sure she'd be into it... I sometimes think that it would be best if I just dressed alone forevermore, but there's a part of me that wants her to be part of it too.

Can any of you tell me about your first big reveal? Were there major successes? Were there serious pitfalls? And why? And where do you two stand now?

Thanks again, sisters
Brooke

[Shelly Preston]

Why dont you bring it up in discussions with your wife

I am sure it would be easier to show her a photograph first and she can then decide if she wants to see you dressed

Just dont make it seem like you are trying to force her

Good Luck

[DonnaT]

Since you've already told her, my reveal probably won't be much help.

I can only suggest you ask your wife's opinion.

I came out to my wife soon after we were married. She playfully threatened to shave my legs because they caused her to itch at night. I dared her, and she did start on one leg. I finished them both and she thought it funny. Soon after, I was wearing a pair of her hose, then a dress, then makeup and a wig she had had for a few years.

She liked how I looked, said I was pretty, and we had fun with the dressing in and out of the bedroom.

One day she asked why I liked dressing up, so I told her I was a transvestite. In 1975, the word crossdresser wasn't in vogue. Well, she looked up the word in a dictionary and the definition included a reference to homosexuality. That's when things took a turn for the bad the first time. To this day she still has that definition inscribed in her memory. So it's been a roller-coaster ride ever since.

We made our first outing with me enfemme in 2004. When she saw me dressed for the first time in years, she had a smile start, and I could tell it was a humorous one, compared to back in '75.

I didn't let it bother me, and told her straight away, "Go ahead, you can laugh if you want to." She didn't.

[WendyH]

When I first told my future wife about me, we were still only friends and I honestly didn't have any thought or desire about getting any more serious than that. I showed her pictures first and then a month or so later she asked when she could meet Wendy.

I brought all my stuff over to her house and transformed in the bathroom. When I nervously emerged, she gave me a hug and whispered, "Nice to meet you, Wendy". Well, who wouldn't fall in love with a woman like that?

My example may not be all that helpful for you though; my wife is very encouraging and participatory to the point that she sometimes encourages me to push the envelope further than I would have dared on my own.

[Misty G]

I was dressed when my wife and I first met and dress everyday when we are both at home. We both work from home and I dress almost everyday with no problem

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

Well, the fact that she knows is already a positive start so good for you! What I would suggest is to talk to her about what you're talking to us about. Present it to her in the angle that you don't feel right not including her in this part of yourself because she's your wife, your partner. As others have suggested too I say don't just spring it on her as a reveal, make her part of the transformation process so that she can see how you become your girl side and how it's still her husband and not just this strange woman taking your place.

[suchacutie]

My first time was her first time! It started as a bit of a joke about her old lingerie fitting me, and then I joked that I'd need stockings and heels to match. She smiled and said, "do it".

Shocked, I said it might take a bit of time to find stuff as I had no idea. A couple months later I had purchased opaque stockings and 6" platforms (my old avatar) so when we were on a trip together she said, "well, do I get to see"? With some trepidation I went into the bathroom and changed (no wig or makeup, of coarse, just lingerie and a silky shirt).

Her response: With the look on her face I thought my life had ended. But right away she said, "just look at those legs! They're better than Tina Turner!". Then she changed my life: "We HAVE to buy you a dress!".

Say hello to Tina and a new life. In a week I was a member here and Tina has grown steadily as WE investigate my feminine self.

Amazing, huh!

tina

[raksha GG]

I don't know if it helps, and we didn't do it this way, but I wish we had.........

Baby steps - maybe make up while in drab. Then, maybe an item of fairly masculine/neutral clothing - check shirt, or maybe a night shirt/'boyfriend' shirt. Do this over several occasions, rather than trying to rush through several steps in one go. And make sure it's fun for her too :love:

[Lorileah]

She understands why I do it, and, furthermore, that I'm not gay.



whew glad that was cleared up early on.

Let's see the three times that coming out to a woman was important to me

1) she hands me a skirt she doesn't want anymore "Do you want this? Well go ahead try it on."

2). "is that really YOU?" when I linked her to my web site (it no longer exists)

3) I asked if she wanted to go to my next photo shoot. I can't post the ones she took.

[brookalicious]

Lorileah
I'm doing everything I can to try and make #2 a reality. I think her biggest fear is that I'll be an absolute mess, not even able to match my clothes... LOL (Little does she know...) I'm hoping just a few nice pictures might get her mind wondering what it would be like if I was fully dressed.

I guess I'm also worried about the first time I dress. I guess I should take baby steps. Did anyone go fully en femme the first time? Or did alot of you take baby steps?

[WandaRae2009]

The first time was actually before she knew of my desires. It was a Halloween gathering. I dressed fully in thrift store clothes and wig. She did the makeup. Once I came out to her she said it made sense how much i got into the event.

Now that she knows she doesn't want to see anything. She is understaning and tollerant of my dressing but not accepting or supporting. Maybe sometime I keep hoping

[stargirlGG]

As shocking as it was at first, my SO fully dressed for me for the first time (me not in the room...I still don't see him actually dress) but asked me to do her make-up. That was nice...it made the experience very intimate and lovely and sweet and special. But that's just me...I needed to see the whole package. It helped that he was so vulnerable about it and the time and didn't push it it my face. And the fact that he asked for my help and involved me turned out to be the best possible first experience. Good luck.....

[sherri52]

I didn't have an accepting wife but I can't think of anything I would want more. Wife, partner, best friend, and confidant all in one why wouldn't you want that. Dress for your wife, if she's not ok with it then it's back to dressing alone. Let her be a part of it and your happiness grows into a pink cloud nine.

[JamieG]

The first time I dressed for my wife was a few months after I had come out to her. She had gotten over her initial negative reaction and we were in a don't ask, don't tell stage. She was getting ready to go on a short trip the next morning, and had pulled out some really silky pantyhose that she knew I loved on her, and simply said, "Here, have these." I was shocked, but accepted her gift and thanked her profusely. She said "Well, aren't you going to put them on?" :eek: Double shock. I replied, "Um, are you sure that's a good idea? I mean you're about to leave on a trip, and I don't want to get in a big fight." She simply said, "I'd like to see you in them." So I carefully rolled up the legs and slipped them on. Next thing I knew, she got out a bra, and wrapped it around my chest. Then a little black dress of hers. She had me step into heels and put on a wig from a Halloween costume of hers. I was in a daze while this happened, thinking it was a dream. She asked if I wanted her to do my makeup, and I nodded yes. When she was done, she asked what I thought. I said "You did a good job. But what do you think?" She answered "Now I've seen you dressed further than you've ever done yourself...", (note, I had never worn a bra or makeup before that), "... and I'm okay with it." I went to kiss her, and she pushed me away, saying "Not when you look like that. We can only be friends this way." I stayed dressed for a little longer and then took it off before we went to bed. Only on a few rare occasions did we repeat the experiment. For the most part, she prefers not to see me dressed, but is supportive of my need to do it.

My recommendation is that you can't force your S.O. to see you dressed. You can occasionally remind her of the offer, but it needs to be her choice, in terms of time, place, and how far it goes.

[Destiny]

I broke the ice with painted toenails and took it step by step from there. The wig and makeup came last, months later, I slowly introduced her to Destiny.

[NicoleScott]

I love the overdone look: with heavy makeup, long eyelashes, deep red lipstick, long painted nails, short skirt, high heels, etc. So I made sure she understood that before seeing me for the first time. No problems.

[ReineD]

How accepting is your SO so far? Does she want to meet Brooke?

You could tell her that you would like her to meet Brooke, and ask her how she feels about it. If she is afraid, but willing to move forward anyway, ask her how SHE would be comfortable doing this. Would she prefer to see pictures first? Would she like to see your clothes? Maybe the first time dressing would just be with the clothes and no makeup?

If your SO is not sure about this but wants to try to meet Brooke, it is important that you have another activity on the agenda, like watching a movie together, snuggling on the sofa. Or something that is normal for the two of you to do. Then it will help your SO see that you are still the same person whether you are dressed or not.

If your SO is already open to the idea and she wants to meet Brooke, then just be yourself and enjoy! :)

[Mitch23]

mine is tolerant but unenthusiastic and has made it quite clear that she does not want me dressing around her so i dont. i think i would be really terrified to be dressed in front of her actually ...

mitch

[MalibuJenny]

If you have pictures, that would be the first obvious step. The less outrageous and shocking the better.

That way you can control the situation a bit and still be your everyday male self while you show her.

More than likely, how you look will be quite different than what she has built up in her imagination, so I think it's best to handle that while not standing there dressed and somewhat vulnerable.

Once she adjusts to having seen the photos, give it some time before you dress with her. And even then, maybe you just want to start with a few things rather than going all out.


Remember, we all have become used to this part of ourselves over a very long period of time, so while the desire to share crossdressing with a partner is always great, you have to give them their own space and time.

I've had very good success (for the most part) with this approach and I hope you will too!

[kimdl93]

Hi Brooke,

Not sure I have an ideal answer because our situation sort of evolved from accepting my dressing as part of our sensual relationship to accepting it as part of the daily routine. It almost seems backward, doesn't it?

We began our relationship with a great deal of openess about one another's sexuality. I told her about my cross dressing - we talked for a couple hours on that one. She admitted a past lesbian relationship...maybe that sorta set the stage. From then on, I often dressed and made love to her as her female lover...with obvious exceptions.

I gradually started dressing in a more feminine - often just wearing lingerie during our evenings together. She was very relaxed with that, so I started wearing heels, stockings and so on. then finally, I realized she was fine with whatever I wore, so I routinely wore tops, dresses and skirts around home.

Now when we go out, I'll often wear a slightly feminine top, slacks and sandals - at least when its to a public place where we're unlikely to bump into friends and family.

[kimdl93]

I concur 100% on the baby steps!

[cd_ellen32]

The first time I dressed for my wife was about a month after coming out to her. I asked her if she wanted to see Ellen and she said yes. I didn't do my makeup as I didn't have any of my own at the time. So I put on the only dress and only pumps that I had and, with great apprehension, I walked out to our living room. I was a nervous wreck and her laughter made it worse. She ran after me as I went back to the bedroom.

The laughter was not at me as a whole but rather at the ill fitting clothes and lack of looking in the mirror. The next day, she bought me a more age appropriate dress and took my measurements so that I could order my own undergarments. She said that I could borrow anything except underwear. At that time all I had was a pair of panties and pantyhose.

Looking back, I probably would have waited until I had a better wardrobe. She purged almost all items of mine that looked trashy and now I have a decent selection of skirts, blouses, dresses, bras, panties, and shoes that have been either purchased together or by myself. The only thing that we can't share is shoes.

Ellen