You do everything like a girl!

[Karren H]

This weekend the wife and I went downtown to the strip district.... Wholesale shopping food etc... And hit a lot of stores, I would usually grab a basket and just naturally sling it onto my right bend arm.. Like you would a purse... And she would take off in one direction and me in another and on 3 accounts she came rushing accross the store and said "give me that... You carry it like a girl" the last time she added.... "You do everything like a girl!!"

Wow.... Thanks for the revalation!! Not like I go out of my way and force myself to.... Just seems natural..... She seems to be getting more and more upset lately over the way I act... Which is the same way I have always acted... Maybe she is just noticing it more? And resenting it more? I don't know...

We had a big fight over something petty and stupid on Sunday evening and I left the house for 3 hours just to get away... I was so mad that I just felt like driving till I ran out of gas and where ever that was... Start over fresh... But I have too many commitments that I would never abandon.... The fight wasn't over crossdressing but I think that may be at the root.. Or at least an irratant..... For years now she has turned a blind eye and not brought it up at all but we may be heading towards a confrontation... Frankly it might be nice to get it all out on the table and let the cards fall where the may.... But I really doubt she wants to dredge it all up again... What are ya going to do?

Well I think I've sucessfully cheered myself up enough for one afternoon! Lol. I need to go play some hockey and hurt someone..... Hopefully not myself!! Ha!

[kristinacd55]

Just don't play like a girl! Your fights sound like my old fights with the wife, off driving for a few hours, calm down & everything's cool NOT :heehee:

[Stephanie Miller]

I feel for you Karen. I really do. And I will stifle the "guy" thing and not voice my opinion for "fixing" it and just be a sister and listen. If you run out of gas in Phoenix - look me up. I have an extra basket you can hold. :)

[msniki48]

This weekend the wife and I went downtown to the strip district.... Wholesale shopping food etc... And hit a lot of stores, I would usually grab a basket and just naturally sling it onto my right bend arm.. Like you would a purse... And she would take off in one direction and me in another and on 3 accounts she came rushing accross the store and said "give me that... You carry it like a girl" the last time she added.... "You do everything like a girl!!"

Wow.... Thanks for the revalation!! Not like I go out of my way and force myself to.... Just seems natural..... She seems to be getting more and more upset lately over the way I act...

Karren,

Do you conciously NOT do things like a girl when you are at work or on the rink? I find when my guard is down and i am comfortable with my surroundings... i do things more like a girl [ naturally]. As soon as the guys show up... i feel the need to puff up and over compensate...to be the man.


PS: i hope you get everything into a good place with your wife.


ohhh if the car runs out of gas near new hope....call me.:heehee: Cocktails are on me.


hugs

msniki48

[Brooke Smith]

Karen, those things that come naturally to you are.... just you.

Btw, if you're still letting things surface, have you considered you may be more TS than CD?

Ya think?

[AllieSF]

To add to the "When you run out of gas" posts here: After refilling quite a few times and then when you finally run out of gas in the SF area, send me a message and I will pick you up for a Toot, Toot, grand engineer's time out on the town. I will also bring my old Toot book bag as a conversation piece. Please diregard the fishy smell, since I use it for fishing now. And, being that good engineer, I will recommend all kinds of ways to resolve your problem. Multiple options is the only way to go, unless one option seems to reign supreme. Good luck and I hope you hit someone hard on the ice after all that.

[Kathi Lake]

Karren, I'm both sorry and a bit glad that you're heading fro at least a confrontation. Although "ripping the BandAid" of ignoring the issue off hurts, sometimes it's the best way to clear the air. Wouldn't it be nice to actually know what is bugging her instead of suspecting? At least then you both have a common frame of reference in order to solve the issues, and not just sweep them under the rug (whether you sweep like a girl or not :)).

Kathi

[victoriamwilliams1]

Wow! Now dont check the players too hard:)

[Charleen]

Florida's nice this time of year!:D
It does sound like it might be coming to a head after all these years. If I remember, she ain't too fond of Karren. I wish you well dear.:hugs:

[minalost]

If my wife said that to me I don't know if I'd be pleased or angry. I mean, on the one hand we all try to cultivate more feminine gestures and atributes so that would mean I'm succeeding. On the other hand: what did she mean by that? Was it just an observation? A complaint? Or a compliment? I gather from some of your other posts that the last isn't a option, but I'd be wondering if my wife said that to me.

[dilane]

If your wife isn't one of those "I'm right and everyone else is wrong" types, therapy might be in order. I suggest avoiding LDS, Baptist, and Muslim ones though ...

It really helped us -- but it's a long process.

Sorry about your rough patch.

-- Diane

[vetobob9]

People have always tol me that. Especially the walking part. I don't consciously do it. But after people point it out, I make a concentrated effort to not do it.

[Frédérique]

And she would take off in one direction and me in another and on 3 accounts she came rushing accross the store and said "give me that... You carry it like a girl"

When I shop at Wal-Mart with my sister, she usually drapes herself over the shopping cart while I frolic from one aisle to another, “acting” rather girly, affecting a Kansas accent whilst ogling the Texas Toast. She tells me in a hushed voice to “Stop it!” and “Behave yourself!” It’s fun to be the youngest in the family! Later, after we’ve left the confines of Wally World, my sister says “You’re a lot of fun to be with, you know,” and I can tell it’s not meant to be a sarcastic comment…:)


I was so mad that I just felt like driving till I ran out of gas and where ever that was...

I did this once, years ago, because of frustration over a family matter. I got as far as West Warwick, RI (not from here, silly – I was living near Boston, MA at the time) before turning around. The situation at home resolved itself fairly quickly – I think my absence helped…


Well I think I've sucessfully cheered myself up enough for one afternoon!

Are you sure? :heehee:

[Staci G]

Maybe it's that time of year or something, my wife told me today after seeing a guy in drab carring a gucci purse (good taste) that I would like to carry one and wear heels, of course I had made the remark that I liked the bag he had. This time unlike others I said yes I would, she came back with the regular, good thing I wont let you. SOOO Karren I wish you the best and if you run out of gas make sure you have a nice skirt so some nice man will help the lady in dis-dress. ;)

[Toni_Lynn]

I need to go play some hockey and hurt someone..... Hopefully not myself!! Ha!


Just don't play like a girl!

Hell yes --- DO play like a girl!!!! For example, Hayley Wickenheiser. :) (oh what I wouldn't do for a Team Canada shirt with her name and number on it!)

Seriously, Karren, I do understand how that sorta stuff can make you feel when its said as a put down. My mum used to say thing to me like that --- the topper being "Why don't you get a regular haircut. With those earrings you look like a dyke"

I hate to see your marriage and you suffer over this since it doesn't have to be that way. My prayers are with you.

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[Emma Leigh]

I assume your out to your wife, I,ve seen your posts, easy to say been there done that, but the constant evening lectures eventually, drove me to thinking I would be better off out of this relationship. She assumed it was a failing on her part, that I did it because I did,nt find her attractive enough, so we split, truth is as you know, we cant stop. So, you have to ask yourself some telling questions, is your dressing bigger than your relationship!

[ReineD]

Maybe she is just noticing it more? And resenting it more? I don't know...
I think you should ask her.


For years now she has turned a blind eye and not brought it up at all but we may be heading towards a confrontation... Frankly it might be nice to get it all out on the table and let the cards fall where the may.... But I really doubt she wants to dredge it all up again...
You do a lot of things together, and it sounds from your other posts as if you get along. Now that she knows the CDing is not going away, and you've survived, intact, all those years (the CD police didn't come to lynch you), it might be well worth bringing it up again. You could ask her if anything in particular is bugging her lately. It doesn't have to be confrontational. But if you are asking her how she feels, be prepared to also talk about your feelings with her.
:hugs:

[Kate Simmons]

Well, you are a girl Karr. A leopard cannot change it's spots ya know or a CD her mannerisms. Some women are way too touchy, no?

[Dee2U]

I am going to assume for the purpose of thsi post that you weren't "acmping it up" but were just being yourself.

What really matters are not the words - you aren't butch, so what? If she meant that she does not like you to have feminine aspects to your behaviour then you do have a problem, because you were being just yourself, ie she is in effect asking you to "butch it up". Many have already given you advice so I will refrain, I have nothing special to add other than listen more than you talk (advice I never take). I would also try to avoid being self conscious; you will only tie yourself up in knots.

This caused me to reflect yet again on how confining gender roles can be. But I will save that for an appropriate thread....Dee

[sherri52]

Whatever you do, don't play hockey like a girl. It's all about love. how much we put out wives through and how much they will endure. For some accecptance was the key. For those of us who didn't have an accepting wife, we had fights. As men we usually lost.

[DiannaRose]

Karren, your posts and pics are always so cheerful and beautiful that I constantly forget that your wife isn't 100% behind you on this.

I agree with what others have said...something is clearly bothering her, so maybe it would be good to get it in the open. It's obvious you love each other very much, so there's a strong foundation there to rely on, I think.

I know I don't need to say it, but please keep us posted. You and she are in my prayers, Karren!

[Karren H]

Ä tried to discuss the subject tonight and she doesn't want to talk about it at all...


I feel for you Karen. I really do. And I will stifle the "guy" thing and not voice my opinion for "fixing" it and just be a sister and listen. If you run out of gas in Phoenix - look me up. I have an extra basket you can hold. :)

Thanks... I can feel the moisture leaving my skin as I think about Az! Lol.


Just don't play like a girl! Your fights sound like my old fights with the wife, off driving for a few hours, calm down & everything's cool NOT :heehee:

Even the girls on my team don't play like girls! I haven't driven off in decades... I did get 2 hours of good exersize walking the parking lots of a local strip mall...


Karren,

Do you conciously NOT do things like a girl when you are at work or on the rink? I find when my guard is down and i am comfortable with my surroundings... i do things more like a girl [ naturally]. As soon as the guys show up... i feel the need to puff up and over compensate...to be the man.


I don't try to act one way or the other... When in drab or enfemme.. It all feels the same to me..

[SuzanneBender]

Karren if there is anyone on this site that acts like themself it is you and we love you for it.

If you are going to drive point your car west. You would be more than welcome in Kansas. We will find you a pink Chiefs Jersey :hugs:

[Presh GG]

Hi Karren,

I've heard this [ the flip side] from some GGs who wanted it out in the open and were tired of the distance from their spouse.

IMHO I think the door is open [ maybe just a crack ] but it's a good time to talk.
Wouldn't you just love to get to the other side?

I wish you the very best, And Mrs. H too.

Presh GG
Just my
:2c:

[Joni Marie Cruz]

Hi Karren-

I just want you to know, even if I don't have any advice to give, that I feel for you and wish you the very best. You have my best wishes, I hope it all works out for you.

Hugs...Joni Mari

[Samantha B L]

Well, you are a girl Karr. A leopard cannot change it's spots ya know or a CD her mannerisms. Some women are way too touchy, no?

Karen,if you have a lot of effeminate mannerisms you can't help it and there's no point in doing a lot of contrived stuff to cover it up. I found out about five years ago that I gesture like the women selling jewelry and stuff on QVC and I smile gushy smiles like old aunt Hortense. And I've heard myself on tape recorders. I talk slow and swishy. I've found it's way too much trouble to cover up for this kind of stuff when I'm out in the cold,cruel world in drab so I don't. I practically have to rehearse in front of mirrors in order to do it. Besides, reform-a-CD-school is too expensive and it's over 45 miles from here. It's none of my business but I think your wife will be OK in a day or two.

[Andy66]

Well, you are a girl Karr. A leopard cannot change it's spots ya know or a CD her mannerisms. Some women are way too touchy, no?
Exactly. And you can put a saddle on a pig, but that don't make him a racehorse.
I don't know what that means but it cracks me up. :heehee:
Aw heck, too much needless drama here. Anybody up for running away and joining the circus?

[angpai30]

Karren,
You are an inspiration to all who have similar situations going on in their own home. You're wife and you are very adorable together, but I do have to agree that there must be something wrong somewhere and the Cding is near the root, but most likely not the problem. She may have had a bad day and saw that you were acting real girly and or more than normal and it added to her "Bad Day".
Who knows maybe you are changing and acting more girly and you just don't realize it. On the other hand you're wife may be over reacting needless to say that talking would help to put out the fire, but in order to do that you have to find out what kind of fire you are fighting; if you are going to get anywhere with this fire spreading at an irregular speed than you need to figure out what kind of extinguisher you need to use.
Ask questions like: does this really have to do with me being more girly or is there something deeper that I don't know about?
What effects you effects me and in order to resolve this situation I need to know what is wrong. I know you are hurting, but so am I because you are refusing to share with me how you feel and I am miserable because I don't know why you feel this way. I want to help so that we together can better our understanding and the situation we have now.

Hannah~~

[JenniferR771]

Thanks for sharing your comments, Karren. Here is a big hug for you and your wife. Treat her right. Love her--it will work out.

And yeah, my wife catches me sitting with my legs crossed and gets upset--she is so sensitive lately, LOL!

[Karren H]

To add to the "When you run out of gas" posts here: After refilling quite a few times and then when you finally run out of gas in the SF area, send me a message and I will pick you up for a Toot, Toot, grand engineer's time out on the town. I will also bring my old Toot book bag as a conversation piece. Please diregard the fishy smell, since I use it for fishing now. And, being that good engineer, I will recommend all kinds of ways to resolve your problem. Multiple options is the only way to go, unless one option seems to reign supreme. Good luck and I hope you hit someone hard on the ice after all that.

I'd move to San Fran in a heart beat... I love it there. And after a year when the money is gone I'd move back here! Lol. Wish I still had my old green book bag!



Btw, if you're still letting things surface, have you considered you may be more TS than CD?

Don't forget to talk talk talk, then listen :hugs:

Ohh yeah... I'm 100% sure who I am... It may not fit any known labels but it is more toward the straight m2f crossdresser... With feminine overtones! Lol. Or is that undercurents... Underpinnings?


Florida's nice this time of year!:D
It does sound like it might be coming to a head after all these years. If I remember, she ain't too fond of Karren. I wish you well dear.:hugs:

She is not a fan of my hobby sonce whe found out 3 years ago.. Ohh and Too friggin hot!!! Not movin south of the mason-dixon line..

[Presh GG]

Karren,
How in the world did you keep such a big part of you secret for How Many Years ??

If you had it to do over , What would you do? Tell early... hide better..
What do you think?

Sincerely,
Presh GG

[Crysten]

Funny - my wife and I never fight any more. Ever. I believe she's resigned to my crossdressing, whether she supports it or not (sort of 50/50 on that). We've learned to accept each other - and believe me, she has an EXTENSIVE list of her own issues I have come to accept.

You would hope that, being your wife, she would accept you as you are. It's amazing to me how people try and reject reality. Bottom line, it's just stupid. The reality is - you are who you are, and that's that. Denying or ignoring the reality of the situation just leads to stress, heartache, and fighting.

While I'm not a bhuddist by any stretch of the imagination, I've studied some of their philosophy over the years. Simplicity, acceptance of yourself, acceptance of the world, removal of stress (superfluous wants and desires) and an overall calm approach to life makes sense to me. I don't buy 90% of the rest of it, but incorporating these ideas has helped me a lot.

Example: when's the last time you complained about the weather? Does this make ANY SENSE? It's gonna do what it does. Learn to appreciate the REALITY of it, and you will never complain about it again. Same goes with people. If your wife would stop and say "I love my husband as a PERSON, and accept him how he REALLY IS" -- your situation with your wife would disappear.

To me, it's a shame that so many people waste their lives fighting against things they can't control, and can't change. People should learn to pick their fights carefully, would you agree?

[msniki48]

I don't try to act one way or the other... When in drab or enfemme.. It all feels the same to me..


Karren

As you say, you act the same in both situations...

Either your wife was over reacting to your holding the basket...because SHE knows you crossdress....and thought others might pick up..[they probably didn;t]

or, I am surprised that the guys at work, don't make comments every once in a while about your less then macho movements.

I have been with my family laughing and giggleing, and all of a sudden my mom will go...STOP THAT, you're acting like a girl. [because she knows and doesn't want others to know because She will be embarrassed. [she is 80 and is in denial]

i'm just wondering

Being gender blessed [ the best of both genders] isn't about just wearing the clothes. Being Transgendered isn't about just getting dressed for a sexual fantasy, and then taking off the clothes. if this is you, you may want to take the next step and ask a therapist... i know i did. When Patti , my 1st wife [ she has passed] realized it wasn't a joke or fetish, there was a total different attitude.


hugs, I wish you well

msniki48

[Karren H]

Thanks for sharing your comments, Karren. Here is a big hug for you and your wife. Treat her right. Love her--it will work out.

And yeah, my wife catches me sitting with my legs crossed and gets upset--she is so sensitive lately, LOL!

I've always sat with my legs crossed femininily and she hasn't gotten on me about that... Yet.. That may be next..


Karren,
How in the world did you keep such a big part of you secret for How Many Years ??

If you had it to do over , What would you do? Tell early... hide better..
What do you think?

Sincerely,
Presh GG

I did a great job for the first 30 years of hiding it but a pink fog slip up and sloppy house keeping lead to my discovery... I would still perfer it remained a secret and never planned on telling anyone. If I had told early on I'm sure we would have never gotten married... Back then women didn't grow up wanting to marry a pervert... Not like they want to today either but times have changed...

[NicoleScott]

You play hockey like a girl. Ouch, that really hurts.

[Presh GG]

OK , this should be a PM, but here goes , and I'll give you back your thread.

Darn it Karren, You are not perverted [ thou I don't know you personally :D ] But you are bi-gendered which was probably part of what drew her to you in the beginning... But 30 years ago ? Seriously remember woodstock [ me too :)] the anything goes years ? We're not talking the 50's here.

Maybe it's a west coast vs east coast thing ? [ I don't really think this :doh: ]

So maybe disclosure after the first year ? Do you think her reaction is more based on 30 years of lies than the fact there are bi-gendered people [ and based on averages ] there probably are some perverted ones,, But she knows you, loves you and is still there. Give the lady a little credit !
Do you really think she'd have left you when she found out? It's been 3 years, karren, and she's still there.

Anyhow, I admit to haveing been embarrassed when my husband girled out on occasion, But certainly not enough to end a marriage. I'm not proud of this but I'll probably be embarressed again... But that's life. I'm equally sure I've embarressed Tea on occation.


So back to the program.
Thanks for listening and I hope you find whatever is best for you.

sincerely,
Presh GG

[Laura Evans]

Sorry to hear about your troubles, Karen, I feel for you. If you ever decide to come to AZ (with your moisterizer) Stephanie and I will show you around and we can all carry our handbags however we want. Take care girl.

[Karren H]

OK , this should be a PM, but here goes , and I'll give you back your thread.

Darn it Karren, You are not perverted [ thou I don't know you personally :D ] But you are bi-gendered which was probably part of what drew her to you in the beginning... But 30 years ago ? Seriously remember woodstock [ me too :)] the anything goes years ? We're not talking the 50's here.

Maybe it's a west coast vs east coast thing ? [ I don't really think this :doh: ]

So maybe disclosure after the first year ? Do you think her reaction is more based on 30 years of lies than the fact there are bi-gendered people [ and based on averages ] there probably are some perverted ones,, But she knows you, loves you and is still there. Give the lady a little credit !
Do you really think she'd have left you when she found out? It's been 3 years, karren, and she's still there.

Anyhow, I admit to haveing been embarrassed when my husband girled out on occasion, But certainly not enough to end a marriage. I'm not proud of this but I'll probably be embarressed again... But that's life. I'm equally sure I've embarressed Tea on occation.


So back to the program.
Thanks for listening and I hope you find whatever is best for you.

sincerely,
Presh GG

Yeah!!! I refer to myself as "perverted" in a respectful yet comical light... I figure I'm the only one I can call a pervert and get away with it! Lol. I think more than the crossdressing which is still a big issue with her is the lack of trust... its taken 3 years to gain some of that trust back but I seriously doubt I will ever get back to the place I was the day before the discovery, before I leave this place... "She who must be obeyed" still affectionatly referes to me as "the liar". A monicar I wear with pride.. Kind of like the scarlet leter! The big L....

I do remember woodstock and my mother warned me when I went off to college that if I catch you in any of those Vietnam protest I'm pulling you out of school.. So wild I was not. And we got 400 inches of snow up on Lake Superior so it was hard to get wild without freezing to death,... But easy to get drunk... Ask Allie!

Marriage like life is a constant strugle to keep it going in the right direction. At least it is for me..

[Desiree8]

I am so sorry to learn of this rough patch, Karren. Didn't you get some grief recently over your nails being longer than your SOs?
From my perspective, it would appear she is envious. Let's face it; when you revealed your age on another post; I was stunned! You are a very attractive lady. Does she feel less attractive than you? I assume (& may be way off) she is approximately a similar age. Could she be feeling the loss of femininity due to the change of life? If so, and she sees you as a vibrant, (outwardly) happy, attractive younger-appearing woman; that could be a major threat.

As for driving until you run out of gas, remember this: No matter where you go, there you are. The root issues will not be left behind. I would strongly advise counselling. And the advice of "avoid these" is wise, in this case.

I know when I get frustrated beyond reason; the gym offers a great release. The machines don't care what I do to them! So, Skate on!!

Keeping you BOTH in my prayers,
:hugs:

[Persephone]

Sorry to hear that you're going through a rough spot, Karren.

My typically understanding spouse has also lately developed this "you've already crossed over, the guy is dead" thingy and it seems to be simmering somewhere underneath. And sometimes it seems that the more "guy" I try to be, the more firmly she latches on to her notion.

Will keep sending good thoughts your way.


I haven't driven off in decades... I did get 2 hours of good exersize walking the parking lots of a local strip mall...

You know that driving off is a totally guy thing, right?

[Karren H]

Karren

As you say, you act the same in both situations...
.......

or, I am surprised that the guys at work, don't make comments every once in a while about your less then macho movements.


msniki48

Ohhh I get it at work.... "Your such a girl". Or even having friend point me to the womens dressing room when on a mine visit". "there's you change room". Might have something to do with all the pink accessories in my office?




You know that driving off is a totally guy thing, right?

But I was twirling my hair as I drove away... Does that count?

[suchacutie]

I doubt any magic wand will solve this, and ALL of us are so with you on this since it is sooooo close to home! Since my wife and I found Tina together I'm on the other side of this coin. We were able to set the ground rules together and one of them was "she wanted her man when she wanted him".

I hear a lot of that from your wife in what you've said and I can't help but having the thought of retro-CDing! For those of us who never realized we had a feminine side and never had any overt feminine characteristics, consider how much time and effort we all put in to understanding how to be feminine when in drag. We study the walk, we study how to stand, how to sit, how to hold a purse, how to talk, how to deal with heels, how to do makeup and on and on and on.

Ok...you know how to do both very well from what I can tell. Is it maybe that your bride wants the "man" she thinks she married? Is that the crux of the issue? At least in public? Ah...yes...in public. So, if we can all learn how to be feminine when we want to, what if you are, in public, with your wife, masculine when she needs you? It might not take much and might make a massive difference to the point where she sees you trying for her and is then willing to talk about the rest. This might be the "meeting me half way" issue that you are just supposed to understand! Heck, maybe that's the issue too...you are so feminine, why don't you understand what you don't understand??? (I've always loved that bit of circular illogic!).

So, bottom line, play the man game in public with her...you might actually find it an interesting challenge and she might just appreciate your consideration!

no matter what, may the best be yours always.

tina

[msniki48]

Back then women didn't grow up wanting to marry a pervert... Not like they want to today either but times have changed...




Ouch! A pervert you are not! ok then again, i haven't checked your closet::doh:


Hugs

msniki

[Sarah Doepner]

Ohh yeah... I'm 100% sure who I am... It may not fit any known labels but it is more toward the straight m2f crossdresser... With feminine overtones! Lol. Or is that undercurents... Underpinnings? ..

Karren,

The word is Underwear! Feminine Underwear.

That whole trust thing is so darn delicate. I know with my bride constant reminders of my neverending love, total respect and absolute dedication to her every need seemed to help a little.

[Genifer Teal]

'Till you run out of gas? You even drive like a girl. lol Just kidding. Anyone can (and does) run out of gas once in a while.

Gen

[QZ2]

Good communication does wonders. If she has a problem stewing it is important to get it out in the open. Same goes for you. And it might be up to you to start the disclosure by asking her the right questions.

Beat the ice, not the people.

Susie

[marcia pisch]

I tend to think that a confrontation might not be all that bad. I mean you can finally have your wife tell you how she really feels, and then you can choose what is best for you. May be she just needs to now how much you love her again. Or maybe, heaven forbid, you need to choose what makes you happy in you life. I wish you the best. I think I am going to have to make that choice soon, I hope not.

[Karren H]

I tend to think that a confrontation might not be all that bad. I mean you can finally have your wife tell you how she really feels, and then you can choose what is best for you. May be she just needs to now how much you love her again. Or maybe, heaven forbid, you need to choose what makes you happy in you life. I wish you the best. I think I am going to have to make that choice soon, I hope not.

I'll introduce you to my wife.... and you can confront her!!

[Andy66]

Back then women didn't grow up wanting to marry a pervert... Not like they want to today either but times have changed...
Well, there's creepy-perverted, and then there's fun-perverted. :heehee:

[AKASadieGG]

Karren,

You know, I don't know you but, I do notice that you spend a lot of time on line... I think you are a very funny and great guy???? girl??? but maybe your wife would like some of the attention that you give to these forums. Maybe she feels a little or a lot neglected by you. I know I would, and do complain when my S/O is spending too much time online. Maybe you at some time could direct her here??? probably not from what I've heard you say but I wish you and your wife the best no matter what

[Karren H]

Karren,

You know, I don't know you but, I do notice that you spend a lot of time on line... I think you are a very funny and great guy???? girl??? but maybe your wife would like some of the attention that you give to these forums. Maybe she feels a little or a lot neglected by you. I know I would, and do complain when my S/O is spending too much time online. Maybe you at some time could direct her here??? probably not from what I've heard you say but I wish you and your wife the best no matter what

My Blackberry makes it look like I'm on all the time and in reality I probably check the forums a couple times an hour for a few minutes... While doing other thing and never when the wife and I are together. Plus I moderate a makeup forum so I split my online time here and there.. Ohhhh and Facebook!

[Roxi Loh]

I dont have any great insight here except to say that we are all behind you. My wife and I after ignoring the 800 pound gorilla in the room or the crazy aunt in the attic...whatever (for many years) did a kind of girls night at home where she painted my toe nails and stuff and I got dressed as Roxanne. We played cards and talked and it was nice. The point is it was a result of talking about it and it was a bit of a game changer for me. I don't know if it is an option for you but talking isnt always bad. I wish you the best. Thanks for sharing with us.
Roxanne

[AKASadieGG]

Geez, I think if you look at how many hits this thread has gotten, you'll know how many people are rooting for you. From a gg point, please open up to your wife, she loves you and just wants to be reasurred that you love her too. Take some time for her and let her know how special she is to you. I know this is not an easy thing to do after you have been together for as many years as you have been,( my hubby and I have known each other for 37 years) but just the smallest of reassurance that I am the most important person in his life means eveything to me. Guide her here if that's possible in the future, we gg's are here for her. I wish nothing but the best for you and your wife.

[VeronicaMoonlit]

Communication, communication, communication! Direct communication! No beating around the bush, no ignoring the issues. Communication on both sides! Basically you need to put on your "big girl panties" and start honestly and directly talking about "It"
Covering one's head in the sand, or yourself doing what you want away and separate from her isn't cutting it.

Veronica Rogers

[Jess]

You don't look anywhere near old enough to have been married, or even known your wife, for 30 years!

[Christie ann]

Karren,

It appears that our experiences are nearly identical. I too am quite constrained by what is acceptable in her eyes

BTW, my response to her comment about "it being too girly" was that was the intention. Not the best come back I could have used.

Good luck and let us know how it goes. You can always drive west and we can prospect the hills together. Forget the coal and water, we will look for gold!

[Madilyn A.]

We all support you Karren with the "compliment" paid you by your wife. I love it when my wife makes any reference to my fem side. Recently, she asked why I seemed to be more interested in dressing up. Although, her intuition regarding my desire to wear her clothes was answered on our honeymoon and reinforced over our 30 years of marriage, she still wanted to know why I wished to be girly as often and intensely as I do. I wrote her a 4 page letter, restating some of what she had already known and also quite a bit more about my early years from about 3yrs thru high school. As a result she now knows I am not doing this to get my kicks, but really this is who I am. I believe she now understands her husband is mentally and psychologically much more woman than man and seems to better accept my girliness. Hoe this helps...........Hugs ....Madilyn:daydreaming:

[kristinacd55]

My Blackberry makes it look like I'm on all the time and in reality I probably check the forums a couple times an hour for a few minutes... While doing other thing and never when the wife and I are together. Plus I moderate a makeup forum so I split my online time here and there.. Ohhhh and Facebook!

Where do you find the time do all your activities?!? Oh, & one more comment on the "too girly thing". I was having a catch with my daughter a few years ago & a neighbor gg said "You throw like a girl!" I said what's wrong with that, and was thinking to myself what a great complement!! :heehee:

[carolinoakland]

What ever the reason, somethings up. And that's the tact to take. "Honey, you've been worring me with how often your emotions get the better of you, can we talk about it?" I'm crossing everything that WILL cross and wishing for the best. Carol

[Sally2005]

When my wife starts picking on the way I look, I tell her, I heard you the first time or I say why are you telling me that?. She learned to stop complaining because I acknowledged her and she usually don't want to explain anything so she usually shuts up. What works sometimes is to be extra nice to her until it hurts your ego...say hi when she comes home, help her with something small, etc.. she may wonder what is up, but by acting the way you want her to act towards you you set a good example for her to follow.

[AllieSF]

I agree that direct communication is the best. That elephant in the room is to me very unbearable no matter what the reason. However, just like dancing the tango, it takes two. From what I have seen, I think that Karren has tried to start that direct, open and hopefully clarifying communication many more times than what she may state in her posts here. If the other half does not want to discuss it the options available are obvious. Karren has selected hers and is living with her choice, as much as it may hurt. I do wish my fellow engineer all the best of luck, patience and endurance, and hope to see you traveling soon where you can be you after work.

:hugs: :love: :drink: :tongueout

[Karren H]

Where do you find the time do all your activities?!?

I don't sleep! :)

Last night the wife and daughter and I went to the local casino and I don't know how many times I caught myself setting there like a girl playing the slots.. Lol. Kept going "I hope my wife doesn't walk by". Lucky for me she was more worried about me having a gambling problem last night... loosing $20 in 4 hours is not a problem... I can loose more than that buying one new bra! Hahaha.

[LisaM]

Karen,

I have been in the exact same place with my spouse. I have also left and gone for a drive after a few conversations.

In the end I always come back and we both apologize and try to set things right. My wife knows about my gender issues and while,she wishes it wasn't a part of her life, she understands that I have to deal with it every day.

I agree with way2real---I try to make my wife know I love her when I can--and I probably don't do it enough. When she sometimes struggles with my gender issues-- she eventually looks back on all the things I have done to show her that I love her and she remembers them. She also realizes how lucky she is because very few men do as much for their wives as I try to do.

In the end we always come back to the love we have for each other and the many times every day, week and year that we show it to each other.

[Karren H]

I agree with way2real---I try to make my wife know I love her when I can--and I probably don't do it enough. When she sometimes struggles with my gender issues-- she eventually looks back on all the things I have done to show her that I love her and she remembers them. She also realizes how lucky she is because very few men do as much for their wives as I try to do.

In the end we always come back to the love we have for each other and the many times every day, week and year that we show it to each other.

I do try but maybe not hard enough... We've never been a mushy mushy type couple... But I'm always saying it and bring home flowers for no reason.. And work hard around the house on what ever she wants done.. Remodeling... You name it.. So I'm pretty sure we have a good loving relationship.. Maybe not as pashionate as some.. But it has worked for 34 years and I don't plan to stop now..

[LisaM]

Sounds like you are doing all the right things.

[JamieOH]

DONT LISTEN TO THEM!! Communication is overrated.. Silence and ignorance is key.. YOU MUST AT ALL COSTS never mention it again.. YOu also have to pretend like you dont know what she is talking about when she mentions your feminine traits.. Or say something like, "really? dang, I guess those gases down at the coal mine are messin with my system..Thanks for pointin that out... . " and then scratch your self... that always works for me... I still don't know why it works, because I don't work at a mine... but hey, as long as it works right?

[kristinacd55]

I don't sleep! :)

Last night the wife and daughter and I went to the local casino and I don't know how many times I caught myself setting there like a girl playing the slots.. Lol. Kept going "I hope my wife doesn't walk by". Lucky for me she was more worried about me having a gambling problem last night... loosing $20 in 4 hours is not a problem... I can loose more than that buying one new bra! Hahaha.

Wait one cotton pickin minute, you can play the slots like a girl!! Now I've heard everything.....:eek:

[PretzelGirl]

Wait one cotton pickin minute, you can play the slots like a girl!! Now I've heard everything.....:eek:

And they said it couldn't be done. But as hard as walking like a woman is, and as hard as it is to talk like a woman, this is truly the holy grail. If you can play the slots like a woman, then you have arrived!

[Karren H]

Hahaha. Ya had to be there. Lol. Describing it would due no justice! I need to add that chapter to my book...

Play the Casino like a girl... Loose like a man!! :D

[Hali]

This is my thought on issues of CDs and their spouse................. if any CD or TS enters into any permanent relationship with a partner without telling that partner its really unfair, inconsiderate, self-destructive, dangerous, selfish etc, etc.

With the little knowledge i have in relationships a girlfriend might not know about your CDing, your male friends might not know, but when you are marrying someone it is your duty and it will be honorable to inform the SO.

CDing is not an easy thing to accept for so many pple even CDs themselves. So much stigma is attached to it and the risks of a CD being outed in the most unexpected way or a CD confronting his/her SO with issues of transitioning while initially the SO has no clue about the CDing its really a gross injustice to the SO. Likewise so many other things might crop-up during the relationship.

Its suprising to find out that some women are so much interested in effeminate men, "sissies", and men that crossdress some are even interested in transsexuals i mean interested in wanting to marry them so keep on searching till u find the right partner.........search hard and be brave you will definitely find beautiful women that like CDs/CDing for keeps as an SO.

Finally, I think it'll be fair and wise to inform the SO before entering into any legal relationship like marriage.

[JamieOH]

This is my thought on issues of CDs and their spouse................. if any CD or TS enters into any permanent relationship with a partner without telling that partner its really unfair, inconsiderate, self-destructive, dangerous, selfish etc, etc.

With the little knowledge i have in relationships a girlfriend might not know about your CDing, your male friends might not know, but when you are marrying someone it is your duty and it will be honorable to inform the SO.

CDing is not an easy thing to accept for so many pple even CDs themselves. So much stigma is attached to it and the risks of a CD being outed in the most unexpected way or a CD confronting his/her SO with issues of transitioning while initially the SO has no clue about the CDing its really a gross injustice to the SO. Likewise so many other things might crop-up during the relationship.

Its suprising to find out that some women are so much interested in effeminate men, "sissies", and men that crossdress some are even interested in transsexuals i mean interested in wanting to marry them so keep on searching till u find the right partner.........search hard and be brave you will definitely find beautiful women that like CDs/CDing for keeps as an SO.

Finally, I think it'll be fair and wise to inform the SO before entering into any legal relationship like marriage.


Thats great in theory... But for some of us, who grew up when things like CD'ing were considered an abhoration of all that is decent and human, we were in denial ourselves.. had no idea that we were "crossdressers".. It was just somethign we experimented with when we were young, and we were OVER that now.. so it wasn't an issue... now here it is some years later, and guess what, OMG I couldnt stop... I would slip every so often, and do it, and think, ok, well, it's a fetish thing.. no biggee... it's over now.. hahaha.. boy, I sure could fool myself... Now after so long being married, it makes it REAL hard to explain to her because WE still dont quite have a handle on it yet...

[Bootsiegalore]

My wife just came in and told me we are going for manicures and pedicures tomorrow! Can you beleive that..... She is going to have to d r a g me out of the house for that one! NOT!

T

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

What a nice compliment. I wish my wife would say that to me. I am not very limber and can not sit like a girl, oh how I wish I could. I dress like a girl most of the time at home and she is sometimes upset about that. Most of the time though it is OK and sometimes she even ask's if sandra wants to get all fixed up and go out, those are the best of times

[kimdl93]

I know you and your wife have reached some sort of accomodation over the years, but every relationship needs a refresher now and then. Just by looking at your picture, its clear that (hockey aside) you are marvelous as a woman and it just naturally spills over when you're not en femme.

So, maybe a little private conversation is in order...just to talk things through. Who know's where the conversation may lead...that's the risk, but also the possible reward. I'd want to know if she's embarrassed or maybe just somewhat hyper-conscious. (honestly, I doubt that much anyone else would care how you carry a bag when your shopping, but it may stand out to her).

I think most of us here would agree that you have a right to move, to mannerism, or whatever without having to second guess yourself. heck, I don't know....maybe you have to CD as a male once in a while to make her feel at ease...odd concept isn't it!

[Lilth]

We had a big fight over something petty and stupid on Sunday evening and I left the house for 3 hours just to get away... I was so mad that I just felt like driving till I ran out of gas and where ever that was... Start over fresh... But I have too many commitments that I would never abandon....

I know what you mean saying you want to just drive off and never come back. It is very tempting at times and there have been times sitting in my car at a red light that I have contimplated doing that but like you I cannot leave my ... commitments. There is just too much I would miss. Plus if you think about it, you're just running from a problem that will repeat itself sooner or later. So you can either try to deal with it now or keep running from it. I like running but not that much. ;-) All I can say is try to talk about it. Her pretending it isn't there is running in of itself and just causes more problems than people realize. Yes y'all will probably fight, yes it will be hard and probably not fixed in one night but you get the conversation rolling and see where it goes from there.

This is just advise and I hope it may have helped you in some way.

[Kerrie Sifton]

maybe we would have been dressing much earlier and being more comfortable in our own skin (or skirts) at a much earlier age.
Being a people watcher, I dont notice many women at Walmart being "just like a girl". And when I do notice a more feminine girl, walking like a girl or handling a basket like a girl I am quite thrilled.

I did find myself walking a bit girly the other day, for whatever reason, i dont know, but next time I pick up a basket in the store, and sling it over my arm like a purse.. I will be thinking of you.

Stay sane, and when you are on the ice (or off) remember to keep your head up.

Ciao
Kerrie

[joyce483]

Karren- you can come to Ft Wayne and live with me, all you have to do is my makeup!! p.s. we even have a hockey team.