Is cybering cheating?

[nodaybuttoday]

I am interested in getting everyone's opinion about this. It seems that with some individuals that crossdress, they become almost a different person when crossdressing. They look different, their attitude is different, even sometimes their name is different. Sometimes they totally separate their "male" selves from their "female" selves. So, when are you taking it too far? Especially when you're in a relationship or married?

If you cyber with someone, whether you're acting as a male with a male chat partner, or maybe even you're taking on a female role with a male chat partner, is it cheating? Are their certain circumstances that make it less or more okay? (ie. nude pictures, self stimulation, etc.)

[Karren H]

Well personally I think cybering dumb and isn't even sex.. Kind of like listening to the Playboy Channel on XM?? Lol. Ohh and I'm the same person no mater now I'm dressed...

[Ze]

I say hell yes. If you're in a committed relationship and yet still willingly engage (online or otherwise) with another person, it's cheating. Even if you physically "didn't do anything," your mind was fully involved. We can call that cheating or not all day; but the biggest factor still remains that you don't have enough respect for your partner. And if there isn't any respect, where's the love?

Since I know somebody will also bring up the case of pornography, I'll say this now: It's not (always) the same. Regarding pornography, you aren't engaged with another person, but rather a representation of a person (paper, film, computer screen, etc). There's no mental commitment, but rather a regarding of the person(s) involved as (an) object(s). Pornography is constructed in a way where it's meant to be objectifying. (I'm not saying this is necessarily good for the various identities that are portrayed within pornography, but that's another matter.) That's the difference between cheating and not cheating. (And don't try the excuse of "well I did her, but I objectified her the whole time." If there was actual physicality involved, it was definitely cheating.) However, the problem of pornography starting to destroy a relationship and/or start a cheating trend is when the individual starts to willing choose the material over their partner. In which case the individual then starts to fall into the same trend of disrespect toward their partner as cybering. The partner is first in line for your love and sex life; pornography should only be used as a secondary supplement. Make sense?

In short, cheating equals either 1) emotional engagement, or 2) actual physical interactions.

[Amy Hepker]

Hey my now X-Wife said I was cheating on her if I looked at Ladies clothes in a store window. I could not even glance at another woman or she would want to start a fight over it, even if I was just looking to see what she was wearing.

[docrobbysherry]

Most folks don't consider reading porn and getting off, to be "cheating".
So, to me, online porn is in that SAME category.:D

However, bring ANOTHER human being into that picture, and it BECOMES cheating, if sex EVER "comes up" in your conversations!:Angry3:

[CharleneT]

Engaging in an romantic/emotional relationship with another person is cheating. Whether you meet or not. It isn't the actions that hurt, it is the betrayal.

[aggi123]

I consider that cheating as well. There are a few other things about cybering that I'm thinking, but it's just my opinion, so I'll keep quiet.

[Mirani]

I say hell yes. If you're in a committed relationship and yet still willingly engage (online or otherwise) with another person, it's cheating. Even if you physically "didn't do anything," your mind was fully involved. We can call that cheating or not all day; but the biggest factor still remains that you don't have enough respect for your partner. And if there isn't any respect, where's the love?
................
In short, cheating equals either 1) emotional engagement, or 2) actual physical interactions.

:go: :thumbsup:

[Kathi Lake]

Two words; hell and yes!

Anytime you get sex involved into the equation - cyber, virtual, actual or what have you - you are making a connection at the deepest level with someone. Through a process called orgasmic conditioning, you actually start to "bond" with whatever person or activity brings the pleasure. Sex is so much more than just the sweaty bits. The magic is in the connection between two people.

If a person has to resort to "cybering" than they and their spouse have some serious issues to discuss. No matter how "different" a person may feel when dressed, cheating is still cheating.

Kathi

[kellycan27]

Yes it is cheating

[Ze]

Two words; hell and yes!

Poser. :raspp:


Anytime you get sex involved into the equation - cyber, virtual, actual or what have you - you are making a connection at the deepest level with someone. Through a process called orgasmic conditioning, you actually start to "bond" with whatever person or activity brings the pleasure.

Wow, I never actually heard of this terminology before. I'll have to look it up now. :) It makes a lot of sense.

[Daniela76]

That darn Ze, coming in here making perfect sense, saying almost exactly what I was going to say!! :D :hugs:

I'm still gonna say it since it is very important to be said as many times as possible.

ANY emotional or physical engagement with someone other than your SO is cheating.

And pornography is close to cheating, but not exactly. I agree that it is an objectifying of the person you are watching & a demeaning of the relationship you are in. Unless your SO is emotionally or physically unavailable. I don't mean out of town, I mean unwilling to or unable to participate. Some people don't have a problem with their SO & porn though. Then it isn't as bad. As long as the real-life relationship comes first!!

[Kathi Lake]

Poser. :raspp:Sorry dude, that's just how I roll! (I wanted to post this earlier this morning - making you the poser! - but my internet went South on me :)).


Wow, I never actually heard of this terminology before. I'll have to look it up now. :) It makes a lot of sense.Yeah, few and far between are the days I get to actually use my degrees anymore. Let's hear it for education! :)

Kathi

[Ze]

That darn Ze, coming in here making perfect sense, saying almost exactly what I was going to say!! :D :hugs:

Ain't I a stinker? :battingeyelashes:

:love:


Sorry dude, that's just how I roll! (I wanted to post this earlier this morning - making you the poser! - but my internet went South on me :)).

Yeah yeah, sure sure. Nice try. :tongueout

[Kathi Lake]

Yeah yeah, sure sure. Nice try. :tongueoutNo, seriously! It went South. I tried to type a cogent response, but all my internet would let me type were the words, "Y'all" and "inbreed." :)

Kathi


Just do whatever you are comfortable with.And in that phrase lies the problem! "Do whatever you're comfortable with." What about the other person?! By doing this, you are putting your own wants over the needs of the relationship and the other person. Not good, to say the least.

Kathi

[Erica2Sweet]

I am interested in getting everyone's opinion about this. It seems that with some individuals that crossdress, they become almost a different person when crossdressing. They look different, their attitude is different, even sometimes their name is different. Sometimes they totally separate their "male" selves from their "female" selves. So, when are you taking it too far? Especially when you're in a relationship or married?

If you cyber with someone, whether you're acting as a male with a male chat partner, or maybe even you're taking on a female role with a male chat partner, is it cheating? Are their certain circumstances that make it less or more okay? (ie. nude pictures, self stimulation, etc.)

I'd say it matters very little what we say here. What's important is whether or not the other person in the relationship feels its cheating.

The original post overall suggests to me that a TG person's separation of their internal male and female persona (so to speak) may be excuse enough to engage in extracurricular activities with strangers online. That, in my opinion, is crap.


And in that phrase lies the problem! "Do whatever you're comfortable with." What about the other person?! By doing this, you are putting your own wants over the needs of the relationship and the other person. Not good, to say the least.

Kathi

I totally agree.

[sissystephanie]

Engaging in an romantic/emotional relationship with another person is cheating. Whether you meet or not. It isn't the actions that hurt, it is the betrayal.

Charlene says it very well. Yes, it is cheating!!

[NicoleScott]

Reminds me of this story:
Hillary asked teenager Chelsea if she was having sex, to which she replied: "Not according to Daddy"

[JulieK1980]

I think it depends on the relationship, and whether your s.o. knows about it. If all (and I do mean all) parties are consenting, then no it is not cheating.

[Dutchess]

Yes

[DemonicDaughter]

If you would not do it in FRONT of your partner, you should not be doing it at all!

[Josie]

Cheating!

[nodaybuttoday]

If you would not do it in FRONT of your partner, you should not be doing it at all!


I think those are good words to live by, Demonic. A very good rule of thumb!

[RitaCD]

Hey my now X-Wife said I was cheating on her if I looked at Ladies clothes in a store window. I could not even glance at another woman or she would want to start a fight over it, even if I was just looking to see what she was wearing.

So Amy, by her way of thinking, if you are on a diet then you are not allowed to look at a menu. ??

[ReineD]

Are their certain circumstances that make it less or more okay? (ie. nude pictures, self stimulation, etc.)

Yes ... if the TG is single, or if her partner knows about it and does not object.

If the partner is not interested in having sex, and the TG has a high libido, it complicates things. They can either enter into an agreement where it is OK to do this, or see a couples counselor to address their deeper issues.

But to seek sexual gratification elsewhere when there is a loving and willing partner is not cool.

[Joanne f]

If you would not do it in FRONT of your partner, you should not be doing it at all!

That about sums it up , if you are deceiving someone about your gender that is wrong, if you are chatting to someone on a sexual bases without your partner's knowledge that is wrong .

[nodaybuttoday]

So Amy, by her way of thinking, if you are on a diet then you are not allowed to look at a menu. ??

I think Amy's ex wife is quite an extreme. That'd be more like if you're on a diet, you can't even look at the food wrapper lol

[Di]

I WOULD SAY:2c: cybering is cheating… deviating from commitment with partner by sharing most intimate thoughts with someone else is cheating.

[sherri52]

If you are in a relationship and cyber with someone else, you are cheating. you may not have actual contact but you mind is on someone other than the one in your relationship. Get a life have sex with your wife.

[KarenHiller]

It's masturbation, plain and simple, and if that's cheating, almost everyone in the world cheats.

Karen

[Veronica75]

There have been some good responses, but I think it comes down to what the parameters of the particular relationship are. I agree that most spouses in most situations would consider it cheating, but there are all sorts of marriages with all sorts of ways of living. Again, most spouses would think it's cheating, some spouses might want to be aware of it and give consent to consider it NOT cheating, and other spouses may have an agreement that anything not physical is OK.

I don't think ANY of us can come out and say, unequivocally, "It's cheating." You need to ask yourself, what are my spouse's expectations for my behavior, and is cybering consistent with those expectations? Unless you have a particularly open relationship or have discussed cybering specifically with your spouse, I think you already know the answer.

[JulieK1980]

There have been some good responses, but I think it comes down to what the parameters of the particular relationship are. I agree that most spouses in most situations would consider it cheating, but there are all sorts of marriages with all sorts of ways of living. Again, most spouses would think it's cheating, some spouses might want to be aware of it and give consent to consider it NOT cheating, and other spouses may have an agreement that anything not physical is OK.

I don't think ANY of us can come out and say, unequivocally, "It's cheating." You need to ask yourself, what are my spouse's expectations for my behavior, and is cybering consistent with those expectations? Unless you have a particularly open relationship or have discussed cybering specifically with your spouse, I think you already know the answer.

Exactly!

[Christina Horton]

I say hell yes. If you're in a committed relationship and yet still willingly engage (online or otherwise) with another person, it's cheating. Even if you physically "didn't do anything," your mind was fully involved. We can call that cheating or not all day; but the biggest factor still remains that you don't have enough respect for your partner. And if there isn't any respect, where's the love?

Since I know somebody will also bring up the case of pornography, I'll say this now: It's not (always) the same. Regarding pornography, you aren't engaged with another person, but rather a representation of a person (paper, film, computer screen, etc). There's no mental commitment, but rather a regarding of the person(s) involved as (an) object(s). Pornography is constructed in a way where it's meant to be objectifying. (I'm not saying this is necessarily good for the various identities that are portrayed within pornography, but that's another matter.) That's the difference between cheating and not cheating. (And don't try the excuse of "well I did her, but I objectified her the whole time." If there was actual physicality involved, it was definitely cheating.) However, the problem of pornography starting to destroy a relationship and/or start a cheating trend is when the individual starts to willing choose the material over their partner. In which case the individual then starts to fall into the same trend of disrespect toward their partner as cybering. The partner is first in line for your love and sex life; pornography should only be used as a secondary supplement. Make sense?

In short, cheating equals either 1) emotional engagement, or 2) actual physical interactions.



Oh hell Ze you took the words...er ahh Typing right out of my ....ahhh fingers? Ze is right on the money. You go Boooyyyy!!!!

I go to a 3D chat sight call Second Life. You make a avatar and walk or fly around a 3D world , you chat to other "people" in there avatars Oh Kind of like the Movie Avatar . I tell the newbies that you have to treat the other people like people. They think it's a game and treat people badly. When your no line and chatting with live people you are just as involved with them then if you were with the person in real life. Just because your typing or on a head set talking to them does not mean your not cheating.

Let me ask you this. Would you think your SOs is cheating if they were calling them on the phone and have never meet in real life.....does it? On the phone , a pen pal , Computer chat or e-mails. It's all the same . If you have a relationship with someone and you get involved with them where it's more then "JUST FRIENDS" then yes it's cheating. If you emotionally involved with a human being then your "bonding" with them.

So sorry hun yes it is very much so CHEATING 100%

I am putting a pic of my SL avatar so you can see it. In this avatar you can do what ever you want to in Real life and more. Chatting on the net is the same thing. just you don't see the other person. Now if you think you need to see the other person to call it cheating then on a sight like this you do, in a way.

Typing on a screen and having Virtual sex is still sex in a different form. I hope this long winded post has helped.

Oh ya your SO may not think it's Cheating so I would talk to her while she is not dressed and make sure she understands that YOU think it's cheating. She may honestly think that it's harmless. Still it's wrong but she may not think so. Most people don't think of the human factor. They think " I am chatting with a person but, it only on the computer so it ant real so whats the harm " . So just handle it right and you may find that she , once you explain your point of view then she might figure it out.

I hope I helped.

[CharleneT]

if you would not do it in front of your partner, you should not be doing it at all!


nicely put !!!

[eluuzion]

"Cheating" is one of those terms defined within the context of the issue at hand with each side defining it in terms that support their current position.

How is that for a political response? lol

Ok, we have successfully proven it is a controversial issue.

Thanks for the penny...here is my 2 cents worth...

There is only one person that can answer that question "correctly". That person is your SO. Just ask them. If you are afraid to ask them, then you have your answer anyway...

[NicoleScott]

What if your wife thinks that your crossdressing (alone, for sexual pleasure) is cheating. Is it?

[Sweet Jane]

i have no idea if its cheating or not, but the thought of cybersex makes me feel quite 'icky'....the whole idea of me doing that makes me feel cheap, a little like a tuppeny wh@re

i guess the most rational answers i have read from here revolve around what is regarded as acceptable within the confines of their particular relationship.....if your partner is ok with it, and aware of it, then how can it be 'cheating', if your partner is unaware, well then i guess its doing something behind their back at best, cheating at worst..

[victoriamwilliams1]

The answer is YES! it is cheating!

[Kerigirl2009]

I think if you are questioning weather or not you are cheating then the answer is obvious, your cheating.
If you don't think I am right go ask your SO for permission and see what they say about it. :eek:

[LynnInDenver]

I agree with most everyone... unless you and your spouse/partner/whatever have a proper, well communicated understanding with the fences mapped out to allow it in certain circumstances, it is cheating, regardless of virtual or real space. The emotions get engaged in either case.

[Veronica75]

So it all boils down to: The only way it's not cheating would be if you had clearly established boundaries in your relationship that are somewhat non-traditional, in which case you'd know already and not have to ask us.

The fact of your asking means that, in your case, it is.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I am interested in getting everyone's opinion about this. It seems that with some individuals that crossdress, they become almost a different person when crossdressing. They look different, their attitude is different, even sometimes their name is different. Sometimes they totally separate their "male" selves from their "female" selves. So, when are you taking it too far? Especially when you're in a relationship or married?

If you cyber with someone, whether you're acting as a male with a male chat partner, or maybe even you're taking on a female role with a male chat partner, is it cheating? Are their certain circumstances that make it less or more okay? (ie. nude pictures, self stimulation, etc.)

yes its cheating

[Sandra]

It is cheating.....unless both parties in the relationship are in agreement about it and are happy for it to go on.

[Samantha43]

Yes, it's cheating.

[NatashaCD]

So what happens when the shoe is on the other foot my ex had heaps of male friends on msn I respected her privacy but what was she doing every day/night when she was chatting???

[Holly]

...what was she doing every day/night when she was chatting???If you are concerned, ask HER.

[Ze]

If you are concerned, ask HER.

Yeah, and if she really was doing something, that's cheating, too. I don't know why it would be any different. :strugglin

[SirTrey]

Well, if it technically isn't cheating in the physical sense, it can (and often does) LEAD to cheating...How many online relationships start out as one thing and ultimately become something entirely different? Becoming intimate with a person at that level breeds a familiarity and closeness that DOES threaten a relationship...Happens all the time....So, it's certainly risky, if nothing else because it certainly CAN come between you and your partner, at least emotionally....:2c:

[Veronica75]

Well, if it technically isn't cheating in the physical sense, it can (and often does) LEAD to cheating...How many online relationships start out as one thing and ultimately become something entirely different? Becoming intimate with a person at that level breeds a familiarity and closeness that DOES threaten a relationship...Happens all the time....So, it's certainly risky, if nothing else because it certainly CAN come between you and your partner, at least emotionally....:2c:

I disagree-- this isn't sexual tension with a coworker, or flirting with a woman in a bar, cybering is explicit sexual chat normally accompanied or leading to self gratification. It isn't "sex" in the traditional physical sense, but it is sexual gratification with someone other than your spouse.

A spouse can be OK with cybering, just as he or she can be OK with the other spouse sleeping with people outside the marriage. But that has to be something specifically permitted within the relationship, either on a case-by-case basis where the spouse has direct knowledge of what's going on, or perhaps blanket approval to run around (I had a coworker who was quite proud of the fact that his wife had given him permission to mess around on business trips, as long as he was discreet and safe... problem was that he was indiscreet enough to let me and several other coworkers know about the arrangement).

Cybering is not my cup of tea, but it is essentially sexual activity, and should be considered cheating when it is done behind a spouse's back.

[ChelseaC]

Why don't you ask your SO?
wheather you feel like yourself or someone else, if its something that you feel you need in your life either your SO will help to fill that need or if they are un willing maybe they will allow it.
The key is transparency, don't lie about why you want to or if you are, be up front and honest before you make the decision to engage.

[eluuzion]

"cheating" questions always make me think of the Easter Bunny...

A rabbit hiding eggs, when rabbits do not even lay eggs. Chickens lay eggs. So, if the Easter Bunny comes home and his SO finds some of those (disgusting) little marshmellow chicken "Peeps" in the basket, should/could that be considered "cheating"? :heehee: What if the "Peeps" were little bunny peeps instead of little chick peeps?

Only our hairdresser knows for sure...?

[Deidra Cowen]

Why don't you ask your SO?
wheather you feel like yourself or someone else, if its something that you feel you need in your life either your SO will help to fill that need or if they are un willing maybe they will allow it.
The key is transparency, don't lie about why you want to or if you are, be up front and honest before you make the decision to engage.

Yeap ask the SO!!! Betcha you'll get clarification on the issue in a rapid manner. :devil:

[Tina Marie]

But if you are single, you are not the one cheating?

[RachelB.]

If you have to ask this question I think you know the answer.

I would say it is cheating in my relationship.

Rachel

[pattyv]

I'm with Kathi all the way on this one.