Question: Clubbing en femme

[irenetancd]

Hi,

I have a questio

[Nicole Erin]

Any night spot you plan to go to, check it out at first in drab. Even if it is a GLBT place, still go in drab the first time just to check out the scene.

Now the colleg kid clubs, you could probably safely go en femme.
Just keep in mind that you might pass better than you think so you probably will get a couple guys hitting on you.
Everyone assumes they and 99% of other TG's just don't pass but you get in a club or bar and trust me honies, horny men will just see a woman.

On the other hand, a lot of clubs with young folks, well they are too busy in their own cliques or texting on their cell phone to notice anyone.

I think the worst that would happen is you would be kind of bored at a club by yourself.

[ReineD]

I agree with Nicole about checking out the place in guy mode first. It is important to know how liberal these students are generally. I would observe specifically the drunk, male undergrads who go there in groups together. They are more likely to take issue with you, and to try to score points with their buddies by being either verbally or physically abusive.

[AllieSF]

I know that you said that you are going alone. However, safety is in numbers. If you can talk to some of your GG friends, like those in one of your recent pics with the GG's, maybe one or more of them would love to go with you. That way you get to go to teh club and have a female companion to chat the night away with. Good luck and have a great time.

[Katesback]

Yes you do potentially face an incredible and difficult event. The fact is that you and you only are your own enemy. The rest of the world will have little issues with you if you carry yourself respectfully. On the other hand the mere fact that you have some concern about doing this is the key factor in suggesting you will indeed have issues.

I have a little story. I have a friend who is a CD. She talked me into taking her out a few times and the first few times she looked like a chicken with its head cut off. She would occasionally ask me how it is I fit in.

The best answers I can offer is one I am comfortable with who I am. Two I am fearless, three I act like I belong in the environment, and four I am just the average girl.

Needless to say some of this sank in and before my eyes over the course of a few months I saw her turn into a very comfortable presence in a whole host of environments. She learned that the concept of _____ (the P word fits there) is nothing but an artificial construct. She learned that YES people did figure her out but because she has confidence she was treated with respect. She learned how to generate a voice that was acceptable (for a short period of time). She learned how to smile, she learned how to be who she was.

These days she is completely comfortable going to completely straigh bars on her own or with someone like me. I can honestly say she is one of the few CDs I have met that has reached this point of inner peace and I am very proud of her.

Be yourself, stop worrying about (P word) and learn to present yourself in an acceptable manner.

Katie

[Mitch23]

I've done it several times but always in a group of real girls. you can never fully be confident that it will be an event free evening but generally the security staff are there to keep public order...

the issue i faced was the toilets. i used the girls rather late in the evening when many of the teenagers were drunk and hostile with me invading there space. the manager found me a more discreet place to use in the interest of my personal safety which was cool of them ...

mitch

[ReineD]

Keep in mind, Kate, that Irene is going to a massive undergrad hangout, not a bar filled with mature adults. No matter how confident she is, you cannot underestimate the potentially dangerous reactions of loud, obnoxious, testosterone filled, drunk homophobics, out to prove their manhoods and impress their buddies and girls.

It is foolish to advise someone to go ahead without checking out the place first.

[Stephenie S]

Keep in mind, Kate, that Irene is going to a massive undergrad hangout, not a bar filled with mature adults. No matter how confident she is, you cannot underestimate the potentially dangerous reactions of loud, obnoxious, testosterone filled, drunk homophobics, out to prove their manhoods and impress their buddies and girls.

Girls, or women, don't go out alone. This by itself will make you stand out. So get some company. DON'T GO OUT ALONE. If a woman is out alone at night there is only one assumption made, and that is that she is working. DON'T GO OUT ALONE. Cops and drunks will make this same assumption. DON'T GO OUT ALONE.

Take care now. If you want to present to the world as a woman, then you had better start learning how to act like one. DON'T GO OUT ALONE.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[sherri52]

Going clubbing I would go with someone. It may be a safe club, but it only takes one drunk to ruin a night.

[sherri]

I go out, often alone, all the time in a small city of about 250k without any problems whatsoever. Been doing it for years. But, I only go to GLBT clubs, where tolerance is almost guaranteed. You are young and good-looking, but still, if you're going to a straight club, I urge you to not go alone, at least at first. But if you do, at the very least you should introduce yourself to the bartender and/or security early in the evening -- if a problem arises, they will have your back. The real danger is when leaving the club. Ask to be escorted to your car, or use valet parking, or otherwise make damn sure you're not being followed/ambushed. Reine's right, drunk punks can be dangerous, seriously.

Ok, so now that we have you thinking "safety first" -- this could turn into a cool thing. If you get to be friends with the owner, bartender and a few patrons, not only will you have a great time, you'll make some friends who will actually like you for your "difference" and accept you in their circles and watch out for you.

So don't let fear shackle you -- but don't be stupid either.

PS -- if you're new to clubbing, why not consider going to a gay/lesbian club for awhile, make a few friends, then later on they can go with you to the other club? Just a thought.

[NoraTV]

1. Always check the spot out first. Sometimes, especially if I am in a different city and if I have time, I will go to the place twice en drab - once on a busy night and once on a quiet night.

2. Never never never go alone. There really is safety in numbers, even if the number is only two.

3. Stay away from people who are drinking a lot. They are most likely to cause problems, even in a TG/CD friendly club.

Have fun.

[Nicole Erin]

Drunks in public are a problem period.

You would think that being how they are college students, they may have at least average intelligence but people get drunk and think they are superman.

Still though even if your male side confirms it is cool, the night you go en femme, still have someone with you. Never know whomight come into the place...

Remember, there is always gonna be at least one asshole in every setting.

[SuzanneBender]

Not much more to say here. Girls go out in groups for a reason. Never fly without a winggal Maverickia should never fly without a Goosette?

[Erica2Sweet]

There's no way to predict what will or will not happen.

I have a personal rule and that is I don't ever go to predominantly straight clubs enfemme. I personally just wouldn't feel comfortable with the mix of the alcohol and young, straight males. My opinion is that its a much better idea to stick to GLBT friendly establishments when there's alcohol being served and a generous amount of drinking is going on. This of course doesn't guarantee me a safe evening out, but I feel that it is sensible.

The bonus is that, in a GLBT friendly place, my SO can touch me without us drawing unwanted attention to ourselves... so its a win win!

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

Lots of great points made by everyone on here, def check the place out, see what the environment is like *before* going in dressed up. Maybe even consider calling the place during the day and asking the manager if they ever have transgendered people in there or if they would consider the place safe for someone crossdressed. Their response should also give you an idea of how *they* feel about it too, which would be pretty valuable info for you.

I agree not to go alone, even people who are likely to be trouble are less likely to be so if you're with even one other person. It's different if this is a place you're a regular at and people know you and are cool with you no matter how you dress but if you're essentially an outsider you've just got to be careful.

Having said that, I went out to a mostly mainstream bar for their "ladies 80's" night last summer and it was one of the most fun times I ever had out en femme, especially because I ended up running into girls I know and they danced with me like I was one of them and it was a ton of fun. I echo the suggestion of you getting those girls who posed with you to go out with you. I bet they'd love the idea, and might even want to do your makeup first. One thing I've discovered since coming out is that young women *love* doing boys' makeup.

[Sally2005]

Even as a guy it is unusual to go out to a club alone unless you plan to meet some friends. It is boring drinking alone, dancing alone etc. If you do it, go early so you can get to know the bar staff.

[Karen__Starr]

I agree with everyone about going with at least one other person or scope out the place several times in your alternate mode first to get a feel for the place and people.

The only reason to go by yourself (not recommended) is to pick up someone or have them pick you up. If it's a popular place and you are even somewhat passable expect to get hit on, if you are not passable there is a good chance as the evening wears on you might get harassed or worst. Place it safe.

[docrobbysherry]

Lot's of opinions here. But, no one has ASKED U WHY U WANT TO DO THIS!?:brolleyes:

Unless u get off on danger, want to be picked up by a guy(s), or haven't thot it thru, I DON'T GET why u want to do this!:eek:

[Alice Torn]

I have never been to a bar dressed, either. Are a lot of the clubs very loud and noisy? It doesn't appeal much to me. It seems like a place where alcohol, lust, getting hit on, is the norm.

[Nicole Erin]

I have never been to a bar dressed, either. Are a lot of the clubs very loud and noisy? It doesn't appeal much to me. It seems like a place where alcohol, lust, getting hit on, is the norm.

A Bar is usually kind of quiet, little bit older drunks sitting around doing pretty much nothing.

Clubs -
Most people at clubs are wrapped up in their own cliques, or they are texting on their stupid phones.

Loud and noisy? They play this crappy ass techno music so loud that it is hard to even breathe, and of course it keeps getting louder.
You have to yell in someone's ear to have a conversation.
Getting hit on? Sometimes it happens. Guys hitting on girls anyways.
But yeah clubs are usually so damned loud that even if someone insulted someone else, the person would never hear. Well unless the insulter wanted to get 4 inches from the person's ear.

I have never really enjoyed clubs. I have been on mosh pits where the band was not as loud as some clubs.

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

. I guess I have to "come out" to some friends, so that they can accompany me to the club. So far, my friends do not know of Irene.

If you do have friends that you feel ok coming out to, then you definitely should do that before going out to the club. Aside from the safety issue, wouldn't you also rather your friends find out from you telling them than perhaps getting "outed" if someone you know happens to be at the club and reads you?