The mile high TG club

[SuzanneBender]

Ok Girls get your mind out of the gutter. I could have titled this How Long Have You Been Doing Your RLE, but that just wasn’t salacious enough to grab your attention.

I flew this morning from Indianapolis to Kansas City. I received a cheerful greeting from one of the flight attendants as I boarded our aircraft. I was sitting near the back galley. After the attendants had completed the in flight service one of them took the empty isle seat across from me. She immediately started a conversation with me about my I phone. Then the conversation took a turn. She was very tentative and said, “I hope I don’t offend but may I ask how long you have been living RLE?” I could tell she didn’t want to ask the question, but just had to satisfy her own curiosity. I was not offended but was totally taken aback by her question because I didn’t expect it.

I explained to her that I had not decided if I was going to transition and I was just starting over with a new therapist and did not plan on officially beginning RLE for over a year at the earliest. I told her I like to spend as much time as I can as a woman, but I am far from 24X7.

I asked how she knew so much about this process and she told me that she had completed it about 3 years ago. I about fell out of my seat! I had no inkling that she was TG.

We talked about therapists, surgeons, voice training. She shared that she felt the standards of care slowed here process, but she was thankful in the end. It was a wonderful few minutes and made the time on the flight zoom past.

She asked me if I planned on keeping my job if I transitioned and I told her I didn’t think I would. She then suggested that I should look at being a flight attendant, because although I am a little tall I have the personality for it.

I laughed and thanked her. She told me she was serious. Her airline has several TG’s winging to and fro including a couple of pilots. I told her that I have a PhD in Psychology and am working towards a counseling certification in Gender and Marriage and Family counseling, but if that doesn’t work out I may be calling her for a reference. I didn’t want to burst her bubble. I am a natural born klutz and that doesn’t lend itself to a successful career as a flight attendant.

It’s always wonderful to make the acquaintance of another sister or brother. However, I can’t help but think how many TG people I have passed in my lifetime and have never known. I would have never thought twice about this wonderful flight attendant had she not approached me.

[LisaM]

Wow! What a story, Suzanne. Very Inspirational--both you and your new friend.

[renee k]

We have a few TG folks at the airline I'm with. I think you'll find the airline industry is pretty diverse these days. It wasn't always that way though.

Renee

[Claire Cook]

What a wonderful story. Something to look forward to...wouldn't it be great if more people had such understanding, and I mean non-TG people.

[sherri52]

That was a nice story Suzanne. Usually TGs disapear after the transition. I'm glad she spoke out to you.

[Tanya83]

Please pardon my ignorance but, what is "RLE"?

I found "Run Length Encoding". Pretty sure that's not what you mean.

[JoanAz]

I just posted an Avation Thread moments ago...Small World

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=124422

:)

[SuzanneBender]

Usually TGs disapear after the transition. I'm glad she spoke out to you.

I am to. She was truly and inspiration to me!


Please pardon my ignorance but, what is "RLE"?

Real Life Experience. The standards of care for those wishing to transistion from one gender to another recommend RLE prior to medical intervention to start transistion.


Wow! What a story, Suzanne. Very Inspirational--both you and your new friend. She was an inspiration. Just wishing to share her with you all. I find it amazing the number of "us" that we pass on a daily basis and never know. If 1% of us are TG then that means that 1 out of every 100 men or women are TG. I find that amazing.


We have a few TG folks at the airline I'm with. I think you'll find the airline industry is pretty diverse these days. It wasn't always that way though.
Renee maybe I need to figure out how to cure the Klutz gene!


What a wonderful story. Something to look forward to...wouldn't it be great if more people had such understanding, and I mean non-TG people. Claire I have found out that non-TG people are just as receptive. Sure there are negative people out there but I have had many more positive experiences than negative experiences.

[linnea]

This is a wonderful account of the encounter you had. I have just begun working with a therapist as a part of my journey toward RLE and possibly transition. I am very pleased with the way my therapist is handling this, and I am confident at this time that I'm very good guidance and support.
I really appreciate your posts, and this was particularly relevant to what I've been thinking a lot about.
Thank you.

[Claire Cook]

I am to. She was truly and inspiration to me!



Real Life Experience. The standards of care for those wishing to transistion from one gender to another recommend RLE prior to medical intervention to start transistion.

She was an inspiration. Just wishing to share her with you all. I find it amazing the number of "us" that we pass on a daily basis and never know. If 1% of us are TG then that means that 1 out of every 100 men or women are TG. I find that amazing.


Renee maybe I need to figure out how to cure the Klutz gene!

Claire I have found out that non-TG people are just as receptive. Sure there are negative people out there but I have had many more positive experiences than negative experiences.

Suzanne, actually that is my experience. With few exceptions, just about everyone I have come out to has been surprisingly understanding. Granted, that is a select few ... we need to educate.

[AllieSF]

That is such a nice real life story. Thanks for sharing it. Did you get her contact information?

[SuzanneBender]

That is such a nice real life story. Thanks for sharing it. Did you get her contact information?

Yes I did she bases out of Milwaukee but flies the DC route I fly a lot. I have her number and told her the next time she lays over in KC she should give me a call.


What a great experience :)
Just flew yesterday, but went in drab. There was a TS on the plane with me. She looked at me funny at the gate and again getting on board. Then seemed to go out of her way to stand next to me at the baggage claim.

Did find it odd that she went out of her way to stand near by. Do you think we just attract each other like magnets?

It natural that we identify with and support one another. It was a little out of the ordinary but given the fact I was by myself and can be read I am not surprised she approached me.

[Kathi Lake]

Wowwwwwwww, sis! What a great bit o' validation! I had no idea that you were this close to possibly transitioning. Me, I do all this for fun (at least, that's what I keep demanding I keep telling myself). For me, it seems that if I get the chance to "play" once or twice a month, it's good enough, and the girl inside is satiated enough to leave me alone for awhile. Now, my heart is racing and my chest is clutching and I am in tears again after being reminded of Reine's question to me, "What if you had to put away Kathi and never dress again?"

See, to me, just being a part-time girl is enough, for now. I get to, as your new friend Caroline put it, "Have my cake and eat it too." I get to be a guy. I get to have a fabulous marriage, a great job, a wonderful life. To sacrifice all that to give into my happiness only - I don't know if I could do that. Thinking of you, and all you might give up in order to set something right shows me the differences we seem to have. It makes me wonder how similar or different we really are. Wow, I should've probably put this in a PM to you. Still, I've always worn my heart on my sleeve - for better or worse - and you will always know where you stand with me. Where do you stand? I honor and respect you, and am glad to consider you a friend.

I hope your new therapist can help you in your journey.

Kathi

[Lorileah]

If 1% of us are TG then that means that 1 out of every 100 men or women are TG. I find that amazing.


98...99...oh, HI Mrs Clinton (must have miscounted). 1...2.... :D
Still that explains why no one in TSA cares, they probably see a hundred of us everyday :)

Are there still height and weight requirements for flight attendants? This must not be the airline I fly, they don't have attendants, they have vending machines. Last flight I sat next to a crate of chickens....and they got in flight meals.. They said "In case of a water landing...swim like heck because there are reports of sharks". The baggage handler had to spin the prop.

Great story Suzanne. Why did you have your I phone on during the flight? Didn't they say turn off all electrical instruments? They could have made you walk the rest the way to KC. :):hugs:

[Katie Moore]

Tell her to join our club so we can meet and greet please!!!!

[SuzanneBender]

Wowwwwwwww, sis! What a great bit o' validation! I had no idea that you were this close to possibly transitioning.

I am in tears again after being reminded of Reine's question to me, "What if you had to put away Kathi and never dress again?"

I get to have a fabulous marriage, a great job, a wonderful life. To sacrifice all that to give into my happiness only - I don't know if I could do that. Thinking of you, and all you might give up in order to set something right shows me the differences we seem to have. It makes me wonder how similar or different we really are.

Where do you stand? I honor and respect you, and am glad to consider you a friend


Kathi this post is why I have fallen in love with you. We do have so much in common, but like every one are also different.

I may highjack my own thread here but that is ok. I love sharing discussions like this because it helps others work through where they are.

I am considering transisiton. I am at a point in my life where I almost feel like I can't breath in male mode anymore. I know its selfish. I despise the fact that I feel this way, but in the end I can't make it go away. I have tried since I was 5 and it hasn't.

I am married to a wonderful woman and have a great family. What I am trying to work through is will I be a better person in their life as Suzanne or as my male self. My emotions are taking a toll on my family and my wife an I have had some very candid discussions on this topic.

I am not worried about work. Kansas doesnt have a non-discrimination act that covers TGs. However, I have a unique skill set and may have a calling working with our community if that is the case.

Where do I stand? Well depending on the day on my flats or heels:D To be honest. I am not sure. Right now its less like standing and more like walking around trying to find the place that is right to stand in.

I do know one constant. I am blessed to have found friends like you Kathi.

[SuzanneBender]

Tell her to join our club so we can meet and greet please!!!! Great idea I will!


98...99...oh, HI Mrs Clinton (must have miscounted). 1...2.... :D
Still that explains why no one in TSA cares, they probably see a hundred of us everyday :)

Are there still height and weight requirements for flight attendants? This must not be the airline I fly, they don't have attendants, they have vending machines. Last flight I sat next to a crate of chickens....and they got in flight meals.. They said "In case of a water landing...swim like heck because there are reports of sharks". The baggage handler had to spin the prop.

Great story Suzanne. Why did you have your I phone on during the flight? Didn't they say turn off all electrical instruments? They could have made you walk the rest the way to KC. :):hugs:

Ohhh Lori Kathi make me cry and you make me giggle. This just isn't fair!

Our safety brief they told us that you didn't have to swim that fast you just didnt want to be the slowest swimmer on the plane.

I don't think there are height and weight restrictions anymore. But if you are too talk you are going to be bonking you noggin every flight. That doesn't make for happy flight attendants.

[kristinacd55]

I am considering transisiton. I am at a point in my life where I almost feel like I can't breath in male mode anymore. I know its selfish. I despise the fact that I feel this way, but in the end I can't make it go away. I have tried since I was 5 and it hasn't.

I am married to a wonderful woman and have a great family. What I am trying to work through is will I be a better person in their life as Suzanne or as my male self. My emotions are taking a toll on my family and my wife an I have had some very candid discussions on this topic.

I am not worried about work. Kansas doesnt have a non-discrimination act that covers TGs. However, I have a unique skill set and may have a calling working with our community if that is the case.

Wow, what a story/stories! Suzanne & lots of luck to you whichever way you decide to go! You've got a lot on your table as I'm sure just about all of us here do...

[Kathi Lake]

Sorry, Suze. Didn't mean to share "The Mopies" and make you cry too. :)

Honestly, I just want what makes you and, those around you, happy. I feel bad that you call what you're thinking of "selfish behavior." In a classic bit of deflection, I simply invert it and call it deferential behavior. I would rather defer my wants/needs to ensure that my wife and kids are happy (maybe it's the "Mom" in me). If that means that I am stuck being a guy for the rest of my fabulous life, I can deal with that. I can still be a guy who happens to have a fabulous wardrobe, a guy that his girlfriends include as "just one of the girls," a guy who has one foot in BoyLand and one foot (and leg, and trunk and most of her upper body - but definitely not the head - because that would be weird :)) in GirlLand. As I said, it has been enough for me in the past, and I think I can make it to the end that way.

Love ya' too, sis!

Kathi

[Scottey1]

Great thread, Suzanne! I'm curious though - how was it flying out of Indy? I flew dressed before Christmas, but have noticed since the Christmas day attempted bombing that security was a little tighter in Indy. Did you have any problems?

[VeronicaMoonlit]

She immediately started a conversation with me about my I phone. Then the conversation took a turn. She was very tentative and said, “I hope I don’t offend but may I ask how long you have been living RLE?” I could tell she didn’t want to ask the question, but just had to satisfy her own curiosity. I was not offended but was totally taken aback by her question because I didn’t expect it.

I explained to her that I had not decided if I was going to transition and I was just starting over with a new therapist and did not plan on officially beginning RLE for over a year at the earliest. I told her I like to spend as much time as I can as a woman, but I am far from 24X7.

Let me tell you a little something. Most people don't expect "CD's" to be out in public, flying, dressed like "the woman next door". When they think of what a CD would look like they don't think of women like you, to put it gently. So when they see you, those "who are aware of this thing of ours" might assume that one such as you is a TS. And frankly, in a goodly number of cases, they'd be right. And she was right in your case too.



We talked about therapists, surgeons, voice training. She shared that she felt the standards of care slowed here process, but she was thankful in the end.

Yeah, taking it slow can be a good thing.


Wowwwwwwww, sis! What a great bit o' validation! I had no idea that you were this close to possibly transitioning.

I did, but I read Suzanne's past posts closely.



Me, I do all this for fun (at least, that's what I keep demanding I keep telling myself).


It's fun, yes, but it serves a need.


For me, it seems that if I get the chance to "play" once or twice a month, it's good enough, and the girl inside is satiated enough to leave me alone for awhile.

Is it there in the back of your head though, like a daemon process. Would it show up in a ps aux of your head?


Now, my heart is racing and my chest is clutching and I am in tears again after being reminded of Reine's question to me, "What if you had to put away Kathi and never dress again?"

You couldn't, could you.


See, to me, just being a part-time girl is enough, for now. I get to, as your new friend Caroline put it, "Have my cake and eat it too." I get to be a guy. I get to have a fabulous marriage, a great job, a wonderful life. To sacrifice all that to give into my happiness only - I don't know if I could do that.

Are you fully happy? Would you be happier if....you know. I put the possibility of ever transitioning out of my decision tree in my early 20's. I thought I could never afford it (still an issue), I didn't want to hurt or cause trouble to my family, and I worried that I could never do it here, and that because I was a nerd, I was nothing like a "real woman". I was wrong on many things, and well....if I am miserable, that is not a good thing for me or my family, so I have to do something.


Thinking of you, and all you might give up in order to set something right shows me the differences we seem to have. It makes me wonder how similar or different we really are. Wow, I should've probably put this in a PM to you.

Likewise. But you, Suzanne, Sara Jessica and myself are more similar than you might think.


Still, I've always worn my heart on my sleeve - for better or worse - and you will always know where you stand with me. Where do you stand? I honor and respect you, and am glad to consider you a friend.

Ditto for you both.


I am considering transisiton. I am at a point in my life where I almost feel like I can't breath in male mode anymore. I know its selfish. I despise the fact that I feel this way, but in the end I can't make it go away. I have tried since I was 5 and it hasn't.

It doesn't go away, it's always there for me, like a million paper cuts, it hurts so much to think about it, but think about it I must.

I
My emotions are taking a toll on my family and my wife an I have had some very candid discussions on this topic.

Keeping the lines of discussion open is a very good thing.



To be honest. I am not sure. Right now its less like standing and more like walking around trying to find the place that is right to stand in.

Exploring your feelings and trying new experiences on for size is a good thing.


Sorry, Suze. Didn't mean to share "The Mopies" and make you cry too. :)

Honestly, I just want what makes you and, those around you, happy. I feel bad that you call what you're thinking of "selfish behavior." In a classic bit of deflection, I simply invert it and call it deferential behavior. I would rather defer my wants/needs to ensure that my wife and kids are happy (maybe it's the "Mom" in me).

Is it selfish to want to be happy? I mean sure, doing things that can affect the rest of the family/involve money and job/change how people react, can be interpreted as such and can be selfish (like say if you blew the 401K on FFS/SRS without discussion), but the feelings, the feelings themselves aren't. And sometimes (but not all the time) there might come a time when self-sacrifice isn't noble, but self-hatred and self-destruction in disguise. For many long years I felt like I didn't deserve happiness. That everything came before my needs, and that was wrong.



If that means that I am stuck being a guy for the rest of my fabulous life, I can deal with that. As I said, it has been enough for me in the past, and I think I can make it to the end that way.


I hope so, I wish it so, and it does work that way sometimes. But sometimes it doesn't. Goddess, I'm not trying to be a downer on you.

Veronica Rogers

[Kathi Lake]

Is it there in the back of your head though, like a daemon process. Would it show up in a ps aux of your head?Oh yeah, and no doubt be consuming quite a lot of both memory and CPU at times. Is it a runaway process, resulting in an eventual kernel panic? Probably not. :)


You couldn't, could you.Not just no, but hell no. As I said before, to live a life halfway would not be life at all. Even thinking about not being able to let Kathi shine out can bring me to tears - and I'm usually not a crier!


Are you fully happy?As far as I know, but then again, I'm not that bright. Honestly though, I am happy. My life, as I said, rocks. Not only do I get to be me, I get to be me as well. Everybody wins!


Is it selfish to want to be happy?No. Is it selfish to want others to be happier?

Kathi

[RobertaM]

You girls are all awesome!! i just want to let you i have had real struggles with my balance issues lately,, thank you for an upbeat and positive thread. Suzanne great story thank you.

[Brandi Wyne]

I think enough of the cute little "in quotes" on this thread. I'm not ever sure about most of the things discussed here but I know that I have a deep inner calling to be femme.

[SuzanneBender]

I would rather defer my wants/needs to ensure that my wife and kids are happy (maybe it's the "Mom" in me). Kathi self sacrifice is one of the most feminine of all human traits. Your willingness to live straddling the gender line and not only accept it but find a way to love it is what makes you such a fabulous woman and human being. Well that and your rocking wardrobe.


Great thread, Suzanne! I'm curious though - how was it flying out of Indy? I flew dressed before Christmas, but have noticed since the Christmas day attempted bombing that security was a little tighter in Indy. Did you have any problems? No worries. I didn't even get a pat down. I love the Indy airport and the TSA there have always been wonderful to me.


Likewise. But you, Suzanne, Sara Jessica and myself are more similar than you might think...

And sometimes (but not all the time) there might come a time when self-sacrifice isn't noble, but self-hatred and self-destruction in disguise. For many long years I felt like I didn't deserve happiness. That everything came before my needs, and that was wrong.

Veronica I too believe that we have a common bond no matter how small and no matter where we fall in the spectrum of transgenderism. We are the same cept’ different.:hugs:

It is easy to disguise self hatred and self destruction as self sacrifice. There was a day when I happily denied that I would every even be at the point of considering transition, but somewhere somehow that willing sacrifice morphed into a begrudging denial that negatively impacts me as a father and husband. Our community is littered with stories of ladies that have done harm to themselves through self destructive behavior or worse because they could not find the point of balance. Rather than move forward they destroyed the things that they held most dear.

There are also numerous examples of well adjusted ladies and families, many on this site. They have found their spot on the gender spectrum and the happiness that accompanies it. I am at the crossroad of CD Avenue and TS Boulevard and I have to determine if I can quell the resentment and return to where I was or would it be better for all involved if I moved forward with transition.

[Monica93304]

I've been battling my TG issues for my whole life. I've only been dressing and going out for almost two years now. But felt that I've never really felt that I belonged in a boys body.

I hope that I can get to that crossroads in life that you speak of Suzy. It seems that you will succeed. Not only will you succeed because of your intelligence, but also becuase of your beauty.

Monica.