Guilt and confusion

[girlalex]

Just by looking at the title of the thread you might have guessed what my question will be all about. so ye basically for a very long time already i've been at the point of self acceptance. it took me some time to get in touch with who i really am so i simply had no choice but to comply with my feminine side thats more dominant. yesterday though out of no where i felt confused and guilty that i was born as a dude yet i really don't feel like one and it made me really sad and pissed off. all along i was already accepting who i was and now all of a sudden im confused again? wtf
has anyone ever had that happen to them before?

[sherri52]

Most of us have gone through some sort of guilt over the years. For most of us it was in the early years for others it is just as you are experiencing it now. I expect you'll get through it and I hope it won't take long. Good luck.

[Wen4cd]

Often, when one confronts their self-hatred (self-acceptance), it turns outward. A lot of times the self-hate is converted rage at some external unfairness, and you're probably feeling the energy of that as it leaves you.

I think it's a natural process. Accepting yourself is different from accepting your circumstances.

[Sarah Doepner]

I can't tell you how many times I nearly cried over what I was so happy with just an hour earlier. Getting over that hump of self acceptance was not a single straight climb but a rollercoaster for me. I would address one issue and feel like I was there and then recognize some other impact of crossdressing somewhere else in my life. I would be down once again.

It's not easy for many of us to get to that level and even today, some 10-12 years after I thought I was done with that I still get the old feelings again. Hang in there Sis. I'm not done yet, but found that I have been much happier in all aspects of my life with that guilt load reduced to a manageable size.

[Leslie Mary S]

For some of use it take a a long but slow realization of who we are and them we quickly snap to our new self and others of us never do. I guess that is self denial. I am just starting to really accept the newly aware me.
The real hard part is getting the family to accept the new us.

[Andy66]

It's pretty common, sweetie. :hugs:

You're not doing anything wrong, and you deserve to be happy in your own life. It's not what happens to you that counts; it's how you react to it. And I hope you will figure out how to make the best of the situation.

[linnea]

It may not make you feel any better to know that many TGs go through this mix of guilt and confusion with excitement and clarity, but I think that it's the truth.
Try to take it easy and work its way out.
Best wishes.

[Karren H]

No!! Not since I realized that this was something that was not going a way and I accept that and embrace it (though some days I wish it would go away).... But I feel no guilt and am not confused about who I am or what I'm doing.... Don't look back....

[DiannaRose]

Nobody ever said it was going to be a smooth ride, Alex. I believe confusion has it's place...it brings up questions you might not otherwise ask, and in doing so prompts you to find answers.

Guilt is generally prevalent when you have external pressure to do a certain thing or behave a certain way, and you either can't or don't choose to. Is your guilt coming from pressure from society? Family? Self? Analyze where it's from and perhaps you can start looking for ways to ease the pressure. We can help.

I've also found therapy to be an immense help. I was lucky enough to find a counselor who's been working with the LGBT community for 20 years, thanks to the recommendation of a friend. Don't knock it...if you were having trouble with a math problem, you'd ask the profesor for help, right? There's no shame in asking for help.

I'm here to talk if you need an ear, Alex. PM me.

[Presh GG]

Hi ,
There isn't a soul on earth that dosn't feel they maybe didn't reach the full potential of their life [ sometimes ]

You start thinking too much about the what- ifs, You will drive yourself nuts.
[ I broke my back at 47 years, thou thru modern medicine, I can walk..But some days......]
TGs do not have a corner on this.
Love yourself as you are, Get back to where you were, because you are beautiful and when you have those days Think Tomorrow

Presh GG
Accept the things you can't change, and change the things you can.

[Brandi Wyne]

Well, my reply got zinged earlier so I'll re-phrase.

For me it is a frequent thing. I think I have acted, sometimes, unrationally and unreasonably angry to other situations in my daily life. After some self analysis I have come to realize that at least a good portion of it stems from my conflicts with my femme self. In short, I still fall short in the self-acceptance area. Part of that is my reluctance to confront my SO and have "that" conversation. I know she is very against anything like CDing and any conversation would not go well at all. Thus, the conflict and the source of the "confusion".

Good luck and I am guessing that it will re-occur for us again and again along the way.
:hugs:

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Just by looking at the title of the thread you might have guessed what my question will be all about. so ye basically for a very long time already i've been at the point of self acceptance. it took me some time to get in touch with who i really am so i simply had no choice but to comply with my feminine side thats more dominant. yesterday though out of no where i felt confused and guilty that i was born as a dude yet i really don't feel like one and it made me really sad and pissed off. all along i was already accepting who i was and now all of a sudden im confused again? wtf
has anyone ever had that happen to them before?

there is one of 2 things happening that i can think of....you really don't think of yourself as a woman...on the very inside of you...you might feel 90/10, but that 10 means something...i am glad you are being so honest with your thinking...its great to get all these responses too...how do feel about what people are saying?

the most successful trans people truely accept that they are women completely and utterly (obviously with a huge handicap :doh:)

over the years i have learned from many girls that ACCEPTING that you are a woman is not always like the narrative that so many people have heard(i knew since i was 5, i always went with the girls, etc)...lots of women that transitioned have had that experience....but others have struggled due to whatever reason...you mentioned guilt and confusion ...that described me for many years, and you left off shame and depression for me....drug addiction...woohoo

but once i really accepted that I was going to transition, the more I find out how right this is for me and that I finally like myself...what a great feeling...

but it took me years to get there...i know other girls that transitioned back and forth!!! actually its 2 girls, and both of them went back to guy life, tried to kill themselves...failed (i tease them that they commit suicide like a girl---i know sexist and cruel in one line)..and are now successfully transitioned on their 2nd try... these are not rare occurances..

so you just keep doing what you are doing sweetie...and by that i mean figuring all this out, and working towards accepting that WHATEVER the outcome, that you like yourself more and your quality of life improves because you accept who you are...

all the best to you!
Kate

[Kate Simmons]

It can be frustrating for sure. No one ever said that this dichotomy was easy to live with. This is where really getting to know ourselves and being honest about it comes in handy.:battingeyelashes::)

[girlalex]

there is one of 2 things happening that i can think of....you really don't think of yourself as a woman...on the very inside of you...you might feel 90/10, but that 10 means something...i am glad you are being so honest with your thinking...its great to get all these responses too...how do feel about what people are saying?


You got me thinking there. about those 10 that means something. I totally forgot. when i was in my teens for a very long time i had a dream to become a fighter pilot. thats all i could think of and thats why i was an A student. although about a year before i went to college i begun to doubt myself if i will really be able to carry on the job and if its right for me. then i begun thinking why do i want to have such a violent and most of all dangerous job. then i was like what if im gonna get hurt. anything can happen. then slowly but surly the thought went away because i became to worry more about how i look although i didn't notice that my feminine side was kicking in as i got older. so i guess those 10 you were talking about was the man inside me wanting to be a proud fighter pilot that never happened. and as far as what people say. well no one that i know in person knows that i dress. but when someone knows me for awhile i can just tell they know im not that typical macho man. i've had people ask me if i was gay.
also i don't know if that has to do with anything but i noticed im way more shy now then i used to be.

[SuzanneBender]

You will always feel guilt until you accept you for you.

Stop looking back at what might have been. Who cares. The only thing you control is the here and now and the only places that you can work towards what might be is the future.

Transgenderism is full of emotional highs and lows. Hang in there sis because you are no different from most of us. :hugs: