Got Caught Looking

[AKAMichelle]

The other day my wife and I went to grab a bite in the middle of shopping, and I kept looking at this other woman. In my younger days, I would have been as guilty as sin of everything I was accused of. Not this time. I was interested in her purse, tops and shoes. She was very well put together and looked very nice. I kept looking to see how it all went together.

Now I did all of this with frequent short bursts instead of the obvious stare. It didn't matter my wife only asked if I wanted an introduction. Ouch! I know I was looking too hard, but I just couldn't help myself. Her clothes were gorgeous and I wished I had them. I wished even more that I could look that good in them. Luckily I talked my way out of this by claiming that I was looking at the baby at the table. Small white lie.

It is truly sad because I must really be old since I was only looking at her outfit.

[SuzanneBender]

I do that all the time. Women always look at each others outfits.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Michelle

That's like buying Playboy just for the stories.

Orchid

[Joni Marie Cruz]

Hi Michelle-

I so get it. Used to be I looked at women for the usual T&A reasons. Now instead of wanting to get in their pants I wonder where they got them. I'm always checking them out for what they're wearing and for mannerisms and so on. Most of time it's, "I wonder how she did her eyes? What a great look." but sadly, sometimes it's, "OMG, the poor thing, she can't afford a mirror." Yes, I know, I'm a b*tch.

Hugs...Joni Mari

[EnglishRose]

Yeah, I've told my wife that I look at other women...'s clothes :)

Been inspired lately by some people on TV... Bree Hodge from Desparate Housewives, Kalinda on The Good Wife, and Elisabeth on the View had a gorgeous outfit on this last Thursday.

[Anita Lynn]

Hi Michelle-

I so get it. Used to be I looked at women for the usual T&A reasons. Now instead of wanting to get in their pants I wonder where they got them.

Hugs...Joni Mari

I still want to get into them, but they are usually much to small for me (the pants, that is!):D

Melissa

[Renee_E]

I always check out what other women are wearing. Sometimes I even commment to my wife. The only problem is my wife is never sure when I like something if its for her or me. Of course she loves it when I make catty remarks about how other women dress.

[PetiteDuality]

Crossdressing has its complications:

Scenario 1) CD with supportive wife, caught staring at a gorgeous woman:
"Honey, I swear, I was not checking her bun, just looking het outfit"

Scenario 2) CD with unsupportive wife:
"Honey, I swear, I was not looking her outfit, just checking her bun"

[DAVIDA]

Listen, I am so blessed when it comes to wives!:) Jean will point a woman out to me if she thinks that I haven't seen her yet!:D
She knows that I love all women, but she also knows that she is the ONLY one for me.:o

If I were to quit looking, she would be worried.

[Tamara Croft]

Do you know how hurtful it is when you catch your guy looking at another woman? Whether you are looking at the clothes or not, you're taking your focus off your wife and paying more attention to another woman, it's hurtful. How do I know? because Tam often does it to me, and does it hurt? Yes it bloody does hurt, especially when he's staring and taking another look at some woman who would look good in a bin liner.... It slaps a womans ego in the face, have some respect for your wife when you are out fgs.. it's not always about bloody clothes!!

[ChanDelle]

My wife knows that when I quit looking at other women, bury me! Life is over. She knows I love women but her above all. Sorry to paraphrase you, DAVIDA, but what you said really nailed us too. And I, too, know when she stops admiring good looking men, something's really gone wrong.

ChanDelle

[SouthernBelle.GG]

I guarantee your wife knew you were lying. We're not stupid you know.

Hubby claims to be checking out the clothing too, but it still doesn't make me feel any better when we finally get a chance to go out alone and I'm fighting for his attention. I mean really. Why the little sideways glances every 30 seconds? Why not let me in on what he's so fascinated by? At least that way I still feel like he's there with me.

[Sandra]

Well yet again another wife whos been lied to :Angry3: Do you really think that she didn't know that you were lying to her?


Tam is right it is hurtful...but then as usual most cders are only thinking about themselves.

[PetiteDuality]

Hey, cool down...

Although we are crossdressers, we are guys too!

We guys are visual. Sometimes, looking at women is not on purpose. It's a reflex.

Believe me, I'm 100% faithful to my wife. Sometimes I catch myself looking at other women, and when I notice what I'm doing I just stop it. And when I do stare at a woman it's mainly at her shoes :o

I haven't been caught because when I'm with my wife I'm focused on her and it rarely happens, but if she catches me it wouldn't be that bad because it would only be a casual look, not a "harassment stare" (like many men do).

And I think that my wife is so self confident that she wouldn't feel bad. She'd probably think "dumb guy as always", and call my attention to let me know she noticed. Hey, but that's just her...


as usual most cders are only thinking about themselves.

Wow, nice thing to say from a crossdressing site moderator... Although I totally agree with you. And I know because I'm a crossdresser that has curbed his crossdressing after noticing too much selfishness.

[Dee2U]

Selfishness only begins when it takes away from someone else. If you were being in attentive to her while noticing the other woman's style, then yes it is selfish. If not, you were just out and about. I am always checking out what women are wearing, especially skirts / dresses; shoes and bags (love bags!). I dont think it is any big deal. Also - if politely done yet noticed, it can be subtlely flattering. Many dress well just to be noticed....Dee

[Sandra]

Wow, nice thing to say from a crossdressing site moderator... Although I totally agree with you. And I know because I'm a crossdresser that has curbed his crossdressing after noticing too much selfishness.

Excuse me but I am a member here just like you and have every right to make a comment, don't pull the moderator bit on me.

[SouthernBelle.GG]

...And I think that my wife is so self confident that she wouldn't feel bad...

Hmmmm, I'm not lacking in self confidence myself believe me. I was trying to let some people know how it feels on the flip side sometimes. I know men look for whatever number of reasons. Hell, I look at nice looking men and women too. Human nature. My hubby is out to me and I'm fully accepting. I just wished he'd let me in on what his thoughts are when he's stealing glances. I've tried to ask and hold a conversation, but he won't say much more than liking the ladies blouse or skirt, etc. It's frustrating.

So, it's not always a case of low self confidence or jealousy. We want to know your thoughts. We want in.

[PetiteDuality]

Hmmmm, I'm not lacking in self confidence myself believe me. I was trying to let some people know how it feels on the flip side sometimes. I know men look for whatever number of reasons. Hell, I look at nice looking men and women too. Human nature. My hubby is out to me and I'm fully accepting. I just wished he'd let me in on what his thoughts are when he's stealing glances. I've tried to ask and hold a conversation, but he won't say much more than liking the ladies blouse or skirt, etc. It's frustrating.

So, it's not always a case of low self confidence or jealousy. We want to know your thoughts. We want in.

You're right. I think my wife wouldn't feel bad because of her self confidence plus her knowledge that I wouldn't cheat on her. As I mentioned, she would never catch me giving a wolf stare to a girls because I don't do that.


Excuse me but I am a member here just like you and have every right to make a comment, don't pull the moderator bit on me.

Sandra: It's true. You have all the right to make a comment. I have not denied that (have I?). But so I do. And I could not help noticing you are a moderator because it's in your signature.

[KimberlyJo]

I agree with the GGs, shame on you disrespectful men. Keep your eyes on your wife or SO where they belong!

:bitchslap:

but daaaaaaaamn, those are nice shoes!

[Erica2Sweet]

My SO and I do make a point to acknowledge well dressed women, and we tend to look together and comment on what it is we like about how she presents herself. She and I are people-watchers by nature. She's commented that she knows I'm not interested in any sort of intimacy with some other woman regardless of the circumstances (and she's right), so we get to enjoy this particular activity together.

She once told me (soon after we met) that there was a bit of getting used to it, since her ex was a lying horn-dog. But she can read my reactions and she knows its a learning thing for me more than anything.

Having the SO in-the-know often times seems to head off the hurt feelings regarding a lot of things. Good, honest communication really is key. Your experience may vary.

[lavistaa62]

I totally check out how GG apply their makeup- what look they were going for, how the colors blend and so on. Odd, before I started using makeup myself I never paid any attention!

[Erica2Sweet]

...but then as usual most cders are only thinking about themselves...

That's no more accurate than stating "most wives are bitchy".

Why perpetuate negative stereotypes? What motivates you to insult a group of people many of whom you've never met in your life?

[2b.Lauren]

Well yet again another wife whos been lied to :Angry3: Do you really think that she didn't know that you were lying to her?


Tam is right it is hurtful...but then as usual most cders are only thinking about themselves.

The use of the word most at least prevents that from being a sweeping generalization. But "If it doesn't apply let it fly"

[sherri52]

When your out with your wife you have to restrain yourself. Like the klondike bar commercial when a beautiful woman walks by keep your attention on the wife. You will be grateful for it later and possibly rewarded. Your wife deserves your attention, there will be plenty of other opportunities to check out the (clothes) when she is not with you.

[Sandra]

Well it seems I've ruffled some feathers :D


Sandra: It's true. You have all the right to make a comment. I have not denied that (have I?). But so I do. And I could not help noticing you are a moderator because it's in your signature

Hun your post still comes across with the view that because I'm a moderator I shouldn't make comments like the one I did.



What motivates you to insult a group of people many of whom you've never met in your life?

I was not insulting anyone, just making a comment, but if you really must know, after talking to wives/partners in all the 22 years I have been in the "community", I stand by what I have said, hell even in the begining my SO was selfish.

[Tamara Croft]

What motivates you to insult a group of people many of whom you've never met in your life?Try running a board with 30k of CD members for 5 years... then you might understand.

[Erica2Sweet]

...Try running a board with 30k of CD members for 5 years... then you might understand...

So its an accurate assessment then? Most cross dressers are indeed selfish people?

[AKAMichelle]

If you're out to your wife, tell her the truth.
Personally I obsess on girls outfits. I could care less who is in them.

I am out to my wife, but she doesn't accept a ALL! So telling her would have only cause the discussion to esculate into a bigger argument that it was worth. So I just lied and said the baby.

[EnglishRose]

I agree with the GGs, shame on you disrespectful men. Keep your eyes on your wife or SO where they belong!

:bitchslap:

but daaaaaaaamn, those are nice shoes!

Marriage is all about compromise :)

I point out people on TV whose styles I like, and she's always let me know the celebs she gets crushes on. All above board and very free-exchange.

[kellycan27]

He has my full attention at all times, but I am sure I could look at girls without offending him...:heehee:

[SamanthaS]

I often do the same thing at work, or when out in public wishing I had their clothes ;)

[Tamara Croft]

So its an accurate assessment then? Most cross dressers are indeed selfish people?When you've read as many posts as we have since 2004, you start seeing a pattern. The sad truth is, there is a lot of selfishness. I'm not saying all CD's are like that, but a lot are, as are us women ;)

[SouthernBelle.GG]

Marriage is all about compromise :)

I point out people on TV whose styles I like, and she's always let me know the celebs she gets crushes on. All above board and very free-exchange.

That's what I try for - free-exchange - when I notice him looking. But it's difficult for him to express himself, I think. So we usually end up silent - him thinking I'm upset and me wishing we could talk like girls.

Maybe one day.

[PetiteDuality]

Hun your post still comes across with the view that because I'm a moderator I shouldn't make comments like the one I did.

Sorry, it was not my intention to express that. I'm just saying that it kind of surprised me.

[AmandaM]

I tell my wife I'm looking at the clothes, but somehow, she doesn't believe me!

So, I look, but make it a point to not stare.


So its an accurate assessment then? Most cross dressers are indeed selfish people?

There is a certain level of narcissism.

[ReineD]

Better late than never! I missed this thread earlier, but it is interesting to observe that I'm not the only GG who feels hurt by this.


... and I'm fighting for his attention. I mean really. Why the little sideways glances every 30 seconds? Why not let me in on what he's so fascinated by? At least that way I still feel like he's there with me.
Precisely.

Petite Duality, I don't mean to single you out, but you do make a few points I've been wanting to address:



We guys are visual. Sometimes, looking at women is not on purpose. It's a reflex.
I agree, but IMO some men (I won't make the sweeping generalization that they must be CDs) take it way over the top. At one point I decided to make my own observations. So I did check out how many guys who are out with a partner are distracted by every woman that walks by. Believe it or not, most of them (that I've observed) aren't. Or if they do check out the occasional woman, they certainly are not obsessed to the point of not being able to take their eyes off them. Some guys are actually engrossed with their partners!

I've even observed young college guys who are out alone. Even they (generally) don't seem to have the same type of obsession as some of the GGs' CDing partners.



Believe me, I'm 100% faithful to my wife.
I believe you, but it is not about even a wish to be unfaithful. It is about taking the focus away from the partner and giving the impression the other women in the room are so much more fascinating than the SO. I mean, why even bother going out with the SO?



And I think that my wife is so self confident that she wouldn't feel bad.
It has nothing to do with how self-confident a woman is. Spending an evening with someone who is more interested in other women is hurtful. And it is boring.

I know that looking at other women seems like a little thing, but there is a reason why most men learn at a young age not to do this overtly. It doesn't sit well with a partner. Even I know enough when I'm with my SO to not spend my time staring at other guys, not out of any wish to avoid possible jealousy although this in itself is a good reason, but just out of courtesy to the person I'm with.

Unfortunately, judging by all the other threads about the intense curiosity or obsession with feminine beauty, this is not a trivial issue. I'm afraid that some CDs, no matter how hard they try, will make themselves miserable if they feel they cannot give in to their impulses to look, no matter how discreetly. They might even resent feeling they are "made" to behave, simply because their wife doesn't understand. The situation could lead to an eventual subtle erosion of aspects of their relationship.

It is not easy being in a relationship with a CD, but it is also not easy for a CD to be in a relationship with the average GG. I can see both sides of the issue and it is very sad. :sad:

[Froggy's Angel]

I realize that being bisexual may play a huge part in my thinking on this, but I for one have zero problem with Nicole looking at other women.

We BOTH check out women in restaurants, clubs, bars, and malls. :heehee:

The only thing I ever roll my eyes at is when Nicole thinks something REALLY girly is cute or admires it.
I love the more sexy, sultry, goth stuff and she is all into pink and frilly, :confused:
So I tease her a lot.:D

But more times than I can count we both say
"OMG! Did you see her?!"
Or,
"Wow, I LOVE her shoes!" :roflmao:

LOL, but that is just me, threads like this further remind me how different I am from the average GG out there, :strugglin

[Sarah_GG]

It took me quite a while to understand why my SO often looks too long - up and down - at an attractive woman (especially when his glances didn't seem to linger for long in my direction - dressed or otherwise - at the beginning of our relationship).

I thought I wasn't attractive to my SO and it caused a lot of unhappiness and a mistaken belief that he was still casting his net. Since the CDing revelation I have understood this need but yes, it is sometimes hurtful.

If I was out with my SO and spotted a good-looking, well-turned out ruggedly-handsome man, I hope I'd have enough respect for my SO's feelings to prevent my jaw from hitting the ground, my eyes from popping out on stalks and my tongue from lolling.

I would never want my SO to feel threatened by my admiring glances in the wrong direction.

:D

[AmandaM]

I look and my wife knows it. I try not to do it when I'm with her. That's disrespect. I am a man so it's hard not to look. I have to fight my inner-being. All guys do. She doesn't really care if I look as long as I'm not staring, crass, or doing it around her. She knows I look at them as women, and also the clothes. I look for both reasons. I bet most crossdressers do. And we are obsessed with feminine beauty. As men we can't help looking, as crossdressers it's even worse, but try to have a little respect for your woman.

[ReineD]

LOL, but that is just me, threads like this further remind me how different I am from the average GG out there, :strugglin

Angel, this is more than a couple both being people (or women) watchers and sharing comments on passers by, which would be quite fun, actually. :)

[Byanca]

It is not easy being in a relationship with a CD, but it is also not easy for a CD to be in a relationship with the average GG. I can see both sides of the issue and it is very sad. :sad:
Seems to me that CDs are best off with bisexual or lesbian women.

The average GG lacks the capability to deal with split personality of the average CD. Not so many have this multiple frequency operation going on. I suppose it's multitasking taken to the next level. There is a certain liberated mentality you often find in bisexual GGs, I think this is the same brain wiring you have in CDs. And I think these are the women a CD is compatible with. I'm thinking about froggys angels post above, good example, made me lol.

Not sure either is any more or less selfish as both wants their own needs stimulated.

The average CD is I suppose a lesbian women, and the average GG a hetero women. I guess that's the problem right there.

[ReineD]

Seems to me that CDs are best off with bisexual or lesbian women.

With all due respect, :) I believe your statement to be a fantasy among some CDs. Some lesbians feel that CDs appropriate the female role. I also have a female bi friend who told me she would not wish for a male partner to be femme and if she wanted to be with a girlfriend, she would be with a GG.

I honestly don't think it makes any difference whether a CD's partner is bi or straight. It has more to do with how much they love each other and how willing they are to iron out differences. I do think it would be difficult to find a lesbian partner though, since lesbians want to be with GGs.

For the record, I enthusiastically support my SO in private and out in public in the mainstream, and in the bedroom. I have from the very beginning.
:hugs:

[Froggy's Angel]

I hope that I did not offend anyone with my post.
And I was not trying to insinuate that being Bi or Lesbian is better or anything of the sort.
I just have noticed that even in a non CD and GG relationship a LOT of GGs have issues with their men looking at other women, for whatever reason.

In this case it was based on looking at the other girls because the CD wants to study them and get ideas (I am assuming).

But, it is just not something that I have cared about with any of my partners, GGs, CDs or non CD men.
And the only conclusion that I could come to is that it is because I am Bi and I look at them too.

But I could be wrong. :D

[ReineD]

I do get your point, Angel and speaking for myself, I am not offended. :hugs: I also enjoy discussing the merits of this look over that one with my SO. We seem to be able to do this looking at magazines though not so much in real life. :p

And I also enjoy looking at beautiful women. And beautiful men too. I do appreciate the aesthetics, but it is not an avid pastime. Maybe it is just difficult to define the varying degrees and frequency of the looking.

This is slightly off topic and for this I apologize to the OP, but I've often read sentiments posted by CDs suggesting that bi and lesbian women are more likely to be romantically involved with CDs, yet my experience is that the ratio of bi to staight FABs reflect what is in the general population. And I don't know of any strictly GG lesbian partners who are with CDs, although I could be wrong. Another thought that is frequently suggested is that FABs do not accept their TG partners because they are jealous. :strugglin

I know I should ignore it when I read these things, but it is hard for me to not attempt to inject some reality into the threads.

[eileendover]

.... it is hard for me to not attempt to inject some reality into the threads.

Reality? We don't need no stinkin' reality! :D :hugs:

[ReineD]

Reality? We don't need no stinkin' reality! :D :hugs:

You've got a point. It is hard to tell whether members want to know the reality vs. the fantasy. :)

[LACD]

We are only human. I have been CD'ing as long as I can remember and would really like to try dressing for an extended period, but that doesn't mean I don't look at pretty women. My Dear Wife and I have been married for over 36 yrs. and she fully knows about my CD'ing. Sometimes I can't help but look and wish I could dress or look like some of the GG's. I mean no disrespect to my wife and she knows it. As lonmg as you don't stare and make a fool of yourself I think it's OK. Besides, she checks out guys, too. :2c:

[Frédérique]

I was interested in her purse, tops and shoes. She was very well put together and looked very nice. I kept looking to see how it all went together.

A rare vision, indeed!


I know I was looking too hard, but I just couldn't help myself. Her clothes were gorgeous and I wished I had them. I wished even more that I could look that good in them.

Yeah, that’s exactly what I do on occasion, but just try to explain this to another woman. Luckily, I’m usually alone, so there’s no need to qualify my favorite “activity" with words. I just need to keep from looking unduly suspicious…:eek:

[ReineD]

I just need to keep from looking unduly suspicious…:eek:

Lol. My SO told me she has to be careful when she's in femme mode too. It's even more important to not make it too obvious then.

[Lorna Stuart]

I get that from my girlfriend, but I'm only checking out the shoes. One glimpse of a stiletto heel and my eyes just have to look

[5150 Girl]

When I get caught looking, I just say "I was just wondering if "my sister" could pull that outfit off.... thing is, it's also the truth, 'cause I'm happy with my Polar Bear and don't feel the need to check tings out any further

[Janet K.]

The GG comments that have been posted are a huge help on this topic. It is always nice to have a female opinion on subjects.
Here is my take on this:
My SO and I look at members of the opposite gender. We often point them out to each other when we see them on TV. She knows what I like in women, and I know what she likes in men.
When we were still dating, she explained to me that I can look, but I cannot gawk and I better not touch!! A glance is OK but a stare is out of the question. If I look too long or if I keep on looking numerous times, I deserve to get called out (and have been on a few occasions).
I have been known to point out an outfit to my SO for the sole purpose of getting her reaction on it. You can tell a lot about an outfit by the reaction a GG gives to it.

[Carly D.]

I will catch myself at stores looking at the womens clothing when I accidentally go off into that part of the store "by accident" and feel and look at the clothing.. Sometimes I look to see who might be watching me, like my brothers or whoever I might be with.. Oddly enough that while I am in the closet I wouldn't be to overly surprised if they already know that I dress this way..

[t-girlxsophie]

Have to say not a day goes by,am not giving a critique of some GGs outfit.I just cant help myself.when am at work a colleague may see a pretty girl,but I see a cute dress or sexy blouse,oh! yeah as well as if she is Pretty or not :heehee

[erickka]

My wife knows that when I quit looking at other women, bury me! Life is over. She knows I love women but her above all. Sorry to paraphrase you, DAVIDA, but what you said really nailed us too. And I, too, know when she stops admiring good looking men, something's really gone wrong.

ChanDelle

This one is me to a "T"

[Jocelyn Quivers]

I do look when I'm out. Although now it's the outfit, make up, hairstyle and shoes the other woman is wearing, and nothing else. I know this is bad, bordering unethical even.

My wife knows I am looking at the outfit only. She usually tells me immediately before I even have a chance to oberserve another woman that she knows based upon the outift the woman is wearing that my eyes will shift in that direction.

[Jennifer Marie P.]

I always check out other women to see what style of clothing theyre wearing and women always check out other women. Its a woman thing.

[Sweeterica]

I find i look at womens outfits a lot thinking how i would look in them, ive been and bought items cos i saw them looking good on women. it helps me no harm looking just dont touch!

[charlie]

Hello Michelle!
I was being bombarded by the same thing just two days ago. My wife and I went to a restaurant for lunch and I guess that I eyed this beautifully dressed lady a bit too much. My wife was not questioning my looking at her though. After lunch she stated that I was staring at the lady's clothes, heels and purse way to much. She knew that I was not lusting after the lady, just her accouterments! Women are pretty good at figuring things out.