The good, bad and the ugly...

[Debbie37]

Well I've rediscovered Debbie after keeping her under lock and key. I've even taken things to the next level and put on makeup and I'm still working on that. The eyeliner thing is a bit challenging. In the interim the presumed understanding between my wife and I has not held true. My wife did not will not and cannot tolerate Debbie even if I keep her out of sight. Now it looks like we're headed for divorce...after nearly fifteen years and two children. I don't know how things will turn out, right now my future x and I are still on amicable conditions. In this tough enconomy it is really hard to just break up and sell then house so we're staying together as roomies I guess until we can figure this all out. Of you ladies that have been through this did things go ugly or fair? Did your x-spouse use your cross dressing as a tool to use in gaining the upper hand in divorce negotiations? If so, did it work?

[giuseppina]

Sorry to hear of your troubles. :sad:

Maybe before breaking the knot your SO would be willing to go to an licensed, nonjudgemental, and impartial counsellor. If the counsellor has experience with gender issues, so much the better. It's expensive, but significantly less costly than a divorce.

[Debbie37]

We tried counselling once, I went to a session and my SO did too. Niether one of us got anything out of it and as far as my SO is concerned it's my problem not hers. Alas...divorce is inevitable. Thanks for the support. I hope things get beter

[tess graham]

Debbie, I can only speak for my myself. My marriage ended after a couple of very ugly weeks of how being me was a terrible burden for us both. to her credit, she did not use my being TG against me in the divorce. Now, 3 years later, we are best friends and closer than we have been in years. She is moving on with her life, healing and dating.
She misses me, but not 'us'. However, she is my biggest supporter in transitioning.
I hope that your X will find that she too can have a new life, just like you will. Good luck!
Tess

[RADER]

Debbie;
My first wife made a big deal out of me CDing, And I only used a few
gidles. We were maried for 9 years. And yes it cost me the house,
( a big one that I built myself) and her new car thrown in. That was
30+ years ago. I dout very much that would happen today. Good luck,
AND GET YOUR OWN LAWER. I know it can be costly, but it will save
you the most in the end. Rader

[Debbie37]

Thanks for your support and comfort. I forsee a very dark road ahead but thanks to you gals it will at least be lit with an ocassional street light.

[Tina B.]

Of you ladies that have been through this did things go ugly or fair? Did your x-spouse use your cross dressing as a tool to use in gaining the upper hand in divorce negotiations? If so, did it work?

Sorry to hear you have to go through all that. Yes my ex tried to use it to win the kids, she didn't want me around at all. No it didn't work for her. I was never dressed around the kids, and the judge didn't pay much attention to it. That was 40 years ago, so I would think it would have even less effect now.
Tina

[kimdl93]

Debbie,

Well, my ex wife and I were just married when she opened pandora's box by encouraging me to wear her bra, panties and pantyhose during a love making session. It was incredible for me...and I admitted being into it before we met, although I honestly hadn't even dabbled with cross dressing while we dated or until she let it out a few months into our marriage.

Most of the time it wasn't an issue for her. I under dressed occassionally, and occassionally when we made love. The sex was uniformly great. But other things in our lives went haywire - she began to suspect that I had affairs with women (and men), the latter perhaps a byproduct of deeply seated fears she may have had about my sexuality. The suspicions were NOT true, but as they say, Perception is reality. Finally, the level of mutual hostility just seemed to build up and I did stray - a very clumsy affair with a female co-worker. when the guilt got the better of me, I admitted it...and the marriage was soon over.

At first I asked her to not use my cross dressing against me, and she assured me that she had "too much class" to do such a thing. But that lasted about 2 weeks into the process and soon she was telling her friends and family, my friends and family, my co-workers, etc. It was hell...and for a few weeks I retreated from sight. when I finally ventured out, I found that most people simply ignored her, dismissed this stuff as spitefulness, or were too polite to bring it up. The biggest concern I had was for my children - during a brief attempt at reconcilliation she would, in bouts of anger, spew out the words "cross dresser" right in front of them...and they were adolescents - old enough to understand. Neither has ever addressed this with me - maybe they don't want to know, and I don't want to talk about it!

So, that's my rather discouraging story. I think you're right - its probably too late to save this relationship, sad as that may be. My only encouraging words are that the sun will rise tomorrow, your true friends will stick with you despite whatever she says, and if you make it a point to be honest about your cross dressing as you approach new possible relationships, you can have a happy, complete life with an understanding partner.