The more I CD the more I want to.

[NikiMichelle]

I came out to my wife 10 years ago and since then I have been able to cross dress much more than ever before. As my wife has become more and more tolerant of my cd'ing I continue to feel less and less guilty about me being a CD and dressing around her.

I'd like to think that in the past 10 years she has come to see that me being a CD has not been detrimental to the health of our marriage. I do however, go through stages of really wanting to discuss with my wife my world of CD'ing. In doing so, I try very hard to not "transfer" my issues/problems from myself to her as that I feel is not fair to her. I have also committed to her that I would not let my CD'ing interfere with things we want to do together. For example if I really want to dress up for an evening and she suggests to go to a movie, going to the movie wins.

Things have continued to improve with respect to my cross dressing and I feel we are at a stage now where our marriage is growing stronger as we have had to learn to respect each other more and more.

My only concern is that as the stress I have placed upon myself about being a CD is diminishing and I am free to dress more I am finding that I want to dress more and more. Where will this stop??? I do not want to become a woman; I enjoy both of my sides and place my love for my wife and our marriage above all of this.

I do not want to go backwards but am concerned where this could lead to as it seems to be a case of "if it feels good; do it"!

Comments please???

[Emma Leigh]

Its great you have such an understanding wife, but I am fairly sure she would tell you if she thoughtyou were going too far. As for your fear of where it will lead, what exactly are your concerns?

[DonnaT]

I dress quite often at home. I have no inclination towards transition.

So, for many, just because you want, or do, dress more often, it is not a given that you will want to transition. A common fear from many SO's, it seems, as well.

Of course, some do transition. YMMV.

[Bev06 GG]

HI Niki,
Sounds like you have the perfect arrangement. I guess a lot of girls on here would love to have the freedom that you have with the only problem being that your concerned as to where it will stop. I'd stop worrying about it. I am certain your wife will keep you in check. If you still like your male persona you will probably come full circle and regain the balance some where down the line. If you dont, provided your wife doesn't have a problem with it then quit worrying hon.
Your thoughtfullness and your desire to compromise are probably the reason your wife's ok with it.
Bev

[Katesback]

This is one of the most difficult things CD and TS people face. You see once the cat is out of the bag and has a taste of the canned food it has no desire to go back to eathing that dry food and sitting in the bag.

I have known CDs that were in the closet and from myself or other inputs were able to get out into the public and whammm. They end up with a wardrobe and a passion that cannot be quelched.

Now.............................then there is the spouse. That typically is the roadblock. It all tends to come to a head when the CD is torn between living life according to the expectations of others or living life as she/he wishes.

From a mental health standpoint being whoever you are is the best choice. From a marriage standpoint that often means a divorce.

Take a pick. Personally I always suggest the mental health choice since living for the expectations of others is really nothing different than voluntary slavery!!

[Sandra]

From a mental health standpoint being whoever you are is the best choice. From a marriage standpoint that often means a divorce.



Why do people seem to be jumping on the bandwagon regarding divorce.

How do you know that if she sits down and talks to her wife about how she is feeling, that her wife wont be ok with it all, it does happen you know. :)


Niki

Try and have a chat with your wife about how you are feeling. I'm sure she'l

[Roxi Loh]

There are numerous examples on this site alone of girls that can dress around their spouse and maintain a comforable marriage. I doesn't have to end in divorce nor should it. It is an agreement and communication between two people and no two are alike. I think you have a very good arrangement at present.You will have times when you dress more and dress less. I agree that you have to compromise with your SO and keep the dialogue going. I think you are doing well...Keep it up. Roxanne

[Katesback]

Sis I have to go on what is most often the case. Of the countless CDs that I have worked with the majority of them that come out and then escalate thier cd elements (yes this most often happens) typically end up divorced.

There are always going to be exceptions but...................

See talking and expressing yourself tends to let you be you, and then getting to be who you are is back to the cat out of the bag story.

[StacyCD]

I think everyone goes through stages with ups and downs regarding the amount of dressing they do. It's great that you have a SO that is so accepting. I think it is important to stop always expecting the worst and stop worrying about what might happen. Be open to you SO and accepting of your gift.

[minalost]

HI Niki,
Sounds like you have the perfect arrangement. I guess a lot of girls on here would love to have the freedom that you have with the only problem being that your concerned as to where it will stop. I'd stop worrying about it. I am certain your wife will keep you in check. If you still like your male persona you will probably come full circle and regain the balance some where down the line. If you dont, provided your wife doesn't have a problem with it then quit worrying hon.
Your thoughtfullness and your desire to compromise are probably the reason your wife's ok with it.
Bev

I agree totally with Bev on this one; and so long as you continue to put your wife first thing should balance out.
:hugs:

[Shelly67]

Tis more an affliction than addiction - maybe . I certainly regard the urge to dress a most appealing return ( sometimes it's an unbearable sensation ) and that to be honest , it must be controlled . I really consider the urge , even the denial to dress a most temptatious and wonderful tease to endure on oneself. The reality however ( no matter if you can dress reguarly or rarely ) is that it shouldnt become a compulsive and repeptative behaviour .We do have to keep things in check . Sadly . A friend of mine once remarked , I crave crossdressing so much , and the chance to do it even tho so slim , that when I do , and look at me for that first few moments after completing my outfit , I look in the mirror like a special treat . Like fine wine . Enjoy the taste , but don't get greedy as it will consume you . I thought he was talking utter doo dah ..... but he was right . Praps it's like an adrenalin rush, one jump on a bunjy ( spelling ) or a gamble on the horses ... the rush is so compelling ...so addictive . Praps it's doo dah ........I dunno
One thing I do know ...if crossdressing is an addictive nature then hell ... gimme a fix right now .




And tommorrow too .

[NikiMichelle]

Thanks all for the feedback and support.

Kate, my wife and I were married at age 20 and 19 respectively with child 33 years ago and very few people gave us a chance at success. As I said I came out to my wife 10 years ago and I feel we are stonger now than ever. So the "D" word is not in our vocabulary and we have had to overcome greater hurdles than "my" pumps, pantyhose, bras and miniskirts!!! :)

There are feel good stories in the world of CD'ing and transgenderism.

[Shelly67]

Girls .... strange as it may seem , what I typed on this thread is very personal to me . I used to ache with desire , counting the days until the moment when I finally all made up , popped the wig on then looked into the mirror . It nearly drove me insane , the paitience , the almost blinding lust just to be able to be enfemme . I had to turn it round as at one point I nearly blurted it out in my former job . So I decided to think of it in an allmost sexual teasing way ...forbidding myself . almost being naughty . Without realising I had taken control . Then the oddest thing happened , I wonder how many of the forum members can relate to this -
There were ( and still are ) at times I'd be all pent up excited , wishing the last minutes to pass so quickly as I made my way home , on count down to that special moment of getting ready - and the desire suddenly dissapeared .
I'd sit there , thinking , pondering on doing something else in those free hours . Sometimes I'd do the gardening , go for a cycle ride , wash the car even . Now , I was out to the wife , but those private moment alone , meant a great deal personally to me . But the urge was gone . How odd .
I consider we are deep dark pools of mystery .............:hugs:

Now back to the point asked by Nikki ..... the acceptance issue and communication . Sometimes in a partnership things are left unsaid , almost swept under the carpet in denial and hiding . We all at times find it hard to openly converse . Perhaps if you were to tell you're wife you feel the urge to dress at times is so bad , but other pastimes or day to day chores get in the way, and that it's nibbling away at you , you never know , she may even turn it round and help you . I'd not make a big issue of it , but with a warm heart to heart , things may swing in both of you're favours . You don't need a stressful air between you do you - she'll certainly pick up on it . Let me give you an example . There's been times in the past I really wanted to get up on a Saturday morning , then spend the entire day as Shelly . LO and behold , I was told , you'll have to wait - I need you in town with banking issues or some other reason . At first , I was annoyed , my wife could sense my displeasure . We chatted about it , and decided rather than let it get between us , that if such occaisions arose again , try to keep it a little humerous , she even teased me on it . The reality is this - no matter what the desire , the want , try to take control of it , because in the end it all becomes clear , the chase is sometimes better than the catch . And as married folks we've all done that haven't we - chased and gotten caught ? As for crossdressing taking parly to divorce ...well , for some folks if a marriage wasn't to work , then the reasons must go further than just a guy putting on a dress . In stark reality , it's only clothing . The issues are far , far deeper , and I'll wager are based on selfish behaviour , lies and non - communication . Distrust kills partnerships and marriages . Not clothing .
I 'd like to congratulate you both , one for you trying to seek an answear to you're urge's and two , for having a wife who is obviously there for you , build upon that special relasionship , with warm love and honesty - but just don't rush in !!!
Good luck x

[kimdl93]

a lot of good comments. If one becomes compulsive about dressing, like anything else it can be a destructive force instead of a rewarding experience.

I will acknowledge that for me the desire to dress can become so strong as to be a compulsion, at least in part, an expression of my somewhat obsessive-compulsive personality. I have to be careful to keep, or if occasionally lost, regain perspective. Dressing is a part of your being, certainly, but can't be the whole of you. There's your relationship with others, your marriage in particular, your work and hopefully avocations besides dressing that capture your interest. You can be a healthy, complete human being with cross dressing as part of your picture. Just, as many have suggested above, don't let it take over your life.