Self-fullfilling proficy

[Rachel_740]

Hi Girls,

I was chatting with my neighbour a few weeks ago, saying that sometimes I still don't feel 100% confident when out and about, although it doesn't happen very often now and it's getting less frequent. I passed the comment that it sometimes seems like when I'm not feeling 100% confident is when people pick up on my vibes and that's when they notice.

She said that, yes, people will pick up on that. So I gave it some thought and since then on the occasions when I've been feeling a bit less than 100% I have told myself that I am a woman, as this woman or that woman is and that has helped me loads with my own confidence.

I have also noticed in the same period that nobody has appeared to pick up on me, but just walked past and carried on with what they are doing.

Even better than that, I was chatting with a woman last weekend - the manageress of a shop I was delivering to - and she was discussing with me about how much better women truck drivers are than men - doing much less damage by hitting things.

Also a couple of days ago I went to look at a new house and the landlady was accepting me as a woman. This was confirmed when I said about where my children lived and she passed the comment 'they live with their dad then'.

I've come to the conclusion that on the occasions I lack confidence in myself, it is a self-fullfilling proficy, and I'm not just another person in the street - I am different and stand out like a sore thumb.

Anne

[susiej]

Anne,

I couldn't agree with you more. In my hobby as an actor (ahem, theater people no longer like the term "actress", so the term is delightfully gender-neutral), I discover you can pull off almost anything if you truly, TRULY believe in it. Audition for Disney's Beauty and the Beast and you may get cast as a fork, for Heaven's sake. But if you believe in the life of that guy who was magically turned into a fork ("I was the palace pastry chef, and I made such marvellous cakes, the Prince loved them so, and it made me so proud!") it will show in your body, your movements and your face.

The same goes for lots of other things.

IMHO confidence is not something you can just turn on -- it's a result, not an ingredient. It comes from a love of ones self and an acceptance of the delight, and the hardships, of what one is.

Hugs,
Susie

[Mx Justina]

"Practice makes perfect"...ultimately trumps..."self-fullfilling prophecy" queases...when "outing and abouting"!...

J.

[wilma]

Hi Anne.
I have to agree, attitude is everything. I went for a walk with Tone this week and was scared at first but as the night wore on I felt more confident and I know I looked more passable just believing I was passable. I also enjoyed myself because of the confidence boost. I had so much fun I didn't want the night to end. LOL Wilma

[Marla GG]

This is terrific advice, Anne. I hope everyone is listening!

Along the same lines, I find that as a GG out with my CD spouse en femme, it also helps me to think "La la la, just out doing some shopping with my girlfriend here, just like the times I've been shopping with other girls, hey, this is so much fun!" A positive attitude is infectious :D

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

Sssshhhh.... The big secret is you don't have to be 100% passable, you just need to be "passable enough." The truth is most of the time most people are surprisingly oblivious -- assuming you've made an effort to look "realistic." (Sorry folks, 5-inch heels ain't it.)

But people do pick up on nervousness -- probably a survival instinct. So the Catch-22 for CDs during their first times out is that their nervousness causes them to be read more, which in turn usually makes them more nervous. The good news is that after you've been out a couple times you realize that being read isn't the end of the world, so you end up relaxing and get read less.

As Susie said, the key thing is just believe in yourself. Even if you're read, if you act like you're not doing anything wrong and deserving of reserve, you'll usually get it.