Clocked on Facebook

[SuzanneBender]

I was just checking my facebook page. I have my high school listed on my page but after about two years I didn't think it was that big a deal because I have yet to get any friends requests from former classmates on Suzanne's page. My page clearly indicates that I am Transgendered.

Well it happened. One of my high school buddies somehow found my page and sent me a friends request. She put a note on my request that says she "doesn't remember me, but that I resemble a person that she knew from out class. Are you that guy?"

I don't think I am ready to be out to everyone from that part of my life yet, but I don't want to be dishonest. What do you think I should do about this request?

[Miranda09]

I'd leave it alone for now if you're not ready to come out yet to this particular group of friends. If she's really interested, she'll contact you again. If not, no big deal and your secret is still safe. My policy is to make them earn your trust before revealing anything. :)

[Tara Lutschich]

Hi Suzanne, have enjoyed your posts, like the recent RLE experience on the plane. As Facebook says transgendered and your high school it would depend on your current links to those people and who they know, if it matters to you.

Personally On a self internal issue like TG when it comes to dishonest/honest, its honest when discovered, it's your life and self awareness/satisfaction, not there's.

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

I have my high school listed on my page... My page clearly indicates that I am Transgendered.

I don't think I am ready to be out to everyone from that part of my life yet,

These two quotes don't really seem to fit together. Just saying.

However, you said this girl was a high school buddy, so I assume she was someone that at least at some part of your life you'd been close with or at least friendly with. Why not email her and tell her that you are indeed the guy she remembers, but because you are still not fully out, if she's still in contact with people from those days (she may not be, a lot of folks don't,) that you would really appreciate it if she would keep your status between you for now. Otherwise be friendly with her, maybe it might be nice to catch up with an old friend.

Remember that the more comfortable you are with it the less others will perceive it as something to treat weirdly.

Also, leaving it alone, i.e. ignoring it might make it worse because if you don't see it, and she is in contact with others, she might show the page to others and say "Hey, does this look like (your guy name) to you?"

[Kathi Lake]

Well, have you truly decided where you are and where you are going? If so, when are you going to let the cat out of the bag? I'm not saying Facebook is the best way to share this important news, of course.

I have let one high school friend (who dressed me up as a girl one Halloween since I was, "so inexperienced with clothes and makeup" :)) know, after being assured of her trust. So far, it has worked well.

Kathi

[Christina Horton]

Well think about it this way, Are you going to see them again soon or no. Are you going to go to the reunion dressed for the next one? I did.

I don't hang out with any of my school chums anymore save for one or two. So if that the same with you then why not. YNK you might find you can be friends with them again and they will see you not as a guy but a girl that they sort of know. Plus with face book you have it with only Fem-pic eh. If so then they will see your fem-pic and after a while will just think your a girl and not think twice about it. Well that's my thought on the matter anyway.

Just go for it, might be the best thing you ever did......or not.

[Claire Cook]

I've posted my HS on my Facebook page as well, and wondered if anyone would pick that up. It's been years since I've seen any of my HS friends, so IF they ever come across it, I think I'd just 'fess up and say "yup, it's me". Like yours, mine says I'm transgendered -- haven't we "outed" ourselves just by saying that?

[Renee_E]

Since you state you re transgendered on face book, if you don't reply she will properly assume you are that guy. Perhaps she will get another classmate to look at the page and verify her guess. I would answer with the truth, you have already kind of outed yourself to the world on facebook.

[CharlotteW]

JiveTurkeyOnRye said "Remember that the more comfortable you are with it the less others will perceive it as something to treat weirdly" and I totally agree. If you are completely open about it then the assumption will be that it is normal for you to be open and that you totally expect them to be accepting, just like everyone else has been, apparently:)

[Kate Simmons]

You could just say you look like a lot of people and others have told you that. I know I do because I have so many different looks.:)

[sallyjones]

if you can be yourself to yourself, then the only thing that you would be afraid of is fear itself. be honest with yourself and it hlps to be honest with others.

[msniki48]

Suzanne,

I had a group page for niki on MSN for years. they closed group pages and i had to take 7 yrs of evolution to another site....people were just getting into my space...not being a computer person i thought ok... i'll move it over there.

next thing i know my niki address book is reaching out to my inner circle...i said...hmmm thats ok BUT, then it reached out to all their contacts.....sheeeez! i got frantic!:eek: and i imediately took the site down.

Lesson Learned...if you don't want it out there, then don't put it out there...:heehee:

If you feel it can't hurt you financially or socially, then don't worry about it. and if you know this woman, and feel comfortable, let her in your circle.

it was bound to happen sooner or later.

i have to agree that doing nothing only creates the need to scratch the itch...

good luck in your choices. I think you know you are out more than you let on, and you present a total positive image.:battingeyelashes:


hugs


msniki

[Angie G]

if you don't want it out there why did you put it on face book. would it hurt you if thay knew. maybe you could have a new best friend.or not.Just :2c::hugs:
Angie

[Staci G]

She put a note on my request that says she "doesn't remember me, but that I resemble a person that she knew from out class. Are you that guy?"

:fs:
Ask her "Do I look like a guy to you" and say hey I don't remember you either which guy were you?

Huggs Suzanne, as always love yer threads

[Genifer Teal]

You need to do what is right for you. Try to over look the outside ramifications. I can relate this to letting someone at work know. There are several people I'd trust but i had not told anyone - until recently.

One woman I thought I'd tell first, I was reasonably sure she is a lesbian. Never had the chance as she moved to another department and I hardly see her now. Well, I did see her at an LGBT event. I turned andwalked the other way. Doubt she saw me. I just wanted a chance to say it before she saw me - not to have her see me then I'm like, oh BTW. . . I have not forgiven myself for chickening out to someone I planned to tell anyway.

FFW to this past Friday and I'm out with some girls and a few guys from work. Later on it is just me and one woman. She takes my hands, looks me straight in the eyes, and asks me, "Are you a transvestite?". I told her "I still like women, I wouldn't use that word, and yes!"

There was a little more to the conversation but finding out was not a big revelation to her. This person works in my building (very large company). We'll see if anyone else finds out. If I hadn't had the previous incident, I may have hesitated to tell her. I felt so bad hiding it from someone I wanted to tell anyway. So this time, also with someone I trust, I just had to say yes. Partly because she had it figured out right. Like she won the prized and deserved to know the truth.

Given the long hair & long nails, and plucked eyebrows, I am not hiding much. People often mistakenly assume gay, or they ask what that all means. She had it all figured out. No one has asked me like that before. That greatly impacted my answer. Kind of like, she already knows, how can I lie and make her believe it? I just couldn't lie to a friend.

Gen

[Bunny Girl Zoe]

Have been facebook for ages but as male me and have some good friends on there and me best mates and don't feel ready yet to let know about Zoe so have just started other as Zoe. I know time will come when Zoe will have step out but it is one massive step to take to let good friends even family that you crossdress and have a female side to you. Can't realy give advice as just accepted who I am myself.

[Sally24]

Personally, if you have information like your real high school listed on your facebook I think you're trying to share. If you are not ready, then just ignore her request. Don't respond with a lie.

With networked and interlinked sites like facebook, you need to think about what you really feel like sharing with others. At least MySpace is not so automatically looking for friends and links to other people for you.

[SuzanneBender]

Thanks to everyone so far for your candid and well thought out replies. I know what I need to do now. Deep down I know I put my high school on that page for a reason and it was to have this happen. I am not going to take my page down and I need to get control of the situation to prevent the gossip mill from starting up. I am going to email her. She was a good friend and deep down I want to know her reaction. I will ask her to keep it to herself but I will add her as a friend. Once I do that the world of gender past may be on a collision course with the worlds of gender present and gender future. Dorris Day said it best Que Sera Sera, whatever will be will be!


These two quotes don't really seem to fit together. Just saying.

Remember that the more comfortable you are with it the less others will perceive it as something to treat weirdly.

Sage wisdom. I always tell everyone on this site and other sisters that I know to be confident and proud of who I am and here I am worrying about what others will think. I have to admit that I am a little embarrased.


Well, have you truly decided where you are and where you are going? I'm not saying Facebook is the best way to share this important news, of course. One of my high school friends already clocked me in the airport a couple of months ago and I loved being able to catch up with him as Suzanne. We chat a lot via the net and phone and the only person he asks for now is Suzanne. Your first question is the tough one. I know where I am at its the corner of crossdresser ave and transexual boulevard. I just have not answered the question of which road to take. That answer is in the works, but I do know that I will be on one of those roads for the rest of my life. Ryan's statement above hit me hard. I need to be proud of who I am not only with those that I meet now but those that have known me from my past. [/quote]


Well think about it this way, Are you going to see them again soon or no. Are you going to go to the reunion dressed for the next one? I did. Christina you rock! I have never really been into the reunion thing. But I would love to have my close friends know me as Suzanne.


I've posted my HS on my Facebook page as well, and wondered if anyone would pick that up. It's been years since I've seen any of my HS friends, so IF they ever come across it, I think I'd just 'fess up and say "yup, it's me". Like yours, mine says I'm transgendered -- haven't we "outed" ourselves just by saying that? You know we have! I think deep down I was wanting this to happen.


if you can be yourself to yourself, then the only thing that you would be afraid of is fear itself. be honest with yourself and it hlps to be honest with others. Words that are soo true.


She put a note on my request that says she "doesn't remember me, but that I resemble a person that she knew from out class. Are you that guy?"

:fs:
Ask her "Do I look like a guy to you" and say hey I don't remember you either which guy were you?

Huggs Suzanne, as always love yer threadsStaci you crack me up. I think I may use that line as an ice breaker when I send her an email back.

[Lora Olivia]

Being that you did list high school on your facebook page, I think you may in a way want to out yourself. Really I think that in alot of our cases we want to be out to everyone. :eek: In the end only you know what is right for you.

[linnea]

I'd leave it alone for now if you're not ready to come out yet to this particular group of friends. If she's really interested, she'll contact you again. If not, no big deal and your secret is still safe. My policy is to make them earn your trust before revealing anything. :)

I think that Miranda is right about this. I have reached the point that I want to avoid the dishonesty but take very great care with whom and how I open up. My high school's group has recently appeared on Facebook with the usual invitation to join. I would like to do so, but I know that that is going to lead to some questions that I don't want to answer dishonestly. There are two main kinds of lies: commission (volunteering a false statement: "I did not eat the cookies") and omission (neglecting to tell the truth: never mentioning the cookies). With the latter, there is the additional question about who needs to know: "the cookies belong to me; I baked them; I ate them, but nobody knew about them or wanted them, so nobody really needs to know that I ate them."
I'm still in that omission stage of my coming out and transitioning, so rather than saying truthfully that "I didn't eat the cookies because I'm trying to get down to a size 12," I will stay away from my high school community's inquiries for the time being.

Oh, and by the way, just to put this into the Dick Vitale mode of communication, I have to add the now ubiquitous Vitale tagline, "Baby!"

[Sweet Jane]

These two quotes don't really seem to fit together. Just saying.

However, you said this girl was a high school buddy, so I assume she was someone that at least at some part of your life you'd been close with or at least friendly with. Why not email her and tell her that you are indeed the guy she remembers, but because you are still not fully out, if she's still in contact with people from those days (she may not be, a lot of folks don't,) that you would really appreciate it if she would keep your status between you for now. Otherwise be friendly with her, maybe it might be nice to catch up with an old friend.

Remember that the more comfortable you are with it the less others will perceive it as something to treat weirdly.

Also, leaving it alone, i.e. ignoring it might make it worse because if you don't see it, and she is in contact with others, she might show the page to others and say "Hey, does this look like (your guy name) to you?"

I couldn't offer better advice that this...

[lisalove]

I have my high school listed too and belong to it's page. As of yet no one has connected the dots yet. If and when it happens, I will tell them it's me. I don't even care what any reactions will be, I don't see them as I'm not in California anymore, and never saw them when I went back there.
Just last night I was searching the site for any family members and I found one group from my family's area and I sent them a note about them maybe being relatives of mine. I'm still waiting to see if I get a reply from it.
I'm also on Classmates.com as Lisa, but since I'm just basic member there I can't read any of the visitor notes from the several people who have been to my profile.

[VeronicaMoonlit]

I was just checking my facebook page.

"VeronicaMoonlit" doesn't have a facebook page, but a friend of my sister found me via a Yahoo profile. Not that I cared...much, but I was surprised. That said, if I did have a Facebook as "VeronicaMoonlit" I wouldn't put my high school on it. For one, it was a small school and my graduating class had 49 students in it. Secondly, I'm not ready to do that....yet.



I don't think I am ready to be out to everyone from that part of my life yet, but I don't want to be dishonest. What do you think I should do about this request?

Answer honestly. With "This Thing of Ours", honesty is usually the best policy.

Veronica Rogers

[Nicole Erin]

Why do people divulge so much of their private life on facebook and then wonder why weirdos contact them?

[Tina2]

If you aren't ready to come out to high school, then take that information off of your profile and ignore the request. When you are ready, add it back and reach out to the people whom you miss.

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

Suzanne please let us know how it goes!

[Angel.Marie76]

In my particular case, even though I know I've already reached the 'Yes, I am TG/TS, why do you ask?' place in my life, I've been slowly letting everything creep out into the world. Yes, I know there's a point of no return where the flood begins, or at least when you've been outted to enough people that, really, people just don't expect you to present male anymore.. then you know, perhaps, you're going the right direction.

Regardless, as for FakeBook, I have /not/ made myself associated with either of my previous HS's, however, through creating a page for myself on FB and friending everyone that I know IRL that has now seen me in person, by the degrees of separation that FB creates with their 'Friend Recommendations' and just sheer simplistic gossip I've been reacquainted with many of my 'real friends' if you will from those previous schools.. mostly because THEY stepped up and made the effort to get to know me, or because I found them and outted myself to them (because I just /knew/ they would be supportive).. which then makes more 'LinkedIn' like connections that their little Friend Finder suggests, and on and on..

Face it, by just existing on FB, you open yourself to being 'found out', and as soon as you friend ONE SINGLE PERSON (and I'll add that includes being a 'Fan' of /anything/, member of ANY group, or RSVP to any presented event, etc.) their systems consider you a ratable, referenced link that will gain in suggestible priority the more friends you (or your linked friends) make (or it will offer up [whatever] saying 'Hey! Angel's a fan of [x]. You should be too!'). Social networking in this age is interesting, if not invasive in this context.

All the rest of the advice I've read is sound to me too, be yourself, be happy with who you are, and those that really liked / cared for you will show their true colors. :-)

[Brandi Wyne]

Don't reveal anything but ask her more about herself. Make sure it's genuine and go slow.

[EnglishRose]

If I made another page on Facebook, and friended the only two people I've ever told, then their friends might see me on their feeds. They could think, hmmmm.... doesn't she resemble x a little...?