Family not knowing

[Bunny Girl Zoe]

As my family or friends don't know about Zoe anyways I am single and mom lives with me as she has heart problems and other health problems so main reason she shares house with me is so can keep check on her just incase as only one she realy has. And as Zoe is coming out of me more it is going start getting hard to keep her a secret. As postie coming with packages and me bringing shopping back and not wanting her to know what there all are. Plus don't have lot of time for Zoe to came out all dressed up. I like to tell her but not sure how she take it and with heart and all, maybe Zoe have stay secret and come out when mother is out. I dream someday of liveing with patner that welcomes me & Zoe with open arms.

[sandra-leigh]

I touched on this subject about a year ago, in the thread "Waiting for someone to die, to be oneself (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=100496)"

[Bunny Girl Zoe]

Touched my heart reading some of the post on your topic. So warming to know that other have or are in same boat that can't realy be there self till a loved one pass away. Do you risk hurting that person and relationship never being same again by telling them or or keep the biggest secret from them. Very hard subject to cover as can never realy be truly happy till she pass on and it day I break as she means the world to me as we are very close I can do my own thing and all that but find out her son like wear woman clothes and has female feelings might be to much for her, so think I just have live with my secret.

[Rianna Humble]

Zoe, I can so relate to your post. In my case it is an 88 year old father and I know that if he found out about me it would shatter his world completely.

We only lost my mother 14 years 1 day and 1 1/2 hours ago, and my dad is still struggling to cope.

Like you, I am finding it harder and harder to keep this side of my life a secret. Fortunately, I work in a different town where no-one knows my dad and I can be myself some of the time. If it were not for that I think I'd go crazy.

Your mum is lucky to have you. Although it's hard, try to enjoy your time with her even though you cannot share all of yourself with her.

[RobynBella]

I don't have any experience here, But I imagine that not telling her and waiting for her to pass till you can be yourself would make me feel guilty... Her passing would first bring a relief that you can be yourself, and then you'd feel horrible, because your mom's dead and you're part happy. Well, that's how I'd feel anyway... And I'm not saying you should tell her, but I do think it would take a lot off of your shoulders, now and after her passing. But that's just me

[kimdl93]

I don't know....maybe it would be something you could explore with her. My guess is that she may have some awareness. My mom found a stash of my stuff when I was a teenager and left the subject pretty much alone. Decades later and we have never talked about it. I almost feel more guilty not being honest with her, since I have talked about CDing with my sister.

[sherri52]

I would have to tell her. It will kill you inside if you don't.

[Stephanie Miller]

I don't know about that one Sherri. Why is it fair for Zoe to burden her mother with it? I mean Zoe has outlets available to express herself, even if it's for an evening out on the town. We aren't talking about the rest of Zoe life here.
Have you thought about bringing DVD's home Zoe for a night of movies where you have included maybe something like "Just like a Woman" or the old favorite "Tootsi" just to see what her reaction would be? Unless you already have it, you may get her feelings on the subject. Maybe even get some kind of dialog going?

[Diane Elizabeth]

I don't have my mother living with me. But, I haven't told her about my other half. I feel the deisre to let her know so I can bring Starla Dyan out. But, then I think is this the right time. What is there to be gained by telling her. Could the news cause her health damage. I am not ready to go 24/7, yet. So there is no need for me at, this time, to tell her.
In your case, you may ask yourself what is the condition of her health. Is the news likely to bring on a trip to the hospital? Can Zoe wait awhile longer. I know I Starla Dyan has waited over forty years to come out of me. And I have to put the brakes on her comming out too soon. That means it isn't the right time to tell my 85 yr old mother about Starla Dyan. Only you can decide for what is best for your mother and Zoe. Good Luck with whatever you decide.

[Bunny Girl Zoe]

Well she is over 65 so be massive shock. Think she might have a idea as seen my smooth legs and said nothing and yesterday was talking I needed some moisturiser and did that I did not think was a diffence between men or womans just some of perfume smell in them and all said was well do you want go out smelling of perfume. So think I might just drop odd hint here and there and see how it go's.

[sandra-leigh]

Well she is over 65 so be massive shock.

I told my mother last summer -- she was 70 at the time, and she took it very well and understood much more than I ever expected she could. But she doesn't have a heart problem.

[Bunny Girl Zoe]

She did something today that she has never done before and came in from looking around the thrift stores or as we call them over here charity shops and showed me this burgundy dress that she had got, and like I say she never showing clothes she has got before. So I realy starting to think she might be starting to guess. Thing is I liked the dress good job she is bigger size or might be borrowing it, Felt like saying pity was not my size but put it as a joke and seen what her response was.

[Hope]

Well she is over 65 so be massive shock.

One of my friends from seminary likes to say: "Every generation likes to think they invented sex." And it's true! We sort of arrogantly think that what we do is so unique and cutting edge and weird or whatever else that no one ever did it before. When truthfully the only thing that has changed in 10,000 years is technology. The Romans were involved in things that would get you kicked out of most Manhattan BDSM clubs, the Egyptians were buried with beer and cocaine, and Jesus lived at a time when democracy was a failed experiment. We are not new or cutting edge, and everything we are doing now has been done by every generation before us for thousands of years.

The folks who are elderly today - were not always so. We do a disservice to those among us who are older (and hopefully wiser) by imagining that they are somehow not possessing of full human faculties and thus unable to understand or process new information and thus are in need of our protection. Trust me, in 65 revolutions around the sun, your mother has encountered at least one CD - if not many. Seeing another one will not kill her, even if it is you. I have $10 that says this is an issue in your head - not hers.

Besides - when did 65 get to be so impossibly old? There are girls HERE who are older than that. My grandfather lived to be 85 with a pretty serious heart condition - and that was 20 years ago... 65 with a heart condition, today? If she takes care of herself and nothing else catastrophic goes wrong, she could have another 30 years in that body. You want to wait that long? I certainly wouldn't.

[Bunny Girl Zoe]

Yes she takes care yourself allways busy doing something or out looking around shops. I know can't wait 30 years as feelings are getting to strong to keep them hiding. Going have pick right time and tell her as if got keep Zoe secret for to much longer it just make me sad and that is no life and not good health wise.
I thank you all for advice and support on this issue your just the best friends one could ask for.:love:

[Rianna Humble]

Hi Zoe, I really feel for your dilemma. Only you can finally decide what is the best course of action. Could you perhaps find a way to test the waters with your mum to see what her understanding of transgender might be?

You will probably find that even if she does not know much, the bond between mother and child will make it easier for her to accept you.

Whatever you decide, we will still be here for you.

[Bunny Girl Zoe]

Well I've come to decision and going tell mother I have female feelings and like wear woman clothes as can't go on like this it just not fair on me or mom. As after all see has been there allways for me and supported me and I know she is ok with transgenders as there's a ladyboy show that tours each year from thailand and we allways go see them and she even buy them a tin of chocolates so I'm sure she accept and support me. Be good to have weight taking off me. Not sure when I sit down and tell her just be case of picking right time if there a thing as right time.

Once agains sisters big :hugs: to you all.

[carolyn todd]

zoe
good luck.

carolyn xx

ps don't forget to tell us about it we will be waiting....

[Cathytg]

I understand your situation and I respect your concerns about your mother's health. You must make that call for yourself, of course.

I must add a note: be careful not to look upon her age and health as a sort of "waiting period" until you can dress openly at home. You will not be happy yourself some day if you think you have instituted a kind of death watch. I don't read that in what you have written and I am only saying this as a gentle note of caution.

Take good care of the only Mom you will ever have.