Self-imposed boundries with SO

[Cristi]

For those of you who are in a relationship and your SO is aware of and at least partially accepting of your dressing... do you have any self-imposed boundries?

My wife has been totally accepting of me, but I do find that there is a line I just don't cross at home. I can, and do, dress at home all of the time including forms, jewelry, and perhaps a bit of lipstick but I don't ever do the 'full makeup, hair and perfume' thing when staying home. I think that for me that would just cross some personal boundry of our relationship, what I need to be for her.

I don't really know if there is any logic to it... I mean, I've spent the evening at home with her while I've been in my white wedding gown with petticoats hose and heels (photo below), but I don't want to put on makeup because it would make me 'less manly' to her? :doh:

So I'm not sure what this boundry means. Is it for her, or am I not quite comfortable with myself yet to present myself this way to her on a regular basis (she has only seen me fully made up a few times)?

Like everything else in life, I'm sure it will become more clear eventually.

[MarinaKirax]

Do you think that putting on the 'full' makeup changes the scenario from a husband who is clearly male but likes feminine clothing, to a husband who wants to be recognized as fullly female, and comes closer to an uncomfortable boundary of sexual/gender orientation?

For now, my wife is terrified for me, that someone else will find out. She is threfore unnaturally nervous about me derssing and going anywhere in public, and even nervous about me buying obvious things like shoes, wigs and shapewear, just n case anyone who might ever recognize me might see me. I had to remind her that I've been doing this for about 30 years, but her point is a good one; it's not just me at risk. regardless of how I might handle the rest of the world knowing, I can't say how it would affect my wife and children to have that publicly known. I have a responsibility to not put them in jeopardy because of the pink fog. So yes, I do have self-imposed boundaries including not going in public but dressing at home for now. I too think this will change, she is more accepting of this every day, and even discussed choosing a name for me, and offered to hep me with makeup. My dream would be for her and I to share a weekend away together, as women.But trust is a huge currency, and boundaries belong on both sides of this issue. BTW, whose wedding dress was it? :) MK

[irmichelle]

Shades drawn in the house. Not all day. No sleeping in forms and nightgowns unless she offers. No lace out of the house. Clothes laid out for work the night before so she can take a look if she wants to. Very easy boundries to follow so it makes it easier for both of us.

[DiannaRose]

No signs of femininity. No dressing in the house. No bringing her into it in any way shape or form. No jewelery (or even talking about making jewelry with our good friend who makes Jewelry, apparenly...she was showing us her work and I said "I could do that", and my wife said "uh-uh. No you won't". No perfumey shampoos or anything like that. No plucking eyebrows. No long fingernails. No going out (yet!).

I sense a pattern here... :)

These are what she can handle (well, judging by all those "no"s, I guess it's more accurate to say what she can't handle). She knows I dress if she's not around and the kids are at school, but she will never say so out loud or otherwise acknowledge it, if she can help it. I don't know if she knows I underdress at work, but she did once ask "why can't you just wear something under your clothes at work?", so if she does find out I can tell her it was her idea.

We're working on it. :D

[PretzelGirl]

My boundaries started by first talking with her and seeing what she was and wasn't comfortable with. Some initial things were no make-up, not meeting on-line people in person, and not having a femme name. Over time, these have gone away as her comfort grew. So at this point, there is little she isn't generally comfortable with. So my self-imposed boundaries are that I won't do anything new without her prior knowledge and that she knows whenever I plan on going out so there are no surprises.

There is an extension to this though. We all have our good days and our bad. So I do try and read how this goes and minimize or stop my activities if appropriate.

[Danielle Gee]

I have but one "self-imposed" boundry.....And it is simple, I always try to put my wifes feelings first. After more than 30 ears of openly cross-dressing I can get a feel of how she wants thing to be.

If I sense she doesn't want to see Danielle,then I make sure she doesn't

[Miranda09]

Self-imposed boundaries are all well and good, but if your wife is totally accepting, why impose the boundaries? Nowadays, many men wear makeup who are NOT TG'd and no one questions their manliness. I think you should talk to your wife and see how she feels. If she's OK with the dressing, the makeup isn't going to make any difference. :)

[Crissy Kay]

I impose my own boundries for my own reasons. Its OK with my SO if I dress up every so often, I am just not comfortable dressing up all the time.

[Joann Smith]

Self imposed boundaries are a good thing because only you know where to set them...Might be a good idea to talk with her bout the ones you got set because there is always the off chance you might have them figured wrong or that she may be viewing it differently.

I too did the clothes only with light makeup (just enough to cover my shadow) thing around the wife as well. I though I was being considerate....untill she blew up at me day and told me to stop it because the half man half woman look was confusing as hell for her...She told to dress fully makeup, wig, shoes the whole nine or not at all..

So in my case where i thought i was being considerate I was actually being a butt head for no reason...

The wife telling me to dress fully only round her ... sure sounded great....at least thats what I was thinking when she said it ... Ha..the joke was on me cause she had done gave all my girl clothes away to the goodwill ....Dammit!

Thats what i get for thinking and not askin.....

GG's sure can be evil....

Joann

[Jonianne]

......So I'm not sure what this boundry means. Is it for her, or am I not quite comfortable with myself yet to present myself this way to her on a regular basis (she has only seen me fully made up a few times)?......

How are you comfortable dressing when you are by yourself? How do you imagine yourself?


.....And it is simple, I always try to put my wifes feelings first. After more than 30 ears of openly cross-dressing I can get a feel of how she wants thing to be. If I sense she doesn't want to see Danielle,then I make sure she doesn't

Execllent. Knowing each other is what it is all about. The same goes with many other aspects of our relationship.


Self-imposed boundaries are all well and good, but if your wife is totally accepting, why impose the boundaries?.....I think you should talk to your wife and see how she feels.....

"Why impose the (self) boundries?" I think Danielle had a good answer.

I know that in my relationship with my wife, it's because I listen to her feelings, that she is comfortable with me as a crossdresser.

[kimdl93]

good question - made me pause to think about boundaries. I never dress around our children (adults tho they are) or other family members. And, thus far, have not attempted to go out completely en femme, although I normally am partially dressed.

[Jenny Beth]

I more or less have self imposed boundaries. The main one is I don't spend anything on my feminine side without consulting her and it has to be something she would not be opposed to me wearing. We have different tastes in clothing so there's some leeway there. For instance I love the look of peasant blouses but she sees them almost as maternity wear and although if I bought one she would not object I prefer to pick things I know she'd approve of.

Another one is short skirts. We all love them and I do have a couple but I haven't worn them in years and they probably don't fit anymore. Skirts just above the knee are fine, anything shorter and she reminds me of my age. :heehee:

[Ruth]

I have self-imposed boundaries as to what I will wear and what I will do but they are governed by my taste and sensibilities. I have negotiated boundaries with my wife as regards time spent dressed, but in that time, I am happy, and she is happy, that I should go the whole way and wear make-up, perfume and jewellery.
But we're all different, aren't we.

[Melanie R]

I have very few self imposed or wife imposed boundaries. I will not go out alone when dressed except when I am going to TG meetings. I keep this persona separate from our church and from some family members and friends. My closet is full so no more purchases. My wife has the same self-imposed boundary.

[DonnaT]

I don't wear the wig or makeup around the house.

This make it much more easy for my wife to accept, and reduce the fears she has that I would wish to transition.

[RADER]

I guess I have much the same thing. My wife allowes me to dress;
Just don't do it every night. I do underdress most of the time, and that's
OK with her. The big NO-NO is do not leave the house, nor shave my
chest hair, or mustach. I can live with that.
But I would love to have a wedding gown like yours.:daydreaming:
Rader

[Cristi]

... nor shave my chest hair...

That's another one for me. We've never TALKED about shaving, but I limit it to my legs, which nobody comments on since I'm a cyclist. I'll shave my arm or chest just a few times a year (when I can 'get away with it' as something I did for a halloween costume if anybody asks) but for the most part I am a bit limited in the shirts I can wear since I have hair on my arms and chest.

I don't know if I really even mind this boundry... I think if shaving my arms and chest is something I *had* to do on a regular basis, I would tire of it pretty quickly. As it is now, it is for special occasions and still fun to do.

[sherri52]

Cristi: we do one step at a time. You do what you feel comfortable doing.

[charlie]

Hello Cristi!
At home my boundaries are......don't ask, don't tell. My wife absolutely hates the fact that I ever dress. When I go out of town on business I dress every night (day too if the schedule allows). She knows I dress when I'm away and knows that I go out and about. She hates it all. So I dress about 6 days per month to my hearts content. Nothing around home.

[Hope]

Unless this is something that your wife has asked you about - or in some manner implied that she wants / needs from you - then this is something in your head, and it is not for or about her at all.

[AmandaM]

My wife says I can dress every day if I want, but I don't. I don't know why. Just can't. Maybe cause I'm feeling guilty that she should have male company at least part of the time.

[kathie225]

is indeed a must. I carefully measure my needs and desires and avoid giving in to all my fantasies. I might be able to go further than I do, but that is only conjecture on my part. Discretion is far more peaceful than the alternative.

[Missy Tanya]

I know I'm a lucky one. As my wife of 20+ years is happy anytime I'm dressed. She has even gone to TG Support Meetings, and their Party's with me. I think our situation is a little different than most. She has a debilitating disease. So she's glad that I have a out. Something that I can enjoy myself and makes me happy.

So I don't really have any set "self-imposed boundaries" but I do have some of my own. I don't want any family to know. No coworker. No friends. I keep Tanya's friends to herself and mine to myself.

For now that's my Boundaries. But someday over the rainbow?????

Tanya