Yet another downside to purging

[ReneeT]

I have been a lifelong crossdresser. I told my fiance, now my wife of 21 years, all about it (or at least as much as I knew as a 24 yo closeted cd-er) before we were married. She knew nothing about the topic and as far as i know hasn't learned much more since. We are definitely a DADT couple. Well, in Dec 2008 we had a near-breakup in significant part due omy dressing. We came to common ground, but about a month later i told her I would try a "trial separation" from dressing. I packed up and discarded thousands of dollars of clothing and accessories, including 3 pairs of $300 Stuart Weitzman pumps (my heart still aches - thank goodness I held off on the Christian Loubouton's!)

Well, as you might have predicted, the purge came tot an end, with Renee reappearing about a month ago. The wardrobe has mostly been replaced, as has the $1K in MAC cosmetics.

The really hard part, though, was telling my wife hat I am dressing again. It took me a while ot gather the courage, but she had to know. Her first response: "I'm not surprised". It has been a bit tquiet and tense for the last few days, but I think we are going to get through this. I do think that this will be the last purge. It is hard enough telling someone the first time, let alone again and again!

[KristinSkye]

That's very true, I couldn't imagine having to come out to my wife a second time. Once is plenty stressful on both people.


It's a shame you purged so much of your stuff but it only goes to prove that the feminine side of you isn't there by choice and really truly is a part of who you are. My collection of things that I lost the last time I purged doesn't sound anywhere near as large as yours but hopefully now i realized I can't just ignore the female side of myself I won't have to purge again even if I feel like it.



Anyway I wish you and your wife the best and I hope you can reach a comprimise that can keep both of you happy and together. Keep us updated :)

[ReneeT]

it only goes to prove that the feminine side of you isn't there by choice and really truly is a part of who you are

Kristen, you nailed it! Thanks!

[KristinSkye]

hehe, NP, but it really is so true! I would stop for a while but then would get right back into the swing of things. As soon as I realized that fact I was in a much better place, especially confidence wise.

[Joni Marie Cruz]

Renee, hon, my heart goes out to you. Partly for having to replace everything you tossed, but in larger part for what you and your wife are having to go through to come to terms with it. As Kristin said, once is hard enough let alone having to go through it again. Perhaps your wife will simply realize that being TG is essentially harmless and a part of what make you who you are.

Good luck. And let me just say two words, storage locker.

Hugs...Joni Mari

[ReneeT]

storage locker.

I will remember that!

We are having a tough go of it right now (just like old times). She has been pretty quiet

[monica.missil]

Hopefully she will realize that you care for her so much that you are willing to risk everything to be honest with her, and share a very real part of you.

[AliciaNC]

I hate that sinking feeling of right after closing the trash bin -- I've considered dumpster diving a couple of time (considered....never done it - ha!).

[Brandi Wyne]

Well, you have certainly tried to go contrary to your natural feelings and all to please your S.O. That is very noble of you, dear. Now that you have done it, replaced everything and "came out" again to the wife, how do you feel about having done it at all? Do you still believe it was the right thing to do? Also, what did you hope would come from it? Was your relationship better, the same or worse while you were in the purge mode?

I am facing the "coming out " for the first time to my wife and actually dread having "that" conversation.

Good luck to you, Dear.:love:

[CATgirldo]

I, fortunately, told my wife before we got married as I thought she deserved to know the person she was marrying. I was seeing a shrink and the "wisdom" of the time was that I would "grow out of it"... so I thought it would be safe to get married. It was the highly enlightened '70s-'80s, I now understand that there is no growing out of it or escape and I no more chose this than I choose my eye color.
As far as society is concerned, it would have been better for us to be born with cancer than to cross dress. You are not blamed for having cancer but being a cross dresser, somehow that's your fault.
In the end, this hurts my wife so it hurts me. My wife finally asked for a divorce. I told her I would do anything to not have to live without her. (Weird.. I really love her... go figure) We are still together three years later and getting along well (MI keep a VERY low profile), but I believe she knows that stopping is not a choice I can make. So if she ever asks again, I have to face it, the choice is not mine as I don't "control" it. The choice is whether she can live with me as I am.

CAT

[kimdl93]

It seems that you've done everything that you can reasonably be expected to do - even attempted to quit dressing.

I'm saddened by this turn of events because after all these years, I'd hoped your wife would have reached a comfort level with your dressing.

Have you and your wife tried joint counseling?

[ReneeT]

Now that you have done it, replaced everything and "came out" again to the wife, how do you feel about having done it at all? Do you still believe it was the right thing to do? Also, what did you hope would come from it? Was your relationship better, the same or worse while you were in the purge mode?

Brandi, At this point I wish I had not purged. I did feel that our relationship deserved another attempt, but in the end nothing has changed. I am still who I am and she still cannot come to terms with it. However, I feel better for having told her. I can't do the deceit thing, come what may. I just wrote her a long letter, spelling out my feelings for her and the perspective with which I hold my CDing. It will be tough for a while. Damn, I want to dress now!

[5150 Girl]

I packed up and discarded thousands of dollars of clothing and accessories, including 3 pairs of $300 Stuart Weitzman pumps Well, as you might have predicted, the purge came tot an end, with Renee reappearing about a month ago. The wardrobe has mostly been replaced, as has the $1K in MAC cosmetics.

:eek: :eek: :eek: