Lisa Maren
08-07-2005, 09:51 PM
Hi everyone
I've searched for threads that might answer this question but I don't see any. I will continue searching, but meanwhile here's my question. Please forgive me if it's already been covered (I'm sure I'm not the only one to wonder?) and please forgive the length of this post, too!
I feel confused about what gender I am on the inside. It's partly because my emotions can be quite exquisite at times, I empthasize strongly with others, I do cry at movies when they're emotionally laden, because I just love to cuddle my beautiful baby niece in my arms -- she's the most precious thing ever -- etc etc etc and partially it's because things like shaving my legs or other body hair feels... kinda like home -- and certainly feels *wonderful*! It's also because I am at least equally aroused by a fantasy of having sex with a female part as I am by a fantasy of having sex with a male part (though my partner is always a GG).
Sometimes I think that if I were either all male or all female on the inside then I wouldn't be confused -- and I think that thought has considerable merit. At the same time, my parents are very old fashioned as are most of the people they associate with (not to mention the uppity health club I'm a member of and the schools I attended -- no bragging intended here, I just mean that I have been surrounded by the traditional) so it's possible that I simply have strong male conditioning to overcome.
I think this confusion is making other decisions a chore such as whether I should shave all my body hair and not worry about disturbing my family a bit. If I was genuinely partly or more female on the inside then I have a good reason to do that. If not... you know.
So the question is twofold: 1) Has anyone else sought therapy for figuring this out? 2) Did it help or did you feel you were "educating the therapist" as the saying goes?
BTW I'm not talking about having the therapist answer the question for me because only I can answer that. I'm looking for... strategies for how to go about learning more about myself to figure that out or... thinks to look for or things to think about. Basically I'm looking for things that would help me decide myself which I am on the inside (or maybe both).
Thanks tons for your help everyone!
Big hugs,
Lisa
I've searched for threads that might answer this question but I don't see any. I will continue searching, but meanwhile here's my question. Please forgive me if it's already been covered (I'm sure I'm not the only one to wonder?) and please forgive the length of this post, too!
I feel confused about what gender I am on the inside. It's partly because my emotions can be quite exquisite at times, I empthasize strongly with others, I do cry at movies when they're emotionally laden, because I just love to cuddle my beautiful baby niece in my arms -- she's the most precious thing ever -- etc etc etc and partially it's because things like shaving my legs or other body hair feels... kinda like home -- and certainly feels *wonderful*! It's also because I am at least equally aroused by a fantasy of having sex with a female part as I am by a fantasy of having sex with a male part (though my partner is always a GG).
Sometimes I think that if I were either all male or all female on the inside then I wouldn't be confused -- and I think that thought has considerable merit. At the same time, my parents are very old fashioned as are most of the people they associate with (not to mention the uppity health club I'm a member of and the schools I attended -- no bragging intended here, I just mean that I have been surrounded by the traditional) so it's possible that I simply have strong male conditioning to overcome.
I think this confusion is making other decisions a chore such as whether I should shave all my body hair and not worry about disturbing my family a bit. If I was genuinely partly or more female on the inside then I have a good reason to do that. If not... you know.
So the question is twofold: 1) Has anyone else sought therapy for figuring this out? 2) Did it help or did you feel you were "educating the therapist" as the saying goes?
BTW I'm not talking about having the therapist answer the question for me because only I can answer that. I'm looking for... strategies for how to go about learning more about myself to figure that out or... thinks to look for or things to think about. Basically I'm looking for things that would help me decide myself which I am on the inside (or maybe both).
Thanks tons for your help everyone!
Big hugs,
Lisa