Katesback
02-04-2010, 02:49 PM
I see a recurring topic here all to often. It involves the idea of comming out to friends are relatives about your little secret. As a matter of fact just the other day I was talking to a client who is a MD and psychytrist (or however it is spelled) and he/she is also trans (trans defined includes CD all the way to TS).
She was sitting with me in one of the all too common Katie therapy sessions. It turnes out she is considering telling her family about her trans aspect. I continued to let her talk but occasionall asked some questions.
One question was "do you intend to present to them as a woman"? The answer to that was "I don't know". I then asked her why she felt compelled to tell these people about her trans aspects if she did not even know if she was going to be presenting to them as a female.
She explained that it would be a huge weight lifted off her shoulders, ect. ect.
What she had not even remotely considered was the difference between explaining to friends and family that she is trans and ACTUALLY presenting to them as a woman. She seemed to think that by explaining to them there would be either acceptance or rejection.
I had to explain to her that simply telling someone without the visual aspect is not the same as the first time they will see the woman. A lot of people will not get the scope of what you are telling them if they are lacking the female presentation to go along with it. Pictures tell 1000 words! Also people are less likely to take you seriously if all they hear is words.
She sat there for a while and some of it began to sink in.
I often ask people why they feel compelled to tell friends and family about thier trans aspect if they have no idea if these people will ever see them as a girl. Last time I checked we all live with some secrets, and many of them will never be divulged to anyone.
As much as you might not agree with me, if you are not preparred to present a woman to other people I submit to you that there is little reason to discuss the issue except within the circles of other trans people.
Once you mention what you are, those words can never be retracted!
She was sitting with me in one of the all too common Katie therapy sessions. It turnes out she is considering telling her family about her trans aspect. I continued to let her talk but occasionall asked some questions.
One question was "do you intend to present to them as a woman"? The answer to that was "I don't know". I then asked her why she felt compelled to tell these people about her trans aspects if she did not even know if she was going to be presenting to them as a female.
She explained that it would be a huge weight lifted off her shoulders, ect. ect.
What she had not even remotely considered was the difference between explaining to friends and family that she is trans and ACTUALLY presenting to them as a woman. She seemed to think that by explaining to them there would be either acceptance or rejection.
I had to explain to her that simply telling someone without the visual aspect is not the same as the first time they will see the woman. A lot of people will not get the scope of what you are telling them if they are lacking the female presentation to go along with it. Pictures tell 1000 words! Also people are less likely to take you seriously if all they hear is words.
She sat there for a while and some of it began to sink in.
I often ask people why they feel compelled to tell friends and family about thier trans aspect if they have no idea if these people will ever see them as a girl. Last time I checked we all live with some secrets, and many of them will never be divulged to anyone.
As much as you might not agree with me, if you are not preparred to present a woman to other people I submit to you that there is little reason to discuss the issue except within the circles of other trans people.
Once you mention what you are, those words can never be retracted!