The Perils of Underdressing - or - Maybe Outed to my Friend

[DiannaRose]

So today I'm sitting in my cube doing my work (yeah...let's go with that. Work.), and my buddy comes to gab for a minute. I stand to show him something on my shelf (specifically, a bamboo flute, whose appearance in my cube is still a mystery, but that's just an interesting detail and not relevant to the story). As I'm putting it back, my bud - an ex-Air Force Master Sargent - comments that he could make an off-color comment about the flute, if he wanted to. He never made the comment he commented on, so I'm still intrigued.

To punctuate the un-commented comment, he slaps me on the back.

Now, here's the thing...I'm underdressed today, complete with bra AND slip. He does a confused double-take, and slaps my back again.

Uh-oh.

"You hurt you back or something, T?" he asks. I include my initial because that's what he calls me--"T". Yup, he felt my bra strap.

He's the type who, if I say yes I'm wearing a brace (or whatever), will make a bigger deal of it, probably bringing it up in conversation later, possibly in my wife's presence. So I assure him no, I'm fine, and it's not something he needs to worry about.

He lets it go, but he's the type to solve a problem that's put before him, so I expect he has or will eventually make the accurate guess. Whether he says something to me in private, or says nothing at all, remains to be seen. Both are equally likely possibilities, with my friend.

I *almost* told him the truth, but early on I promised my wife that no one we know will know about me, if I can help it, so I held my tongue.

But I'm expecting he has a pretty good guess that one of his good friends enjoys wearing ladies' undergarments. I have no idea if he would be cool with this, though I expect not (though, to my face, he would appear so). He's pretty intolerant about certain "alternative lifestyles", which are typically categorized together in four letters of the alphabet, including L, G, B, and T. :)

We'll see what we see.

[kimdl93]

Golly, I'm surprised he noticed at all. I guess he may be puzzling over it a bit, or he may just let it slide and forget about it. It may be that his perception of you is so incongruous with his stereotypical attitudes towards others that he simply can't deal with the congnitive dissonance and just dismisses it.

I hope it goes OK for you.

[Kathi Lake]

Phew! Way to live on the edge, Di!!

I don't think anything will come of it. He's a guy, after all. He probably found something shiny on the way back to his cube and has forgotten all about it.

:)

Kathi

[DiannaRose]

He probably found something shiny on the way back to his cube and has forgotten all about it.

L-O-L!

:rofl:

[Kate Simmons]

When I underdressed at work way back when, I wasn't so much worried about the discovery as I was the smart guys I worked with snapping my bra by surprise.:heehee:

[sonia_dargency]

I agree with Kathy Lake, he won't be long before he goes to something else.

YOU think he might guess you wore a bra because you know you were wearing one.

On his side, the options are in infinite number, strap, shirt seam, back bone, whatever. it won't be difficult to make him believe he imagined the whole thing.

I never underdress because such incidents eventually do happen and also because it would be too much a distraction from work. And also because I want to fully enjoy myself when I dress up.

Like drinking while driving, I could not enjoy my drink - lol

Sonia

[HannahF6]

I have under-dressed at work a couple of times, it scared me so I stopped, seemed too risky. That said, the guy that felt you bra strap probably has moved on to something shiny found on the floor later on.

Hannah

[Rachel Morley]

Oh dear ... sounds like every CDers nightmare! :sad: You have my sympathy as I once had a similar situation about 7 years ago where my (then) 12 year old step son leaned on me and then rather startled, looked me in the eye and said "Why have you got something strapped to your shoulder?" Gulp! :worried:

But back to your situation, I always used to worry about this sort of thing happening to me too and I did have people touch my back (which would lead me to cringe inside) but I never did get a co-worker actually say anything to me, they just kinda looked at me with a perplexed look on their face.

I'm wondering if your comment "no, I'm fine, and it's not something you need to worry about." (given the type of guy you've described him to be) actually inflamed the situation. i.e. that fact that the "it's not something" ... implies there there is something going on ... but he need not concern himself. I bet a guy like that will definitely think more on it and en up jumping to the right or wrong conclusion. Given that you promised your wife that no one would know the truth, you sound like you're between a rock and a hard place. Lets just hope this guy leaves it at and doesn't want to disrupt your friendship by getting personal :2c:

P.S. I very much agree with Sonia when she says: "YOU think he might guess you wore a bra because you know you were wearing one." We actually don't know what he was truly thinking.

[lingerieLiz]

Never go underdressed where you can't afford to be caught. That aside did he feel the strap or the band. If he felt the strap he may have been checking things out. The band is somewhat easier to feel.

I've worn panties for years and never really worried, but didn't usually wear bras because as my wife says they are obvious "sometimes." Since I can't be fired anymore I can wear what I want.

[Joni Beauman]

I underdress all the time, especially in the winter - just not a bra. That alone limits the risk. Nobody will feel a slip or cami under a sweater - routine wardrobe this time of year, along with tights or pantyhose. Joni

[KimberlyJo]

Golly, I'm surprised he noticed at all. I guess he may be puzzling over it a bit, or he may just let it slide and forget about it. It may be that his perception of you is so incongruous with his stereotypical attitudes towards others that he simply can't deal with the congnitive dissonance and just dismisses it.

:werd:



On his side, the options are in infinite number, strap, shirt seam, back bone, whatever. it won't be difficult to make him believe he imagined the whole thing.


If he hadn't actually SAID anything I might be inclined to believe this, but he specifically asked her which means he noticed some kind of strap or band around her back. There aren't too many male type things she could have been wearing. He pretty much inferred the only one and she denied it, so there aren't a whole lot of options left for the imagination.



I've worn panties for years and never really worried, but didn't usually wear bras because as my wife says they are obvious "sometimes." Since I can't be fired anymore I can wear what I want.

This usually keeps me from wearing bras to work. The first time I did it, I had on a t-shirt and a hoodie sweatshirt over it and I felt like it was all too obvious. I swore never to do it again after that. Except that, now it's winter so I usually wear a bra, a thick shirt and my zip up fleece over that and don't worry too much about it. Though if someone touched my back or shoulder in the right place, they'd still feel it.

Take him out for a few beers or lunch or something. If he doesn't bring it up then he never will most likely. OR just avoid him for a bit and unless he's really the type to stew about something, he'll probably just forget all about it...though he probably won't slap you on the back again any time soon ;)

[curiouslooker]

So today I'm sitting in my cube doing my work (yeah...let's go with that. Work.), and my buddy comes to gab for a minute. I stand to show him something on my shelf (specifically, a bamboo flute, whose appearance in my cube is still a mystery, but that's just an interesting detail and not relevant to the story). As I'm putting it back, my bud - an ex-Air Force Master Sargent - comments that he could make an off-color comment about the flute, if he wanted to. He never made the comment he commented on, so I'm still intrigued.

To punctuate the un-commented comment, he slaps me on the back.

Now, here's the thing...I'm underdressed today, complete with bra AND slip. He does a confused double-take, and slaps my back again.

Uh-oh.

"You hurt you back or something, T?" he asks. I include my initial because that's what he calls me--"T". Yup, he felt my bra strap.

He's the type who, if I say yes I'm wearing a brace (or whatever), will make a bigger deal of it, probably bringing it up in conversation later, possibly in my wife's presence. So I assure him no, I'm fine, and it's not something he needs to worry about.

He lets it go, but he's the type to solve a problem that's put before him, so I expect he has or will eventually make the accurate guess. Whether he says something to me in private, or says nothing at all, remains to be seen. Both are equally likely possibilities, with my friend.

I *almost* told him the truth, but early on I promised my wife that no one we know will know about me, if I can help it, so I held my tongue.

But I'm expecting he has a pretty good guess that one of his good friends enjoys wearing ladies' undergarments. I have no idea if he would be cool with this, though I expect not (though, to my face, he would appear so). He's pretty intolerant about certain "alternative lifestyles", which are typically categorized together in four letters of the alphabet, including L, G, B, and T. :)

We'll see what we see.

If you want to keep your secret, mention at some time that you wear a heart monitor around your chest. Tell him you have been checking your heart rate through the day.

For the story, do a search and check how the things work.

[Misty G]

A friend of mine is about as homophobic as they come. But a situation came up to where I either had to come out to him or flat out lie. Refusing to do that I told him I was a crossdresser. Believe it or not he was cool with that and still to this day remains to be a close friend. Just goes to show that if a friend is truly a friend it dosen't matter. They may not understand but will usually accept it as part of you.

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

I've never understood how you underdressers get away with wearing bras to begin with. I've never gotten how you hide the lines? The (very) few times Ive worn one the lines are always there at least a bit.

[DiannaRose]

I've never understood how you underdressers get away with wearing bras to begin with. I've never gotten how you hide the lines? The (very) few times Ive worn one the lines are always there at least a bit.

I usually wear a loose, thick(er) t-shirt, and an unbuttoned button-up shirt over that. Casual observance from front or rear shows no sign, but a touch will discover the bra, especially if he who's slapping my back happens to hit the connector at the join of strap and band...which is precisely where he hit.

I had half expected him to IM me today to ask me about it, but he hasn't yet, so we'll see.

Maybe I'll lay low with the bra for a while. I actually like the slip or my satin cami better anyway, so maybe I'll just stick with those. The straps and connectors aren't as prominent. :)

[Gillian]

Oh boy, what an unfortunate break, but as the others are saying, he will probably dismiss it as something innocent and move on to thoughts of Beer and Ballgames soon after.

[PretzelGirl]

I've never understood how you underdressers get away with wearing bras to begin with. I've never gotten how you hide the lines? The (very) few times Ive worn one the lines are always there at least a bit.

I have to agree with you. I still believe that we sometimes mistake "they can't tell" with "they aren't commenting" or "they don't care". We can also get busted by touch real easy as this thread shows. I had gone out a few times with a bra under a heavy, loose hoodie. Ran into a hugging friend at a store. I went for the low ground to get his arms above my shoulders. He still managed to pat my back. He never said anything, but it changed my thought process.

[PamelaRI]

Dianna,

I hope that no matter what conclusion your friend reaches, that you and he remain friends and that he keeps it between the two of you.

I've always wanted to underdress with a cami or a bra, but I've never done it as I'd be too self conscious all day wondering if anyone could see the straps or that someone would touch my back.

[Andy66]

Yesterday I saw a guy leaning over to put something in a car, and about three inches of lavender panties were clearly visible. I just smiled and kept walking. I wonder how many times this has happened to anyone here, and they dont even know it?

I would say if he persists, "admit" that you hurt your back, pec muscle or something but you're fine now. Warn your wife if you think he might mention it to her.

Edit: the heart monitor thing sounds like a good idea. Good job, Curiouslooker. :thumbsup:

[lavistaa62]

If you're worried a few casual stretches at your desk and maybe leaving early for a "doctor's appointment" might help put a stop to his wondering. I am pretty sure he's still thinking about it as I know the type very well but some seemingly inconspicuous actions like these might allow him to forget it. He definitely does not want to arrive at the conclusion he may have initially come to and would use your diversionary actions to give him an excuse to sluff it off.

[Persephone]

I've never understood how you underdressers get away with wearing bras to begin with. I've never gotten how you hide the lines? The (very) few times Ive worn one the lines are always there at least a bit.

Me too! I keep reading threads about wearing a bra en drab and despite the folks who say they wear a heavy undershirt, etc. I just can't seem to get it to work for me.

The problem isn't the back, the problem is more the front - if I put on a bra, any bra, it "stands out" and I begin to look booby.

What do you girls who wear bras en drab do to avoid that?


If you want to keep your secret, mention at some time that you wear a heart monitor around your chest. Tell him you have been checking your heart rate through the day.

For the story, do a search and check how the things work.

I think Curiouslooker has a perfect answer here. I wear a heart rate monitor under my bra when exercising. It has a strap that goes around your back, just like a bra band.

You don't have to be having any sort of "heart problem" to use a heart rate monitor. You could just be trying to get a "baseline" throughout the workday so that you can see the differences when you work out.

If you do need info on the devices, just Google® heart monitor strap and you'll see what we're talking about.

To see a picture of one, click here (http://www.buy.com/retail/product.asp?sku=205736260&listingid=45648413).

[Amy Lynn3]

I don't think I would worry about it too much. You have some good ideas on how to explain it away.

The reason I say don't worry is its happened to me three different times. One guy made up an excuse to feel the front of my shoulder, looking for straps to confirm what he felt in the back. I never put up a fight, just let him feel and when I left later on I said I need to get home and take my back brace off. I said nothing to the others and nothing was ever said about it.

[Brandi Wyne]

As has been said, "The greater the risk, the greater the reward." I underdress almost every day and often with a bra. I will say that I don't use a white shirt at all or a very thin material. The bras I wear are underwire B cup and, without forms, lay very flat on my chest. I have had one or two times when I needed to check the buttons to make sure that the top of the bra wasn't visible. I always check the mirror at home first and if I see any lines, I make some changes.

If someone felt the bra, I'd have to fess up with a cute grin and tell him, "You trying to feel me up?" That might put him off the subject and on the defensive. A good laugh can go a long way.

[JamieOH]

I wear a bra every day, with a cotton lace trimmed cami, and my button up uniform shirt, then I wear a fleece sweater-jacket, and my coat.. It works great, noone knows, even been slapped on the back, many times, and noone suspected.. if I really feel around on my back, I can tell it's there, but otherwise, you cant tell if it's just seams in the coat or sweat er or what.. no biggee.. in the summertime, I wear tanks or camis with shelf bras in them... I have natural manboobs anyway, and if anything, this kind of minimizes them a bit, and makes it easier to look "normal" and I love the way they feel anyway..

And I have joked about wearing a bra allot of times with the guys, just to do it.. so if they ever do discover, they cant say i never told them... ;)

[joandher]

If you wear a front fastening bra there is no bump to feel on your back ??

:hugs: J-JAY

[sonia_dargency]

If you want to keep your secret, mention at some time that you wear a heart monitor around your chest. Tell him you have been checking your heart rate through the day.


I wore one of those on a regular basis when I was Marathon training and they definitely feel like a bra to the touch. (my wife jokingly used to say that training was a pretext to wear a bra-like item...)

it is a fact that doctors sometime ask they patients to monitor their heart rate

If you want to go for the hard lie, put him in the secret: your doctor is testing you for a possible heart condition, make sure he understand that stays between you and him. in a few months, reassure him with positive medical results... bs him with an insurance story, whatever.

I have been a professional lier for years, so I recommand caution, it can be very dangerous to your mental health over time.

Sonia