CDing - the excitement of risk

[tall sam]

I read many threads as to why we crossdress. Exploring our feminine side, to break away, to feel like a woman etc. Well, I do it for all these reasons but tonight another reason has made itself very clear -- the adrenalin rush from doing something a bit CD risky is just such a buzz.

Here is an example I experienced just about an hour ago. I am in an apartment on a business trip. Have dressed every eveing, but there is no chance of going anywhere as CDing is not tolerated in Jamaica where I am.
I really made an effort (and will post some pics tomorrow) and think I looked great - well I felt great. BUT just being in the apartment was not enough! I then decided to go for a walk to the pool area (its well after midnight and the place is quiet. Just as I was about to exit the block I noticed the security man walking up the path. I chickened out and headed back in. After 15 minute I dedided to hell with it - I am going for a walk. This is where the excitement and all the rest of crossdressing reaches its climax.
Fist - the thrill of opening that door and just doing something you feel you shouldnt.
second - the heart rate drops a bit and your other senses click in and you feel the breeze up the legs and in your dress, the feeling of your clothers makes you tingle.
third - you sit down in a fairly public place but feel safe enough as you are alone, then again you look good, feel confident and say, what the heck, whats the problem, you relax a bit and just enjoy the feminine side of life.
forth - reality strikes back, the security guard has just appeared around the corner. Relax turns to panic, but then again you have got this far, so just play it cool.
Fifth - get up and walk back to the apartment pretending your best to be a lady, swing those hips just a bit, walk on your toes, show confidence!! Arrive back without being stopped or even getting a weird look --- success!!
Sixth - back in the safety of the apartment, you review what you just did - the thoughts go from "you mad" to "wow that was great". This is the excitement of CDing, its risky if you want it to be and this can make for some exciting moments!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, for those who are interreted, I am having a thrilling time (see my bikini bliss post a few days ago - another exciting risk.

Sam

[girlalex]

i love your post. this is absolutely crazy. especially in a foreign country like that.

[tall sam]

i love your post. this is absolutely crazy. especially in a foreign country like that.

Not sure exactly why I did it --- Driven my excitement?- another wild adventure for me? Might jsut go and do it again although I dont know what will happen if someone objects, might be a problem!
sam

[girlalex]

well see... in Jamaica neither of us really knows how much intolerable the people are out there towards someone like me and you so i suggest you don't repeat what you did. be safe:2c:

[Danielle76]

Wow. You really nailed the bit about the excitement of doing something you're not supposed to do. The opening of the front door and stepping outside, the feeling of a breeze going up your dress, feeling a cool wind on legs sheathed in thigh high stockings, walking down my condo stairs in high heels, walking the trail out to the parking lot where my car awaits....wow. It's almost 1 in the morning right now where I'm at...I just got done posting a thread how I may be done crossdressing, but reading your post makes me seriously thinking about getting dressed up and going out this second!

[tricia_uktv]

When you first start doing it the adrenal rush is tremendous but as you get more experienced it lessens. Still fun though :)

[sherri]

What do you mean when you say it's not tolerated? Is it illegal, or just frowned upon?

[JennyS.]

I know the feeling... And it does feel wonderful going out those first few times. The sense of the unknowing, the feel of the soft clothes, yeah... To me, it feels great everytime. And I am one that has been out often. To clubs, restaraunts, shopping, or just walking around town. And every single time there is a thrill. I love it!!!

[sherri52]

We get the thrill from day one. We never thought about the thrill when we were kids. We put the clothes on worrying if we would get caught and if we didn't we thought about the next time. AS time goes on we expand our thrills by getting further dressed, adding makeup. until we eventually venture out of our residences. As we brave each step we think of what to do next time. The thrill never leaves it just gets more intense until we realize we have done it all. Now we want to share our expierences with others and to meet others like ourselves. They say misery loves company then we CDers love parties.

[Jenny Doolittle]

I agree with Jenny, The first of anything is a rush. but I think, now after being out many many times it is more about acceptance. To have that sale assistant recognize you and greet you as one of her best customers...Now, that is a wounderful feeling.:)

[tall sam]

What do you mean when you say it's not tolerated? Is it illegal, or just frowned upon?

Not sure if its illegal?? Its a private complex I am in so I guess if its not in public it might be ok. Homosexuality is illegal here and they frown apon a feminine guy although I did see someone (a local Jamaican) in towk one day that defiantely looked like a TS.

It might be worth finding out - would be very very embarrassing getting caught and ending up a the local police station dressed up!!

Sam

[Kaz]

Wow!

I know where your head is, though not from a Jamaican perspective!

So now you need to work out where you go from there? As some girls have said... the adrenaline rush turns to a different need...

I am between the two. Like you I have been out and rushed back. I have also walked about in company (at night and outside) and felt amazing. I haven't challenged this too much daytime yet and I haven't interacted (except from a lift encounter which seemed to work well - I acted girly, he laughed... and smiled when I looked back)... But that adrenaline thing... we know what we need to do?

Getting to the next step I am finding hard, but you have an opportunity here. Homosexuality may be illegal, but is crossdressing?

My heart is with you! xx

[Karren H]

If I didn't crossdress I'd be a bank robber or a double nought spy!!

[RhondaLynn]

Danielle was right about you nailing it about the excitement aspect of it. The perception of engaging in an activity that's considered taboo - it can be alluring. And, the sensations associated with the attire while out in public, as you said, the wind against your legs, the brush of nylons against your hand or arm as you drive, etc.

If I go for days as Rhonda, i get the urge to go out for a drive. At first, i'm the same way - open the door & look outside for people standing in the parking lot, etc. My heart rate will increase, i sometimes second-guess the decision to go for it, but once i do, it's always enjoyable. If i continue to do it (several times a day/night for several days/nights), the excitement tends to dissipate and I can just drive around & enjoy being out, and enjoy the clothing. Ii enjoy the subtle sensations of being out without the apprehension than i enjoy the excitement. It's nice to walk out to the car, drive around, and feel totally natural in what i'm wearing, without being on the edge and worrying about who sees what. It's a freedom in itself - a freedom of expression, after casting off the taboo context of my actiions.

But getting past the wife is another story altogether. She tolerates all that i do around the house, but does NOT condone my going out as Rhonda. So i tolerate her intolerance, for the most part. But at times i stand my ground & do what i please. And you know, I've been Rhonda since last weekend, and ii've takend alot of attitude from her about wanting to go out. I think that tonight is a nice nite for a drive. I believe i have a load of things to take out to our storage warehouse. Yes - i think that may be a plan.

Well, gotta go! These hose have a couple runs in them - gotta go change them before i hit the road!

Oh - and Karen: Sometimes Rhonda thinks she IS a double-naught spy when sbe's out! It's one of her super-powers - becoming invisible by assignment of the director while on a mission, disguised as an ordinay CD driving around in a skrit, blouse & hose. Talk about layers of complexity!!!!!

[AlannahNorth]

A word of caution - I've spent time living and working offshore, and unless you KNOW that your location is safe (from the average guy on the street walking in), you are playing with fire. No need to elaborate.

I don't want to spoil your fun, but in a lot of countries that we think of as 'safe for tourists' there is a very fine line as to what you can get away with and what you can't, where you can walk in daylight, and where you shouldn't even drive at night. That's for anyone, never mind a CD dressed for fun.

Please be safe, don't push the envelope outside of your home turf.

[tall sam]

A word of caution - I've spent time living and working offshore, and unless you KNOW that your location is safe (from the average guy on the street walking in), you are playing with fire. No need to elaborate.

I don't want to spoil your fun, but in a lot of countries that we think of as 'safe for tourists' there is a very fine line as to what you can get away with and what you can't, where you can walk in daylight, and where you shouldn't even drive at night. That's for anyone, never mind a CD dressed for fun.

Please be safe, don't push the envelope outside of your home turf.

thanks for that word of caution. I have been here about 15-20 times over the past few years, so far from being an ignorent tourist. The reason I stay here is because its a private apartment in a secure complex. But the fun of crossdressing can make your thinking fuzzy!
So thanks for that and I will try being more sensible

[RhondaLynn]

A word of caution - I've spent time living and working offshore, and unless you KNOW that your location is safe (from the average guy on the street walking in), you are playing with fire. No need to elaborate.

I don't want to spoil your fun, but in a lot of countries that we think of as 'safe for tourists' there is a very fine line as to what you can get away with and what you can't, where you can walk in daylight, and where you shouldn't even drive at night. That's for anyone, never mind a CD dressed for fun.

Please be safe, don't push the envelope outside of your home turf.

I know exactly where you're coming from - known & worked among those you refer to. There are people who are prone to violence, and to them, even the smallest thing that can be seen as out of their 'norm' is more than enough justification to react, well, as they please. In fact, i'm so aware of this, they should be the ones who should fear me, if they should ever cross my path, for i am no one to confront, and any event, or any attire. I am not a violence-prone person, but I am not one to tolerate ANYTHING from ANYONE who crosses the threshold of what i consider threatening behavior toward me. Let's just say that I was a boy scout - i'm always prepared.

But your advice is solid - the threat is out there, and is very real. One should always be aware of one's surroundings and the type of area that you're in. There's a dangerous world beyond your closet door.

[Frédérique]

I read many threads as to why we crossdress. Exploring our feminine side, to break away, to feel like a woman etc. Well, I do it for all these reasons but tonight another reason has made itself very clear -- the adrenalin rush from doing something a bit CD risky is just such a buzz. First - the thrill of opening that door and just doing something you feel you shouldnt.

Yes, I like the risk factor. You put it very well when you say “…opening a door and just doing something you know you shouldn’t,” but I think it would be more accurate to say, “Doing something you know others feel you shouldn’t.” That’s a highly enjoyable activity, and I get a HUGE buzz out of it. Call it vulnerability, with a capital “V.” :battingeyelashes:

[sherri]

Not sure if its illegal?? Its a private complex I am in so I guess if its not in public it might be ok. Homosexuality is illegal here and they frown apon a feminine guy although I did see someone (a local Jamaican) in towk one day that defiantely looked like a TS.

It might be worth finding out - would be very very embarrassing getting caught and ending up a the local police station dressed up!!

Sam
To me, the second you step out your door you are "public", even if it's in a private complex. Of course, there is public and then there's public, I guess you could say. Your initial foray, exciting as it was, is a couple of giant steps shy of really getting out amongst the general population for a protracted period without the safety net of your apartment just a few steps away.

Square one is the legality issue, absolutely. If it's illegal and routinely enforced, then you better just accept that and stay in the closet. And even if it's not illegal, you need to be reasonably certain that the cultural stigma isn't so extreme that private citizens are likely to behave aggressively toward a TG in public. If I was in your shoes, one indicator I'd look for is the existence of local GLBT clubs where TGs are welcome. If you can't find any, that ought to tell you something.

[kimdl93]

I'd probably be lying to myself if I didn't acknowledge that the risk of being "caught" didn't give me a bit of a rush. At first, it was just underdressing discretely, but when that felt routine, I started wearing sandals and stockings...then painted nails...then a tiny bit of make up. The truth is, tho, that though these were a big step for me - almost nobody, even here in Texas paid the littlest bit of mind as to these little steps.

Probably not the same reaction i'd get in full dress, but then you never know.

[Hali]

I live in country where same sex relationship and anything remotely related to it (eg CDing) is still illegal, but that doesnt stop some pple to express their TG sides though most of TGs can only act/behave a TG but to dress-up and go out for fun you risk imprisonment/embarrassment. Its really a tough choice to go out sometimes but the excitement can really push one to go for it, and its often uneventful (bad experiences), ................only thrill and thrill and thrill.