When you told a friend, did they tell others?

[PretzelGirl]

When someone talks about telling a friend or allowing a spouse to tell a friend about "this thing we do" (copyright Veronicamoonlit), we usually jump in with the warning about not being surprised if the word gets around.

<Booming voice from the sky> Be prepared to be outed! </BVFTS>.

I have been trying to pay attention lately (really!) to any stories about whether this is happening a lot or not. But outside of a few ex-wives outing one of us, I haven't seen much in particular about friends.

So what is your experience? Did you tell someone and they kept the secret or did they out you to others? I recently let my wife tell two friends and I am good so far, but outing probably takes time.

And to end this, I always thought to assume the worse, that way you are at least prepared. And I referred to this before, but I would expect the worse to be like a 70's shampoo commercial I remember. The lady likes it and tells two friends, who tells two friends,....

TgDxWNV4wWY

[Bree-asaurus]

I've only told one of my friends, but I told her because I KNEW she would keep it a secret. No regrets :-)

I don't plan on coming out anytime soon.

[MizLutz]

My main problem is when I'm out in my shop tinkering and someone stops by to visit without calling. Never did like 'dropins' let alone dropping in while I'm dressed.

[Tonya Stolenski]

i have not yet told any one except my Fiance` i'm acually thinking of asking her if SHE wants to tell our room mates...that way maybe i can dress alittle more freely, we just moved in with these people and that really basshed out my dressing time with a iron skillet. i only own boyshorts and thongs so in that way i'm always dressed but i like to wear her tight shirts and blosses and stuff and i don't get to do that...

I havent told any of my freinds just because they are that "freinds" i'm sorry but i have a REALLY hard time trusting people... there is one of my freinds i would tell if i had the chance.. in fact i think he may have caught me one night... i was dressing in my upstairs bath room and i forgot to shade the window... and (he lived next door to me at the time) i herd vocies in the ally way it was him and his mom... i heard him say wow it looks like Tony has a girl over to his house... then i herd acually that kinda looks like tony... of course by then i was out of that room and lights off and such... but i think he might have assumed at the time... i never herd anything more from him about it. his mom was saying something like well if thats what tony likes to do then hey.... LOL his mom now thinks i'm satans defective son but that's a different story... my point is that if they are TRUE freinds then i don't think they would be such a dooch to out someone they acually like... if they are your freind they will like you for who you are, not nessicarily what you do...

[Kendra Amaya]

Pretty much all my friends know. Hell, some have never even seen the male me. I don't care who they tell, it's not that big of a secret for me.

[msniki48]

I do know what you mean as to the concern...We used to have a boat docked in the bay....told one of the girls...nect thing i knew the whole dock knew...thank God they loved me, they all accepted me...not particularly wanting to see me...although all the girls visited my site...but there was empathy.

same thing happened at home told one neighbor....now several know...they don't talk about it but they know...i give hints that i know they know...but they love me and thats ok

:o

[Being Paige]

I haven't told anyone, only my So and daughters know. I don't know if they have told anyone, I'm pretty sure my SO hasn't as she doesn't want anyone to find out. I have almost been caught so many times by people just coming over without calling. If there are family, freinds or relatives that know, no one has ever brought it up to me. I guess for me I am not big on what other people think of me so much, either you like me or you don't and if it's the later then it's your loss! :hugs:

[SweetCaroline]

My mom told one of her friends she works with. I have no problem with it however since I'm pretty far out there these days. No secrets here.

[NathalieX66]

I told a couple of my best friends and showed a few pictures, and said to one of my friends "use your discretion" to whom you out me to....mainly because he has a sibling with with an insatiable urge to talk constantly, without self control, and the sibling works with my cousin who is not so understanding or tolerant.

[Carrie R]

I told a GG friend of mine, and she somehow accidently let it slip to a married couple, also both friends of mine. I wasn't mad, I knew that was the risk of telling just one person. After that I told everybody else. Most everybody was great.

[AKAMichelle]

I have told 2 close friends and both of them told others. Now granted I was dating both of them at the time, so it was a big shock about me.

The first one told her best friend asking for advice. The second told the most people. Her current boyfriend, her children, several close friends. Years ago that would have bothered me back into the closet. When I told my wife, she immediately told her best friend and parents. That one did make me pretty mad. So much so that I had a conservation with her father.

Now I realize that when you tell someone, the information is a big shock and will probably lead to them telling confidants. That will mean that some people will end up knowing who have no business. The altermative is to live ashamed of who you are. That's isn't me. So I will continue telling others and living my life on my own terms. I will not allow someone to put me back in the closet. I am out!

[Olivia]

OK, to quote Benjamin Franklin, "Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead". Listen, ol' Ben was a wise man; I've found that he knew of what he spoke (spake?). I have told a few of my very closest friends. As far as I know a couple of them have kept my "secret"; a couple others have not, much to my disappointment. One was a person I really did consider my best friend other than my wife. He told. We were intimate friends too, and he just couldn't keep it to himself. Oh, the things I could tell about him, but I never would. See, I can keep a secret and he should be damned glad about that.

I hope that someday professional concerns won't be a problem and then I won't give a rat's ass who knows or who tells. I am not ashamed of what/who I am but I do need my job and in my field, in this area, well it just isn't in the cards at the moment. But, be forewarned, some people just will not or cannot keep a secret. Choose your confidants very carefully. My immediate family all know Olivia, and that includes my two grown children and my future son-in-law. I'm hoping to soon include my son's fiance in the "circle of trust", but her discretion will have to be assured before I do. Consider carefully and then proceed. Good luck hun! Olivia

[Andy66]

LOL his mom now thinks i'm satans defective son
:lol: OMG, that's such a funny expression -- I love it! :)

Based on what I've seen I would say maybe tell your friends. Do not tell your co-workers.

[Kate Simmons]

I'm from an Intel background and know that "loose lips sink ships." It's best to tell on a "need to know" basis.:)

[bron]

Good point Denise.......seems tho in my case that i need to tell everyone. I have told a female co worker in the office. I knew she would be cool with it. But everyone one in the office knows i am a soft type of guy [very soft]. At my age i don't really give a rats ass what others think about me.

[Barbara918]

So far as I know, no one I've told has re-told. But I don't think I'd care if they did.

[Kimmy55]

My wife took it upon herself to tell everyone she could before she moved out.Her family,my family,common friends,etc.No most if not all avoid me like the plague.

[Brooke Smith]

This is kind of curious and relates to how uneventful it can be when friends find out.

I would like to believe no one knows about me,for business and family reasons,although I have an ex-wife of over 20 years and a couple of ex-girl friends from the way back machine that knew all about it.

The odds of one or more of these people not outing me to my friends and acquaintances has to be close to zero. But as far as I am aware no one has ever said anything to me nor has it impacted my life in any way. I still have all my old friends and professional relationships have flourished.

Makes me wonder why I still hang out in the closet.Maybe I'm not as accepting of myself as I would like to be.

[JustWendy]

I suppose it's possible my ex has told some people. She's a very open person, even about her own failings. I can't blame her if she did it to unburden herself, I just hope she'd never do it out of anger. I do know that she must have said something to our older daughter, perhaps explaining our breakup, because once, in anger, she lashed out at me and said, "Mom told me you are gay". While she currently doesn't live with me, our relationship has improved over the past year and she may start living with me this summer, so we may have to have a heart to heart soon.

Wendy

[Sandra]

Nigella is out to everyone...have they told others, we don't know and if they have we don't care :D

If we'd wanted it to be kept quiet then we wouldn't have told anyone.

[kimdl93]

My ex told a lot of people, quite indiscriminately - during the really hostile phase of our divorce. It came around full circle and got back to me - but my experience was that no one changed their opinion of me or ostracized me...I suspect that many just discounted it as anger speaking and maybe also thought - well, we all have our quirks.

to my knowledge, my wife has not told anyone, even though I live quite openly with her.

[audreyinalbany]

I told gg friend--actually my wife's co-work and confidant--and she shared it with her husband, which didn't surprise me at all. Both of them are fine with it, and, as far as I know they haven't told anyone else

[Jenny Beth]

My daughter has told several of her friends, three of them I have met while dressed, her best friend has even done a makeover on me. So given that "two friends tell two friends and so on" I must be out to dozens of people none of whom I know. And I don't care.

[SheilaK_CD]

My Ex was fully aware of my dressing. She used to let me use all of her stuff, go out shopping for me, help me with makeup etc. Then we went through a horrible breakup. We have many common friends and colleagues. I have a strong suspicion that she must have told some of my female colleagues. But they havent brought it up and are super-nice to me. I do google my name every once in a while to see if any photos have surfaced. None so far and oddly I am a bit disappointed :sigh:

[Stephenie S]

This is just so true as to never need repeating.

Once you tell someone else, it's no longer a secret. That's just a FACT. Others will do the same thing you did.

"Don't tell anyone, but John is a crossdresser."

Once you tell, it's out. Never mind who you tell. Never mind how much you bind them to secrecy. Never mind how close a friend it is. If you want to keep a secret, you have to KEEP a secret.

So, to answer your question, OF COURSE they told someone else. (DUH!)

[kasha]

I've only told a few friends . . . . one outed me to someone else. Trouble was I wasn't sure about sharing with her, but I felt I owed it to her since she had confided in me. My important lesson . . . I don't owe outing myself to anyone. I should share it with only those I trust.

The thing of it is, the whole world could know about me. But it's nice to know I have good people in my life willing to keep my confidence and have my back.

[Bailey_in_Mansfield]

I told one friend. He outed me when we got into an argument later to his whole workplace. Out of his whole workplace, one person believed him. He had too little credibility so the others thought he was just being a jerk, LOL.

[sherri52]

Of those I've told, it has stayed in that circle. There are a few that have found out by going into my closet or my leaving the computer on and having this site up. They have told others but the others just seemed to drop it. It never seemed to make it's way back to me.

[ReneeCD]

I had a breakup of an intense relationship that had gone on for four years back at the end of September. It put me into a tailspin and depression that lasted until January. She's already engaged to be married in June to another guy. She's his problem now...

But back in May, we had broken up for six weeks. The first week in June, she called me crying and wanted to get back together again. This had been a repeating pattern with her--she would initiate the breakup, then call me wanting to get back together. I was very hesitant to do it, but I missed her, and finally relented. A day later, she comes to me and says, "You may want to break up with me when I tell you what I did." She had told a friend of hers (a REALLY conservative one) about my crossdressing in such a way as to elicit pity for herself. Of course, the friend immediately sympathized with her, and told her she had done the right thing breaking up with me. I told her that it wasn't THAT she had told her friend, but HOW and WHY she had done it. I told her that I hoped that, the next time she saw her friend, she would tell her the reasons why she had outted me. She did, or so she said.

The thing that bothered me the most about this was that, most of the time, she enjoyed my CDing as much as I did. Some of her comments: "You tend to dress conservatively. Don't you have anything ****tier?". And: "Do you have a blonde wig you can wear when we have sex?". And: "Does it bother you if I fanticize that you're a women when you're performing oral on me?". And: "I think I have lesbian tendencies".

I guess I'm lucky to be rid of her, although it didn't seem like it for a long time. Just be very careful to whom and what you tell. This was all to be in confidence--"pillow talk". Obviously not to her..

Renee

[Sammy777]

OK, to quote Benjamin Franklin, "Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead".

Exactly! You beat me to it.



Once you tell someone else, it's no longer a secret.
That's just a FACT. Others will do the same thing you did.



I have told 2 close friends and both of them told others.
When I told my wife, she immediately told her best friend and parents.

Now I realize that when you tell someone,
the information is a big shock and will probably lead to them telling confidants.

ALL Well said................

Face it! It doesn't matter who you tell or why, be it:
Your mother or father
Your wife or SO
Your brother or sister
Your best friend for a year or a life time.

If you believe for ONE second that they are NOT going to tell anyone then I have a bridge and some lovely property in Florida to sell you. :lol2:

Mind you I'm happy to be out, and well it is sort of an unavoidable thing when your a TS. :)

This may skew the totals, but part of telling [most of the] people was that I told them they can "share" but not to the world, and be sure to keep me in the loop of who knows.

But anyway, to date I have told IDK 10 Family and Friends.
Doesn't sound like a lot right? ........ :lol2:

Well I far as I can tell, at least an additional 35-40 people now know, maybe more.

BUT trust me!!, even IF I gave the "gag order" on the info, the number that know would still have doubled, no problem.

[sometimes_miss]

I can count the number of people I've told on one hand. Of those, only my mother and sister know each other. I have no contact with my ex-wife or anyone who knows her, so I don't know if she ever told anyone about me other than her friend she hung out with while the divorce was going through. The other two were gay women from work who, I hope, understand the desire for discretion. So far, I don't think anyone else knows. Well, maybe other than one gogo dancer who oddly seemed to be able to know what I was thinking numerous times, for which there was no explanation, but I never allowed myself to let her know her question about whether I ever wanted to wear a dress was on target. One blackmail episode in my life was enough.

[lacie]

I told my best friend just last year. We have been friends since high school. I trust him completly and know he would not tell a soul without my permission. He was very accepting and supportive. I could of told him along time ago but I guess I justed needed to grow and gain my own self acceptance.

[Solarhawk]

This may skew the totals, but part of telling [most of the] people was that I told them they can "share" but not to the world, and be sure to keep me in the loop of who knows.


That's a really good idea, I like it! I've told most of my circle of friends (all but two and one of their girlfriends, though she would be totally cool with it). I know I got outed by a couple of my friends to others in the circle before I could tell them, which is disappointing, since they don't exactly describe things the same as we would. Regardless, everyone is pretty cool with it (for the most part), and as far as them outing me to the rest of the world, I don't really care, as long as it doesn't negatively impact my ability to do life events (getting/holding a job, buying a house, etc)... and none of them have any contact with my family, who I want to tell on my own terms, when it's not a time of family turmoil already.

Just my :2c:

Jesse

[Kaitlyn Michele]

This is just so true as to never need repeating.

Once you tell someone else, it's no longer a secret. That's just a FACT. Others will do the same thing you did.

"Don't tell anyone, but John is a crossdresser."

Once you tell, it's out. Never mind who you tell. Never mind how much you bind them to secrecy. Never mind how close a friend it is. If you want to keep a secret, you have to KEEP a secret.

So, to answer your question, OF COURSE they told someone else. (DUH!)

The correct question is how many people do you think they told?:heehee:

[Karen564]

The correct question is how many people do you think they told?:heehee:

Yup,
And just watch how distorted the story gets as it's passed down from person to person..:heehee:

[sherri]

If I tell someone, is it even reasonable to expect that they will keep quiet? After all, I told, right? There are people who can absolutely be trusted with a secret, but they are a rare breed, a very rare breed.

[Karen564]

If I tell someone, is it even reasonable to expect that they will keep quiet? After all, I told, right? There are people who can absolutely be trusted with a secret, but they are a rare breed, a very rare breed.

I am proud to be one of those very rare breeds...and considered rare in more ways than one.. :battingeyelashes:

[Leslie Langford]

i have not yet told any one except my Fiance` i'm acually thinking of asking her if SHE wants to tell our room mates...that way maybe i can dress alittle more freely, we just moved in with these people and that really basshed out my dressing time with a iron skillet. i only own boyshorts and thongs so in that way i'm always dressed but i like to wear her tight shirts and blosses and stuff and i don't get to do that...

I havent told any of my freinds just because they are that "freinds" i'm sorry but i have a REALLY hard time trusting people... there is one of my freinds i would tell if i had the chance.. in fact i think he may have caught me one night... i was dressing in my upstairs bath room and i forgot to shade the window... and (he lived next door to me at the time) i herd vocies in the ally way it was him and his mom... i heard him say wow it looks like Tony has a girl over to his house... then i herd acually that kinda looks like tony... of course by then i was out of that room and lights off and such... but i think he might have assumed at the time... i never herd anything more from him about it. his mom was saying something like well if thats what tony likes to do then hey.... LOL his mom now thinks i'm satans defective son but that's a different story... my point is that if they are TRUE freinds then i don't think they would be such a dooch to out someone they acually like... if they are your freind they will like you for who you are, not nessicarily what you do...

Well, you know what they say, Tonya...

"A friend helps you move; a true friend helps you move a body" :heehee::doh::eek:.

[jenifer m.]

when i told my wife about jenifer she some how felt she needed to let her sister in on our little secret.my wife always knew about me wearing girly clothes but diddnt know i went out in public in full fem dress,her sister has said on a few occasions that she wants to see me as jenifer some day,and i said ha! fat chance,but she asks about every fifth time she sees me now.i just wonder who her sister has told?i cant imagine she can keep such a burning secret to her self.but i hope she does cuz im not ready to come out to every body we all know.maybe some day who knows?

[sherri]

I am proud to be one of those very rare breeds...and considered rare in more ways than one.. :battingeyelashes:I believe you sugar. :hugs:

But don't tell anyone about me, okay? :D