Some Things to Consider

[Melissa Pink]

I've realized for many years that I'm not a crossdresser. I believe that I'm clearly androgynous leaning towards being transgender. While I enjoy wearing sexy women's clothes, lingerie and getting make overs my femininity is much more than skin deep. I have always related more to women and have many more women friends.

I find myself spending more and more time thinking as Melissa, on line in t-gurl chat rooms and going out as Melissa. Physically, emotionally and sexually I am much more happy as Melissa, as she is who I really am. It's been three years since I was intimate with a GG. I'm attracted to GG's, but discovering the woman inside me has allowed me to express my bisexuality guilt free. The results of that have been incredible! My score on the Cogiati test indicated I have very feminine personality traits. I can act macho and in the words of my therapist have likely been overcompensated by entering male dominated specialties when I was in military and as a civilian. Inside I'm artistic, creative, sensitive and thoughtful.

After giving it much thought I am considering transition but I would prefer not to initiate this in the city where I currently live. I've lived all over the U.S. and have a couple of fairly transgender friendly cities in mind to start my new journey. Of course living somewhere there is a GLBT community and support groups is essential. In essence, I would like to move to a new metropolitan area where no one knows me as a a male and begin my new life as full time Melissa. I have a pretty generous pension from my first career and could live modestly on it while supplementing my income working some where part time where I would be accepted as a t-girl. I even have a couple of ideas for starting my own small business.

I've consulted with a physician who is willing to prescribe HRT based on the recommendation of my counselor. I've also researched laser hair removal and ultimately breast augmentation. Thankfully, I don't have a lot of excessive body hair :)

I'm single, never had children and not especially close to my family. What's stopping me? I don't know? I guess it's sort of like jumping off the high diving board. I don't know where it's going to take me. I think I owe it to myself to live as a woman for at least six months to a year and see where it does take me. My sense is that I'll be happier not living the "double life" that many of us part time t-girls live. It gets confusing! I have tried to consider all aspects of this decision. I'd appreciate any insight and comments from anyone that has taken this path ahead of me. I look forward to hearing from you.

Thanks!

Melissa Pink

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

Like you I've felt more comfortable when dressed up for a long time, but I hid it. Was afraid to be me because of what others would think, but in the last two years I've decided who I am and decided to transition, to be me. Since then I've changed my name legally, gone 24/7 and am officially Kimberly at my place of work for the last two months. My relationships with women have been far happier and my friendships with them more satisfying. I have found that to be me, finally after so many years of masquerading as a guy, was the best thing that I've ever done in my life. I will not turn back.

My advice is if you feel better as a women start living fulltime, see how it goes for you and then decide for you, not for someone else. If any doubts see a good gender therapist. By the way, Atlanta was ranked the most GAY friendly metropolitan area in the US. I was visiting my daughter back on thanksgiving holiday and found that I was accepted very nicely where ever I went. My daughter is Gay and I met many of her friends who accepted me with open arms. In fact my daughter is presently seeing a Transman. Good luck Melissa. Kimberly Marie Kelly :battingeyelashes:

[Melissa Pink]

Like you I've felt more comfortable when dressed up for a long time, but I hid it. Was afraid to be me because of what others would think, but in the last two years I've decided who I am and decided to transition, to be me. Since then I've changed my name legally, gone 24/7 and am officially Kimberly at my place of work for the last two months. My relationships with women have been far happier and my friendships with them more satisfying. I have found that to be me, finally after so many years of masquerading as a guy, was the best thing that I've ever done in my life. I will not turn back.

My advice is if you feel better as a women start living fulltime, see how it goes for you and then decide for you, not for someone else. If any doubts see a good gender therapist. By the way, Atlanta was ranked the most GAY friendly metropolitan area in the US. I was visiting my daughter back on thanksgiving holiday and found that I was accepted very nicely where ever I went. My daughter is Gay and I met many of her friends who accepted me with open arms. In fact my daughter is presently seeing a Transman. Good luck Melissa. Kimberly Marie Kelly :battingeyelashes:

Kimberly,
Thanks for the feedback and sharing your journey with the forum. What neighborhoods in Atlanta are GLBT friendly? Every time that I have driven through Atlanta there is so much traffic, but I'm sure it's a terrific city. I do have a wonderful therapist who has helped me very much!

Good luck to you!

Melissa

[Stephenie S]

Melissa, do you want to transition into a tranny or do you want to transition into a woman. It sounds kinda like the former to me. If you plan on becoming a woman, then anywhere in the US would be a good place to live. Base your decision on something other than the existence of a tranny support group.

If on the other hand you plan on becoming a tranny, then any of the large metropolitan areas should work for you. SF, Atlanta, Denver, Boston, Seatle, New York, and the smaller Key West, Provincetown, Amherst, Bellingham, I'm sure there are MANY more that I am not familiar with.

Stephie

[GypsyKaren]

You can move to Shangra-la in search of the perfect utopia, but it only takes one asshole next door to turn it into hell on earth.

[jenna_woods]

only you can decide,just make sure its what you want.

[CharleneT]

. . .
A big piece of advise that has shaped my transition, is to get all the hair removal done before you go 24/7. You have to let the facial hair grow in some for the electro/or laser to work. Quite unbecoming on a young lady. If you have all the time in the world and nothing to tie you down, start there and see how you feel when it's further along.

Good luck!!! :)

Hey, above advice is great! I would add this, if you do decide to transition, you would served to do some of that transition before you move. That way when you arrive in your new town, presenting as a woman will be a bit easier. Things like facial hair removal take a while and may find blending hard during the process. As well, HRT can be wonderful, but it takes time.

You seem somewhat unsure about whether you want to transition, I would recommend that you try living as a woman for a few months, but do not start HRT. The effects can be permanent, but they do not really know how long before that "sets" in. For MTF's the outward affects of HRT are relatively subtle, unless you develop decent sized breasts ( but that takes years). Hence you can blend in and live in an opposite gender without the dangers/permanence of HRT.

[Nigella]

Melissa, I too have considered every aspect of what to do, when to do it and all the other considerations necessary, but there is always something that you miss, or not allowed for.

The only person that can make any decision is yourself. Advice is very free flowing on this and other support forums, but ultimately it will always boil down to you deciding what is best for your unique situation. Go with the flow of how you feel.


... You have to let the facial hair grow in some for the electro/or laser to work.

Not in the case of laser, in fact it is preferable if you are clean shaven. My therapist has even shaved a few "missed" whiskers before starting laser.


You can move to Shangra-la in search of the perfect utopia, but it only takes one asshole next door to turn it into hell on earth.

That is so true Karen, I don't believe that there is one place better than the next.

[Schatten Lupus]

I've thought about moving to transition. The only two t-girls that I am aware of that where in this area didn't last here that long.
But when I got thinking about things other than just my transition, such as college plans, I decided that I would stay here and transition through college. I'm not going to give up my schooling plans just because some people are intolerant pricks.

[Melissa Pink]

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply to my post. I so appreciate all of your comments! I realize that ultimately the decision is mine. I have my mind made up, I just wanted some feedback from gurls that have taken this rugged path before me!

Much love to all my Sisters!

Melissa

[Hope]

Let me second the following advice:

Moving will not make your life wonderful - particularly if you don't have a distinct place in mind, or significant reason for moving there. Moving "Somewhere else" because you are unhappy "here" will not solve the problem - you will take your problems with you. Moving back to Atlanta, because it is home and you feel comfortable there and away from Seattle to get away from all the hippies might be beneficial (provided that you hate hippies and feel the need to be around people and places you remember fondly) - but you will still bring your issues with you...

Get started on transition before you move. Laser takes time. Hormones take time. Voice training takes time. Learning to walk / talk / move / interact as a woman takes time and practice. If your plan is to drop into a new local as a woman - have all of this stuff in place before you do it (or at least significantly in place).

Disregard everything anyone tells you (especially me) if it doesn't work for you.

[Melissa Pink]

Let me second the following advice:

Moving will not make your life wonderful - particularly if you don't have a distinct place in mind, or significant reason for moving there. Moving "Somewhere else" because you are unhappy "here" will not solve the problem - you will take your problems with you. Moving back to Atlanta, because it is home and you feel comfortable there and away from Seattle to get away from all the hippies might be beneficial (provided that you hate hippies and feel the need to be around people and places you remember fondly) - but you will still bring your issues with you...

Get started on transition before you move. Laser takes time. Hormones take time. Voice training takes time. Learning to walk / talk / move / interact as a woman takes time and practice. If your plan is to drop into a new local as a woman - have all of this stuff in place before you do it (or at least significantly in place).

Disregard everything anyone tells you (especially me) if it doesn't work for you.

I appreciate all of your insights and recommendations. I've naturally had feminine mannerisms and stride as long as I can recall. Like everyone, I'm work in progress. I'm beginning laser hair removal treatments and excited about that. I live as Melissa nearly all the time accept when I'm at work. I had to work on acting masculine for many years. I'm now relaxed about who I am and don't really care what people think of me. I realize that transforming is not an overnight process. I've been gradually coming to this stage in my life over time. Now that I am single and in a financial position to enter this stage in my life I'm excited about what lies in my future. As to whether or not I'm transitioning to a "tranny" or woman is unclear. Psychologically, emotionally and sexually I am a female. I always have been. I detest labels. If someone wants to call me a tranny, so be it as I don't consider it a pejorative. Inside I am all woman.

My desire to relocate is not at all negative. In no way is it running from my past. I'm actually happy and proud of my past accomplishments. I simply would like a fresh start in a progressive community where I can grow as a transgendered woman. I'm not from the city where I currently reside. I've lived all over the United States moving roughly every three years because of my job. Now that I'm financially in a position to "semi-retire" and have more fun in my life I'd like to make it my ultimate goal to continue my transition in a community where my creativity and lifestyle is generally more accepted. I have visited many of the cities that several of you have mentioned. Clearly there are narrow minded people everywhere, some places more than others. I have options. It's always good to have options. Thanks again to all of you for your kind words and support!

Melissa

[Gillian]

Hi Melissa,

What an incredible post and what a journey lies before you. I think you know what you are going to do and are just seeking some very minor confirmative replies to assure you. Well I for one, in your shoes, would not even think twice, I would agree with others to have the hair removal done prior, then I would be packed in a U-haul and on the road to a new city, and to living 24/7.

It is never possible to know all the thoughts and feelings from a post like yours but if I read it right and put myself in the situation you describe, then ding ding ding jackpot! I (you) win.

Best of luck with your path ahead I look forward to hearing about it as it unfolds.

[Genifer Teal]

. . . discovering the woman inside me has allowed me to express my bisexuality guilt free.

Melissa Pink

I find this comment interesting. Why did you feel guilty before? I think guilt comes from when we betray someone. This can be yourself. Who were you betraying? How does feeling like a woman change that?

Gen

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I find this comment interesting. Why did you feel guilty before? I think guilt comes from when we betray someone. This can be yourself. Who were you betraying? How does feeling like a woman change that?

Gen

Shame is a killer Melissa...its hard to really understand and pin down...you must be totally and completely honest with yourself...this takes time, energy and courage....saying you want to move away to transition is another indicator that you feel some shame...

with only this question in my mind...what do you think?

btw...i should know ...i spent my whole life being ashamed

[sherri52]

Make sure your ready for the transition before you decide to take the step.

[Melissa Pink]

I find this comment interesting. Why did you feel guilty before? I think guilt comes from when we betray someone. This can be yourself. Who were you betraying? How does feeling like a woman change that?

Gen

It's hard to describe. This was back when I was single and in my 20's. I believe I was hung up on the guilt trips that society places on bisexual or gay men. I enjoyed my bisexual encounters during the moment but felt guilty about them after wards. I know now that was silly. Looking back when I was intimate with a guy I always felt like I was playing the female role. At the time I didn't understand those feelings. Now that I'm single again and have comes to terms with my gender identity I'm having some of the best sexual experiences of my life. I can' t really explain it, it's just the way it is and I'm not complaining! :D

[corndog420]

That makes perfect sense to me, sometimes you almost take away from the fun you are having when your mind is always erratic with thoughts of not knowing really if what you are doing is right, and what impact it will have on the rest of your life, I can only imagine how liberating it must be to free yourself like that, and really embrace yourself and your sexuality, you display great strength for that, and you should be proud, and I would imagine it's like a totally new thing every time because you are still finding new things about yourself, it's amazing how dense people really are, and how we can actually open ourselves up and find endless new things inside we never really knew were there, further showing what a journey life really is :)

[Melissa Pink]

That makes perfect sense to me, sometimes you almost take away from the fun you are having when your mind is always erratic with thoughts of not knowing really if what you are doing is right, and what impact it will have on the rest of your life, I can only imagine how liberating it must be to free yourself like that, and really embrace yourself and your sexuality, you display great strength for that, and you should be proud, and I would imagine it's like a totally new thing every time because you are still finding new things about yourself, it's amazing how dense people really are, and how we can actually open ourselves up and find endless new things inside we never really knew were there, further showing what a journey life
really is :)

Liberating is a perfect way to describe my feelings. Allowing my feminine persona to emerge has been scary at times but always exciting. As time goes on I am at more ease with it and not as self conscious. After all do most people even notice or care? As I've stated before, I detest labels. I just want to be accepted for who I am and surround myself with open minded and nurturing people. Thanks for your comment about my strength for embracing my sexuality. I'm not sure if it was my strength or simply something I had to do. My sexuality is only a part of who I am, but for me it's an important component. Life can be such a wonderful journey if you let you heart be your guide.