cd's are shunned on from all perspectives

[crossdrezzer1]

straight people hate us,,, gays dont care for us,,, we are in our own catagorie,,most are staright but ask you buddy,,,,if a guy is dressed as a chick and panties are so preetty and feel so good he will run from you saying hatefull words like fag,,then ask a gay guy the same and he will say whatever floats your boat,,modestly put as he wont be so rude but not his thing,,ask a female lesbian and she will say yuck,,,, we are alone so let us stick together as there seem to be no understanding from others but for us we all know we understand the gays and compare----get along,,since gay clubs are where we are most accepted,,,we can relate to straights as we live a straight life and all our friends(or most) dont know we have a fem side,,lesbians we are inside so what I am trying to say is if you really want a full understanding as whAt we are ,,, we are every aspect,,we are gay--we are straight and also lesbians,,,,,,so why dont they understand us? because we can relate to all sides and they cant understand why we can jump the fence so easy,,because we are a mix breed and people hate muts,,I own a mut and its the best dog I have ever owned,,I know I am rambling but the point is coming across I hope,,,is it them being jelous of us that we can live so many lifes at once,,appriciate guy stuff and then go get a pedi and facial and wear heels and walk better than a real girl in them,,,jealousy once again,,I say that (type that) with a giggle.... rambling now ends.............thanks for endoring

[bethany356]

:love: :hugs:It seems like you could use a hug and flowers... I know they're cheap e-imitations, but it's the best I can do.

[crossdrezzer1]

:love: :hugs:It seems like you could use a hug and flowers... I know they're cheap e-imitations, but it's the best I can do.

I have been reading you post and you are a exception dear,,, wish all was like you,,, your man,,even far away is sooo damn lucky

[sissystephanie]

Amy, I have been dressing for 70 years!! Yes, that is right, I did say 70 years and meant it! Never once have I been called a fag, faggot, queer, or any other names! Sure I have been laughed at on a few occasions, but who cares? I have also received many compliments on my outfits. My dear wife passed away almost 5 years ago! She always did my makeup and fixed my wig before I went out as Stephanie. Since she passed away, I still go out very frequently at Stephanie! But without my wig or makeup. Just a guy in a dress or skirt and top! And I do go everywhere like that! Shopping malls, restaurants, anywhere I feel like going. Never have any problems like you discussed. You must live in a very restricted environment if you get treated like you mentioned. I do hope things improve for you!

[Byanca]

but the point is coming across I hope,,,
Omnipotent?


Earlier transgendered was considered to be the link between humanity and divinity.

[Amanda Katharine]

I've never experienced what you're talking about but that's because no one other than my wife knows about me. I live in North Carolina and can tell you from other things that people in these parts are very intolerant to people who are different. Around here, people hear I listen to heavy metal music and their opinion immediately changes without even knowing me. I don't dare go out dressed in public because in these parts, if I did and someone were to not like it, they could have me arrested and there isn't a thing I could do about it either. I don't know how that is in other areas, but like I said, the south is not very tolerant at all.

[Paige Winslow]

They do not get us. Shoot, I don't get me. How can I expect anyone else to understand when I don't. But some people do understand, and how many do we need? Just a few.

Love,

Paige

[Tanya C]

I've been out dressed quite a few times and so far the feedback has been pretty positive which has opened my eyes to the realization that we crossdressers may be more acceptable than I previously thought, I think a lot of it depends on how we present ourselves. If we move about and interact with confidence and grace people will naturally feel more comfortable being around us. If we become too self conscience then we run the risk of coming off like frightened little trannys.

The basics, things like positive attitude, appropriate dress and ladylike conduct can go a long way towards gaining acceptance. Maybe even respect.

[Mirani]

So it is not just "others" who stereotype.

I have had very positive and affirming responses from so many - gay / straight / who knows? / sales assistants / colleagues .......

Oh ... and who are "they"? and who are "us" .....

I am sorry you are not in a good place. I hope your experiences improve and your outlook even more.

[Presh GG]

Hi

I know you're going thru a really rough time right now. I'm so sorry.
Everything will be better, It always get's better, right?

Hang in there, my friend. More people "get it" than don't, I think ...Maybe they don't understand but there is a differance, don't you agree?

Take care
Presh GG

[Bree-asaurus]

straight people hate us,,, gays dont care for us,,, we are in our own catagorie,,most are staright but ask you buddy,,,,if a guy is dressed as a chick and panties are so preetty and feel so good he will run from you saying hatefull words like fag,,then ask a gay guy the same and he will say whatever floats your boat,,modestly put as he wont be so rude but not his thing,,ask a female lesbian and she will say yuck,,,, we are alone so let us stick together as there seem to be no understanding from others but for us we all know we understand the gays and compare----get along,,since gay clubs are where we are most accepted,,,we can relate to straights as we live a straight life and all our friends(or most) dont know we have a fem side,,lesbians we are inside so what I am trying to say is if you really want a full understanding as whAt we are ,,, we are every aspect,,we are gay--we are straight and also lesbians,,,,,,so why dont they understand us? because we can relate to all sides and they cant understand why we can jump the fence so easy,,because we are a mix breed and people hate muts,,I own a mut and its the best dog I have ever owned,,I know I am rambling but the point is coming across I hope,,,is it them being jelous of us that we can live so many lifes at once,,appriciate guy stuff and then go get a pedi and facial and wear heels and walk better than a real girl in them,,,jealousy once again,,I say that (type that) with a giggle.... rambling now ends.............thanks for endoring

I was considering starting my own thread but mneh... A phone call today sparked my transition into self-hating mode and I almost tossed all my stuff. But I know it will pass... it doesn't feel like it but I know it will.

Anyway, my point of posting this is sometimes it feels like you're the scum of the earth and don't amount to anything in anyones eyes... that's how I feel right now... but it's just a feeling and it's temporary. I know the three (and only) gay guys I've told weren't phased by my cross dressing, and the straight people that don't KNOW I dress but THINK I do are fine with it, although amused. Keep your hopes up... I'm trying to and it's nice to know we're not alone.

[Tiara]

You reach an age and point in your life where you just don't let other people's opinions bother you much. Enjoy yourself.

[VanessaVW]

You will anyways have folks here who understand (and will not judge you or call you names.) The world is filled with too many people who will pass judgement on someone in a nanosecond without even caring about the individual as a person. Yeah, we all have feelings and pride, not just those who throw insults. Hold your head up!! You are among friends.

Vanessa

[Bunny Girl Zoe]

Trouble with some people there have closed minds just try not let them get to you I know it's hard not to and upset but be yourself.

[Kate Simmons]

The obvious solution to me is to become the best person you can possibly be. Even when doing that, however, you can't please everyone but some are better than none, no?:)

[carrie-ann]

Sorry for what you are going through hun. I'm 24/7 and i have had very good things happen to me since i did it. Yes hae i had some give me that look yes,but I hae never had a confrontation. I have had many just want to ask me ? they don't under stand. I dress conservitive and professanal at work or when I go out. Be confident inm what you are and smile it makes a diff hun.

[Joanne f]

I have had first hand experience of being shunned by society but i have to admit that i have never had any experience with the gay seine so i cannot comment on that , but assuming that you are right maybe we should start thinking why are we shunned by all and see if we can come up with some answers that might help to alleviate this, something like a list of things why we think that others shun us and possibles ways to counter act it .
But could it be that because of the diversity of cross dressing this could never work (to many groups and sub groups) unlike being gay is just being gay.

[sherri]

Maybe it depends on what you're looking for. Yes, x% of the population is intolerant, but there's more tolerance out there than you might think. Acceptance is another matter. I think if you're willing to work at it and be patient, you can find some acceptance, at least on a casual level. Forging deeper, more meaningful relationships, however, is a bit tougher. When it comes to deeper friendships, lovers, etc., many sympathetic, well-meaning people tend to shy away from socially compromising situations. Nevertheless, there are some out there, but they're not going to seek you out, you have to find them.

[Joanie_Shakti]

Omnipotent?


Earlier transgendered was considered to be the link between humanity and divinity.

That's how I look at our situation. The Hindus often depict Shiva and his wife Parvati as a blend into one person.

[NathalieX66]

FYI, I went on a local gay forum the other day and responded to a post having somehth ng to do with why the LGBT forum was so quiet, and posted thet CD'ers make up a sizable bulk of the T in LGBT, and the one and only response was "who cares?!...a hard man is good to find".

[Frédérique]

we are alone so let us stick together as there seem to be no understanding from others but for us we all know we understand the gays and compare

I suppose I understand the “gays,” or do I just know them by association? Birds of a feather flock together, in terms of sensitivity*, but we are merely lumped together by society for convenience. Comparisons are meaningless. The fact that there are heterosexual transvestites turns this theory of “They ALL gotta be…(one thing or another)” on its head. Let’s just say I’m comfortable with the connotations of homosexuality and leave it at that. I enjoy the company. I really don’t care if anyone understands crossdressing – it’s enough (for me) to know there are many others out there who share this particular passion of mine…:battingeyelashes:

*Sorry if it sounds like I’m generalizing!

[Kristy 56]

I guess maybe I was just plain lucky that I recently found a lesbian bar where I was totally accepted. I called ahead,and the owner sais of course I was welcome,and if anyone didn't like it they could go elsewhere.Now I'm just one girls,and that's the way I like it. BTW,some of the girls never met a CDer,and I had never met any lesbians ,so it was a learning process for everyone.

[Tanya83]

FYI, I went on a local gay forum the other day and responded to a post having somehth ng to do with why the LGBT forum was so quiet, and posted thet CD'ers make up a sizable bulk of the T in LGBT, and the one and only response was "who cares?!...a hard man is good to find".

:lol:

[Gillian]

This does echo what I have observed in dealing with being a dedicated CD'er. Gays don't want to deal with the baggage, straight people cannot fathom why and are too small minded to want to, so we end up alone reclusive and in desperate need of friends.

Well in the last month, I made hundreds of friends, ones that call me by my name, Gillian, ones that feel and understand when I am up and then on a down, and that can help any time day or night.

We are making our own acceptability here and should defend this from harm or damage.

[johnna]

I've been out dressed quite a few times and so far the feedback has been pretty positive which has opened my eyes to the realization that we crossdressers may be more acceptable than I previously thought, I think a lot of it depends on how we present ourselves. If we move about and interact with confidence and grace people will naturally feel more comfortable being around us. If we become too self conscience then we run the risk of coming off like frightened little trannys.

The basics, things like positive attitude, appropriate dress and ladylike conduct can go a long way towards gaining acceptance. Maybe even respect.


Well said Tanya!! I also think that if you really love something, you become true to it/yourself regardless of what others think. It's when you allow the questions to seep in based upon others perceived judgements that you can become confused and less confident. We have to remember that who we are as individuals has nothing to do with what we like to wear.

I wish you the best... :hugs:

[Staci G]

I have had very good experiences with GGs mostly I have had some laugh at me and I just move on, as long as they are laughing they are not angry. I dont club so I don't have the stygma of the gay population not accepting me, I do however shop, eat, and generaly am a member of society if the public doesnt want me to wear a dress don't make them in my size. I am not easily passable so I get the "hey thats a guy" thing going on and they have to walk by me 20 times to get a look at the freak, but if thats all they have to do then they need to get a life, I am happy with mine they should be happy with theirs. I understand your rant and I agree I just try not to think about it. Well enough of my rant i guess, so just avoid the haters you'll be fine.

[Sheila]

Sorry .......... right now I know you are hurting, but having a go at all sections of society is not going to make you feel any better .......... I am a straight heterosexual GG, married to a TG ....... (We married last OCT), My 13 year old does not hate anybody, does not hate TG, lesbians,gay or BI people, he accepts my TG husband, my sister is a member here and loves he BIL/SIL to pieces, her boyfriend accepts both my husband/wife, ha sbeen shopping with my sister & Shelly (one of our mods on here), my MIL accepts her son/daughter and ha sher here photograph taken with her on several occasions as has my son .............

In all the times Debs and I, or Debs, Shelly, Celia (my sister), Sandra and Nigella, ............(Nigella and Sandra are both a married TG couple and members here) ......... have been out and about, having drinks , meals in main stream pubs and restaurants, we have never ever come across any hate or ignorance, .... a few odd looks, but nothing more than that .............. and I have been witness to more ignorance toward handicapped or colored people than I care to count



I know I am rambling but the point is coming across I hope,,,is it them being jelous of us that we can live so many lifes at once,,appriciate guy stuff and then go get a pedi and facial [B]and wear heels and walk better than a real girl in them,,,jealousy once again,

No not jealousy hun ............ why the heck would we jealous of you ?

[msginaadoll]

Their will always be people who dont understand or dont want to know u whoever you are. But there will also be a great number of people who treat you with respect especially if you act respectful and show a sense of humor. I have not had any problems at gay/lesbian clubs. In fact have met some wonderful people. Out shopping only been treated with respect by others. I guess I have been lucky!!

[Sandra]

As Beitris has already said we have been out and have not come across any of this. Yes there has been the odd look and comment in the likes of "is that a man" but nothing really like what you are saying.

IMHO I think some go looking for this type of thing instead of just gretting on with their lives.

[sherri52]

If you are stereotyping the human race as to how they feel you are probably right 40 yrs ago. In todays enviorment things have changed. There are many more people that are excepting as there were before and as long as we come together it will become exceptable. It won't happen tomorrow but the time will come.

[TGMarla]

You're right. We're shunned - by everyone except those who engage in this activity, or those rare individuals who somehow decide to accept it in others.

They don't understand? Heck, do we understand it ourselves, really? How are others to understand what we ourselves struggle with? I'm wearing a dress right now, and I'd be hard-pressed to tell you exactly why, other than that I need to.

You can say that gay people are accepted, and that we can get there, too. But gay people aren't really accepted. People have rather given in to the notion that there's nothing you can do about it anyway, and just go with it, whether it's comfortable for them, or even if they genuinely agree and accept. It's still not generally accepted by the mainstream, and never will be. Neither will crossdressing. Sure, you can do it, but there will not be a time when the average person will see a crossdresser, and not have some negative emotional response to it.

This is the reality. Those who venture out into the world crossdressed are either really passable, or have overcome the stigma of being read, and no longer care. We can fool ourselves into the idea that one day, it will be generally accepted, but like the gay community, it will always be shunned to some level, and not really truly ever accepted by mainstream society.

[Fab Karen]

We're not in general- some white people hate black people, some black people hate white people- not all do. Some gay guys hate women, some gay women hate men- not all do. A minority hate, the majority either accept & understand or at least tolerate differences & don't care as it isn't harming them.

[kellycan27]

We're not in general- some white people hate black people, some black people hate white people- not all do. Some gay guys hate women, some gay women hate men- not all do. A minority hate, the majority either accept & understand or at least tolerate differences & don't care as it isn't harming them.

So True......................

[AliceJaneInNewcastle]

In all the times Debs and I, or Debs, Shelly, Celia (my sister), Sandra and Nigella, ............(Nigella and Sandra are both a married TG couple and members here) ......... have been out and about, having drinks , meals in main stream pubs and restaurants, we have never ever come across any hate or ignorance, .... a few odd looks, but nothing more than that .............. and I have been witness to more ignorance toward handicapped or colored people than I care to count
This is very consistent with my own experience. I go out for dinner most Tuesday nights. We have an informal TG group who dine at a mainstream restaurant amongst the general public. Most people don't even look twice unless they are interested and want to talk to us. The waitresses know us all by name and, when one of the founding members of the group passed away last year, the head waitress brought in roses that she put a vase on our table the following week.

Some weeks, I go shopping at a supermarket in the way home, wearing the same outfit as I wore to dinner, including 3 to 5" high heels (I'm 5'11" bare footed). Nobody reacts badly. I once had a girl of about 8 ducking around the ends of aisles, smiling at me then ducking back away and I assume that she had read me, but I was overdressed for the supermarket so it could have just been that. There was no negativity in her behaviour.

I also go out shopping at large shopping centres from time to time, wandering all over the place, in and out of shops, etc. I had one bad experience in about 1997 when I really wasn't presentable and got abused by a group of school boys. I made an effort to improve my presentation and have never had negativity since.

Yes, I'm rambling. I'd best get to the point. :)

In my experience, if you present yourself in a way that is dignified and reasonable for where you are, you will be accepted by the vast majority of the people around you. Self acceptance, however, is a pre-requisite. If you don't believe that you are acceptable in society, there's a good chance that people around you will reflect your self-rejection and reject you as well.

"Argue for your limitations and sure enough, they're yours." - Richard Bach, Illusions

[Stephenie S]

CDs are shunned from all perspectives.

I don't think this is true at all.

If you start OUT with a negative attitude, you will carry it with you where ever you go and others will see and react to it. You have to think and act as if you own the world. Try being positive about your situation. Try SMILING at people for goodness sake. Try being friendly.

Lots and lots of guys just don't get this, but there is a DIFFERENCE between men and women in the way they relate to the world. If you bring your male attitudes of tough guy, machismo, unsmiling, "you prove yourself to ME before I will open up to you", to your crossdressing adventures, you will encounter resistance and distrust from everyone you meet.

Women SMILE. They smile at each other, they smile at men, and they smile to themselves. They are FAR, FAR, more open to the world. That's just the way it is. When you DRESS like a woman and ACT like a guy, you create a dichotomy that turns people off about you from the git go. I have been to support group meetings where the ONLY conversational subjects were guns and pickup trucks. This ain't acting like a lady.

I begin EVERY social encounter with a big grin. I call it my "sh*t eatin' grin". Look at Karen Hutton's avatar and noleena's avatar to see what I am talking about. When you smile, you signal to everyone around you that you are relaxed about who you are and what you are doing. It also signals that you are having fun. Most people have trouble being mean to a smile.

You also may be picking the wrong places to socialize. The combination of alcohol and testosterone present in most bars can make for a VERY unfriendly atmosphere.

I wish I could agree with your assessment of social mores, but I can't. I find most people accepting and friendly towards ANY diversity if given a chance. Is Saco, ME to provincial in it's attitudes for you? Try Portland and the areas south. I know several full timers in that area, some on this forum.

Stephenie

[Sherry-Stephanie]

So everyone hates us????

Look at the bright side....

We'll all have a short christmas card list to write....

Oh wait, nobody sends out cards anymore because stamps cost to much!!!!

Oh well, it was the thought that counted!!!!

[kathie225]

by folks with a cross spectrum of sexual preferences may be that they all dis like "ambiguity". Many people dislike looking at someone and wondering is he a man or a woman. It complicates their lives by putting a chilling effect on their social response and interaction. They feel uncomfortable and don't know what to say. Men ( generally) don't like to make a pass at other men. Women (generally) don't want to engage in "girl" talk with men. Gay men want "macho men not "sissy" men. So to them we are a "waste" the same as a heterosexual male may think a ravishing women who is a lesbian is a "waste". Finally lesbian women don't want to hit on men either.

Is there a solution???

[kellycan27]

by folks with a cross spectrum of sexual preferences may be that they all dis like "ambiguity". Many people dislike looking at someone and wondering is he a man or a woman. It complicates their lives by putting a chilling effect on their social response and interaction. They feel uncomfortable and don't know what to say. Men ( generally) don't like to make a pass at other men. Women (generally) don't want to engage in "girl" talk with men. Gay men want "macho men not "sissy" men. So to them we are a "waste" the same as a heterosexual male may think a ravishing women who is a lesbian is a "waste". Finally lesbian women don't want to hit on men either.

Is there a solution???

Stop worrying about what other people think about you, and get out there and live your life. You are putting people in nice neat little boxes, in just the same way as you say they are doing to us..
Just because someone doesn't want to jump your bones, or has different orientation, doesn't mean that they hate you. It may in fact make a difference to someone looking for a relationship, but not in general acceptance.

[Alice Torn]

We need to learn to accept ourselves, in drab, or dresses. I have a ways to go on this. Non-hostile tolerance, may be the best we can hope for, in a tough, hard world. TGMarla said it very well.