Reality or Not?

[Jenny Doolittle]

I have had some discussion with my wife, (who is tolerant of Jenny, but certainly wishes it weren't so). She makes the point that discussion of cross dressing issues in a cross dressing website has a slanted view of reality.

I can see her point, but still I think people that actually know what is going on inside my head can speak with authority and provide the best of advice. Just don't expect the rest of the world to understand.

What do you all think of this point of view?
:daydreaming:

[Kate Simmons]

I guess you could call me the "Borg Queen" here Hon. I try to bring order(and reality) to "pink chaos".:battingeyelashes::)

[kimdl93]

I would concede that a web site designed to encourage social networking among cross dressers will undoubtably have a different perspective than other venues.

Yes, this site could offer "cures", ten ways to stop wearing your wife's clothes, moral admonitions on the perils of transgender identification, and so on. Can I presume that the slant she's objecting to is that we're trying to be mutually supportive, positive and encouraging of each other and in our relationships?

Yes, learning how other CDers successfully negotiate relationships with SOs, picking up make up and clothing tips, and seeing photos of CDers does help diminish the stigma we each feel about this part of ourselves. Is that bad? Is attaining some degree of self awareness a denial/slant on reality or, as I would argue, learning to accept the reality of who we are?

[Gillian]

I don't agree with your wifes point as the people here offer experiences that transcend continents and decades, and has a wisdom I have found truly enlightening in it's rounded mature manner.

[Jenny Doolittle]

Thanks Irene, We have been togeather forever, :), 36th anniversary next week. She has been great! She cant understand why I am who I am, but does understand it is a part of who I am, and even maybe the best part.

Her point in the discussion was to caution me about venturing out as Jenny. She prefers I stay at home and enjoy, but as many know, a girl often wants more.

We continue to compromise, love each other and get by in a world that sure would be easier if everyone just were concerned about their own issues and not try to tell others they must be like them.

[Persephone]

Any group that gets together for a common purpose will have a take on the issue that will be slanted in their direction.

Is that a "downside?" Sometimes yes, particularly when the group is in control of our lives or our information, like a city council or Congress or the media.

At other times it is an "upside," like when a group fights for legal rights or funding for research into a disease.

The truth is that all interests are "special," from your profession to the Sierra Club.

Each individual or group sees the world from it's perspective and each struggles to obtain recognition and results for it's own special interest. That's why politicians are lying when they pledge to "fight the special interests," as they, as individuals, are just one more advocate for some "special interest."

Perhaps that is less of a "slanted view of reality" than it is simply being part of reality.


I can see her point, but still I think people that actually know what is going on inside my head can speak with authority and provide the best of advice. Just don't expect the rest of the world to understand.

Perfectly explains another big part of why people get together - to search for common insight and common understanding, as well as to find others who are traveling our road.

Perhaps the way to "balance" the slant in any group is to maintain a wide circle of friends, to take part in many different kinds of experiences, to read widely, and to keep an open mind.

Hillel, the famous Rabbi of 70 B.C.E. wrote, "If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?" (Ethics of the Fathers, 1:14).

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

I think just as is the case with everything else you just have to keep your wits about you. Yes, the attitude here is going to be overwhelmingly positive in favor of cding but I doubt any one posting here who is serious about cding doesn't know of the cultural resistance against it. There are plenty of posts here that contribute nothing to the reality of things, but when people post their real experiences and thoughts there can be some real benefits to being a member here.

[gabimartini]

May I ask, slanted in what way?

[kellycan27]

Maybe what the OP's wife is alluding to is that maybe this site supports and encourages to the point of being a detriment to some relationships. For instance.... causing the cder to push the envelope past previous agreed boundaries. That's just one example, and I believe that you yourselves could come up with even more if you want to be honest about it. Just a thought.

Kel

[sherri52]

Your wife is right in one aspect. We are bias, we here in some manner, shape or form areall CDs and there fore talk about the good of being a CD. We also give our best wishes to those who try to stop CDing. What we have all found or expierenced is that crossdressing is not acceptable in the common marketplace. We are here to help each other in doing it better or in stopping. Unfortunately the latter is not possible for us all. Some of us enjoy our crossdressing and believe it to help us in our everyday life. Mainly in the way we carry ourselves and in our mannerizms, but we treat people more equally and with sincere thoughts. I can only hope that others can see that.

[minalost]

Any group that gets together for a common purpose will have a take on the issue that will be slanted in their direction.

Is that a "downside?" Sometimes yes, particularly when the group is in control of our lives or our information, like a city council or Congress or the media.

At other times it is an "upside," like when a group fights for legal rights or funding for research into a disease.

The truth is that all interests are "special," from your profession to the Sierra Club.

Each individual or group sees the world from it's perspective and each struggles to obtain recognition and results for it's own special interest. That's why politicians are lying when they pledge to "fight the special interests," as they, as individuals, are just one more advocate for some "special interest."

Perhaps that is less of a "slanted view of reality" than it is simply being part of reality.



Perfectly explains another big part of why people get together - to search for common insight and common understanding, as well as to find others who are traveling our road.

Perhaps the way to "balance" the slant in any group is to maintain a wide circle of friends, to take part in many different kinds of experiences, to read widely, and to keep an open mind.

Hillel, the famous Rabbi of 70 B.C.E. wrote, "If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?" (Ethics of the Fathers, 1:14).

I couldn't say it better, Persephone, so I won't try


Maybe what the OP's wife is alluding to is that maybe this site supports and encourages to the point of being a detriment to some relationships. For instance.... causing the cder to push the envelope past previous agreed boundaries. That's just one example, and I believe that you yourselves could come up with even more if you want to be honest about it. Just a thought.

Kel

Kelly also has a good point.

[Joanne f]

Yes i would agree with your wife in that there is going to be a slanted view of cross dressing on the MtF forum as we all think that we are right in what we are doing but maybe it is slightly different on the FAB forum but that is only a guess.

[kimdl93]

Thanks Irene, We have been togeather forever, :), 36th anniversary next week. She has been great! She cant understand why I am who I am, but does understand it is a part of who I am, and even maybe the best part.

Her point in the discussion was to caution me about venturing out as Jenny. She prefers I stay at home and enjoy, but as many know, a girl often wants more.

We continue to compromise, love each other and get by in a world that sure would be easier if everyone just were concerned about their own issues and not try to tell others they must be like them.

I think your wife is correct in observing that many times we, collectively, do encourage individuals who want to go out in public. I don't know that represents a slant...except a slant in favor of being open and honest with oneself. That doesn't mean, of course, that we can expect to be well received or accepted in all environments. For example, yesterday there was a discussion about participating in a transgender forum an a church. That might be seen as an unsympathetic environment for an TG person or cross dresser - but it truth it may be surprisingly hospitable...

Your wife is also rightly concerned about safety in going out - and understandably apprehensive about possible embarrassment or social conqeuences....not saying those are right...but that they are real concerns.

[suchacutie]

Jenny, my wife and I are approaching 37 years this June and Tina as a part of our lives for 5 years. My wife and I look at this forum as a spectrum of points of view and, therefore, a source of information. What we do with that information is a personal decision between us, and between her and Tina. Tina and I feel we need to respect the wishes of the one who not only encourages our dual existence, but is regularly a mentor for both of us on everything feminine. My wife insists that Tina learn how to be "bitchy" and plans to instruct her at her next visit. I'm sure that will be interesting!

So, I would say that this forum does not have one perspective, but a vast array of perspectives, and that's just what we are all looking for!

I hope this helps, and happy anniversary!

tina

[charlie]

Hello Jenny!
What we have here at the forum is a site where all of us can come and tell our side of the story to a crowd that is exactly the same as us. In society today we are considered perverts, abnormal and worse. It brings some degree of sanity to come here and hear from others that we are not really that off beat and strange...just us. So you are both right. You, Jenny, get straight forward advice from a sea of others just like you. Your wife is right that you get slanted advice, in that you are getting it from people that generally all feel closely the same.

[PetiteDuality]

I agree with your wife. This site is an Oasis in the middle of our internal deserts.

[Sandra65]

Yes it does have a slanted point of view, but that's why we're here. Thanks to the WWW and forum's like this, you can find out that you're not alone in what you do, that you share the same experiences, fears and delights with many others who keep this part of their lives private, and most all you find a level of acceptance that doesn't exist in the majority of the community. While others may not understand it, refuse to accept or simply condemn it, this is our reality.

I'm sure many of you will also have visited the support groups for wives that oppose what we do - are they not equally slanted in their points of view?

[Roxi Loh]

Well DUH! Yes the opinions on this site are going to be slanted. Why else would anyone come here. ITS CALLED CROSSDRESSERS! Sorry...I do agree however that someone in the forum who wants to go out en femme is going to be encouraged to do so by those that enjoy it and even by some who have never tried. I can see that there is a group dynamic that can create escalation issues. If her point is to discourage you from visiting here than you and she should discuss it. If you are using this site to make a point that you should go out en femme then I agree with the wife. If you want to go out en femme then argue that on it's own merits. To try to say it's ok because I/we do it begs the time worn saying of "if everyone jumped off a bridge-cliff-building would you do it?" My two cents...:)

[Jenny Doolittle]

I certainly don't mean nor take her meaning in a negative way. She is simply reminding me that the opinions shared in the room is not the same as in the general public view.

I came to this site to gain understanding and share with a common bond in mind. I have found all of that here, but I also feel that as I make more and more friends, share with others and see what others have to share it encourages me to find my true north.

I think that it is interesting that so many people come out about themselves after age 45-50ish. Part of this may be financial security, however I think there are other variables such as finding one's true self before it has gone completely.

Anyway. Thank you all for your comments, support and insight.

[sterling12]

A hypothetical often used in The marketing Department probably applies to this situation. And, I quote: "If you want to find out why The Eskimo's aren't catching enough fish from their Arctic Waters, whom do you talk to about it first?" The answer of course, is THE ESKIMO'S! In this situation, The People involved, are acknowledged as "The Primary Experts."

Although we aren't The Experts on everything Transgendered, there's a heck of a lot of actual practical experience around here. There's a lot of "Been There, done That." I am often pleasantly surprised at the amounts of good, "even-handed," and useful information that gets posted on this site. Plus, you usually will get ALL sides of an issue, The Good, The Bad, A Spouse's Opinion (if required), and hopefully it helps an individual solve or cope with A Problem.

I would suggest that your Good Lady actually sit down for a week or so, and actually read The Information posted on these pages. I think she just might change her opinion. Please ask her to not only read The Loved One's Section, but just about everything posted. I think she will find there's very little prejudice, or people supporting their own agenda's. Just a lot of human beings, trying to cope, trying to deal with their life.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[tricia_uktv]

What's reality? Isn't it what we live?

[PippaJ]

Your wife does kinda of have a point, all the views on here will be pro- crossdressing, but the fact that there's like thousands of people on here means your still going to get some good advice on most things

[Nicole Erin]

MY avatar thinks reality sucks, I was telling her all about it and she made this face...