SunshineInSoFla
02-13-2010, 09:55 AM
I posted something yesterday and it bothered me to the point that I could not sleep last night.
Ok I. Have a little quandry here. From what I understand people that are TS want to fit into a role opposite that to which their body was at birth. For me though that was the case at one time. I'm no longer fighting the way I was born. Instead. I accepted it.
After going through the posts that so many of you have been kind enough to post, I think I have to retract what I said.
From what I have been reading of other people’s experiences, I have more in common with the TS population than I have been admitting to myself.
Regardless of HOW I went about getting to the point I am at in life right now. I am definitely having gender issues. If my posts seemed misleading I apologize. I’m kind of messed up right now.
… and I guess I found some of the answers to my own questions.
How do you tell the difference between sexual orientation, fear of sex, and having personal issues with your own body?
How doesn’t matter, I’m having issues with all of them. Two are the same issue at root, and the other will not be possible to know until I have dealt with it.
How do you pull down walls inside your own mind that you put up to protect yourself so that you can sincerely and honestly tap into your own feelings about yourself?
Would having a doctor take a scalpel to me to make me look more "normal" do anything at all to make the pain I have inside go away, or is it a matter of just learning to embrace the way I am?
It looks like the same answer fits both, through time and introspection.
If just learning to embrace the way I am were a functional method of dealing with what I’m going through, then I would have been able to already. It is time to look at the alternative, no matter how terrifying it is.
After going back through my life, I found at least 2 cycles of girl/boy where I spend a significant amount of time. I know in which role I was better equipped to deal with day-to-day life (even if it meant an automatic 20% pay cut). So… part of my answer lay in that I’m female, and I’m staying female.
If insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results, I’m going to choose a different action this time.
Instead of running from being labeled as TS, I’m going to approach the label and get to know it a little better. Perhaps it will fit. I’m going to try on the M2F label for a while and see if it fits. (If there were an I2F it would be a perfect fit, but then there wouldn’t be anyone to talk to). I have too many things is common, except perhaps for the bit about having the good(mis)fortune to know more than many TS folk about what it is like to be a child in the gender with which they feel themselves best matched.
If I seem to have mislead anyone, I offer a humble apology. I am still trying to figure this out.
Ok I. Have a little quandry here. From what I understand people that are TS want to fit into a role opposite that to which their body was at birth. For me though that was the case at one time. I'm no longer fighting the way I was born. Instead. I accepted it.
After going through the posts that so many of you have been kind enough to post, I think I have to retract what I said.
From what I have been reading of other people’s experiences, I have more in common with the TS population than I have been admitting to myself.
Regardless of HOW I went about getting to the point I am at in life right now. I am definitely having gender issues. If my posts seemed misleading I apologize. I’m kind of messed up right now.
… and I guess I found some of the answers to my own questions.
How do you tell the difference between sexual orientation, fear of sex, and having personal issues with your own body?
How doesn’t matter, I’m having issues with all of them. Two are the same issue at root, and the other will not be possible to know until I have dealt with it.
How do you pull down walls inside your own mind that you put up to protect yourself so that you can sincerely and honestly tap into your own feelings about yourself?
Would having a doctor take a scalpel to me to make me look more "normal" do anything at all to make the pain I have inside go away, or is it a matter of just learning to embrace the way I am?
It looks like the same answer fits both, through time and introspection.
If just learning to embrace the way I am were a functional method of dealing with what I’m going through, then I would have been able to already. It is time to look at the alternative, no matter how terrifying it is.
After going back through my life, I found at least 2 cycles of girl/boy where I spend a significant amount of time. I know in which role I was better equipped to deal with day-to-day life (even if it meant an automatic 20% pay cut). So… part of my answer lay in that I’m female, and I’m staying female.
If insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results, I’m going to choose a different action this time.
Instead of running from being labeled as TS, I’m going to approach the label and get to know it a little better. Perhaps it will fit. I’m going to try on the M2F label for a while and see if it fits. (If there were an I2F it would be a perfect fit, but then there wouldn’t be anyone to talk to). I have too many things is common, except perhaps for the bit about having the good(mis)fortune to know more than many TS folk about what it is like to be a child in the gender with which they feel themselves best matched.
If I seem to have mislead anyone, I offer a humble apology. I am still trying to figure this out.