What's in it for me?

[Nigella]

:eek:

It always amazes me how many people use a special day of one sort or another as an excuse to get something for themselves. Recently there was Christmas and now Valentines day.

I wonder how many other halves would be in serious trouble if they bought something for themselves, and not their partners, on a "transgendered day, if there was one. :thumbsdn:

[Nicole Brown]

Hmmm, I was under the impression that transgender day was any day that you find something that you just have to have... :battingeyelashes:

[Kate Simmons]

Silly maybe but nice.:)

[Sandra]

A lot of SOs who are not so accepting would feel like it's a kick in the teeth, with the SO going and buying a gift and having to get themeselves something.

It's as if the trans person cannot bare to be left out.

[NathalieX66]

A lot of SOs who are not so accepting would feel like it's a kick in the teeth, with the SO going and buying a gift and having to get themeselves something.

It's as if the trans person cannot bare to be left out.


:timeout: No no. Not what I meant.
Sorry i deleted that post.

You forgot the bulk of the deleted post, here'goes.

The idea of these holidays is to express our selflessness to our loved ones. It's their day. It's about going through the motions of demonstrating our kindness and love, not so much about caring about me, me, me. All I was meant was that t's hard to resist the temptation while shopping. I would never want to give my loved ones the impression that I care more about me than them.

[Joanne f]

I am always happy to buy something for my wife as long as i know it will fit me :heehee: Just joking,or am i . She gets to keep the rose`s as i cannot eat or wear them.:heehee:

[Super Amanda]

Wow, I was thinking this just a couple of days ago, Nigella! I was perusing the m2f crossdressing side here on the site, and I was sad by the amount of threads talking about what they were going to get "her" on Valentines Day, "her" of course being themselves.

Anyone single, BTW, can get themselves anything they want, whenever they want, naturally.

Crossdressers who are married, would be wise to remember their role in the relationship, ESPECIALLY on this day.

All of you who get support from your spouses BETTER DAMN WELL be giving them ALL of the attention today!!

In other words, let your SO be the ONLY lady tonight...GET IT?

[Moe GG]

I'm not afraid to say that I unfortunately agree with Nigella on this one.. I decided not to post anything in the thread previously mentioned as I didn't think it was the right place to "criticize".

No one can claim that even though I'm no longer in a relationship with a crossdresser, I'm less supportive or understanding than I was then. I do understand the temptation you face when you're out shopping and the certain mindset that went along with some of the posts, but I have to admit that reading a lot of it made me both upset and sad on the behalf of some SOs out there.

Pink fog, temptation and all that aside.. There's just no excuse to be that selfish on the one day of the year set aside to show someone you love how special they truly are and how much you appreciate them.

[Super Amanda]

I'm not afraid to say that I unfortunately agree with Nigella on this one.. I decided not to post anything in the thread previously mentioned as I didn't think it was the right place to "criticize".

No one can claim that even though I'm no longer in a relationship with a crossdresser, I'm less supportive or understanding than I was then. I do understand the temptation you face when you're out shopping and the certain mindset that went along with some of the posts, but I have to admit that reading a lot of it made me both upset and sad on the behalf of some SOs out there.

Pink fog, temptation and all that aside.. There's just no excuse to be that selfish on the one day of the year set aside to show someone you love how special they truly are and how much you appreciate them.

:yt: That's what I tried to say, but it needed to be said by a gg.

[linnea]

Giving cards, flowers, and other gifts on days like Valentine's Day, Christmas, other holidays, and birthdays is a good thing to do for others. I don't shop for myself on these occasions, nor do I think anyone else should. I also resent the ads that include the little tagline that says that a person should get something for herself because

1. she deserves it (HA)
2. she's taken care of others: she should take care of "her" too
3. she's the one who knows what she [U]really[U] wants
4 [I'm sure there are others]

These are advertisers trying to "sell up"; anyone who has worked retail knows what that's about--and it isn't the spirit of giving!

[AllieSF]

Let's put this in perspective. Yes, here it is, one day set aside by the gift card companies, and built up and supported by all the companies that can sell those "necessary" gifts. I am not against days like these, but do regret that they have seemed to become mandatory gift and special attention days. I bet if someone did a meaningful pole of the general public, we would find that the majority of people do not participate in Valentines day. We should be doing that on a regular basis, if we really do care for the other, and not be coerced by commercial interests and others. What is wrong with purchasing gifts for two people at the same time. That in itself is in no way disrespectful the prime recipient, as long as it is kept in the background.

[Sandra]

Nathalie

I hope you didn't think I was having a go at you? my post was aimed at the whole spectrum and not at anyone person in particular :)

Whilst you would not want your loved ones to have that impression, there are unfortunatly some loved ones who do :( and feel very left out.


What is wrong with purchasing gifts for two people at the same time. That in itself is in no way disrespectful the prime recipient, as long as it is kept in the background.

So are you saying that so long as the gift for the cder is kept in the background then it's ok?

I would imagine that there may be a few SO who would disagree

It still comes down to the trans person not being able to just get a gift for thier SO and them alone.

[Super Amanda]

What is wrong with purchasing gifts for two people at the same time. That in itself is in no way disrespectful the prime recipient, as long as it is kept in the background.

To you it's no big deal, but to her you may as well be buying something for her and your mistress.


Morally right or wrong doesn't matter here. Everyone knows Valentines is a "Hallmark Holiday", but women still revere this day highly, which everyone knows as well. So knowing these things, yet deliberately bucking the trend, while to you it may show the world how you oppose the tradition, but to her it shows that you don't care enough about her to make the day special somehow.

Unless you're so suave that everyday in your relationship is like Valentines, which lets face it, is most likely not so, then Valentines Day is and will continue to be a special day for women.

[Moe GG]

Let's put this in perspective. Yes, here it is, one day set aside by the gift card companies, and built up and supported by all the companies that can sell those "necessary" gifts. I am not against days like these, but do regret that they have seemed to become mandatory gift and special attention days. I bet if someone did a meaningful pole of the general public, we would find that the majority of people do not participate in Valentines day. We should be doing that on a regular basis, if we really do care for the other, and not be coerced by commercial interests and others. What is wrong with purchasing gifts for two people at the same time. That in itself is in no way disrespectful the prime recipient, as long as it is kept in the background.

Personally.. I couldn't care less about Valentine's Day.

That doesn't change my point of view though. If they've decided Valentine's Day is important enough to treat themselves to something extra special, then that should transfer to treating their significant other accordingly.

...Unless it's just an excuse to buy something for themselves without feeling guilty about it because it's Valentine's Day after all... and the day itself and what it's supposed to stand for means nothing to them.

Either way.. Even if it's only as valuable and meaningful as we individually make it out to be, it still doesn't justify such a thoughtless, selfish attitude - whether it's simply a convenient excuse or a genuinely special day.

[windycissy]

I guess I started this fury with my whimsical thread about "her"...hardly surprising that wives are incensed to learn that they're not the only ones their hubbies are shopping for on Valentine's Day, at least we're keeping it in the family instead of buying frillies for mistresses, girlfriends, etc!

[Moe GG]

I guess I started this fury with my whimsical thread about "her"...hardly surprising that wives are incensed to learn that they're not the only ones their hubbies are shopping for on Valentine's Day, at least we're keeping it in the family instead of buying frillies for mistresses, girlfriends, etc!

What's even less surprising.. And this is not a personal attack by any means, it just happens to be a very good example, is someone with this kind of attitude making generalizations and showing very little understanding and empathy.

To the crossdressers out there concerned.. If you want to be met with understanding and empathy.. Giving some would probably be a more productive approach than rubbing in their faces that "it could be worse" and "at least you're keeping it in the family".
I personally find if very disrespectful and as understanding and supportive as I was with my ex, I would've been hurt by this attitude. It has to go both ways, you can't just take and not give an inch and go about your business as if you're the only person in the relationship that has needs, opinions and desires that matter. You may not always understand why your SO feels the way she does about certain issues... But you should at least try to respect is as long as it's within reason and important to her.

[Anita Lynn]

the satisfaction of knowing that my wife knows she IS my world.
"She" (Missy, that is) didn't get anything today, but "I" did get a nice card that said that even when the times are rough "I" am still loved.
Through my actions throughout the rest of the year she knows that as soon as I'm off work i come straight home to her, and I go to great lengths to "spoil" her. She does not have every thing she wants (I can never seem to figure what that is) but she has every thing she needs and a lot of what she wants.
So, whats in it for me is her happiness, and knowing that she does not have a doubt about my undying love for her. Things might be tight for us right now (hence Melissa's non existent budget) but she is my world
So for now "she" can wait. (Melissa, that is)

Melissa Ann

[Nigella]

Meliss Ann

Thank you for your post, not quite in response to my meaning behind the OP, but at least it does show that some transgendered persons are putting their other halves before themselves.

On another note, it is nice to see some GGs inputting to this thread, but I can imagine the blood bath that would have followed if a GG had dared to start the thread.

Lets hear from other GGs on how you feel about your other halves treating themselves on a day you thought was special for you.

[Tamara Croft]

at least we're keeping it in the family instead of buying frillies for mistresses, girlfriends, etc!What's the difference? A lot of women see their SO's as two different people, him and her... so if you're buying 'her' something on V day, you are basically buying for the other woman... That's not my opinion, it's something I've noticed over the years of being here.

Valentines day is about showing how much you love another person, not how much you love your self... Would you go buying yourself something when it was your SO's birthday?

If you're alone on V day, then it doesn't matter, but when you're in a relationship and decide to also spoil yourself and probably make more of a deal of what you get yourself, then your SO is going to feel like you're more interested in yourself.

If Tam decided to buy herself something on Valentines day, I wouldn't be very happy about it, infact I think it would be rather selfish. I wouldn't dream about buying myself something.

[Alice Torn]

I don't have a SO. I agree with Allie. Forced giving, is like taxation! Christmas is "deck the halls with merchandising." It's much more fun, to give a gift on a day no one expects to get one. And, just where did this Valentines stuff come from, originate? It didn't start with Hallmark! Time to find out.

[Sheila]

I guess I am one of the very very lucky GG's ......... I got the most wonderful card from D****, the words said it all and are so appropriate right now for where we are at, what shared this weekend I am not prepared to say on the forum as it was so very, very special to us ............. I love him to bits and today was us showing our love for each other......... I on the other hand returned the compliment and found the most wonderful card for him (oww and a box of chocs ............ I could not allow such a special day to pass without his choc meter being filled :D

Every day we showed show our partners how much "THEY" mean to us, but especially on high days and holidays ........... so many of you wonder why SO are non accepting, or turn non accepting .... some of the replies in here and the other thread will give you a clue if you care to take the rose tinted specs of :straightface:

[AllieSF]

As I said in my thread, or at least meant to say, I am not against Valentines day. However, if you are out shopping for her and buy something for yourself, so what./ That is not disrespectful of her. I do not need an excuse to shop for myself, others may need that so that they can buy something for themselves and I understand that. We are not all the same in our confidence to being out in the world shopping and doing things.

Sandra: I stated that there is nothing wrong with buying for two people at the same time. That was generalizing the situation and also included the CD. It is hard to put everything that we want to say into the typed word, which is not necessarily my strong suit. What I meant by keeping it in the background, is that the CD or anyone else who has bought a gift for one person and then for themselves and depending on the relationship and its strength should probably not bring up the fact that they also bought something for themselves. In the CDer's situation, which as we all read here on this site can be filled with issues with their SO. I mean why bring it up that they purchased something for themselves. Assuming that buying something for two people is not a financial strain, what does that do? I would not want to be in a relationship where I would have to tiptoe around in a relationship by not buying something for me when also buying for someone else. I have been told by my ex-wife, girl friends and other women during normal conversations, that they had also found something nice for themselves while out shopping for their SO's special day.

Amanda: I am not opposed to Valentine's day. I just keep it in perspective regarding everything else. If I was in a relationship, I would get something for my partner, treat her special as I hope I would always be able to do, and would appreciate if she also did the same for me. Valentine's day is not a one way street. However, I would not hesitate to get something for me (guy or girl thing) while out shopping.

Moe: I am not trying to change your point of view, but giving my perspective on this thread's points as I understand them. I do not see my attitude as thoughtless and selfish. I hope the explanations above helps clarify that. I agree with your statement, "If they've decided Valentine's Day is important enough to treat themselves to something extra special, then that should transfer to treating their significant other accordingly.". To further clarify a CD buying something for themselves at the same time, if that is one of the only times that that CD can get up the courage to actually buy something in person, why is that wrong? If the CD's feelings for the SO is unchanged, what harm, physical, dishonesty or lack of respect has been done? Are you saying that the CD should then not shop for themselves at Christmas time, birthdays for others, Valentines day, Halloween and whatever other special days that give that person the courage and opportunity to actually shop for themselves?

This is longer than I intended. However, I did want to try to clear up any misunderstandings and hope that I did that successfully.

[Nigella]

Just to clarify a point that seems to be the main agenda, this is not just about valentines day.

This thread is about the "need" for the transgendered to buy something for themselves when the day is about the significant other in your life, this was highlighted in my OP when I also mentioned Christmas.

[Moe GG]

Moe: I am not trying to change your point of view, but giving my perspective on this thread's points as I understand them. I do not see my attitude as thoughtless and selfish. I hope the explanations above helps clarify that. I agree with your statement, "If they've decided Valentine's Day is important enough to treat themselves to something extra special, then that should transfer to treating their significant other accordingly.". To further clarify a CD buying something for themselves at the same time, if that is one of the only times that that CD can get up the courage to actually buy something in person, why is that wrong? If the CD's feelings for the SO is unchanged, what harm, physical, dishonesty or lack of respect has been done? Are you saying that the CD should then not shop for themselves at Christmas time, birthdays for others, Valentines day, Halloween and whatever other special days that give that person the courage and opportunity to actually shop for themselves?


I didn't say you were trying to change my point of view, I took something you said, clarified and then elaborated on it as I stated my opinion further.

I feel I made myself very clear on how I personally see this matter and that these questions were indirectly answered in my previous posts, even if you've added a new twist.

If Valentine's Day, with everything it's supposed to represent, is such a meaningful day to you, then using that day as an excuse to put yourself and your own desires first, before your loved one, is disrespectful and selfish in my opinion.

If you read my posts again, you'll see that I haven't said anything about other holidays or birthdays that you can peg on me, but I will say that using someone's birthday to shop for yourself is reason enough to take a long, hard look in the mirror. (There should be limits to how self-absorbed and self-obsessed one can behave and still feel comfortable with oneself.)

As for using birthdays as an excuse to gather up courage to buy something for yourself, courage you normally wouldn't have.. How on earth are the sales people supposed to know it's your wife's birthday? I'd say that's grasping for straws.

[windycissy]

I didn't say you were trying to change my point of view, I took something you said, clarified and then elaborated on it as I stated my opinion further.

I feel I made myself very clear on how I personally see this matter and that these questions were indirectly answered in my previous posts, even if you've added a new twist.

If Valentine's Day, with everything it's supposed to represent, is such a meaningful day to you, then using that day as an excuse to put yourself and your own desires first, before your loved one, is disrespectful and selfish in my opinion.

If you read my posts again, you'll see that I haven't said anything about other holidays or birthdays that you can peg on me, but I will say that using someone's birthday to shop for yourself is reason enough to take a long, hard look in the mirror. (There should be limits to how self-absorbed and self-obsessed one can behave and still feel comfortable with oneself.)

As for using birthdays as an excuse to gather up courage to buy something for yourself, courage you normally wouldn't have.. How on earth are the sales people supposed to know it's your wife's birthday? I'd say that's grasping for straws.

Priceless...since time immemorial women have been trying to improve men, like "If only you'd do this" or "If only you wouldn't say that!" Please face the fact that you're not going to change us, we are what we are...it's tough enough for us to shop for women's clothes without getting a guilt trip laid on us!

[sherri52]

today is my unbirthday, I should get something.

[kellycan27]

My b/f took my mother and I out to lunch and I bought some some red lacy lingere.......That we will BOTH enjoy. :o
And no....... he doesn't wear it! :heehee:

Kel

[victoriamwilliams1]

"Transgender Day" don'tlet hallmark see this they may create it:)

For me I bought myself a nice outfit with shoes paying about $70 for everything! and my S.O. bought a nice outfit with all the trimmings pluse me buying her a gift and when it was all totaled up it was about $130.

So for me I think my S.O. wins in the spending and I will buy for her before I buy or me.

[Rachel Morley]

Just to clarify a point that seems to be the main agenda, this is not just about valentines day.

This thread is about the "need" for the transgendered to buy something for themselves when the day is about the significant other in your life, this was highlighted in my OP when I also mentioned Christmas.
Exactly! ... this is about having a go at deeply closeted people only having certain opportunities to buy girly things for themselves without suspicion on certain days. :D

[Sheila]

Quote:Originally Posted by Nigella
Just to clarify a point that seems to be the main agenda, this is not just about valentines day.

This thread is about the "need" for the transgendered to buy something for themselves when the day is about the significant other in your life, this was highlighted in my OP when I also mentioned Christmas.


Exactly! ... this is about having a go at deeply closeted people only having certain opportunities to buy girly things for themselves without suspicion on certain days. :D

:eek::eek:Some of you wonder why some GG's find it hard to accept:eek::eek:
:Angry3::Angry3::Angry3: no it bloody is not:........... do you know how damn hurtful it is to be out with your partner and he be constantly eyeing other women up (yes we bloody know it is not about lusting after the woman for some of you, but what they wear, or criticizing their clothes) .......... if it so bloody hard for some TG's to make their partner their focus for the day, it is not unsurprising so many TG relationships struggle ...........

I would never ever dream of buying for myself on my husbands birthday, Christmas, high days and holiday (public or our private celebration days) other than to give him a wow factor to make him even prouder to be seen with me (and yes that include if we were going out as Debs and Beitris)

Some of you wonder why some GG's find it hard to accept

[Moe GG]

Priceless...since time immemorial women have been trying to improve men, like "If only you'd do this" or "If only you wouldn't say that!" Please face the fact that you're not going to change us, we are what we are...it's tough enough for us to shop for women's clothes without getting a guilt trip laid on us!

I'll keep this to one post and then leave it as entering into a discussion with you would be just as productive and fun as banging my head against a brick wall.

This isn't about "improving men", that kind of generalization of both men and women, not to mention victimizing men, isn't going to help anyone. It's a huge step back.

Luckily, all men aren't the same, just as all crossdressers aren't the same. If that were the case, and all crossdressing men shared your mindset.. As a bi GG with options, I would personally never go near one ever again.

It's about both taking and giving, about mutual respect, about acknowledging that the person you're with also has feelings and both emotional and physical needs that are just as important as your own.

I can only speak for myself, and I won't have you twist my words and seemingly turn me into someone I'm not.

When I was with me ex, I accepted his secret within minutes of being told. I gave him some of my clothes that he'd been trying on behind my back as a temporary solution, then went out and bought him some new ones and spent time with him browsing and ordering online so that he'd have his very own to dress up in.
I'd take him shopping and try to get him to pick out things while I was getting something for myself so that he'd feel less exposed. We'd talk about clothes long after I'd gotten bored with the subject because he was so excited about it.
I encouraged and helped him try on make up and explore, was in the process of persuading him to buy a wig to have fun with, he was too embarrassed to go for it himself, but I knew he wanted to.
I encouraged him to dress often, both in and out of bed, role played, complimented him and made him feel more comfortable with this side of him.
Wanted to take him out dressed when he felt ready for it, I even said I'd dress more masculine for the occasion so that he'd feel more feminine.
The only reason I'm using "he" rather than "she" is because as of then, he hadn't created a femme persona.

If we were together still and he'd told me he wanted to become a woman, I'd probably tell him to knock me up a couple of times more as I want more kids, and then say go for it.

Without tooting my own horn here.. I quite frankly believe I'm about as supportive a GG as they come... Yet I would still not tolerate the "me,me,me-mentality".

[kimdl93]

My take on this. I honestly spend plenty on my little hobby :) so I don't need a holiday as an excuse to indulge myself. I made it a point to make Valentines Day about my wife and my appreciation of her. And she does things for me, every day, without needing an official "reminder".

For those of us w/o a SO in our lives - I'd say sure, go get yourself something special.

[Tamara Croft]

it's tough enough for us to shop for women's clothes without getting a guilt trip laid on us!No it's not, you make it tough on yourselves, because you think people are going to instantly know you're a cd'er because you're buying womens clothes. People DON'T CARE!!! They are there to make money, they don't care who they sell it to. You make it worse for other cd'ers, because you make a big deal out of it. Then you use the lame excuse Valentines Day to go treat yourself, because holidays are the only time you can do it... seriously... what planet are you from?

I can understand a person buying for themselves if they do not have a partner and it's a really good time for those that have never gone shopping before, but those who think it's right to do this when they have a SO, you're WRONG. Do you think all women that shop for their SO's (men) clothes have to brace themselves because they are going to wonder if the SA's think they are FTM's? Come on... let's get real here. You make your own lives harder, because you do not know how to burst that silly bubble you're in and start living... it's NOT rocket science. Open shop door, browse, try on, purchase... there is no law I know of that says you can't try anything on in a shop. You might have to use the mens changing rooms, but who cares?

[Nigella]

...it's tough enough for us to shop for women's clothes without getting a guilt trip laid on us!

Guilt is a feeling we all get when we do something we know is wrong. So if you feel guilty buying women's clothes, then there is only one person who can stop that.

As for it being tough to shop for women's clothing, again that is down to the individual. There are hundreds of men doing it every day, going into stores, talking to the SAs, asking if they can try on this, that or the other. Not yet heard of anyone being arrested for it. Personally I've never had any problem with it at all, once I had gotten over my own fears.




Exactly! ... this is about having a go at deeply closeted people only having certain opportunities to buy girly things for themselves without suspicion on certain days.

Where did this one come from? Who is having a go at who? I certainly don't recall pointing any fingers at anyone in particular.