Mistake telling others.

[Tiara]

Anyone ever regret revealing you crossdress to a trusted friend or family member?

[sherri52]

I have 8 children who have all been told. My second oldest son doesn't even want to talk to me unless it's to get money. His sister told me it was because of the dressing. The other seven are ok with it or should I say don't hold it against me. I wish I never told that son.

[Billijo49504]

Not really, I don't tell everyone. I'm not out to everyone. My kids know, but they grew up with that knowledge. And I shop dressed..:hugs:.BJ

[kimdl93]

I went through a rough patch with my kids after my x outed me to my family...but it turns out their anger was more focused on the divorce than on particulars of my dressing. We've worked it out now and have a good relationship. My advice to anyone who has been shut out by a family member is to just keep trying to open up. Do what you say you'll do, be a person they can respect, and in the end they MAY come to accept you. If they don't at least you gave it your best.

[Jill]

I told a friend that I wished I hadn't. Her response definitely could have been worse, she didn't really freak out or out me or cancel the friendship. But she's definitely not accepting. She told me things like there would never be a woman who would be ok with it and things like that. She was really negative about it.

[Nicole Brown]

Yes, to my probably soon to be ex wife...

["Mary"]

I've only confided in a few folks, no regrets so far.

[Nicola2876]

Told a girl who was a friend/sex buddy and she loved it but I didn't want it to be a bedroom fetish thing. She hasn't told a soul as far as I'm aware

[MonicaJean]

I told the wife before we were married...shortly after we started dating. She thought I was really weird. REALLY weird. But she appreciated the candor. Problem is, she has used that as a sword against me in anger even though I didn't dress up for many years. Hurts when she does that. Yes, I wish I never told her.

[msniki48]

Anyone ever regret revealing you crossdress to a trusted friend or family member?


unfortunately, i have to say yes Tiara.

But i will get through it


:hugs:

[Rebecca Jayne]

Only told my wife and I stopped there.
If I were a thief or alcoholic I'd be more welcome outed.

[thechic]

Hi there

Ive regretted Telling my wife,as its so hard now,but its done and she would of found out latter in one way or the other.But its been the best thing since my sister and partner found out, a lot more support, anyway probably wont be long before i will unable to hide the woman in me to any one.:brolleyes:

Geneva. :eek:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/44936757@N07/

[Lorileah]

hmm a son who won't speak to you unless it's for money and then the feminine ATM is ok? Don't regret telling that son, regret raising him to be a narrow minded self centered person.

Most the regrets here I see are telling a spouse...but what if you hadn't kept it a secret to start with?

I don't regret telling anyone. No one so far has changed in regard to me from the announcement. I have found that usually they want to discuss the why's and wherefore's and as long I don't flounce and prance and generally throw it in their face it doesn't matter.

[DiannaRose]

Aside from you folks here and my (Dianna's) FB friends--all on-line, but none regretted--I'm only out to three people, none of which I told. My wife did.

So far, no regrets. :)

I DO sometimes regret telling my wife (sorry, Lori), but only when she's having a particularly hard time of it. :) The weight-lift benefit alone was worth the outing.

[Lucy_Bella]

My wife, I wish I'd never uttered a word to her. She outed me to someone she was having a casual affair with but that's a different thread.

Hard telling how many other she has told but I am ready and I will not deny it, if I was ever confronted with it, why should I?

It's me and it has taken years for me to understand that, if people who have cared about or for me cannot accept that , well I am sorry and the only way I could explain it would be , why am I so different now that you know ? Why am I a freak today when I was just me yesterday? Huh? now that you know.

[Nicole Erin]

It is not a mistake cause that is less people you have to explain or hide from.

[aggi123]

I've told 8 people now, and havn't regretted any of them!

[PattiMichaels]

I've only voluntarily told one person -- the now ex-wife of my childhood best friend. I regret it only in that I feel it's information that is now what I'll call blackmail ammunition. Oddly enough, they are now divorced but we all work in closely related circles. I guess everyone is afraid of the skeletons in their closets.

[Jocelyn Quivers]

Not yet, granted I've told very few people and on a need to know basis only.

[Laci6]

I don't have a single regret telling anyone that does know and those include my now ex-wife who as far as I know has not told anyone, and if she has, I have not felt or heard any backlash.....my mom, dad, brother, his wife, three cousins, a woman whom I was dating but was too soon after the divorce, so I called it off and we remain friends, but was really cool with it (even wanted to go shopping with me)......and four or five of my friends that my boy side hung out with and have all continued to be a friend with open arms!!!! I count my lucky stars to have such beautiful friends and family!!!! When I broke the news to all but two of them, these were my exact words to each and every one of them...."I need to tell you something which is going to be very hard for me....choking back tears here, sorry..... i'm at a point in my life where i'm tired of hiding who I feel that I am....i'm here to let you know that i'm a crossdresser and have been since my childhood and if you can not accept me for who I AM then it will be your loss and I will move on with my life!!! shortened version of course........EVERYONE of their responses was and I will swear on this....REALLY? we thought it was something bad like cancer or you did something bad....my mom and one cousin said, "they are just clothes, SO what!!!! WOW sorry for being SOOOO long winded!!!:hugs:

[Claire Cook]

I have told at least a dozen people and have absolutely no regrets. If anything, they look forward to seeing Claire.

[AliceJaneInNewcastle]

I've told many, many people, and I don't regret any of them.

Telling my first girlfriend got the most negative response of all I've experienced, but that is a positive because her response was a large part of my decision to tell my wife very early in our relationship, and that was a very big plus.

I didn't tell my sister but either my mother or a niece (her niece too, not her daughter) told her, then she told everybody in my family. I think that she thought that she was being nasty in doing so, but in the longer term it's worked out as a positive and I intend to thank her for doing so. ;)

[JenniferRose]

So far of the people I have told, I don't regret telling them they are all rather open minded

[Joanne f]

To my family, not to sure about that but probably not, but to everyone else i 100% regret it as it changed me and my life in a way that i was not expecting it to .

[Annaliese2010]

Not so far... I sometimes half expect adverse reactions from some GG's but so far everyone i've come across thinks it's cool. So... not a liability but an... umm... asset.

[Frédérique]

Anyone ever regret revealing you crossdress to a trusted friend or family member?

Yes, I “came out” to someone and learned to regret it, but I made the most of the situation and nowadays I get a chuckle out of it. It was a lesson about how people think about crossdressing, so I wound up getting a good “platform” for future discussion on this site…:straightface:

[Tranny Tee]

I told two friends, one male and one female. The male is nw confined in a mental institution and the female moved to the midwest. I don't think outing myself to them had much of an influence.

My only regret is that I do not have the courage to come out to more people.

[divamissz]

I have not regretted letting the people who I have told know about myself. But I have also not told people who I think would have a negative reaction to this part of myself.

[mklinden2010]

"If they are truly your friends, family, or, lovers, they'll be fine with what you do. If they aren't really those things, you're better off finding that out sooner rather than later."

[Stacye Rose]

Yes, last Friday.

[Brandi Wyne]

I'm not very out so I can't say for sure that I regret who I've told, so far, that is. I always imagine that wrong statement or comment that will give me grief but so far, so good.:thumbsup:

[msniki48]

I don't regret telling anyone. No one so far has changed in regard to me from the announcement. I have found that usually they want to discuss the why's and wherefore's and as long I don't flounce and prance and generally throw it in their face it doesn't matter.

Lorileah,

Do you find that, of all that you tell, do the questions come from the women, and the indifference from the men? [they love you , but don't talk about it]

or do you find the men in your life also asking serious questions as to the why's etc.???

[AmandaM]

I only regret that I thought those people were my friends.

[EnglishRose]

my best man made a face and said off comments when I had black nail polish (10 years ago during my "black" phase). I doubt he'd be very happy about shme :)

[missy jones]

I came out to my wife after 30 yrs of marriage. this was a mistake it hurt her badly I regrete it she lashed out at me in mainy ways turning my daughters against me we are still married but live apart in separate parts of our home our life changed for the worse from that day foward Missy

[Jennifer Marie P.]

I really didnt have to tell anyone they already knew but the ones that didnt know are very supportive.

[countrygirl]

told my sister that is it so far.

[AKAMichelle]

While it didn't always go as planned, I would have to say that I have no regrets. To regret any of those decisions, would mean that I was staying in the closet and hiding myself from people.

If you can't honest with people then what kind of relationship do you really have with them?

[JulieK1980]

Nah, no regrets. The friends I've lost over it weren't really friends.

[Laura_Stephens]

I've only told 2 poeple -- therapist and my wife. I regret not telling my wife before we got married.

[sonia_dargency]

I told my wife, and I believe she told her sister, who is a gossip machine. but I don't have the impression that this one went too far.

Anyway, about regrets, no; although that made life difficult (hellish) for both of us for a while, it forced us toward greater knowledge of each other.

Conflict is a necessity, without it there is no growth. so I grew and I know she does too.

[Annaliese2010]

... ... ... about shme :)

"shme"? LOL. I never heard that term b4. It's so cute!


… … … Conflict is a necessity, without it there is no growth...

Very astute observation Sonia. I’ve been thinking along these lines lately and concluded that it is better to be involved, to interact, to have a presence, be an active “player” and let come what may vs. someone who is uninvolved, hidden, not taking any risks, a passive observer keeping it “safe”. This is the approach I’m taking now. To DO rather than just plan on doing “when the times right”. I have learned that when it comes to my personal life and those with whom I have or want to have a close connection, I have to be brave and play the cards I’m holding now. Just effin do it, go for it, win or lose. I got soooo bored being soooo careful bout everything. At some point life becomes joyless for all the missed opportunity.

I don't want to spend my time over analyzing. As in sports so in life; it’s a game of “inches” (no pun intended). When it comes to a personal relationship there can be a million things going on in the other persons life that you don't know about and can't control. Things that affect how she see's you, to your advantage or disadvantage. Human behavior is unpredictable and fluid. It’s all in the timing, the tude, past experience, the current context... who knows what all else going on that shapes her opinion of you. And given the fact that people change, whatever the outcome now could be the exact opposite in a day, month or a year! I've seen it happen and have been that way myself. So one should never despair. All i know is... I cannot micromanage my life when it comes to its most important aspect; the person(s) with whom I am emotionally connected. There is always some risk.

For those whose transgendered identity is constant and strong, whether driven by psycholigic or biologic imperative, there is no choice and you might as well be honest with your gg-gf or wife. It's only fair and what's the point hiding? Why live in such misery? I am very much a girl in many respects, and in other ways a guy, well equipped. If I met the right woman, one strong enough to bring out the man in me, I don't think I'd be as I am... And I think I'd be really happy then too. I just haven't yet met a gg-girl hotter than me, no disrespect. LOL. But if I do... hell yeah I'm gone! Because like... damn! What she's GOT is what I WANT 'cause there aint no look nor feel, no smell nor taste that tops that thing a real womans got! My imagination's running hot so I better stop!

[MizLutz]

Defind friends! What I do is none of anyone's business and as for the kids...if they don't like what I do, they know where the door is. And if you don't like who I am, for sure don't come asking for money!!

[Sarah Doepner]

I've taken a page from the intelligence community and my crossdressing is on a need to know, right to know basis. So far the only one who meets those levels is my wife and I'm very glad she knows.

Oh, I forgot. I told someone on this site and I put up a photograph or two. You all have the right to know about me.

And the people in my Tri-Ess group. They have both the need and right to know because of the need for trust in the group.

But no one in the family or friends category. Is that odd?

[Lucy_Bella]

But no one in the family or friends category. Is that odd?

No I don't think thats odd at all, I think it's very common..

[LindaC]

A number of years ago, I told a GF about Linda. She seemed OK with it. She promised she wouldn't tell anyone, but she lied. She told one of her GF's who inturn spread it around.

I didn't talk to her for almost 3 years and I still haven't forgot.

Here's the kicker, she ended up marrying my landlord and now lives upstairs from me.

About a year ago she asked me about it. She started the conversation by saying she had never told my secret to anyone and that I could trust her. I responded by calling her a liar and told her that her girlfriend had confronted me (years ago).
She hasn't brought up the subject since, but I'm wondering if I should.

Anyone had a similar experience?

[Lorileah]

So Linda, when your GF told someone who told someone and now you don't talk to her. did someone (number 3 or more someone in this case) do something that caused you discomfort? Why are you holding this grudge for so long? Is it just the fact she didn't keep your secret? I don't see where the regret comes in here.

Benjamin Franklin once said that the only way two people can keep a secret is if one of them is dead. You should just assume that when you tell someone they will tell someone else

[Mary Morgan]

My regrets run in the other direction. I wish I had been honest with myself and my folks when they caught me as a child.

Other than a lack of enthusiasm from my wife, I have had no bad reaction from the family and friends I have told.

[LisaAlexander]

I dont regret it but it was definitely a shock when I saw my girlfriend react the way she reacted when I told her, like if she had tasted sour mayonaisse... (it's all good now :))

[wanda jackson]

Although I needed to do it in almost every instance, I have at least partially regretted telling the women I've told because I know it has changed the prior balance in some way, even women I've told that I wasn't in a relationship with. Something about messing with their perceptions of me as a male changing after I tell them. I would prefer that it was something that they would be appreciative of or happy to hear. But I always felt like it was for the better so that not only could they know the real me but they could turn tail and run if they needed to!

[Mary Morgan]

Wanda, maybe what you are experiencing in a changed relationship is the natural response to the fact that you are different than they thought you were, and they are trying to respect that difference. Just a thought.

[sonia_dargency]

My regrets run in the other direction. I wish I had been honest with myself and my folks when they caught me as a child.


Me too, I wish I had the courage to be honest earlier. but for my defense, I have to say that I was quite confused until I reached for this forum.

[Lorileah]

Lorileah,

Do you find that, of all that you tell, do the questions come from the women, and the indifference from the men? [they love you , but don't talk about it]

or do you find the men in your life also asking serious questions as to the why's etc.???

Men usually either just nod and go on or they really want to know the intimate details. REALLY intimate details, of which I don't discuss. I think they think I am part of a porn movie :)

Women just want to know how I do make up or how I get a waist (corset) or how do I walk in those shoes or where did I get those legs (they were a birthday present from my mom ;)) just plain "why"? I have always answered their questions and not ONCE has any female asked if A) am I gay (guys ask) or B) do I want to be a woman. They just take me at face value.

Sorry it took so long to answer, somehow I missed the question.

[Vicky_Scot]

The problem is that once you tell someone your secret its not your secret anymore. Its theirs.

It certainly can hand someone a loaded gun when you tell them. Be very careful.

I speak from experience.

A close female friend after my wife told her stated that " I thought he wanted into my panties, not wear them".

I did'nt on both accounts I must say.

Although I still love here dearly as a friendI do not have much to do with her now.

Xx Vicky xX

[Lacey]

Quite a few people I trusted used it to hurt me later on. So yes many regrets!:sad:

[Karen Michelle]

I have only told my late wife and no regrets there. She was very supportive and even when shopping for me a couple of times.

[Alice Torn]

Yes! I made the bad decision, to tell a gossip, and show some photos, and, of course, she said she wouldn't tell anyone. NOT! She told a macho guy I know, and, I am afraid my friend of his will know. All condemn it.

[Debbie37]

My future ex-wife caught me and through much debate and four years decided the marriage wouldn't work. On the positive side she is still friends with me but she just can't be intimate with woman or a man who looks like a woman. Haven't told another soul however. Lesson learned from the experience and this site is be forthcoming about it to whoever becomes next girlfriend. Suspect I'm going to have a lonely life. Side not to thread, when is a good time to tell the kids?

[StevieTV]

It's been all good so far. My GG friends offer advice and handy me downs.
Everyone here seems fine with it :)