Therapist Said Something...

[Nicola2876]

In my last session my therapist was pressing me about why I thought my wife had no idea I was a cd and seemed to think this was most unlikely. My wife on the other hand has made a couple of comments recently about cding and me. Last month she said she should dress me up but was most definately joking but last week she said that knee socks were very in fashion these days and asked me if I dressed up in them when at home alone. I just replied that it wasn't knee socks I dressed in but it was all very lighthearted.

What do you girls think? My gut feeling is that she would react very badly to me coming out but I'm beginning to wonder.

[Jill]

Nobody knows your wife and your situation better then you do, you could answer that question a lot easier then any of us could. My perception is that wives get really mad about it when they've been kept in the dark for so long, they feel betrayed. That's probably just as big of a concern as anything.

[msniki48]

Nicola, one way to find out is...next time she jokes about it... chuckle and say...you say it like it's a bad thing? and smile! if she looses the smile and says "it is".....then you know you have your work cut out for you.. if she smiles and says something funny again then i think she is hinting and wants you to confide. then let her take the lead about dressing you up etc....let her have fun...then you can talk about it later

just my:2c:

[StaceyJane]

My wife knew for a year and didn't say anything to me.

[sherri52]

There is a small chance that your wife suspects something. Only you would know that.

[DiannaRose]

... asked me if I dressed up in them when at home alone.

I think she's trying to get you to admit it. It's the "when you're at home alone" part that says this to me. Otherwise, why wouldn't she just say something like "Have you ever tried them?" or "They're pretty comfortable, you should try them", or something like that.

She clearly (to me, anyway) suspects something goes on when you're "at home alone", and that something involves clothes.

But as for whether she's hinting because she wants you to admit it so she can be openly angry, or just open period...only you can guess that.

Keep us posted, Nicola! We're very interested in any developments.

[Alice B]

I think there is a very good chance your wife suspects or even knows. She is giving you a strong hint that it is time to address the subject and that she may be more open to it than you think. It is time to sit down with her and have an open and honest discussion. Once this is done you can establish rules for your dressing. And once that is done don't push it too hard. Let her become used to the idea of your dressing and over time you will gain more freedom. The more you try to hide it the greater the stress for both of you,

[Nicole Brown]

As previously suggested, only you have an idea of what your wife may be thinking or what she is suggesting. If you have been married for an extended period of time there is the possibility that a grudge could be held for your keeping a secret from her. Again, only you might know her well enough to determine if this is likely.

From personal experience I would warn you about a possible outcome from your confession. My SO came into some information concerning Nicole and our marriage has never been the same. Be warned and act carefully. You might be well advised to discuss your actions with your therapist prior to taking any actions.

Nicole

[Nicola2876]

Thanks for all your replies:)
The thought of telling my wife just fills me with dread because of negative things that she's said in the past about cders. I also don't want my cding to be a game or bedroom play because it's more of who I am and not a fetish. In an ideal world I would cd 24/7 so it's not something I want to do in an allowed controlled time. I have thought about leaving my wife but I have a daughter who's heart would be broken if I left.
Thanks though girls, I appreciate the comments and as usual I find this forum very helpful on these matters xx

[Shari]

Go with your gut.

However, the advice from Ms. Niki is very good. You might want to probe it a little deeper the next time she brings it up.

The key here is when she brings it up, not you.

[Sharon B.]

I think I would have to call her buff if she was my wife asking if I wore knee socks when I was home alone.
Who knows she may enjoy it.

[Nicola2876]

I think I would have to call her buff if she was my wife asking if I wore knee socks when I was home alone.
Who knows she may enjoy it.

I did think of this but I don't wear knee socks at all. If she'd had said "tights" then I may well have said "too right" or something. She did give me a funny look the other day when I told my daughter she was putting her tights on wrong and proceded to show her the text book way to do it. May have given something away then. I'm getting to the point now where I want her to ask me about crossdressing. I s'pose thats the spineless way out.

[Tamara Croft]

I think you should be very cautious in what you do. Maybe she knows, maybe she doesn't... the knee socks thing, this is infact true, they are becoming a 'fashion' item for men. Only you know your wife, we could all sit here and say 'yeah tell her' etc... but only you know what you could lose from this. Women don't always know everything either, no matter what your therapist says, it's possible your wife has no idea. Be careful, think of what you could lose by telling her, but think of what you could gain, she might be accepting. If you do choose to tell her and she reacts badly, there are a lot of GG's here that would be willing to talk to her, I'm always here, she can talk to me any time, if you decide to tell her that is :bh: Good luck in whatever you decide to do, it's a very hard thing to do.

[kimdl93]

I really think its inevitable that you will have this conversation, so you need to get prepared. Try to think of something to use as a conversation starter. I can't imagine what that might be off hand - but your observations on tights and knee highs might be a tip. Or compliment something she's wearing...and see where it leads. Before hand, try to rehearse the conversation in your head...maybe look back at some of the comments on the GG board for ideas on different ways this may play out.

[Nicola2876]

I think you should be very cautious in what you do. Maybe she knows, maybe she doesn't... the knee socks thing, this is infact true, they are becoming a 'fashion' item for men. Only you know your wife, we could all sit here and say 'yeah tell her' etc... but only you know what you could lose from this. Women don't always know everything either, no matter what your therapist says, it's possible your wife has no idea. Be careful, think of what you could lose by telling her, but think of what you could gain, she might be accepting. If you do choose to tell her and she reacts badly, there are a lot of GG's here that would be willing to talk to her, I'm always here, she can talk to me any time, if you decide to tell her that is :bh: Good luck in whatever you decide to do, it's a very hard thing to do.

My gut feeling is that she would react badly and that is why I haven't told her. Thanks for your support. You're right, I have lots to lose and believe me I won't be rushing into doing something I may regret. My therapist really did find it hard to believe she has no clue. I suppose when you're looking hard you see things that aren't really there. Thanks again for your comment xx

[Danielle76]

Yeah, you can never unsay something after you say it.

I know if my wife had a clue, I would hear about it seconds after. There's absolutely no way my wife would go without saying anything if she found out.

[Nicola2876]

Yeah, you can never unsay something after you say it.

I know if my wife had a clue, I would hear about it seconds after. There's absolutely no way my wife would go without saying anything if she found out.

That's what is making me sure my wife doesn't know. We argued alot over new years and I'm sure it would've been mentioned then!

[Rianna Humble]

In my last session my therapist was pressing me about why I thought my wife had no idea I was a cd and seemed to think this was most unlikely. My wife on the other hand has made a couple of comments recently about cding and me. Last month she said she should dress me up but was most definitely joking but last week she said that knee socks were very in fashion these days and asked me if I dressed up in them when at home alone. I just replied that it wasn't knee socks I dressed in but it was all very light-hearted.

What do you girls think? My gut feeling is that she would react very badly to me coming out but I'm beginning to wonder.

Your gut feeling is probably right, but if your wife pushes it again,perhaps you should test the water. Others have already urged caution, but if she is driving, perhaps see where she wants to go.

[Fab Karen]

It kind of sounds like she may suspect and is throwing out hints that she is wondering. You could talk with your therapist about coming out to her, and obviously if needed having her come in to talk with the therapist about it.

I have thought about leaving my wife but I have a daughter who's heart would be broken if I left.

That's often for reasons other than just crossdressing ( though some women are so unaccepting that they push their husband away, trying to get him to be something he's not ). It could be more intense for a daughter who's younger than mid-teens, but staying JUST for a child/children isn't a good reason.

[Laura Evans]

Nicole, if this comes up again why not ask her why she made such a comment. If you were not a CD and someone made such a comment to you would you not ask similar questions? You don't have to come out and confirm anything. Just a thought. Good luck girl.

[Nicola2876]

It kind of sounds like she may suspect and is throwing out hints that she is wondering. You could talk with your therapist about coming out to her, and obviously if needed having her come in to talk with the therapist about it.

That's often for reasons other than just crossdressing ( though some women are so unaccepting that they push their husband away, trying to get him to be something he's not ). It could be more intense for a daughter who's younger than mid-teens, but staying JUST for a child/children isn't a good reason.

I know staying together just for the kids isn't the best thing to do and I've thought very long and hard about leaving. It's a very difficult decision and I'm not making it until I'm 1000% sure.

Thanks for eveyone's support and to those who PM me and left comments on my home page. You're all very sweet :love: