Different emotions and....

[Nataliebabe]

I`m not sure how to handle it. Last night I dressed up for the first time in 2 weeks or so. Dress, hose, heels full make up, wig, you know the drill. the mrs and I hit the couch and watched a movie. I wanted to chill and asked her if I could rest my head on her lap, she acknowledged and said yes. After I got comfortable, I got a feeling of vulnerability that I have never had before. My guy self is a take charge manly man, always in control, ready to step up and make the command decisions. Last night was a first for me, vulnerable, just wanted to be held and at one point I felt like I could cry a river(not because of the movie, a vince vaugh flick, that couples retreat or whatever it was called). We got up after the movie, I went into our bathroom and checked my make up and such, the Mrs. got ready for bed. As she crawled into bed, it just came out of my mouth, "Will you hold me"? I can`t believe that I said it. We snuggled for a bit then I went out and watched some tv. I felt so good and so comfortable, I looked good too(at least I thought that I did)! :D. i`m trying to figure out all of the feelings and why. Should I try to analyze this or just roll with it? Please help girls.....

[Bree-asaurus]

Don't go crazy worrying about it. If that's how you feel, then just feel it. Whatever happens happens. I get those feelings too and there's nothing wrong with that. I'm guessing you've spent most of your life pretending to be the big strong man, but there's a softer side that you're now finding and that's great! You can be a big strong man AND a vulnerable cuddly woman :-D

[Kate Simmons]

Most of us are nothing but a "rough, tough cream puff" it seems.:)

[noeleena]

Hi..
This is intersting to me . As a woman ,

Because i was brought up as a male & was taught under them for work & that was okay in some respects. not total in my thinking as a male as you know i m androgyn so did think as a female as well .
The other part is im not a girle girl, so that part you said about being vulnerable,
My mum told me 43 years ago i had to start & take the reins & take a more in charge of details . & i have ,yet i was quite happy to let some one else do that . my mum of cause ,
well we Jos & i got married 37 years ago & having kids along the way & now grand kids ,,
I took the reins & have all ways keep things going , i know it may sound like a male its not ,
Alltho i ran my own busness in the building trade & had people under me i had to run things , its me as a person & even now i will have to look after Jos because of healh details , well thats been a on going detail . so no i cant relax like you said resting your head on your s o.s lap . even as a woman i have to be strong for her ,
So some of us have to if you like just live as women & yes take the reins for a long time
Of cause your point of being the manly man never was a part of who i am as i did not relate to or with men . yet i can pull rank if & when nessasry ,
Just roll with those female feelings as you may find they are real , & that manly man is being shown thats a part of you .....nice one ,

...noeleena...

[gabimartini]

I wouldn't worry too much about it. Simply put, you are allowing your female persona to express herself beyond just dressing. This is where it all starts to blend in. You stop being a "man in a dress" to become a girl. A hint of a female voice (if you don't have one yet), may start to show up, too! Just let everything flow at this point and enjoy!

[Shari]

Vulnerable is a good thing.
It cleanses your soul and relieves anxiety and the everyday pressures.
It allows you to just let go for a change.
Run with it and enjoy it, especially if your wife helps you as she has.

[eileendover]

It's unfortunate when our natural human emotions can't be easily expressed.

In my opinion, Natalie, it wasn't your "feminine" side expressing itself. It was just a part of your human-ness that you permitted yourself to show after all these years trying to confine it to a "masculine" stereotype.

Your CDing may have provided you the opportunity to allow this to happen, but all of us, whether we CD or not, experience a very broad range of emotions.

It's never an either/or thing - never "take charge" vs "being vulnerable", or "logical" vs "emotional", or "masculine" vs "feminine". We humans usually slip and slide somewhere between the two extremes.

The World According to Eileen :2c:

[Nataliebabe]

Thanks for the kind words girls.The crossdressing part has never been an issue. I LOVE TO DO THIS! :). It is the emotional part. the mrs. says that "he" needs to be a bit more vulnerable and less of an As@#$%^. The deeper I get into the emotional side, I gues that I don`t really know how to handle it. I don`t want to seem less of a man, lol, crazy isn`t it? so, another question, how do I incorporate the 2 sides of me to be a better all around person?

[eileendover]

Natalie, I think you are more than halfway there!

The mrs. is already waiting to see your more-integrated self, so no problems showing this to her.

For everyone else, is there anyone out there who would question you being a bit less As@#$%^-ish? Either ignore them, or just say "Hey, I gotta be me. Maybe I'm just getting wiser. You got a problem with that?":hugs:

[Nataliebabe]

Natalie, I think you are more than halfway there!

The mrs. is already waiting to see your more-integrated self, so no problems showing this to her.

For everyone else, is there anyone out there who would question you being a bit less As@#$%^-ish? Either ignore them, or just say "Hey, I gotta be me. Maybe I'm just getting wiser. You got a problem with that?":hugs:

A few people would question a kinder, gentler me but they are pretty much irrelevant on my world.

[Georgia Rose]

I've had similar experiences and thinking about it I came to the conclusion that what the dressing did was to assist release emotions that were there but having been conditioned to be the macho male these were not allowed to flow freely.

My wife commented once that when dressed I was becoming a different person, more open, listen and communicated more and expressed feelings that I wouldn't when not dressed.

Just a mechanism for release possibly.

My advice would be to go with the flow - sometimes you need to be the tough guy, at others you can let the softer side be exposed.