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Billie46
02-18-2010, 12:57 AM
I just don't know what to think some times. I feel like a freek but here I sit Bra nice white top that shows me off some, 4" heals lace up boots (black)
knee high socks, short jean skirt, and verry nice panties. I love to dress and do so as much as I can. My girl friend knows I have dressed and some times do now and ok with it. Most of the time I would love to go all day. Than there are days like to day I just feel like a freek. It will pass I know but it is still there.
Sorry about that just needed to get that off my cheest.
Thank You for your time have a nice day.

harmony
02-18-2010, 01:40 AM
those struggles are pretty normal until you find acceptance and peace within yourself-not only in your head but also deep within your soul.you are you!!live with it and enjoy!

gabimartini
02-18-2010, 06:23 AM
Billie,

It's good to vent!

Self-loathing is very recurring in the gender-gifted community. We don't know where urges come from, why we have to do it (and keep it a secret), we have no control over it and can't make it go away for good. However, when we do dress, it brings moments of unending bliss and happiness.

Sound familiar? So, if it that makes you a freak, I'm a freak also, and so is every last CDer in this forum.

I've been going through something similar as you. What helped me a lot was accepting myself for what I am, instead of hating myself for trying (and failing) to be something I know am not to begin with. I did that through reading and interacting with more experienced CDers. It helped put things in perspective, and showed me I'm just one of the girls, like everybody else. Yes, we are different from non-TG people, but that's life!

Andy66
02-18-2010, 07:02 AM
It's okay to be a freak. In fact, it can be kind of fun. :heehee:

Terri D
02-18-2010, 07:03 AM
What you are feeling is usually typical. The first thing you did right was joining this forum. Before the internet there was virtually no one to get advice from. That guilt led to purging.
I dont know where you are but if there is a T-gurl group in your area become a member and get to know other CD's. Often these girls are *out* and schedule parties or girls nights out at local restaurants and clubs. Maybe there is a transgender support group. Call or e-mail them,attend a meeting.
By the way,you are not a freak. You are a Crossdresser. From someone who went through what you are feeling,don't submit to the guilt. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Enjoy who you are.

Nicola2876
02-18-2010, 08:02 AM
Yeah, I agree it's pretty normal to go through those emotions. I used to housesit my brothers house years ago when he was on holiday and I used to spend two weeks dressed 24/7 almost and I remember getting undressed into my drabs thinking "this just isn't me" and hating myself for wanting to wear dresses etc. The next day Nicola was back in all her glory.
You don't have anything to be ashamed of and what you do is "normal".

Daintre
02-18-2010, 08:09 AM
Hi Billie, all I can do is echo what has been said, you are not alone in this as there are many many members in the same situation. After a while you will be more at ease with this.....my suggestion is keep reading and as you do you will get more comfortable.

Billie46
02-18-2010, 10:15 PM
Thank you all for what you have said it does make me feel better knowing this might be some thing others go through.
Thank You All

Jaydee
02-18-2010, 10:28 PM
Billie,
I'll add my voice to the others. I think that most of us have at one time or another thought of ourselves as freaks. We tend to engage in an unusual behavior that can't be rationally explained, and enjoy it. My suggestion would be to work on coming to terms with your CDing as best as you can. It can be a long process. I have been working on it for 40 years and still wonder why.

Good Luck, and welcome to the forum.

Jaydee

corndog420
02-18-2010, 10:38 PM
Even those of us who don't CD feel like freaks sometimes, in a way we all are, and you just have to remember there is nothing wrong with dressing, if you have fun with it than that's all that matters!

sarah_alexander
02-18-2010, 10:44 PM
I have been through about 3 waredrobes because I felt a need to purge all my cd things! Now I have a closet any girl would dream of, and I'm happy about who I am and what I've become. Stay strong Billie...its a process, and its worth it

Kari Lynn Franks
02-18-2010, 10:52 PM
for many years until I joined this group and made friends that was just like me I had always called myself a freak of nature and loathed myself now those words are never used to describe myself

Claire Cook
02-18-2010, 10:57 PM
By the way,you are not a freak. You are a Crossdresser. From someone who went through what you are feeling,don't submit to the guilt. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Enjoy who you are.

This is really good advice. I guess most of us have gone through / are going through what you are feeling. Guilt is something that haunts us, until we realize that we have nothing to be guilty about and accept ourselves. Be proud that you can wear the boots and white top!

Cathytg
02-19-2010, 12:14 AM
Would it makes you feel any better to know that I still have those moments and I have been dressing for 60 years? No, I guess it wouldn't.

Kerigirl2009
02-19-2010, 12:50 AM
I think when I go through these feeling it is because I am all bottled up and am afraid of what might happen if I was ever found out.

Its not that I want to be out to everyone, its the fact that some of the people that are very important to me might not understand and be able to accept me for me, so we continue to hide parts of ourselves from all.

Life is hard enough to make friends just being "normal" now throw crossdressing into the mix and the pool of people go way down as possible true friends.

I don't want friends, I want TRUE friends.

Good luck and hang in there.

KimberlyJo
02-19-2010, 01:35 AM
I just don't know what to think some times. I feel like a freek but here I sit Bra nice white top that shows me off some, 4" heals lace up boots (black)
knee high socks, short jean skirt, and verry nice panties.

:BS:, you're just trying to turn us on... :battingeyelashes:

:hugs:I totally get what you're saying, I get that feeling every once in a great while, it's self doubt. I just try to ignore it because I know that even if I am a "freak" so what, it makes me happy and that's what really matters.

minalost
02-19-2010, 01:23 PM
What you are feeling is usually typical. The first thing you did right was joining this forum.

I agree with everything that's been said but particularly with what Terri said about this forum. Just reading what everyone goes through makes me feel less alone and not quite as "freeky."

Be youself, be happy, and have fun!
:hugs:

Loni
02-19-2010, 02:50 PM
hay maybe this site should be subtitled "freaks are us":eek:


maybe not.:D

but yes we are all freaks in one way or the outher.
Dr once told me i had a defourmed foot, due to a hammer toe.
i told him he was defourmed due to he's foot not looking like mine.:eek:

he did not like me after that.:)

.

Celeste
02-19-2010, 06:58 PM
I think when I go through these feeling it is because I am all bottled up and am afraid of what might happen if I was ever found out.

Its not that I want to be out to everyone, its the fact that some of the people that are very important to me might not understand and be able to accept me for me, so we continue to hide parts of ourselves from all.

Life is hard enough to make friends just being "normal" now throw crossdressing into the mix and the pool of people go way down as possible true friends.

I don't want friends, I want TRUE friends.

Good luck and hang in there.

I like Keri's response to your question.Whenever I get in those moods,I have to stop myself short,and think ,is it my actual desire I am worried about or other people's knowledge of it? Once I've got that straitened out in my head those feelings fade away and I realize,it's ok. I don't have to feel strange or sideline something I enjoy.

It shouldn't take forever for you to be comfortable with yourself ,just be grateful for your girlfriend and stay focused on what makes you both happy.

sherri52
02-19-2010, 08:04 PM
We have all struggled in the past. How long you do depends on how long you take to come to accept it. We are all different

Anita Lynn
02-19-2010, 08:31 PM
I had that freak feeling yesterday, its normal, we all go through it.
2 days before I was here at the computer (on this forum) wearing black tights, cute cargo skirt, t-shirt and all and felt great! (looked kinda freaky I'm sure:eek:)
the funny thing is, this time when I felt like a freak I was in drab?!?

go figgure!

Melissa Ann

Frédérique
02-20-2010, 09:11 AM
My girl friend knows I have dressed and some times do now and ok with it. Most of the time I would love to go all day. Than there are days like to day I just feel like a freek. It will pass I know but it is still there.

You’re not a freak. You made a conscious decision to wear these feminine things – how can that make you a freak? Are you queer? Are you abnormal? Are you a monstrosity? Are you a queerly abnormal monstrosity? All because you like to put on a certain type of clothing? Get real…:eek:

I’m guessing someone put the idea in your head, and you can’t get it out. Do not allow others to dictate how you should see yourself, or how you should think about crossdressing. Since you like to dress up as often as you can, join the club – I guarantee there are no freaks here, unless you include those who are prone to capriciousness or whimsical behavior. Why not think of yourself as HAPPY? Now, there’s a thought…:)

Evangeline
02-20-2010, 07:08 PM
You’re not a freak. You made a conscious decision to wear these feminine things – how can that make you a freak? Are you queer? Are you abnormal? Are you a monstrosity? Are you a queerly abnormal monstrosity? All because you like to put on a certain type of clothing? Get real…:eek:

I’m guessing someone put the idea in your head, and you can’t get it out. Do not allow others to dictate how you should see yourself, or how you should think about crossdressing. Since you like to dress up as often as you can, join the club – I guarantee there are no freaks here, unless you include those who are prone to capriciousness or whimsical behavior. Why not think of yourself as HAPPY? Now, there’s a thought…:)

Yup i'd go with this, my thoughts eggsactly.(beer)