Should I hide in the closet with me lesbian relationship?

[Katesback]

In the recent past I have began seriously dating someone who is really special to me. Since I began transition nearly three years ago I hardly ever dated anyone. In the last year I really had no interest in dating. I am soo busy with rollerderby, and a ton of other things that being single was totally fine with me. Finally nobody ever really caught my attention!

Needless to say for the first time in my life a few weeks ago at a party after the big derby game I turned around and met Danella. I have never in my life had this instant attraction to someone (she had the same attraction towards me) and to this day I really have no reason why I all of a sudden liked her, and lord knows I have turned down a ton of offers…………..oh well.

So now for the first time in my life I am dating a woman as a woman. You can imagine there has been some fast learning and lots of new experiences. Ever get in a car and see all sorts of buttons and have no clue what they do. Ya start to wonder if one of them is a seat ejector button. Well Danella was not afraid to push my buttons and she did find an ejector button……………. I had no idea that my body would work in the ways it does.

So with all new experiences comes some trepidation. One of them was public displays of affection. On one of our first dates we went to a straight bar to hang with Phillis (from this forum) and we were dancing and kissing.

Last time I kissed a girl I never had people look at me (pre transition boy to the world) but now that I am a woman all these people were starring at us. It kind of brought back memories of transition. My mind was telling me damm girl you got to go through all this crap again of people starring at you and such. Danella could tell I was feeling a bit weird and she looked me in eye and said "F__K what they think".

I now realize that if I date women I will constantly be under the microscope of society. I wonder if I should just cave to their standards and date a guy simply because that is what other people expect of me. Can I handle their stares, snide comments, negative attitudes? Can I stand the chance that some people will not accept me? Can I really afford to be me because it might hurt? What if they think I am a freak? Or worse a sick woman who is going to hell for her atrocities. What about the chance that someone might want to hurt Danella or I? What about the fact that people just aren’t comfortable with two girls kissing? Am I DOUBLLY stigmatized because I am transgender and lesbian?

Perhaps Danella and I should exercise extreme caution and pretend to be friends and NEVER show the big bad world that we are a couple. Perhaps it is easier to be in the closet and hide in the shadows. Will I ever be happy? Will she? Am I going to hell?

Now I pose a question to all you the readers. Should I give up on my relationship with Danella because of the pressures of society? Should I hide our relationship in the closet? Perhaps not tell anyone about my little secret hell bent relationship. I can't wait for the comments and advice!

Truthfully if you read this far and know me well enough, you already know that I didn’t really write this article so much for me but for you the transgender person that might still be on the fence fighting fear, frustration, agony, and living a lie because you for 1000 reasons (otherwise put excuses) are not REALLY being who you are.

Sisters and brothers we as people need to stand tall for who we are! We need to be proud of whatever we are. We need to be strong and walk with confidence knowing that we bring so much to society when we are strong! I encourage each and every one of you to live up to your potential. If need be, come out of the closet and shadows, to be a free person instead of a slave to the whims of other people.

Hungs from your fellow transgender sister!
Katie

[Kathi Lake]

Should I give up on my relationship with Danella because of the pressures of society? Should I hide our relationship in the closet?Two words: Hell and no!

Kate, are you happy? Is Danella happy? Case closed!

Let others think what they may (a bit of a "politening" of Danella's statement). In the end, your happiness is what matters.

Kathi

[Kaz]

Go with it.. you are on the right track... you will get flack, but just pursue that objective and be relentless...

[Cheshire Gummi]

Young CDs and TGs, such as myself, depend on people like you to set the example for us. If I came out tomorrow, decked out in skirts and form fitting shirts, what would people say?

"Oh, pishaw! You're just exploring! Once you get out and see the world, you'll change, I promise."

We have no credibility and no respect. No one my age is allowed to be a CD, we're just "confused." I'm not saying this to seem like a martyr or anything, because I'm not. "Confused" is a better assessment than "Destroying the family" but it's still not "tolerated" either.

If we want tolerance, you're absolutely right, we need to stick together, but we younger transgendered can't lead the way on that. My generation can lead the way in tolerance, but not in making tolerance the standard. For that, we need people who've lived and experienced life more, who have credibility and wisdom, something to show for the years.

So, no, you shouldn't hide in the closet with anything about yourself, let alone something that fulfills you. None of us should. It's a sad fact of life that, to be safe, sometimes we have to, but from my perspective, girls like you and a lot of the other more mature members have to open the door for the rest of us.

Maybe that's a bit of a selfish perspective, but I support whatever you choose to do. Just so long as you're safe and happy.

[Kerrylee61]

Two of my best friends in the whole world are partners, have been for years and are totally out to the world. Love to spend time with them.

Go for it...

Kerry

[anna_thema]

I think you just need to ask yourself: what's more important to you, Danella and your own happiness or what small-minded bigots think?

In my opinion people who will have negative feelings toward same-sex relationships do not deserve respect and therefore should not factor into your care scale.

I may be living in a bit of a San Francisco-like utopia here (Sydney city is particularly open to sexual diversity), but I see same-sex couples, both gay and lesbian every single day and, while they rarely stand in the street and kiss passionately (realistically straight couples rarely do this), walking along holding hands and acting like a couple seems to me to be just as easy for them as for any straight couple.

I will admit to having never been in a same-sex relationship myself, but around here it certainly seems no different.

I think you guys would just be best off talking about how you feel about your public displays of affection and how you both feel about the general reaction. If it is actually dangerous to be seen as a couple, then clearly it's not a good idea, but if it's just the occasional bigot who gives you guys a dirty look, that is certainly not worth risking what sounds like a great relationship.

Unfortunately we are still not in a world that is totally accepting of same-sex relationships, but it gets better every year and I think, as a species, we are gradually growing up.

[Andy66]

About public displays of affection: shocking people is just part of the fun. :devil:

[MAJESTYK]

I think you answered it yourself Dear, f**k no! Be proud

[Sheila]

Now I pose a question to all you the readers. Should I give up on my relationship with Danella because of the pressures of society? Should I hide our relationship in the closet? Perhaps not tell anyone about my little secret hell bent relationship. Katie

Nope and Nope again ........... why the hell should you ...... if you and Danielle are happy, what the hell has it to do with the general Joe in the street ............. sod all.

Be who you are and be happy the two of you, I wish you all the joy in the world hun :hugs:

[Barbara Dugan]

I think no closet in the world can hide you Kate..congrats on your relationship:hugs:

[kimdl93]

absolutely not - live your life and love whom you wish...openly and joyously!

[Annaliese]

You only live once, go for it, to hell with what other think be happy.

[docrobbysherry]

About public displays of affection: shocking people is just part of the fun. :devil:

Why ANYONE of ANY age, sex, or gender, needs to passionately make out in public, is beyond MY limited understanding!:eek:

If, however, you're referring to a single loving kiss, I LOVE seeing that between ANY of those same above mentioned folks!:o

[Jamie48]

Who cares what other people think. You are the only one that knows what makes you happy. If this relationship is something you want & enjoy damn the rest of the world. Go for it she could be the one.

[pattyv]

I'm with docrobbysherry: When the pastor says you may kiss the bride and then we must endure a bout of french kissing on the altar just to let everyone know how much the couple loves each other appears to me to be redundant. The act of marriage speaks for itself-the lily does not need to be gilded.

Alfred,Lord Tennyson's poem "Fatima" speaks of a more private and intimate moment in a lover's life when he wrote:

O Love, O fire! once he drew
With one long kiss my whole soul thro'
My lips, as sunlight drinketh dew.

[Brandi Wyne]

Life is an interesting journey, isn't it Katie? I guess one way to look at it is the old saying, "when you gets the dog, you gets the flea, too." Don't take that wrong, it's just the cost of doing "business" in this world. There will be some heat. If you and Danella have talked it through and are both ready for it, then pursue your dreams and your heart. I can't imagine all the flak I'll receive when I fully come out to the world but I'm am sure it'll be there.

:hugs:

[Andy66]

Why ANYONE of ANY age, sex, or gender, needs to passionately make out in public, is beyond MY limited understanding!:eek:

If, however, you're referring to a single loving kiss, I LOVE seeing that between ANY of those same above mentioned folks!:o
Oh, please. Of course I'm referring to a single loving kiss, or even holding hands. Believe it or not, a same sex couple doing either one of those things is enough to ruffle some people's feathers.

[Jocelyn Quivers]

This very closeted person says NO!! Do not hide your relationship.

[KimberlyJo]

Now I pose a question to all you the readers. Should I give up on my relationship with Danella because of the pressures of society? Should I hide our relationship in the closet? Perhaps not tell anyone about my little secret hell bent relationship. I can't wait for the comments and advice!


Of course you should. We don't want to make people uncomfortable now do we?

:Poke:

[Karen564]

Now I pose a question to all you the readers. Should I give up on my relationship with Danella because of the pressures of society? Should I hide our relationship in the closet? Perhaps not tell anyone about my little secret hell bent relationship. I can't wait for the comments and advice!


Is this for real?

As long as your happy with her, why would you worry about what SOCIETY has to say?
You transitioned didn't you? Did you really care what SOCIETY said back then as if it was gonna change your mind? I would say Not !!!!

I would normally say keep the relationship, BUT...... since you are so willing to dump it all based on what others think, then I would have to think you don't have any true feelings for her at all....and therefor not worth keeping the relationship going, for her sake, not yours..
Unless this is purely a platonic relationship...

But if the both of you did feel a love for each other, and as far as showing your affection like an open book in public view, that's totally up to the both of you...

I always say. never sweat about the small stuff...

:2c:

[Karren H]

I'd hide....

[Alice Torn]

You may do as you two wish, but, in this dangerous world, even man with woman couples need to be careful, of flaunting things. Always be aware of your surroundings. The few times in my life, when i dated, i was always aware, of the loners, lonely men around us. never kissed in view of others, because, i know too well, that some guys were "rubbing it in", showing off what they had. I always have a spot in my mind, for the loners, who have no one to share love with. Truth is, I can count on one hand, the kisses I ever had!

[GypsyKaren]

I don't understand how you can have the courage to have SRS but sweat about holding hands with another woman in public.

Karen :g1:

[Kara Connor]

I don't understand how you can have the courage to have SRS but sweat about holding hands with another woman in public.

Karen :g1:

You read my mind there, Karen :)

It must take an awful lot of guts to do what you have already done, so if it makes you happy, you should continue your relationship. Why should society interfere with your happiness which is hurting no-one and making you and your parter happy?

I haven't had the guts to go out en femme yet, and have the utmost respect for people on this forum who follow their dreams, which are different for all of us.

Kara

[kellycan27]

I don't understand how you can have the courage to have SRS but sweat about holding hands with another woman in public.

Karen :g1:

I don't think the OP is anything more than an exercise, as far as what others would do, and having very little with that which the OP may or may not.:2c:
Kelly

[Joanne f]

No you should not give up on your relationship with Danella, and just show affection when ever you want providing it is not going to cause any hassle for you both which we all have to do at times .

[jacquie randall]

hi there sweet you just stand proud and as my signature says BE TRUE TO YOU, ID BE ONLY TOO PROUD TO CALL YOU OUR DAUGHTER AND A LESBIAN ,BECAUSE WE HAVE GOT A GAY DAUGHTER AND SHE HAS GOT A TRANSGENDERED /CD FARTHERSO OH KNOW HAHAHAHAHAHAH LOVE JACQUI AND OUR FAMILLY XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

[Tomara]

Hi Kate
I would guess by the above responses that they didn't get the message in your post.
I did and you are 100% correct.
Thank you for your insight.
Tomara

[Sheila]

I don't understand how you can have the courage to have SRS but sweat about holding hands with another woman in public. .................. Karen :g1:

it is 2 different courages ............. one is for oneself and the other involves perhaps bringing ridicule publicly on someone whom you care for deeply .. now that takes a different type of courage even if they care not what the general public think.

[Brooke A]

You say that you & your GF were in a straight bar making out, & everyone was staring? I don't know if you realise this but most straight guys love lesbeans. I looked at your album & you are a good looking woman, If your GF is one of the ladies in your pics, it's no wonder, I'm sure that they were drooling too.
Love to be the meat in the middle, Brooke.

[christinek]

I met Kate last Sept at the SCC and she is very strong emotionally and this was for our benefit not hers. She knew the answer right away and even said so.

Glad you met someone sweetie, I did too but I am conflicted in my situation. My Girl totally loves Christine but I am married.

Sooo!