Affirmation from an unexpected source

[SuzanneBender]

My wife and I are having a very difficult time right now based on a conversation spawned by a recent visit to my therapist. The details are not important but at this point I have never felt like a better spouse and parent in my life. I am much more relaxed, calm and certainly more loving. In short, life and its priorities seem to come into focus now that I have been totally forthcoming about who deep down in my soul I really am.

This has all come with a price. The woman that I dearly love is now in desperate pain and working through some very difficult decissions. She now sees what she thought was simply a “hobby” is much more. She is working through the flood of emotions that comes with this realization. I understand acceptance of who I really am will take time, if it ever comes, and that I must give her space and support in order for her to develop her own conclusion.

However, it is hard at best. Bearing your soul to the one you love most in the world only to have them react with a distanced anger and despair is difficult even when you know that it is an expected response to news like this. Mentally it is draining and soon your find yourself questioning if you are even worth loving. Again, just a natural response that is difficult to “logic” you way through no matter how hard you try.

My wife and I are both Catholic and she is very devout. She listens to the Catholic channel on Sirius Radio and last night as she was driving home from her office she heard the couple hosting the radio show about life changing events either by choice or someone else’s revelation. She called in and shared the story of her husband of 16 years that has admitted to her that “he” is a female. She explained how since revealing this to her my depression and moodiness has been replaced by a level of support and caring that has been absent in our marriage for years.

When she arrived at the house she walked in with her laptop computer, explained what she had done and told me that I needed to listen to the couple’s response. She went to link that the screener had given her to replay the call. I was stunned by the response.

Their first answer was what I am doing is most definitely NOT a sin. God made our souls in his image. However, sometimes biology doesn’t always get it right and things don’t match. “There are lots of people in this world with souls that don’t always match the biology they were born with.” Then they explained to her that God doesn’t assign burdens and gifts to people that can not handle them. They encouraged her to support me and me to support her. Just like married people commit to do in their vows. I know that their opinion is a lay opinion and they are not speaking for the Church, but I have to admit, the acceptance I heard from them in that four or five minutes on the radio provided me with the lift that I needed. It came just when I needed it the most. Dumb luck? I don’t think so.

[Gillian]

How absolutely wonderful for you both to be at such a low ebb and recieve such wise counsel is truly a blessing. I hope that this gives you wife the strenght and desire to keep her faith with you and God and be more open to all of the changes she has to embrace.

[Dawn D.]

Suzanne,

To be a bit cliche', the Lord does move in mysterious ways, no?
I can't really think of a much better response to what your wife presented to them, than what they offered.Truly marvelous!

May your situation with your wife continue to move forward positively for both of you together.


Dawn

[CharleneT]

I truly wish that the Catholic Church would adopt such and attitude as their official line....

I am glad to hear that you received that lift, just when you needed it ! :hugs: I hope that it also gave your wife something to be hopeful/positive about as well ? When I read your starting message, it was the all to familiar story many people here tell. What will happen is hard to see or predict, but it sure sounds like your situation is more stable than many - and therefore likely as not will have a "good" outcome. I hope that means your family can stay together, you clearly want that and are trying to make it possible. GOOD luck sweetie !!!

[abigailf]

Wow! Does that ever hit home. Thanks for sharing.

I often wonder why it took me 16 years of marriage to realize what I am and to tell my wife.

My wife even tells me if she knew before we got married she probably would not have married me. But then, we would not have had our two wonderful children.

So, maybe God guided me to waiting 16 years to make sure we had time to have our kids and let them grow into the wonderful kids they are today. Maybe their destined to become activists for misunderstood people.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I would love to beleive in my catholic upbringing...

http://www.religioustolerance.org/transsexu15.htm

It's amazing to me that the story of J--s shows his incredible love and openess and tolerance for everyone..and then it got all changed around over many years of politics and human preaching...its quite sad and it causes an amazing amount of damage in our world

Suzanne..

Your heart must feel sooo much lighter. Your loving and thoughtful words about your wife are proof that you will come to the "best" outcome for both of you..

btw...unfortunately that best outcome is not neccessarily staying together, but you have a great approach to maximizing your chance to stick together and i will hope for the best for both of you...

[Teri Jean]

The point is, there is a time for everything and God knows what and when to deliver help. When it is time for you it will happen as it did. Take care sis and wish you the best.

Teri

[abigailf]

I would love to beleive in my catholic upbringing...

http://www.religioustolerance.org/transsexu15.htm





... Surgically modifying one's body would be a sin.


So, I guess that means everyone who had a face lift, lipo, botox, boob job, etc. will be going to hell.

[Faith_G]

Suzanne, thanks for sharing that story! :hugs: Isn't God awesome? :happy:

[Dawn D.]

Abigail,

Here's some food for thought, and I post this here with no intent to hijack the thread.

From the same website:


"Man, though made of body and soul, is a unity. Through his very bodily condition he sums up in himself the elements of the material world. Through him they are thus brought to their highest perfection and can raise their voice in praise freely given to the Creator. For this reason man may not despise his bodily life. Rather he is obliged to regard his body as good and to hold it in honor since God has created it and will raise it up on the last day."

When applied to transsexuality, the document implies that a person with GID must accept their body as it is. Surgically modifying one's body would be a sin.

So, let me get this straight. Essentially God says you have to have everything intact as he gave it to you at birth, eh? So your resurrection will be complete? Well, what if you were the elephant man? Would you want that body raised? What about all the people who fought in wars and had parts of their bodies blown to hell; bad enough that many parts weren't even found? Are you going to be resurrected without the missing parts?

What a load of crap! God's intention, I'm pretty sure does not have anything to do with whether or not I may show up with a few missing pieces or not. Besides, he made man and woman in his image. So, I will still be, when I get there! Thank you very much!

I now return this thread to it's original intent.


Dawn

[Hope]

I am always reassured when I hear about my brothers and sisters saying something that ISN'T asinine for a change.

Good for you, good for your wife, and good for your life together.

[sherri52]

Suzanne: That is great news for the both of you. I hope the responce stays the same for years to come

[Lorileah]

All those channels on Sirius/XM and I purposefully avoided that channel because I assumed they would be intolerant. I have been proven wrong (yet once again). I am so happy that your wife was able to get some guidance form this and it is my sincerest hope that you both will arrive at the end of this travel, together and more in love than before. :hugs:

[SuzanneBender]

So, maybe God guided me to waiting 16 years to make sure we had time to have our kids and let them grow into the wonderful kids they are today. Maybe their destined to become activists for misunderstood people.

My thoughts exactly. Part of me wishes I had been as true to myself as I am now when I was a teen But had that happened I would not have the blessing of four wonderful children in my life and would not have had the 16 blessed years that I have had with my wife.


All those channels on Sirius/XM and I purposefully avoided that channel because I assumed they would be intolerant. I have been proven wrong (yet once again). I am so happy that your wife was able to get some guidance form this and it is my sincerest hope that you both will arrive at the end of this travel, together and more in love than before. :hugs:

You will find that it is very tolerant and certainly not always in exact line with the editics from the Vatican. Obviously as Kaitlyn's link demonstrates its not the entire churches opinion but at what I was told last night is part of the body's opinion. Jesus found a place in his heart for tax collectors and prostitutes finding a spot for us transgendered folk has to be even easier.

[Claire Cook]

Suzanne, That exchange must have very been comforting for you both.

I am not a Catholic, but I remember when a priest wouldn’t marry my mother and stepfather because she was Protestant. My stepfather stopped going to church after that. Subsequently a new priest came to the parish, who welcomed him back to the church (and became a golfing partner). He was wonderful to my mother, and I was proud to be part of the funeral mass for my stepfather. The Church is indeed larger than its stated precepts.

[morgan51]

Thankyou so much for this ray of sunshine I really needed to hear this too.

[gillian1968]

I might sound like an echo in here, but this is very inspirational to me as well...

[Terri Andrews]

Thanks for sharing your journey with us .
I am happy for you and your Family .
I am about an hour from Washington and would love to meet if you get this way again .
I was snowed in on your last trip or I would have contacted you .

[JOANNE]

[QUOTE=Kaitlyn Michele;2049674]I would love to beleive in my catholic upbringing...

http://www.religioustolerance.org/transsexu15.htm

It's amazing to me that the story of J--s shows his incredible love and openess and tolerance for everyone..and then it got all changed around over many years of politics and human preaching...its quite sad and it causes an amazing amount of damage in our world

Suzanne..

Your heart must feel sooo much lighter. Your loving and thoughtful words about your wife are proof that you will come to the "best" outcome for both of you..

btw...unfortunately that best outcome is not neccessarily staying together, but you have a great approach to maximizing your chance to stick together and i will hope for the best for both of you...[/QUO

Kaitlyn

What does your conscience say ? I am still a practicing Catholic but still on HRT.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Well apparently my good conscience is not good enough for the Catholic church..

in my darkest hours...i was on the phone alot with my mom, and i really beleive she kept me alive...our family is staunchly catholic, and now I won't go to church...

i wanted to be dead... in my self absorbed suffering..i told my mom that J__ hates me, and she simply said..."no he doesnt, he loves everybody..."...i said something like "not me...i'm sooo pathetic"...she said,,,"blessed are the meek"... obviously i never forgot that....and i hope that J---s was right there on that phone call helping us both, but I simply cannot throw my faith in with people that are so intolerant of my own humanity, and I feel i have no choice but to rationalize my spiritual beliefs and to let the flock bow before the people who warp religion to suit them..

i sleep very well at night

whew...

---sorry for the thread stomping:doh:

[LisaM]

Wow, Suzanne! What enlightened radio hosts although I am not sure they fall lock-step into Catholic teaching. I, too, am Catholic and I am realize the message about gender and TSlty that comes from the Church in general is sometimes different than from individual believers. But what a wonderful experience and what terrific timing to receive that encouragement and support for your spouse and you.

[Midnight Skye]

Hey Suzanne, I'm glad you and especially her received such a kind message. I hate the mixed messages our churches send us, its such a blessing when the perfect messages come through.

[christinek]

Wow girl, how nice. Sorry about the confliction. I know it all to well. Nice that your wife had the courage to do that.

I hope all works out.

[tgirl2b]

I am Glad you And your wife may now be happier. I am also catholic about 25 years ago I went to talk to our priest ,He told me my wife and I would be better off if we divorced . I'm glade I didn't listen to him. This year will be our 30 year together. she hate's my cding but is actually getting a little better with it as long as she dosen't see it.

[SuzanneBender]

Ladies thanks for all your kind words and thoughts on this topic. We all know that the Catholic church isn't always the most tolerant of bodies. However, I thought I should share this because it shed a ray of hope in a very dark time in my relationship with my spouse.

The good news is it made me more steadfast in my faith. My wife and I, after several long heartfelt coversations filled with emotions and plenty of tears, are working together at discovering where this path will lead. I feel at this moment like our relationship is stronger than it has ever been in our entire marriage.

[ReineD]

Not meaning any disrespect, but I believe that any religion claiming that transgender is a sin reflects man's interpretation of the Word of God and not God's Truth. Kudos to the host couple on the Sirius Catholic channel for recognizing this.

The advice they gave for you and your wife to support one another during your transition is truly the best advice anyone could give, especially as there are children involved. Nothing can be gained by either partner being antagonistic in their differences, even if they do reach a place where the nature of their relationship changes.

You and your wife have my heartfelt wishes that you will continue to be understanding and compassionate of one another's difficulties as you each work through them.
:hugs:

[Solarhawk]

I had a similar affirmation from the church recently. I'm not catholic, and consider myself non-denominational. I had a meeting with the pastor of my room-mate's church, a Lutheran church, and he was also very open and accepting, though a little bit uneducated on the subject. I referred him to a few references, starting with what it is to be transgendered / transsexual, and we sat and talked for the better part of 2 hours. At the end, he proved to be the uplifting spiritual guide I hope others have a chance to experience.

For anyone who is curious what their religion's scriptures say about the transsexual topic, there's a fairly comprehensive resource at susans.org on the topic of spirituality, including "Christianity, Islam, New Age, Pagan, Wicca" as stated there.

I always suspected it was a sin, but reading the verses that directly apply make it sound to me that instead of a sin, it is a blessing. I found this was a huge relief and boost of faith for me, and I hope it is to others as well.

Jesse

[Hope]

The Lutheran church (the ELCA at least - the largest Lutheran church in the US) is undergoing a remarkable transition right now. Last summer the denomination decided that they would welcome homosexual clergy, and it is somewhat interesting to see what is happening to the denomination as this policy shift is being implemented. Naturally some folks are behaving poorly, but it seems that there is less trouble than many predicted. Time will tell. I of course am curious about what this will do (if anything) for the TG community.

The point is that there are sane pastors out there, not every pastor is an evangelical. At least that is what I keep telling myself.

Welcome to the forum by the way. Bremmerville is in a beautiful part of the country.

[Solarhawk]

Thanks for the welcome! On the subject of homosexuality, that came up in our chat, and his view is the act is a sin, not that the person is condemned. He also told me there are actually homosexual priests in the catholic church and other denominations as well. It's as if they are priests -because- they are homosexual, for many different reasons which most people can probably guess.

Jesse