How do you plan to make your family?

[Ze]

For you TGs and TSs that are childfree, but want to have a family one day, what are you plans to go about it? Adoption? (Any preference to age, gender, or country?) Artificial insemination (if you have a GF partner)? Hope to find somebody that will already have children of their own? Another option I'm unaware of?

I want to be a daddy one day and am curious of other people's plans. :)

[Kieron Andrew]

Esther and myself have spoke about having children alot lately and our choice would be by Artificial insemination by anonymous donor, someone profiled as near to me as possible to have my characteristics, to have a mixed race child that would fit both our ethnicities, if that failed after a few tries we plan to adopt (we want two kids a few years a part)

[Larissa Philips]

I would love to have a husband and children, but when I look at it realistically, the whole children thing may be more than I can handle. Its not that I wouldn't be a good parent or a loving mother, its just that I would feel guilty every day for lying to them about who I am, but on the other hand is telling them even an option?

I know I shouldn't even be thinking about this since I haven't even started therapy yet (cart and horse), but it is something I toss around from time to time.

But for content - I come from an incredibly strong irish/scottish family tree (with VERY few branches) and I think I would want to adopt kids with similar backgrounds only because I know how to recognize the temperaments.

[NiCo]

I don’t think I want any. I used to want them so bad but then when I realised they would not be of my genetics, hell no. I became bitter about the idea, hated the idea that via artificial insemination SHE [the female partner obvs] would have her own child but it would be another man’s sperm. I felt this would be easy for her to be able to take the child away from me if she was a nasty evil cow like the females I’m used to dating [even if they present as nice girls at the beginning]. It also seems these days that the number of females using their children as weapons against the man is growing out of control. I don’t think I have a female friend who would actually be civil about things if she spilt with her partner. That’s SICK…but it’s true. Nasty bitches. But they are my friends, I’m allowed to call them that :p

(In fact my partners cousin is only marrying his partner because she’s just had his child and he wants equal rights to their son if they were to spilt up. Not because he loves her. She doesn’t know this of course, I applaud him. She was telling him at the beginning of the pregnancy that if he ever split with her he’d never see his child. Male 1-0 nasty bitch)

I’ve calmed down about the idea since though but in a practical sense now having doubts. I’m vain, I want for myself these days and I‘m liking what I can afford! I have never had anything of monetary value, and the way I see it: I’m 21. Young? Probably to most but I’ll be 22 when I’m post op. I will need to get through my higher education which equals 2 years college, 3-4 years university before I can get a job that will pay enough…because I would never want my child to have nothing. I had nothing. I hated not having clothing of my own. Wearing cousins stuff etc. No. I never had toys that other kids had, or technology and sh*t. I would want my child to have this as well as countless amounts of love…because I NEVER had it; but now I’m actually being able to buy exciting things…I’m enjoying it too much, meaning I would not be able to provide that stuff to the child, because I want it for myself. Greedy? Who cares. Not me. At least I’m not doing it when there is a child needing cared for.

Or I could be 23 by the time I enter the army which was my plans but I don’t know if this is going to happen if this ill health keeps up. This option is still the first option. However, then I need to think about how much time I would be away from the children…would they even know who the f*ck daddy is by the time I get back? Lol.

Cause you have several factors to think about: money [enough], accommodation [I’d like my OWN house, not some I rent from a greedy landlord who could kick my ass out at any minute], spending time with the child [if you work away from home for example, the whole point in having a child is to love it, care for it and watch it grow up…???]

My mind changes all the time. I’m in a same-sex relationship atm, I don’t know where my rights are for gay men having kids in this country [UK] in regards to adoption…

If it was an option of mines, I would adopt a BABY from this country [SCOTLAND] because that is where me and my partner are from. And a baby because I would f*cking hate getting a kid, say, at the age of 6 with it knowing you aren’t it’s real parents and using it as a weapon by the age of 13. Grrrr.

Oh, and I don’t see the wrong in withholding trans statuses from your children. If they are too young to know, why tell them? So they can use it in argument? Kids are nasty evil things, I should know, it wasn’t THAT long ago that I was one…the memory is still fresh.

Just thought I’d add in my opinion. I know it’s novel length but hey, I wanted to talk myself through it :heehee:

Final answer: Probably not. [???]

[kellycan27]

My partner and I have discussed adoption or using a surrogate. I personally like the latter choice as our kids would have at least one biological parent.


Kel

[CharleneT]

Biology is surely important ... to many people in the "how" of the kids they may have. BUT really, once they are in the world, the love, support and attention that you give them is the important part. I think most adopted folks would agree with that. My opinion is that genetics are nice and all, but not that important in raising kids.

[kellycan27]

Biology is surely important ... to many people in the "how" of the kids they may have. BUT really, once they are in the world, the love, support and attention that you give them is the important part. I think most adopted folks would agree with that. My opinion is that genetics are nice and all, but not that important in raising kids.

I have to say that I have no clue as to what you are trying to say here. I wouldn't treat my biological children any differently than I would my adopted children.

[Mariah]

If I could find a SO, I would like to be "married" for atleast 4 years before desideing on kids, also I would want to be above the poverty line. below it sucks. whale there is no perfict timeing for kids. these 2 things are a must for me (deep love, money to support). Then I would prefer to adopt a child around 10years old. they need the love more so than a baby, babies get adopted quickly, 10 year old don't poor childern.

Mariah

[Ze]

its just that I would feel guilty every day

I know you mean it a bit differently than I, but that's one thing I struggle with when it comes to raising a family. To willingly subject a child--likely having gone through horrible crap and difficulties due to foster care--to the additional stress of a TG parent makes me feel guilty for the urge to have a family.

I teeter between finding a TG child to adopt because it seems to make so much sense, but then that's not fair to all the non-TG kids that I'd simply pass over because they weren't "what I wanted."

Wow. I'm not making any sense. :heehee: But I understand the guilt of wanting a family.


Biology is surely important ... to many people in the "how" of the kids they may have. BUT really, once they are in the world, the love, support and attention that you give them is the important part. I think most adopted folks would agree with that. My opinion is that genetics are nice and all, but not that important in raising kids.

YES! EXACTLY! I'm so happy somebody else thinks like me in this department. :hugs:

[melimelo]

Having transitioned later in my life (I'm 41), I have 2 sons that I now don't see often. Since they are the "fruit" of my male life, there remains the unease of my (future ex-)wife with respect with my TG status and the impact it could have on the kids.

I respect the desire expressed by some of the other posters to have children. Having them AFTER having embraced your true nature must be much more fulfilling then hiding yourself until everybody around them reluctantly agree that the tranny parent can come out to them... In my case, it's gonna be next Thursday!

I wish you all the luck to fulfill your ambitions of raising a family.

Cheers,

[Jenny Chen]

I plan to adopt if I am legally deemed fit to be a parent, I Figure that if I can't have my own child, which makes me extremely depressed, I would turn my love to the less fortunate children and show them that the world is a loving place and that there is always some one out there that care about them.

Maybe it's juts wishful thinking, but being on HRT for 6 moths, the world as I know it has became rich and full of possibilities unlike before where it was full of hardships so i want to pass on the happiness and provide for some one.

[Daniela76]

To dream it is to live it?

I really want to meet someone who wants me as I am & as I want to become.
I would like to get married as a m/f relationship (sneaky way around the laws :D) & then try & get pregnant quickly so I can work on transitioning. Yeah it sounds selfish, but I'm still thinking about it.
My other thought is freezing my sperm for later insemination. That seems like the better idea. Except it is rather expensive.
Of course, then I think about my family & my genetics. I wonder if I want my genetic code to be continuing on.
I think I need to get some more thinking done & maybe some genetic testing to see if my boys are swimming properly or not. And if they're carrying any abnormalities I should know about!

Whatever happens, I'm pretty sure I want children. Adopting isn't by any means the last resort, just the 2nd choice. I would probably want to adopt after a first or 2nd biological child anyway.