So Scared right now

[TG_Nicole]

So wow just emailed my oldest sister and came out to her. I know she is a very accepting person. But all the same I'm so scared of what happens next. What her reaction will be. But mostly I'm scared I'm just making a huge mistake. I mean what if this is all in my head. What if i don't really wanna be a woman. Gawd i make no sense right now. I can't believe i just came out to a family member. I'm shaking in my panties. :sad:

[Maria in heels]

Nicole..you need to stay calm and try to relax. Your sister, if she is a loving, caring, sibling, will understand...I'm sure that there will be shock and stuttering on her part, but remember, she is your sister...

And don't forget to hug your wife and daughter...they are the most important women in your life!

hugs Maria

[Andy66]

Whatever happens, you have to be true to yourself. If your sister accepts this side of you, great. If not, you still have to do what makes you happy.

If you're having doubts about wanting to be a woman, it's probably just because you're nervous... but you might consider seeing a counselor just in case. Don't worry, it will turn out fine in the end. :)

[AliceJaneInNewcastle]

Firstly, don't stress. It won't help you, and it won't make the slightest bit of difference to you sister's response.

I've been out to one brother and my mother for well over a decade, but only told one of my nieces when she was in hospital for 3 months after a suicide attempt a few years ago. She or my mother told my sister, who appeared supportive, asked for a link to my photos on line, then emailed the link to all of my relatives!

My other brother didn't speak to me for 9 months, until we were standing side by side at the funeral of a friend.

Sometime soon, I'm going to email my sister to thank her for outing me. I wouldn't have done it myself, and it turned out to be the best possible course of action.

The immediate result might not be good, but getting it out there is the first step. Rejection, if it occurs, is a temporary thing that will usually soften to acceptance or at least "don't discuss and we'll ignore it" over time. If the immediate response is good, that's a big bonus. :)

[Rachel_Red]

I would have to agree with everyone so far, try not to stress out to much about it. Ask yourself how all of this feels, you told her so I doubt its all "just in your head," you've obviously been thinking about it long enough to tell a family member.

Only you know your sister, in my mind the fact that you told her ment that your mind knew she would accept you (thats the safe guess at least) so I'm sure she'll be ok with it.

In the end though its your life. You have to live it the way you want to. Its very short if you think about it so enjoy it while you have it (I know that sounds grim but take it the other way around you can't always worry about what everyone thinks... if you do you'd probably never get anything done).

[sherri]

The time to be scared was before you sent the email. There's nothing to be gained by stressing about it now.

[Joanne f]

It is one of those moments when you feel great relief by telling someone yet great trepidation as to what might happen but i am sure that your sister will understand .
I know that you will be anguish waiting to hear from your sister that everything is OK but give her time to contact you first as she may want to do some research on it first , and i hope all gos well for you .

[eluuzion]

ew, I guess it is safe to assume you are not an attorney.

First rule is to "never ask a question that you do not already know the answer to". :doh:

Same applies to sharing "secrets".

Well, there is always an unconscious motivation for proceeding with such things. It is a way of pushing yourself off the ledge that you wished to jump from anyway.

It is too late to jump back on the ledge. You cannot go back and start over, but you can start a new beginning. You will do fine.

[TxKimberly]

Nicole,

Most of us NEED someone to talk to, and you are no different. You are a human being and this is a huge need for anyone - to have someone you can confide in, talk to, and share with.
I figure odds are good that your big sister was a good choice. She may not be delighted, but I'll wager she will still love you. :)

[TG_Nicole]

Thanks everyone for all your replies. I've calmed down about everything and am feeling much less scared. Still anxious as i haven't heard anything back yet. But I realize there's just no way this is all in my head. I've been dealing with this far too long for it to just be "in my head". Anyway thanks again for all the support.

:hugs:
Nicole

[mklinden2010]

Email...?

What, your sister has no phone? No visitors at her prison on Sundays? She's orbiting in the space station?

You should worry... What a thing to do to someone. And, who knows who she'll tell, forward to, etc. while she's possibly in a dither? Not to mention, her first thought may be, "Why didn't bro-bro just call me? What am I, chopped liver?"

Goodness.

It would be a perfect "movie moment" if she was showing her church group the wonders of email, with her child in her lap, with her brother-in-law and boss hovering in the room, when your message pops up.

I'm just saying....

Next time you out yourself, YOU do it, not leave it to some message machine...

Cripes.

Things will probably turn out OK, but be a little more classy about it next time.

Good luck.

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

More classy? Like being way overly critical of someone who is already extremely anxious and nervous about something? While I agree that it is always better to do such things in person or at least live on the phone, coming out is a scary thing, especially with ones family and especially the first few times. I think the last think Nicole needs right now is someone piling onto her fears.

I came out to several friends via instant message and text messaging and I don't think they were any less supportive of me because of it. In person is a nice, acheivable goal but sometimes we need the cop-out baby steps.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

good luck sweetie...it's really really hard...

ignore the people that seem to know how to do it perfectly...thereis only one way..

your way...

Not classy? that is so uncalled for and just wrong.

[mklinden2010]

Lighten up.

Too late to do any different, but I can't and won't recommend email as a way to out myself, break up with someone, or, tell 'em their cat died...

Live and learn and do better. Might be less to be nervous about if things were handled differently by folks. It's a good point to consider...

Meanwhile, I do agree with the poster who said, "Too late to worry about it now, you already sent the message."

Let's see what his sister's feedback on the method might be.

My money would be, "Ya could just called..."

Either way, kudos to the op for getting it out there somehow.

[TG_Nicole]

Well ....

It went great. She is extremely supportive of em and what I'm going through. As far as the classy comment no offense was taken at all. It was just a little easier for me to do it this way. And as far as secrecy stuff is concerned i told my sister because i wanted to be out. So i guess I'm just not that worried about being outed after all its what i want in the long run. Anyway my sister wants to get together and talk and i can't wait. I feel so happy right now and I'm so glad i did it.

[Froggy's Angel]

I wanted to address the "Classy" comment.
I encouraged Nicole to come out that way.
The reason I did that is because I did not think it would be fair to do it by phone or face to face.
The fact is hearing something like this is going to be a surprise for people.
And rather than saying "Hey sis, guess what!"
And her having to put on a fake polite face and be excepting right away (because she loves Nicole and doesn't want to hurt her)
I thought, and Nicole agreed, that through email, she could read what Nicole had to say, digest it, think about it, and consider her thoughts and feelings and not have to worry about upsetting or offending Nicole.
Nicoles sister wrote a long wonderful email back full of love and understanding, support and acceptance and we both think it was the perfect way to do things. :D

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

Lighten up.

Too late to do any different, but I can't and won't recommend email as a way to out myself, break up with someone, or, tell 'em their cat died...

Live and learn and do better. Might be less to be nervous about if things were handled differently by folks. It's a good point to consider...



Honestly, I really didn't disagree with the point of your message, it was the timing and the tone of it that I was reacting too. I think given the situation, it was a little harshly written, and a bit insensitive to the potential emotional state of someone. Why add on another reason to be nervous? Your point would have been just as valid without the attack tone, and after finding out how Nicole's sister reacted.

[Miranda09]

Good for you Nicole. Glad to hear it went so well. Everyone needs at least one person outside this forum to confide in, and sometimes a close family member is the best choice. :)

[AliceJaneInNewcastle]

It went great. She is extremely supportive of em and what I'm going through.
Excellent. :)


I encouraged Nicole to come out that way.
I thought, and Nicole agreed, that through email, she could read what Nicole had to say, digest it, think about it, and consider her thoughts and feelings and not have to worry about upsetting or offending Nicole.
Nicoles sister wrote a long wonderful email back full of love and understanding, support and acceptance and we both think it was the perfect way to do things. :D
Aside for the agonising wait for a response, I think that it is a good way to do it.

Several people have said that a written letter is the best way to come out to a partner, as you can make sure that the letter contains everything that you want to say. An email to someone who doesn't live with you seems perfectly viable to me.

[Michelle-Leigh]

I'm so happy for you, Nicole - crossdessing confined to a closet is such a lonely thing. The best thing that ever happened to me was coming out, and I'm sitting here wearing this pretty dress and matching eyeshadow because I now am free to stay dressed all I want !

[Vicki-Z]

Hi Nicole. I glad it went well for you. I came out to my older sister about 3 months ago in person. She seem fine with it at the time but then the next day I get an email telling me how shocked she is. In her email she was telling me she checked a couple things on the internet and that there is something wrong with me and I should seek therapy etc., etc. I told her that I was glad that an hour on the internet made her more of an expert on something that I have been dealing with all my life (53 years). After a couple days and a few emails later she calmed down and began to realize that she was acting as if she had all the answers. I have dropped the subject with her and we don't talk about it.

I glad your sister has dealt with it better.


Vicki :hugs:

[LisaM]

Congrats, Nicole!