Dressing for self or others?

[Kate Simmons]

I recently had returned to dressing from about a year of hiatus. The purpose for the break was to see if indeed I really need to do this at all any more. I have come to the conclusion after a recent stint of dressing that I do not. I never threw anything out this last time and that was part of the test, to see if I could be surrounded by the stuff without the need to utilize it.

I recently had a night of fun dancing en femme at the club but curiously it did nothing at all for me. I pondered what that meant. The conclusion I came up with was that I was really dressing this time around for others rather than myself. I began again at the urging of friends because they said they missed the femme me and I always looked so nice, so I said what the hell. While sometimes the prep work such as shaving is arduous, the dressing is simplicity itself and I seem to have the knack for coming up with good outfits.

The other thing is that getting ready for myself is as easy as changing socks and there is really no thrill per se in the act itself. I step into persona more than clothes. While it seemed okay, I realized I was doing this for other people basically and not myself. While I enjoy making other folks happy, I don't see why it's really up to me to do that. I have shown in the past that I can enjoy being myself in either mode. This is one of the "Catch-22's" that comes along when one makes it a total choice I guess.Even so I can always be sure that it is totally my choice to do it or not.:)

[mklinden2010]

>>The other thing is that getting ready for myself is as easy as changing socks and there is really no thrill per se in the act itself. I step into persona more than clothes. While it seemed okay, I realized I was doing this for other people basically and not myself. While I enjoy making other folks happy, I don't see why it's really up to me to do that.


My wife used to say:

"Women don't get all excited about this stuff. G-i-r-ls get excited about this stuff."

I think that sums up your experience pretty nicely.

Good for you.

[jasmine57]

Denise- I haven't gotten to the point that you're at yet. I still do it because it makes me happy. I don't like all the prep work involved either. But I do enjoy the way I feel when I'm in femme mode. I like the feeling that comes along with it. Actually I dress now more than I ever had before. I think if I ever get to the point where I'm doing it to please others instead of myself, I'd stop. I tried as many others have to stop and I can tell you I wasn't near as happy. It was obvious enough that a couple of friends told me that I just needed to start again because they knew what I was going through. Sometimes I wish I could just leave it alone. But at least for now, it's the only way I'm happy.

[Joanne f]

Do not quite know what to think of that as it would be very nice to be able to dress because people were asking me to but on the other hand it would feel like i had lost the passion (OK need) to do it which in it`s self would not be a bad thing and it might just bring the level down to enjoyment which i am sure you are the type of person who gets enjoyment out of whatever you are doing .

[Wen4cd]

I have this fantasy. As I head into this next phase of my life, the goal is to become a therapist, with my own practice. I'm going after an MSW as the 6 year goal, and do badly want my own office, my own domain, my own witch-doctor's hut, (lol) one day.

In this imaginary office in the future, there are lots of things, as one keeps in one's own study, or workspace, to remind them who they are and why they are doing this. Some people have paintings, I probably will have too. I probably won't have a putting green.

In mine, there is a 4-sided glass case, lighted from above and below. In the case, on a museum-quality costume-stand (wireframe, not a mannequin) is my current favorite ensemble, what I dress in when I dress, these past few crucial years. The dress stands on a form, skirts out at the same angle as when wearing. The wig hovers above on a sngle wire, the arm bands and stockings. are there. Everythign is in place, but there is no body inside. All the pieces are seemingly floating as if an invisible person is in them. At the floor, half open like in a diorama, is my makeup case, contents half-spilling out.

Everyone who comes into my office will see it. It will be a constant reminder that I got to where I am because of what that outfit, and wearing it, meant to me, and did for me.

I was born in that dress, so I'll want the momento. This was the 'dress for me' dress that is filled with magic.

Every lovingly amateurish stitch and threadbare piece of broadcloth will be on display, with a wonderful story to tell. There might, or might not, be a brass plaque, inscribed, (and only as a half-joke,) "in case of emergency, break glass."

I want this fantasy so badly that I feel like preserving this dress right now, before it gets further damaged with use, and building another one to dress in.

But in this future practice, whith that dress on display, I will be dressing in newer, and more outward focused clothing, designed with my visitor's comfort in mind. I will be dressing for others. It will be part of my job, my act, to use sensory keyers to manipulate the eperience of the client.

[shadyterri]

This is a Catch 22 I never expect to see. I dress for myself. As mentioned in a previous post if I did not have that need, I too probably would stop dressing.

[suchacutie]

I agree with every sentiment you gave, except that when my mindset moves to Tina, the excitement comes from the fact that Tina exists! I couldn't possibly do this for other people (ok, I would always do it for my wife is she wanted Tina to visit no matter what my feeling about it was...that's the one exception). It is really a mindset change for me when I morph into Tina, with the clothes and all simply as part of the morph.

I do wonder why your friends missed the "en femme" version of you. That might be worth some thought! :)

tina