sex drive as a cd'er

[Gillian]

I know this is an old topic but no matter what I try I cannot find the post I am wanting to express in this so,

I used to have quite a high sex drive as a hetro-male husband, never ever cheated never got lead astray, have been 100% good and loyal. The frequency settled into a routine after a few years but was always three maybe for times in a week. Since our daughter arrived the frequency plummeted to months apart and now many many months almost years!
Thing is I didn't miss it, I was able to satisfy this solo :o but have noticed since I started dressing at the frequency I am now my attraction to GG's is far lower, I must stress I am not more interested in boys I am just not interested in any sex.

Has anyone experienced similar to this?
Is this a direct result of my CD behaviour
Apart from getting rid of Gillian will it never revive?
Is it due more to the situation with my wife pre, the increase in CD'ing?

All these things run through my head,,,

[sherri52]

I had two unaccepting wives so I can't answer for those times. When I had an accepting GF, she told me I was better when I was dressed. I have to admit I think I was getting a bigger thrill having sex while dressed. I'm not sure if I was better but 'm not arguing. Sex became more frequent and lasted longer with age as at that time I was 50 and it seemed like I was going through my teens again. Actually I got more sex in my later years than I did in both marriages combined. I want to be 50 again, just need to find the right GG.

[tricia_uktv]

I think, though I may be wrong, that its your child. I went through the same thing after my chidren were born. Maybe our mind says - I've done my thing as a bloke so can relax? But I don't really know,

Hugs and good luck,

[kimdl93]

the old saying is correlation does not imply causation. In this case, CDing may be an outlet for sexual energy that formerly was expressed through interactions with your spouse, or it may simply be a coincedence. New babies change things - but not necessaryily permanently. I'd give it some time, and with some patience you & your SO will resume where you left off before pregnancy and newborns changed the routine.

[Amy Lynn3]

Having just returned from my doctor, concerning a similar problem I would suggest you see your doctor, provided you and your wife want to get back in a routine. Tell him what is going on and he may have good news for you. He did me!

[DonnaT]

I agree with Kim. Could just be coincidence.

It could have happened even if you weren't a CD. It's happened to plenty of other guys (and gals).

[Neutral Fire]

its an interesting thing you should be asking this I as well have had a drop in sex drive and honestly at 30 years old it was down right scary. But this is a few of the things I came up with

1) starting to learn/explore my fem side has opened new ideas about sex/intimacy its not just about doing the wife eating a sandwich smoking a cig and going to bed. I tend to be looking for more soulful things now I am really turned on about kissing and cuddling/ being touched for hours before hand I want it to last longer then 30 mins/ shorter wont do now. Plainly I guess you could say I want to have sex more like a women maybe since I will never really know what that's like but its what I have been told. problem with that is and this might be where your stuff comes in is I am scared to ask for these types of things from the wife it tends to go against the typical male role in the bed room and for your wife not knowing about your cding you may also not beable to ask for these things as well but if the normal male stuff wont do like it has me it might be cutting down your sexy drive.

2) Stress- Yeah that killed my sex drive so fast I was left feeling like my privet parts just went and died one night.

3) kids- Now I don't have any but from what I have heard and read is and especially right after there born women tend to shut down in that department something about post birth depression and chemicals so yes that dosn't explain your sex drive problems it might explain hers.

And that's about all I came up with the only thing I can think of that might help is go the whole 9 yards next time you think you might want to have sex candles dinner I mean really try to connect before hand be romantic not just for her but for yourself to you would be suprized how good a soulful connection might feel lets just say I have most likely freaked out the neighbors on more then one occasion:D

[Karren H]

No worry, this is just a normal dry spell. Things will get better soon.

Yeah... my son is 19,,,, want to guess the last time I had sex??? sigh..... I should have been a nun....

[jenifer m.]

yeah i felt the same way untill i came out of the closet,and now there is no stopping me.when i came out something in my head just clicked ,and im horney all the time.coincidence i dont know(dont think i spelled that right)

[JeniferMN]

I know exactly what you are saying. I feel the same.

[Gillian]

Thank you everyone for the replies, again its amazing that you feel all alone but so many have been or are in the same situation, very reassuring to feel that.

I think after reading here that,
1. My daughter, and subsequent change in wife's personality to Attila the Mum
2. Job stress I left a stable company but one with a psychotic M.Dir. to go it alone.
3. I get a self sexual outlet but not the conventional one through crossdressing I have the odd fantasy or two.
4. I don't care as I feel sexually fine and inside very happy and content now, so obviously my low libido isn't harmful in the short term.

If things come back then great, if not I can find pleasure through other ways.

You guys are great, thank you very much

[Loni]

sex...what is that???

a sex drive...single, no girl friend,

um what was the question again??

only two things wrong with getting old.
one is forgeting things...
the second is...um...i forget...


.

[Karen__Starr]

I will admit to taking up all the sex for those who have not been :devil:

[Kimmy55]

How old are you?Not that it should matter but after I turned 55 the desire subsided not because of the dressing,kids,job,wife or anything else.Just did

[Jessie.tv]

Well I must admit, that my sexdrive when transformed is quite differetn than it used to be - I love having sex as a girl and like a girl.
My Wife and I, often play like any other girlfriends, that includes hugging kissing and having more passionly sex, sometimes she takes the dom. role and so. I also visit clubs with her acceptance and sometimes have sex.
My point is, that I have wonderfull sex both as my normal mee and as the Girl I am.

[Gillian]

How old are you?Not that it should matter but after I turned 55 the desire subsided not because of the dressing,kids,job,wife or anything else.Just did

I'm 45 46 later this year :)

[Rogina B]

Happens to many of us...T levels go up and down as we age. And you are creating your own most satisfying girlfriend... steals the show! She dresses just how you like her... Another person can't match that. My opinion anyway. Also,try taking Multi vitamins every day as sometimes our bodies lack something they provide.They do make a difference with me.:2c:

[mklinden2010]

G,

I think you'd have to chart several things to find out what the averaged norm is over multiple issues - to compare yours to everyone else's to figure out if you have anything to worry about.

Less energy - that's a chart; less able - that's a chart - (everything ages at the same time); less time - the more you do, the less time you have; more stress, see the the other four charts; different hobbies and interests, kids, taking care of other family members... Etc.

Biologically, nature has it's priorities. First reproduce, then protect the young, then feed the lions when you get slow enough to get caught. (Well, something like that.) Point is, some things have a natural frequency that can't be repeated at just any point and any living creature is on a path that's going to follow a largely preset progression.

Beyond nature, our cooperative civilization has trumped much of nature's priorities. But, that just gives us more time to think about what went wrong, what could have been different, what else we'd have done, where we're heading now that we can pick our own course... "I think, therefore I ponder."

Frankly, I see nothing in your experience that varies much from any human being collecting model trains, fishing, baking pies, or, sewing their own clothes as they progress through life - while having kids, dealing with work, helping the spouse, putting up with in-laws, etc.

You seem within the normal range for most things that can be charted and accounted for.

So, no, it's not you...

It's life.

Good luck to us all then.

[AKAMichelle]

1. My daughter, and subsequent change in wife's personality to Attila the Mum
2. Job stress I left a stable company but one with a psychotic M.Dir. to go it alone.


Unfortunately I can relate. After resentment or avoidance builds in a relationship, it is hard to flip the switch and be intimate with that person. That works for both sexes. It's hard to find someone desirable after they have gotten on your last nerve.

Being self-employed is hard. I have done it for 26 years now. It never lowered my libido. Cd'ing may be working as your stress reliever for being self-employed. That is taking care of part of your needs, but #1 is your real issue.

[Gillian]

On the Attila the mum thing, it is hard to find her as desireable when she has become quite a bully in nature with me, a total turnaround from the girl I married and this I think may b e at the root of the problem in the analysis

On the job, I took a job last July with a truly wonderful company that is amazing to work for, but the pressure to establish myself and settle in was huge for the rest of last year and even now I do feel the need to demonstrate my ability so I guess I ams till looking over one shoulder.

[suchacutie]

First, see your doctor. Your timing sounds as if it could just be a hormonal change that could be set right with a perscription.

Second, responsibility to others is a huge killer of sex drive. The only way around it is to cull out some time that belongs, regularly, to just the two of you, and then make a big deal out of it!

Third, the CDing could also be a consequence of the issues surrounding 1) and 2) and not the cause.

For myself, I find exactly the opposite. When we can push the trials of daily life aside...look out!

:)

tina

[Dee2U]

I dont know if its sex drive as a CDer or just sex drive. I find it very hard to get interested sexualy with my SO if we are having a period of emotional tension / resentment / frustration etc. I am also less physically excited with her when she is undressed due to weight issues she is having. Fortunately she is a very good dresser with lots of style. These two things combined has contributed to some very low frequencies over the years (often less than once a month). I was satisfying myself but that is a dead end that actually inhibits our relations. I am now trying to "save myself" for her and it has helped; as has trying to work on our relationship. Her drive is greater than mine so it is important that I try to be a good lover for her....Dee

[eluuzion]

You have been married awhile, routine sex is routine sex.

You had a daughter (well, wife did, lol)which changes every dynamic. The term sexy is replaced by "mommy" and "daddy". Sex dropped off, par for the course. Welcome to parenthood...

You left a job under stressful circumstances and started over as the new kid on somebody else's block, at 45, in a down economy. Any of those last three on their own is pretty scary.

You have the CD issues, which naturally get blamed for everything when you are "down".

Well, what's the problem? Sounds like the typical disneyland marriage to me, lol. Jus' kidd'n. Remember, the whole world is not falling apart...just yours! lol
Ok, ok...I'll straighten up, but not all the way...

Sex is a fragile thing and unfortunately often becomes the first thing to take a dive when the stress takes hold. Particularly ongoing stress, the relationship/career type stress which has that "enduring, trapped, inescapable" feeling to it. Kind of like a dull toothache.

You are just in a tunnel from too much at once. Our minds go into self-preservation mode when overloaded. Sexual disinterest is common (or the opposite, which is worse if married, lol) and that generalized "constipation" of uncertainty about everything. It is just a phase. It too will pass. Exercise helps alot, even if you do not feel the energy. Even walking is good therapy.

The transition from "hottie" to "mom" is a tough thing for any husband to watch, let alone live with, lol. But after a short sentence of diaper duty, she usually is eager to catch that "hottie" role again. If you are lucky.

Just hang in there, it gets better in about 14 or 15 years...hehehe

[JULIE33362]

love what you said eluuzion

[Traci Elizabeth]

If you think it is low now, don't ever go on Hormone Replacement Therapy! :sad:

[docrobbysherry]

She no longer was interested in sex. And, because of her physical changes, neither was I!:sad:

When we separated, I was over 50 and thot I was finished with sex completely. But, then I got serious about CDing. Sherry turned my sex life TOTALLY AROUND!:D

Now, I'm more active than I was at 21!:o

[VikkiVixen7188]

I have the dual gender thing happening, so en masculine I have a very high sex drive, but en femme its lower than normal. Thats what happens with me.

[Aubrey Green]

Sadly, being a man. I only think about sex every 2.7 seconds, enfemme or not!

[Byanca]

It's all about emotions. You are depressed.

[echo]

Wow.....I feel like the odd man out...(so to speak)

As a regular guy...I am a complete horn dog. Now, that I have found myself in this new phase in my life, I got the sex drive of a college campus. Seriously...even the crack of dawn isn't safe around me. Oddly enough, I have just been through...I don't know...a mid life crisis or manopause or SOMETHING...I suddenly stopped drinking, smoking, other smoking and now my art and libido are in overdrive.... Don't get me wrong...I used to be a (wow...can't use that word?)....person who had a lotalotaLOT of sex. Now, even more so. One of my friends suggested a doctor...I had to laugh at the thought..."Hey Doc, I need you to give me something to make me go back to drinking and smoking and will make me less horny".......

[Dahlia T]

Same happened to me. As my marrage drifted, my CDing increased, I supposed it was to fill to void. It got to the point we were not having set for over a year if that. One day she was getting ready for a trip and was looking for a bag to put her makeup in, when she came across one of my hidding places I keep my clothes in and found a Bra and panties and she knew they weren't hers. She confronted me when I got home with it and thought it was someone else's that I was having a affair. I told her they were mine and the S#*t hit the fan. She went on her trip and when she got back about 2 weeks later, she was all lovey dovey and our marrage started all over again. We had sex evert day for the next 3 weeks. For me, when she started loving me again like she did when we first started dating, that turned my attention back to her. As my CDing goes up, my sex desire goes down and as my sex life goes up, my CDing goes down. Sorry to be so wordie.

[Frédérique]

I don't care as I feel sexually fine and inside very happy and content now, so obviously my low libido isn't harmful in the short term.

Low libido is not even a possibility for me, because I have an adolescent imagination that rages like a tempest with gale force winds. All I can do is batten down the hatches and ride out the storm -- I dress to avoid "going to sea" and drowning, if you catch my drift. The day I lose interest in such things is the day I know I'm truly OLD...:sad:


As a regular guy...I am a complete horn dog. Now, that I have found myself in this new phase in my life, I got the sex drive of a college campus. Seriously...even the crack of dawn isn't safe around me. Oddly enough, I have just been through...I don't know...a mid life crisis or manopause or SOMETHING...I suddenly stopped drinking, smoking, other smoking and now my art and libido are in overdrive....

Your ART and libido? Same thing, darling -- I'm an artist, so I should know. I never drank, smoked, or did "other" smoking, so my sex drive has never been assuaged since day one. You learn how to work around it. :heehee: I never grew up, so there hasn't been a mid-life crisis -- it all seems like an endless rolling ball of libido, going nowhere, but taking itself seriously (for some reason). I can honestly say I don't think much about it, until threads like this one pop up...:battingeyelashes: