Would you support him?

[Kate Simmons]

Suppose you were an honest to goodness FAB woman. You find out that your somewhat masculine SO is a closet CDer. He wants you to support him. Would you? This is not one of those fanciful questions like would you support your SO if she wanted to dress like a guy but it quite literally puts the shoe on the other foot by making you the one who is expected to be supportive. It requires a great deal of soul serching introspection, not only in regard to your relationship but also your self worth as a person. How you would honestly answer this question will demonstrate just how much you understand that it impacts an SO. Not so easy to answer is it?

[Lucy_Bella]

Suppose you were an honest to goodness FAB woman. You find out that your somewhat masculine SO is a closet CDer. He wants you to support him. Would you? This is not one of those fanciful questions like would you support your SO if she wanted to dress like a guy but it quite literally puts the shoe on the other foot by making you the one who is expected to be supportive. It requires a great deal of soul serching introspection, not only in regard to your relationship but also your self worth as a person. How you would honestly answer this question will demonstrate just how much you understand that it impacts an SO. Not so easy to answer is it?

To be honest I don't think to many can answer that , I believe that most S.O.'s that do accept are more tolerant than accepting, falling to the bases of love toward them. Meaning wow ok I can learn to live with that because I love and support you.

It's a true test of any foundation of any relationship rather it survives or fails.

[Toni_Lynn]

I have to turn your question a bit sideways. If I were FAB, I'd assume that I was till 'me' in terms of the 'me' that I am. So I'd be an FTM CDer (wow -- cool!) --and yep -- I be all over his CDing body and dressing him up so much that I'd make him weak at the knees!

That probably doesn't answer your question though :)

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

hmmm -- if I were an FTM CDer, I wonder what my boy name would be

[Sammy777]

Wow, very interesting question.
Some other things to consider, before answering thou would be:

If you were this said FAB girl would your answer be different if you had prior knowledge or personal experience with CD'ers?

Or if you had no idea who they were, what they were like or get out of it and only had the usual TV, magazine, and stereotypes most people are walking around with to guide you.

Now that is a question. :D

[Joanne f]

Yes i think i would but i may want him to pay for it in other ways :devil:

[mklinden2010]

>>This is not one of those fanciful questions like would you support your SO if she wanted to dress like a guy but it quite literally puts the shoe on the other foot by making you the one who is expected to be supportive.


Actually, it strikes me that this is exactly "one of those fanciful questions." But, I'll kick in anyway.

Yeah, sure, I'd give 'em a chance. I've supported numerous SOs in spite of themselves and sometimes things go well and sometimes they don't.

The worse thing is when they lay out a plan - like changing jobs, loosing weight, drinking less, etc. - and then do nothing about what they said they'd do.

If they have a plan, like climbing some mountain on the moon, and actually did the reading, testing, and training to boot, I'd figure it was something that was important to them and something I needed to help them along on.

If I did support them and it got ridiculous, however, I'd have to reel 'em in, or, cut 'em loose.

That's what good partners do... Support, but not to where everyone gets hurt and nobody benefits.

[Nigella]

TBH this is a question that no-one can answer honestly because it is never a situation that can arise.

My answer is I hope I would have the strength necessary to support my partner.

[Lucy_Bella]

>>The worse thing is when they lay out a plan - like changing jobs, loosing weight, drinking less, etc. - and then do nothing about what they said they'd do.

I really like how this is compared, I would like to think that..I would like to think that we CDers) are a little more understanding and will tolerate just a bit more than those who are your average male.

[Janet K.]

Truthfully, I would have to say.......... it depends.
It depends on if this person were coming to me in the beginning stages of the relationship or after several years of marriage. Then it not only becomes a matter of revealing, but why you kept it hidden for so long.
If the SO came to me (acting as the FAB) when we first started dating, I would attempt to be more understanding than if they approached me after several years of marriage.
In my case, if I were my wife (celebrating 9 years on Wednesday), I would not support me after being together for 11 years, married for 9. That is my main reason for not telling her and keeping it a secret. I would rather take my chances with keeping it hidden than have the marriage go to the dogs by revealing. Yes, I know that it would end if she ever did find out, but I would rather take my chances.
It is really hypocritic if you think about it. I would want the CD to tell me early in the relationship but I haven't told my wife after being together for 11 years.
Oh well, I might do it sometime in the near future, but not this week. Not the week of our anniversary.

[sonia_dargency]

I am a man, I can't think like a woman, so I don't know what I would do if I were the wife of a CD.

Now I can tell you what I did as the husband of a devastated alcoholic who made a lot of people around her miserable.

I knew from the start that there was a better person beneath and I put years of patience at play until I understood that she did not enjoy her drinking and never realized she was drunk. Took me 10 years to come up with a solution and another 10 to put it in application.

Now? she can indulge wine at lunch and dinner, have a drink at the end of a day and never ever get wasted (unless we decided that it was Saturday night), enjoy life and discover more facets of herself, she is growing in front of me everyday. and I love her more every day.

I would love to say I would support my CD husband, but again, I am a man, I can't think like a woman, so I don't know what I would do if I were the wife of a CD.

[sherri52]

Not being a women it is hard to imagine. However; if I were I guess I would be furious at first. If I loved my husband and depending on how many years we've been together, I would try to cope with it. If my husband was my best friend, I would deal with it much easier. If we were only married for a couple of years we may end up in divorce court. Back to this side of the fence. If my wife wanted to dress like a man all the time I would have a problem. If I were a CD and my wife wanted to dress as a man I could handle that better. It all really boils down to how much you love each other. Not how much you think you do but actually love each other. In sickness and in health, for better or worse.

[AllieSF]

It will depend a lot about the true condition of the relationship and how it operates through the "thick and thin" situations of life. I think that there are a lot of relationships out there that exist but really contain very little true communications, honesty and true love. Those types of marriages probably will have a very tough time adapting to such a significant revelation. In a relationship where there is excellent communication, both parties are open minded, and true love exists, I think that this scenario could easily work. So whether I was in an SO's shoes or not does not really matter. What matters is the type of relationship and the type of individuals in that relationship. If the SO decides after being informed that it will not work, then the character and communications skills will come into play and help everyone to a satisfactory separation. I believe that I am that type of person and would look at the situation, try to adapt to it and if that was not possible inform my SO of that fact and move on from there.

[Wen4cd]

I c wut you did thar D. Hardcore.

I will say, I have a more rewarding CDing life, and marriage, because I try to keep that kind of perspective running, all the time. I can see myself through her eyes, and I care what those eyes see.

But the question does, when chased, explode and lead to Neverland, Shadowland, and a whole lot of other places with a thousand different names.

Naughty naughty. You expect the Dalai Lama to chime in here, do you? :D

[Alice Torn]

I can only imagine that, for a split second, and it seemed a downer. It also would depend on if he loves cats.

[Karen564]

It really is very hard to answer without any bias, and it would depend on many factors, but for argument sake, say if my husband confessed to me after years of marriage that he was a closet cross dresser, I believe I would most definitely have an extremely hard time dealing with that emotionally & doubt very much that I could support him while married....but I could very possibly support him after the divorce.. it's just that I don't want to see my man in a dress or act like a woman....
I may be a MTF TS, and everyone would think I would be far more accepting because of that, except to me, feel I am a complicated version of a FAB....but as far as my children go, I do believe that I would support them to the fullest no matter what...This is just my best honest answer from the heart by the way I feel inside...

[curiouslooker]

Not so easy to answer is it?

Sure its easy.

Yes. Period.

Cothes don't make the person.

[jenifer m.]

since ive recently come completly out to my wife my thoughts are still fresh in my head.i tend to be a very understanding person in general,and never quick to judge another.so i would be a little shocked maybe but i get over things quick,so yes i would accept the other persons desires.i would embrace it for something new,and not boring in my life.and would hope it would make their decision to come out to me easier.

[kellycan27]

It really is very hard to answer without any bias, and it would depend on many factors, but for argument sake, say if my husband confessed to me after years of marriage that he was a closet cross dresser, I believe I would most definitely have an extremely hard time dealing with that emotionally & doubt very much that I could support him while married....but I could very possibly support him after the divorce.. it's just that I don't want to see my man in a dress or act like a woman....
I may be a MTF TS, and everyone would think I would be far more accepting because of that, except to me, feel I am a complicated version of a FAB....but as far as my children go, I do believe that I would support them to the fullest no matter what...This is just my best honest answer from the heart by the way I feel inside...

I would have to agree with Karen on this. I wouldn't want my man to act or dress as a woman either. I wouldn't condem him for doing so, but it isn't a trait that I would find desireable in a mate.

[Sammy777]

if my husband confessed to me after years of marriage that he was a closet cross dresser, I believe I would most definitely have an extremely hard time dealing with that emotionally & doubt very much that I could support him while married....but I could very possibly support him after the divorce.. it's just that I don't want to see my man in a dress or act like a woman....
I may be a MTF TS, and everyone would think I would be far more accepting because of that, except to me, feel I am a complicated version of a FAB....but as far as my children go, I do believe that I would support them to the fullest no matter what...This is just my best honest answer from the heart by the way I feel inside...

Hi Karen - Very well put.
I'm also a MTF TS, [for those that did't know, lol]

With that aside, I myself have lived most of my life on/at the Fringe edges of society [and NOT because of being TS].
Mainstream was just never my bag baby, :lol2:

So with that, I have seen it all and never batted an eyelash, so I could care less what floats your boat and if your a Friend or Family I would support and back you up 100% with whatever you wanted to do/be.

Nowwwww with that being said......
If I knew from the beginning I can honestly say I would not discount the person for it and try to help/support them as my family/friends have done for me.

But they better have their head on straight!
Rules are: Me 1st :D, You 2nd :heehee:, "Her" 3rd. Sorry.

Now..
If they were to come out a few months later -- Upset but I would get over it.

Somewhere btw 6 months and say marriage - Upset, Pissed & Hurt, would probably still get over it, but it would take a while.

After I was married - Upset, Pissed, Hurt, Angry, and you better not get closer then 10 feet from me you lying prick!

And as Karen said above - I would probably still support them...... but as a friend, not as a wife.

I honestly can't say how I would feel about the "my man" in a dress part.
But the dressing wouldn't be the deal breaker.

The deal breaker would be the lying, secrecy, betrayal and lack of faith in me that I would be understanding that would cause him to find his [and her's] bags packed at the door!

PS: And "the deal breaker" above is probably the biggest reason why it ends in divorce. With the dressing coming in a close or sometimes distant second.
Just my opinion though, so don't quote me, :D

[Alicia Grey]

Suppose you were an honest to goodness FAB woman. You find out that your somewhat masculine SO is a closet CDer. He wants you to support him. Would you?


I can't really answer this question. I am afraid I can not get into the mind of a FAB. And the idea of a male as a mate does not sound desirable to me now. I'm ill equipped to even ponder the question.

I think if I were a FAB I would surely have lesbian tendencies. However if hormone therapy were involved would my brain pattern change? I just don't know.

[Kate Simmons]

I c wut you did thar D. Hardcore.

I will say, I have a more rewarding CDing life, and marriage, because I try to keep that kind of perspective running, all the time. I can see myself through her eyes, and I care what those eyes see.

But the question does, when chased, explode and lead to Neverland, Shadowland, and a whole lot of other places with a thousand different names.

Naughty naughty. You expect the Dalai Lama to chime in here, do you? :DLOL.If the Lama did chime in, I could say to him "Hello Dalai"(I've always wanted to say that).Seriously though, the purpose of this thread is to stimulate contemplation. It would be nice to see if we could possibly find "Shangri La" for ourselves which is really a spiritual condition. Least of which is interpersonal dynamics, especially with those we care for. As you say though, it really depends a lot on us and we get out of it what we put into it. In short, we reap what we sow. The journey itself can be tricky sometimes but it's nicer if we have someone to share it with.:)