When you can't recall if,,,,,

[Gillian]

I had that moment today as a deep closet CD everyone in this position fears, I was out on site working away, got back into the car and suddenly I remebered that had I put my powder and lippy away after my early morning session while the So was out?

Well for the life of me I knew, simply knew I had left my stuff on the vanity in the ensuite, what could I do it was at that time of day I knew I had to do 50miles in 10 minutes or my next mailshot would be from my wifes lawyer!

I drive a reasonably discreet saloon or sedan that is shall I say, a bit of a BMW M5 mauler, tuned and fettled she is one hot puppy and today I used that as I travesed the country at an alarming speed but thankfully never raised an eyebrow as it was makin' time low profile way.

I got home, wifey had beaten me by 10 minutes! Oh S**t,,,,, silence met me.

I made my excuse and went to the loo, and then making sure she wasn't following me checked my stash and utter relief,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, there they were and I need to do a memory improvement course as the panic was real intense and very very scary as to how I would explain myself.

I know this is an inevitable consequence of my actions and is increasingly likely to happen the longer I go on and the larger my stash becomes etc, but BOY!!!!!!!

Sorry I had to share this one as now, it's kinda funny especially the scene from the French connection through my home city :eek:

[Carroll]

I am going to be a bit mean here, just to warn you.

You risked your Drivers license, a speeding ticket, raised insurance rates, your life and the life of anybody on the same road as you all because you left your "powder and lippy" out and you refuse to be honest with your wife.

I am sorry if this rubs people the wrong way, but in the four years I have been here, I had read stories like this and it ticks me off that people will risk life and limb of themselves and others to avoid getting caught.

[sherri52]

That was a close one Gillian. Have you thought about telling your wife. Had she known you wouldn't have had to speed to get there before her.

[SuzanneBender]

Gillian not much more to say hon. The air smells much better out of the closet. :hugs:

[Kerigirl2009]

I have had that feeling come over me many times in my life. This was part of my motivation for me to tell my wife. I was tired of worrying about something being left out and just plain getting caught. To me, I figured one day I would miss something and I did not want to have to explain that while she was mad and confused at me. So I told her everything.

But I do remember the feeling of your heart racing and the shallow breaths and panic

[EnglishRose]

I recently posted a thread about how I'd left fem catalogs in the bathroom, which I was worried would out me to a cousin of my wife's. Well, she stayed over again last night and I almost left a top of mine in the spare bedroom. No way that was my wife's, as we're totally different sizes. Only just saw it (blended into the furtniture almost perfectly) when I went to sweep the room for anything fem last-minute. Phew! :o

[mklinden2010]

Carroll - excellent points.

G,

As I recall, your wife knows about, but basically detests what you do and yours is an impossible long-term situation. Yet, YOU have decided to live unhappily together than unhappily, or, happily apart.

I've been in a bad marriage and it was the loneliest place, and, the most painful place, in the entire world. It was the lowest point of my life... Nothing has been that bad since, and I'd rather drop dead than be like that again.

Make some changes before things get worse.

Please don't kill someone over lipstick.

Please be alive for your little one later - and not sitting in prison somewhere while she grows up.

Your wife, most women, own and use lipstick. They don't have to hide it or worry about it wrecking their marriage.

It-is-just-lipstick.

Get thee and thine to a better place and a better life before everybody's lives go down the drain....

Perfect time to say:

"Here's what almost happened today. I think we need to be pragmatic about what we're doing so this doesn't happen again."

Good luck.

[AllieSF]

Yes, I have had several of those "moments". Then the self-questioning starts, "Did I leave it out, or didn't I". Since I was not in a position to check and correct if necessary the situation, I decided to let it be and see what happens. My discretions included leaving panties drying in the shower the day the cleaning lady came, leaving a locked suitcase containing a lot of femme stuff on my bed where my grown son could see it, having a wig delivered to my house when I forgot that my son might wonder what is in this package for dad from a wig shop. Since my son now lives with me for an indefinite period of time, I have decided that he just may find out someway. So, if he does, my question to him will be, "Just how much detail do you really want to know?".

[Gillian]

Gillian not much more to say hon. The air smells much better out of the closet. :hugs:

Suzanne, I wouldn't have a closet if she knew, honestly!

Carroll, I am ashamed but if I tell you that my average speed was still under the legal limit as traffic flow itself as only in the mid 50's so my speeding was in opportunities to break flow and actually hit 70mph the limit, it isn't as dramatic as it sounds and didn't have me or anyone else in specific danger, no more than my not getting caught as it would have been less than 10% above the limit so undetectable here. I drive around 30-40K in the UK a year more than double the UK average so if I chose to I could have used tactics seen around me and undertaken (illegal in the UK but commonplace in the UK) to get along far far quicker but when I make time I do it in a highly controlled manner.
I then used a B' road rather than a main highway to get the last 9 miles as it is deathly quiet and a road I can press on with as I have used it for 33 years now, but, still didnlt have an average speed reading above the National limit's, so, I accept my foolishness but I may be daft but I am not stupid :doh:

[eluuzion]

Uh Oh... this sounds like a case of somebody missing one of the most important rules you learn as a teenager and college student. It was generally developed for those that were experimenting with things that they did not want others to discover.

"Always keep whatever you are playing with and all accessories in one location, not strung out all over the room. You are only allowed to set things down in this one chosen spot. (preferably close to, or in a drawer) This method always assures you that nothing is "lost" in a cushion, under beds, etc. It also guarantees that everything can quickly be "stashed" away, if you happen to experience the need to implement a "fire drill".

There ya' go. I still have that same rule today. It has saved me more than once. In my case, it is "booksafe", which is always locked.

Just a thought. I was never a boy scout, but they did have some pretty good quotes and ideas...lol


Ok, just to admit I am not perfect either...a quick story. I had a similar experience when I was married. My flight arrived in Omaha, Nebraska on a Monday morning. I checked in my room, realized I forgot something very important, and I would be toast if I did not fix it before 5:30pm when wife came home from work. I actually booked a round trip back to Denver within the next hour. Left my rental car at the airport in Omaha, flew back to Denver, fixed problem, and flew back to Omaha! It took me most of the day...but I was "safe". (and exhausted!) lol "Every village needs an idiot...right?" lol

[Gillian]

I know I know,,,,,

I was lucky as I seem to go on Autopilot in the clean-up session and I usually talk each room and location out loud to myself that it was checked and clear, but I had had a bit of stress coming my way from an ill parent so got sidetracked. Fortune was smiling on me as I had cleard the areas and wasn't busted,,,,,,,,,,,,this time!

[shannonFL]

I remember those times too, the surge of fear, adrenalin, uncontrollable thoughts play out a sequence of events...that never happen...all because we love someone...who we couldn't bear to see hurt. You Will slip up someday......regardless how careful you may become...impossible not to..
Living with fear is exhausting, it will wear you down, in my case I stopped giving my wife the power to frighten me, I'm still careful, but when she finds the errant false nail or something, she just proudly places the "find" prominently on the nightstand and says nothing...she doesn't want to talk about it anyway...

[Genifer Teal]

You look like you need that cigarette (in your avatar) after such an ordeal. A long time ago I decided I would never live like that. When I gave up hiding this like that, i also decided I would hold my head high and leave my house proud. Some of my friends have to sneak out with their stash in hand and by some miracle get dressed along the way to the city. If i couldn't dress at home with dignity, and walk out the door, this would not be the kind of experience I'd want to have.

I hope we can all reach such a level of comfort with ourself some day.

Gen

[mklinden2010]

>>A long time ago I decided I would never live like that.


An interesting things about my life with my SOs has been my taking a stand for myself and chipping away at the issues to "take" my due in our relationships.

I have had instances of SOs balking and "laying down the law" but I have pointed out that:

"I'm an adult, it's my money, it's something I feel I want to do, and, I am doing it. Now, let's talk about how, when, where, and with who and get this smoothed out."

In doing this, I am doing nothing more or less than they would do if they had rights or feelings they felt were being trampled on. My being as willing to stand up for myself as they are may be why no relationship I have ever been in has ended because of anything related to CDing.

And, it must be some kind of relationship test that I keep passing... My defining myself and finding a way to do what I wanted seems to generate additional respect for me as person, and, increase their confidence that I can handle difficult tasks in life.

"OK, I respect you and agree that something can be worked out. Fine, dammit. But, I want to talk about getting the house painted too..."

And, life goes on.

The things about leaving out lipstick and powder? BFD. It's just stuff.

What you do to maintain and improve your most important relationship with your SO... That's the real stuff in life.

Forget the piddly "stuff" and focus on a better relationship for everybody.

Remember that people who are good with people, are forgiven a lot of gaffs... No pun intended.

[AKAMichelle]

I know I know,,,,,

I was lucky as I seem to go on Autopilot in the clean-up session and I usually talk each room and location out loud to myself that it was checked and clear, but I had had a bit of stress coming my way from an ill parent so got sidetracked. Fortune was smiling on me as I had cleard the areas and wasn't busted,,,,,,,,,,,,this time!

You said that if you left everything out, then it would be game over. You have to remember we all do things which eventually rat us out. You will get caught one day. It probably won't be pretty. So I think you need to think long and hard about continuing down this road. You know where it is heading, so you need to begin making decisions so you are ready for the inevidible.

I got caught several times. Lied my way out of it. Told the wife about my cd'ing and the marriage continued the down hill slide. I told trying to save my marriage because I was already heading out the door. It has taken some time, but in May this year the divorce part of my life will begin. I will move out in May and we will file for divorce. Yes that is terrible, but living a life where I denied everything that was me was worst. See my cd'ing is only 5% of our problem. The other things are far more important. I live in a relationship where she is always telling me what to wear, how to act, what to think. I feel like I am married more to my mom than a wife. She acts like it too. She even tells me what decisions to make in my business. I feel like I am having to leave home twice in my life. Freedom and my own mistakes await me.

It sounds like our SO's are similar to some degree and that we face some of the same worries. I quit letting fear control my life and that's when I finally went out the door dressed. That single moment in my life changed everything. The fear which was destroying me from the inside in my business and personal life was gone. It took 4 hours of utter terror for it to begin finding another victim. 2 hours getting ready. 1 hour driving to a Walmart far enough out of town that no one would know me. 50 minutes sitting in the car afraid that everyone knew what I was about to do. 10 minutes of the scariest time in my life. The 10 minutes that I went into the Walmart through the front door and walked to the back of the store and then back out the door. I was so scared inside that store that they almost had to call for a paramedic. I guess the only thing that stopped the heart attack was the knowledge that the paramedics would know when they got there to treat me.

That single moment changed my life. The fear which had controlled me began going away. I began to find myself buried under years and years of hiding and buring away. I had a fear which gripped me in 2006 when my business failed for the 3rd time. I had owned my business for 20+ years and lost everything 2 times before. I had never been afraid that I would fail before. That was something new. The fear of failure that I felt in my business for the first time in my life was going away as well. I turned my business around and began earning a living and growing the business. That fear that I conquered that night turned into a double plated backbone. I began believing in myself again.

You are coming to that junction in the road with 2 doors marking the way forward. Only you can choose which door you are going through. I hope you will be happy with your choice.

[jenifer m.]

gillian ive done that befor. but not the speeding part.i do my drag racing on closed roads (no pun intended). when i still lived with my dad i forgot and left a pair of pantys out,and he found them,so when i got home that day he asked,and i had to confess that i had a girl over while he was gone.little did he know i was the girl....whhhhew that was close!

[Gillian]

It's a nighmare and not one that I am delighting in in any way. I love dressing and that part of me has been with me for over 30 years, I hate the deceit, but my wife has made it clear that in the occasions I have given it (almost or completely) away, that she will not entertain my crossdressing. So I am faced with abandoning a marriage and a daughter I adore to pursue it full time, or abandoning a part of my life I also adore and being a "normal" man.

In truth I cannot do either so I need to continue as so many on here do likewise. I need to check and re-check my self and my things and that is it, in a nutshell.

I am not seeking sympathy or criticism as I cannot see any other way around or out of this that would not cause even more heartache? I just have to be incredibly cautious.

[mklinden2010]

G,

You are a allowing a classic unhappy dilemma to stand and trapping yourself; you are currently frozen in "unprofitable either/or" thinking.

That won't work. Often doesn't... Either choice, in this case, is a bad/good one - neither is clearly better.

Create a "trilemma" or "qualemma" and give you and yours a break by all of you having more choices and more outcomes.

Most of us have worked out that "normal is as normal does." Normal for us, that is... And, "us" being all the main players in, at least, our home lives.

If your wife/SO insists that there's only her way or the hi-way, and that makes neither of you happy, then she's made the only decision that matters so far.

Up to you to persuade her, and yourself, that there is a "better" third, fourth, or fifth way.

"Work your problem or it will work you."

Good luck.

[gabimartini]

I don't mean to rain on your parade, but if she beat you by 10 minutes, who says she didn't see your stuff? Just wondering.

[Gillian]

Because I had put it away just couldn't remeber doing it :heehee:

[SherriePall]

My wife knows and I sometimes get to work or somewhere away from the house and wonder if I left something out. When I get home I find out I worried for nothing. However, there are times I have no clue and I come home and my wife says that I am getting careless because I left some clothing or make-up out.