OMG - She talked about IT

[sonia_dargency]

Brief recap for whoever does not know: I came out to my wife (of 23 years) a year ago, she hates it, despises it, does not want to talk about it, pretends it does not exists... All my attempts to at least bring the subject were shut off, the "topic" was off limit.

Tonight, we started a silly argument and in no time she just blew up. "you hid that from me for so long" "I am alone to bear the secret" "I am going to tell everybody" "you ruined my life" "you are a freak" "if I knew" "you have a problem" "my life is over" and also a bunch of stuff not CD related.

I omitted some details here, but the main things is that she SPOKE about her concerns (all of which are on the list of a SO's concerns who learn about crossdressing)

It gave me the opportunity to explain, to be honest and to answer some questions.

acceptance and balanced life for both of us is far from now (at one conversation a year, it might take time...) but one step has been walked. I know now what concerns her.

What made me feel good is that she seemed relieved after that. it is going to be a few nights on the couch and a few days with minimal talk, but that is a ridiculously small price compared to such a giant leap.

What made me ready for this unexpected conversation is you guys/girls/GG/CD/SO who contribute to this forum and enlighten me with your advice and your shared stories.

Life is going to be good - Thank you all

[Jamie48]

I don't know if I have been much help being new to the forum but, hopefully you are making progress. Time will tell & good luck & happiness.

[jenifer m.]

im sorry to hear that she took it so hard.i can imagine it must be very dificult for her to grasp my wife knows about me, and we go all kinds of places while im wearing female shoes or hose bras e.t.c.i think that her biggest concerns were her being embarresed for me or it somehow reflecting to others that she has a weird husband,and she is embarrased for herself.she has seen me in every possable feminine way except when i transforme into jenifer,she said shes not ready for that but maybe someday she said.so i know i have that to look forward to.you have many things to look forward to as well this is mearly your first step it only gets easier from there.you already did the hardest hurdle.

[Tanya C]

Congratulations on your breakthrough in communicating with your wife. Sometimes it takes a blowup to initiate some serious discussion especially when it comes to the subject of crossdressing.
It's hard to hear someone you love describe a very important part of your personality in such vitriolic terms, but maybe through further communication and understanding it will ultimately help put you on the road to acceptance.

Good luck,

[Lucy_Bella]

I have to say I wish you the best , give it time and her some space..

Life is a party ...be glad you got invited...

[Being Paige]

That is great! My wife knows and both of my two daughter's know also although my youngest doesn't say to much about it. I am finding that my wife is alittle more approving, she willactually spend time with me while I'm dressed and I can even go to bed while dressed. We have been married over 20 years and one thing I have never done is spend a night on the couch because of a fight or because she was mad at me! If I had an issue and was mad at her and I chose to sleep on the couch thaen that was my choice and she knew that she could also make that same choice. Funny how there haven't been to many of those occations! We love each other!

[Sheila]

Sonia, sorry you had the fight, but like I admire the positivity shinging through in your post, hopefully when she wakes (if she manages to sleep) she will apologize and as to talk about all the things you guys shouted about last night and things can begin to be sorted :hugs:

[Joanne f]

It can not have been very nice for the both of you when it has been bottled up for 23 years so i hope that this letting of steam will have done some good and now you can maybe start to chat about it together, it has obviously upset your wife with the thought that she has had to keep this secret to herself which i am sure is a thing that upsets a lot of wife`s/SO who are in a similar situation , i wish you both good luck and hope you do not spend to much time on that couch.

[Samantha_Smile]

Sonia, What she needs now is for you to address these concerns and for you to re-assure her.
Give her a gentle hint to try her own research on here/other internetz pages.

My advice to you now is to not hold anything back, be as honest and as open as you can be, make sure your good lady understands the reasons for everthing you do/did including why you couldnt tell her for so long (which is, Im assuming the same reason I couldnt tell Emma for so long- Fear of losing the love of your life).

It's not all down hill from here yet, theres going to be plenty of time spent on an incline. There will be arguments, tears and potentially a night on the couch.
Love will see you through though, it did for me and my miss.

Keep talking with her.
All the best.

[eluuzion]

The type of "blow-ups" that you just described can be a very unsettling,, if not scary experience. But it is actually a very positive sign.

At some point in a manager's career they will experience the mental anguish of having to terminate an employee who does not expect it. The most important part of the entire nightmare is what happens next. The employee will (hopefully) do what your wife did. VENT. It takes many forms, but usually has some pretty harsh words, tantrums, name calling, crying and God knows what else. Anything can happen for those couple of minutes. But whatever happens short of doing you physical harm, it is a good thing. Best thing to do is shut up and let it happen. Because what follows is acceptance and a tendency to think of the future. In your case, it appears you got lucky. But don't assume that you dodged a bullet. In a few weeks that future in her mind may not include you. Whatever happens, it was still a good thing she got it out (for both of you)

If you skip this part as a manager, it can sometimes even cost you your life. If you do not see that stage occur in front of you, I would suggest taking a vacation, starting about two minutes after the person fired exits the building, because they will be back looking for you or will find somebody somewhere to let it out on.

Good Luck.

[sonia_dargency]

I don't know if I have been much help being new to the forum

Every little thing counts, everybody helps somebody someway by contributing to the forum, it's karma.


Congratulations on your breakthrough in communicating with your wife.

That is how I see it, "listen to the message, not to the bark". Regardless of how it was delivered, she expressed herself to me, that is priceless.


... What she needs now is for you to address these concerns and for you to re-assure her.
...
Keep talking with her.


Both are on the top of my laundry list.


The type of "blow-ups" that you just described can be a very unsettling,, if not scary experience. But it is actually a very positive sign.


Yeah, as I see it, the door is open to communication. the form does not matter.



Thank you all for your support, again joining this forum has been a giant step for me, I learned so much from everybody.

[Sandra]

Well a good blowup can clear the air and get things out in the open...take it slow with her and try to re-assure her about what she has said.

[Presh GG]

Hi Sonia,
That's it, you are on your way IMO.

Now, get your little bottom to the florist, then to the deli. pick up some cheese and crackers and such as she's not going to want much, lock the doors and talk.

Give her extra attention now, that dear lady is hurting and only you can help her. Be totally honest when you explain the "necessity" and Listen!

Congratulations,
Presh

[Angelofsomekind]

I hate to sound negative about it but with such a bad reaction from her at first about it, it's no wonder you couldn't tell her for so long.

[Tonya Stolenski]

Congratulations on your breakthrough in communicating with your wife. Sometimes it takes a blowup to initiate some serious discussion especially when it comes to the subject of crossdressing.
It's hard to hear someone you love describe a very important part of your personality in such vitriolic terms, but maybe through further communication and understanding it will ultimately help put you on the road to acceptance.

Good luck,

i agree it takes a blow up to start a peace talk....in all scenarios.... this happens at times with my fiance and myself. THe ultimate thing is that you two can sit down a talk about things... even if she is mad at you... at least you can talk it out.

talking has saved my relationship maney times mostly over miscomunication thats leads to a huge argument

[sonia_dargency]

Now, get your little bottom to the florist, ...



best advice I ever had!
Did that right after I read your post, what a bum I am not to have come up with anything close to that. She had the eyes of a lost puppy begging for TLC.

Thanks to you, I went out, came back with roses and a little gift. I am going to fix her her favorite cocktail tonight and we 'll go from there.

My major mistake a year ago is to have tried to do all that by myself. It is so great I now have people to talk to.

Thank you all

[sissystephanie]

Sonia,

55 years ago I told my Fiance about my CD activities. We married 7 months later and had almost 50 years of very happy married life before cancer took her. She was totally supportive for the entire time.

You can do the same thing, although starting later in married life. I strongly promote honesty in all aspects of life, and telling about CD activity is included. As others have said, now you have to work on fulfilling her concerns! Remember, she married a man, not a woman! If you want to become a woman, you most likely will have other problems with her. Hopefully, that will not be the case! My late wife's main concern was whether or not I wanted to become a woman. When I told her that I had no thoughts of doing that, she was completely O.K. with the crossdressing. Hopefully, your situation will be the same.

Congratulations on telling her (even at a very late date!) and best of luck to both of you!!:hugs: