an unusual phone call last night.

[jenifer m.]

around 10:30 last night my wifes phone rings,and i hear thats its her sister,they talk for a few mins then she hands me the phone,and says my sister wants to ask you a question.i get on we talk,and she says i know that you crossdress now for a while,and mindy her best friend told her that she caught her brother wearing her pantys a couple days ago,and their whole familys in an up roar about it. she wants me to talk to him about it.but what do i say,and whare do you start with something like that.besides if i do then his family might find out about me,and i still like being a bit on the down low about my dressing.any suggestions as to how i can help?or should i not get involved?

[gabimartini]

Though a bit individualistic, if I were you I'd try not to get involved. Let Mindy's family sort out their problems for themselves. One other thing, maybe have Mindy give her brother the URL to this site.

My two cents.

[DonniDarkness]

Jen,

Hunny if you get involved at all, be careful

Also how old is this young cd, if hes young you really need to ask the parents for permission to speak with him, but honestly the best help you could give him is by talking with the family members and answering any doubts questions or fears on their part so they can better understand the crossdressing.

But remember you will be walking into what could be a nasty battle

ps. bring your girlfriends with u

[Phyliss]

Get involved? No way, no how, no chance. Run as fast as your high heels will allow. Stay far far away. No matter what you say you're going to be WRONG.

[Tomara]

Hi Jenifer
I have to agree with the others , You could be setting yourself up for a BIG OUTTING if you get involved in someone else's personal matters and if the family is already in an uproar you are sure to be the focus of their attention if you get involved.
That my opinion.
Tomara

[Jamie48]

I won't get envolved. This is a situation they have to come to terms with.
Why expose yourself.

[Daintre]

Jenifer, if you are wanting your own dressing to be low key then you should stay away from this. Your sister-in-law will have to go solo on this, you could give her the URL of this site, but the problem there is you need to 18+ to access this site.

[lavistaa62]

Before walking into the situation, did Mindie (her friend) initiate the request or is your wife's sister meddling? The language "caught" and "uproar" seems to indicate the latter. If Mindie is someone you know as well, you might talk with her privately. If not then I would leave your wife's sister to her meddling and then, should the opportunity present itself, talk to the brother and offer your support and perhaps this URL. He's no doubt feeling very alone and vulnerable- what happens next could impact his personal well being and social standing in the family for a very long time.

If Mindie does approach you separately and wants to understand and support her brother then perhaps, you might be of some help but Mindie, your wife and her sister need to be there also- all in support of understanding and discussion rather than socially isolating the young man. I don't see a need for you personally to appear and argue for the kid but perhaps Mindie can provide him some support and offer a channel for talking with you outside the hostility of the rest of the family. :2c:

[Aleca]

Agree with the other post here regarding setting yourself up to be outted. If you are hiding your CDing from immediate family but not others this can come back to haunt. I imagine the phone caller asked you naively and not meant to hurt or embarrass you even though it felt disrespectful of your privacy. I would try to get those questions/ response answered through email if possible, explaining that CDing is a personal and embarassing matter and agree also with the post to give the person the link to this website.

[TGMarla]

Yeah. Just tell them that everybody is making way too big a deal over it, and to just ignore it.

Mountains out of molehills, man!

[kimdl93]

I would stay out of it - if I was offering advice indirectly, I'd just repeat Marla's suggestion - its no big deal. let it go.

[Melinda G]

Run! Run like the wind!:D

[Andy66]

Who says you're not outed already, or soon will be?
"Well 'Joe' crossdresses, and there's nothing wrong with him."
But still, you would be walking into another family's drama so no matter what you do you would be seen as the meddler and the jerk.

[EllieOPKS]

I know how to field dress a deer and filet a fish. Does that mean I should perform minor surgery for a friend of a friend? No more so should you as a total stranger converse with this person. How would you feel if it were you?

Sounds like to me that they are trying to impose their preferences on him verses listening to what he likes. I am a total believer in privacy. If he was "found out" by a family member it means he didn't willingly share his desires. If he wants to speak with a professional, then that is where they should start.

just my 2cents worth.

[victoriamwilliams1]

I would be looking for the border if I helped out! So I suggest give the link to this site out and or locate a support group for this person to go to and let them work it out themselves. I would do the same thing even if it was one of my own family members and thats why I am not out to my family. Now if you do do it use extreme caution and do it on your terms!

[mklinden2010]

What's in it for you?

[sterling12]

FACTS, that you do know!

1.) She caught her brother in her panties. Does this make him transgendered...who knows, only himself and he's probably not sure! What could you possibly tell him at this point that would solve anything?

2.) The Family is in an "uproar." Does this sound like a situation where you could help? The Fact that you are transgendered isn't going to calm The Uproar, and could easily be taken as someone on The Outside who interferes! This Gal may have asked you to help, but experience teaches at The First Sign of trouble, she will "bail," and leave you holding The Bag.

The Best you can do in this situation, is say that you will be available to try and answer her questions, provide information from trusted sources, and be of some support. Your Wife and she are probably not going to like your answer, and it's probably going to be a Case of "Damned if you do, damned if you don't," but your task now becomes one of "damage control." Whatever small assistance you can render, and avoid catastrophe for yourself.

By the way, was she supposed to know about you? If not, I'd be kind of P.O.'d at The Wife. But, that's another problem. Let's face it, work on them one problem at a time!

Peace and Love, Joanie

[celeste26]

Just tell her to love her brother whatever happens. Its always good advice and makes no commitments about the activities.

[Karen564]

Ah, :doh:
Since everyone is opposed to outing yourself, then tell your Sister In-law about This Site to hand down to Mindy to inform her brother...Then He can go here himself & talk to many people about it..
Everyone gets what they want this way..:drink:

[Joanne f]

I would not get involved, the best friends brother will not appreciate it and may have some choice words to say to you if tried to talk to him about it .
This is one of those case`s where it is just best left well alone but if he ever came to you asking for advice then you could have a rethink about it .

[DanielleLee]

I have to say that I'm in agreement with the majority. I think you need to stay removed from the situation, as it's probably in the best interests of your family.

While your post doesn't indicate if "Mindy" knows your secret after her conversation with your sister-in law... hopefully your S.I.L. just told Mindy of a friend she has, who crossdresses and whom may be able to offer some advise.

In any event, staying annonymous and passing on this site's information may be the best way to go.

Good Luck with whichever decision it is, that you decide to make.

[jenifer m.]

thanks.i think you all are right.i dont want to even be involved.this family can be very difficult,and ijust want a quiet life,no more drama.thanks for all the advice.

[Imogen_Mann]

Steer clear, I see deep yet troubled waters ahead.

Should anything go wrong...The MOMENT anything goes wrong, this boys family will be looking for a scapegoat, and if you've been there and offered advice on dressing, their knees will jerk, and you may have some serious allegations made against you.

Best left well enough alone, but yes.. I agree with gabi martini... Pass them the URL for this site, and for a few others.... But leave it there.

[k lynn]

Talk to the sister in law answer her questions then let her talk to her brother you are already being outed if she knows so get use to it.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

thanks.i think you all are right.i dont want to even be involved.this family can be very difficult,and ijust want a quiet life,no more drama.thanks for all the advice.

Jen/// this sounds like your best answer...just remember though...you are ALREADY INVOLVED....if 5 people know, then 10 people know, and if 10 people know, everybody knows...

so if i was in that situation i would at least consider a very quiet conversation with your sister in law to reiterate your feelings..

[rocn4fun]

so sister ilw caught her brother in pantiees or in lingerie these people have nothing too do and through in you wear pantys and wakes your wife up too bug you cause shes insecure about it w/ ill guess they were not hers ? so i wouldnt give into her cries for a consoultation and blow her off for a bit and explian too her that she needs to mind her own bizz and be nice cause she my have a bit of time on her hands .. just gotta mind your own bizz

[eluuzion]

In my opinion, nothing turns out worse than agreeing to a request to become the family "amateur psychotherapist".

But, if you do opt for the assignment may I suggest one tool that may come in handy?
http://www.dramabutton.com/

:D

[Jaydee]

Just remember, No Good Deed Goes Unpunished. I think its best to stay out

Jaydee

[Brandi Wyne]

Only two choices here. Go for it and come out to all at the same time or shut it down and hope for the secret to remain as it is. Good luck, Hon.

[Vivian Best]

That request is frought with hidden:kickbutt: land mines and you are nearest to one. I'm not sure why your sister-in-law thinks being a CDr qualifies us to counsel one particularly if he is a young man. My suggestion is to talk to your sister-in-law and tell her you do not feel qualified to provide the necessary intercession that the family of the man might require. From you post, I'm not at all sure what your wife's sister want you to do. Encourage or discourage. To me this is a lose lose situation and you are the loser on both ends. STAY AWAY!

[chelle]

I don't really think anyone needs to talk to the brother who was caught wearing panties. Are you going to get him "straightened out?" Everyone else has the problem

[Nicole Erin]

So if they try to push you for advice, then flat out tell them you don't want anything to so with this one.

On the good side - though they are mad now, something else will come along to hassle about and this will soon blow over.

For some reason, with stuff like this, family tries to drop it as quickly as possible. It is kind of like when most of us got caught dressing when we were young, it caused problems for a very short while, maybe a couple hours at best, but then everyone would pretend it never happened. Well, I think that sums up the experience of most of us on the board.

But yeah, try to not get involved as people are always looking for a bad guy.

[Cassandra Lynn]

Tough call, on the one hand i like the idea of being of service, offering helpful info to all those involved, but on the other hand it might affect you and them negatively. If it were someone less close to you it might be a better situation. mj (Cassie)

[PhillyGuy2Girl]

myself I wouldn't get in involved. The best you can do is just recommend this site.

Just one thing, why did she feel the need to tell the whole family that she caught her brother wearing panties? I would've just talked to him about it and not involve everyone else.

I know some may not agree with my above statement,but I guess thats because I don't like gossiping and there are some things that should be done in private between the involved parties.



Felicity :)

[celeste26]

Only one piece of advice I would give, "get your own panties". Nothing else needs be said to this person.

[PhillyGuy2Girl]

Great advice, Celeste.Agreed.




Felicity :)

[jenifer m.]

just so you girls know ive givin some printed info to the family and left it alone so im not real sure what the outcome was,but im not getting involved any more than that.but thanks for all the great advice.

[~Michelle~]

besides if i do then his family might find out about me,and i still like being a bit on the down low about my dressing.

Well there's your answer don't you think? Don't do it, sometimes you to say no to your caring side to protect yourself, there's nothing wrong with that in this situation in my opinion.

[Samantha Thomson]

jennifer i agree w most people you need to stay out of this or people may find out about you


samantha

[Nicole Erin]

So it has been a day or two, has everyone dropped it yet like I speculated?

[mklinden2010]

**she says i know that you crossdress now for a while,and mindy her best friend told her that she caught her brother wearing her pantys a couple days ago,and their whole familys in an up roar about it. she wants me to talk to him about it.but what do i say,and whare do you start with something like that.


I read your recent post and know you just printed some stuff out and handed it over, but I was wondering about the original post...

So, she knows you crossdress and has known for a while now... And, SHE wants you to talk to her friend's brother since she, the sister, caught HER brother wearing HER panties?

Uh-huh. (Who looks down there?)

So, how does the wife's sister (etc.) know about you and, by the way, what's her take on you and, while we're at it, crossdressing?

Just wondering what we might be dealing with here.

Doesn't sound like she has much against it and she might be trying to help the friend's brother feel a little better while his/the family is doing the usual "chicken little" number on the issue.

In similar situations I have just held my head high and said, "So... What?"

Meaning, "So, what he does in his spare time is his business. Is there some reason anyone has to discuss this?"

If anyone wants to debate it I say, "Well, speaking for myself... If I do things with my SO, a magazine, or, a cactus it's not really anyone's business unless, maybe, it's their SO, their magazine, or, their cactus too."

If the issue was bondage, swinging, auto-erotic activity, hookers, doing-it-only-after-marriage-and-only-in-missionary-position-only-to-make-babies, it would be no more my business than this unless the/a person involved asked me my opinion - and I felt like giving it.

That's what I say... That's where I start and finish.

"So, you friend has a brother? Well, sure I'd like to meet him. A friend of yours has gotta be a friend of mine."

What you two talk about, if you talk, is up to you two.

No harm done with the printed stuff. But, it probably won't do a thing to clear the air - on it's own.

Interesting situation.

Really a great time to take a stand for respecting one another.

[jenifer m.]

my wifes sister knows about me beacause my wife told her a few years ago,but she thinks i only wear womans hose,and underware,and the occasional pair of shoes,but thats all she knows.her friends brother is problably a cd but who knows?who cares? im just glad i diddnt get dragged into it somehow.im not sure what the final out come was as ive kinda let it go.know what i mean? but i will ask my sister in law soon what happend.