Don't know what to do.

[Lucy_Bella]

Over the weekend myself and my live in girlfriend got into a dis-agreement, it seems our relationship has just grown to a place to where she goes to sleep.

She doesn't have a job , she doesn't help with any bills , she does no house work..She just sleeps here.

I have been tolerant of this ,from her ,due to exposing my desire to ,but I had enough.. I expressed my feelings about it over and over , with no change what so ever from her.. She has just been useing me was how I felt..

So this weekend was the last staw for me and she pushed it even futher by suggesting that she would move out.. I accepted her offer!!

She is gone now other than her cats and a few here and there things..

My feelings are,

I will not be held hostage !! For being myself nor will I be used...I am very deep in the closet and it would turn my world upside down if I was exposed to friends, family and co workers , but enough is enough..

So far it's been quiet but I feel it's the calm before the storm.. I have took all my FEMME stuff and hid them, I am bracing myself for this..

Any suggestions ? Has anyone gone through this before? She has swore to me that what I shared was to never go beyond us two but a persons word is as only good as the person giving it..

Standing strong Thanks

[Jannette H]

WOW! This person needs to donate something. Sometimes people just take advantage of kind people. Ask for some assistance around the home, do dishes or some cooking cleaning or anything that would make a differance any thing would by appreciated. Please don't let her use you.

[sherri52]

I went through the same with my first wife. She never worked during our marriage. I didn't mind too much because she gave me six beautiful children. After our breakup, to the best of my knowledge she never told anyone of my dressing. It was a two year divorce case but my dressing wasn't to;d to anyone outside of the courtroom. Hopefully your GF is a person of thier word and will keep hers.

[Melinda G]

Consider yourself lucky, she left without a ruckus. Some don't.
Keep your fingers crossed that she keeps quiet about your secret.

[Nicole Erin]

I would not worry.
You can always deny being CD. I mean unless she has some kind of proof to back it up, I mean she ain't got like pics of you dressed on a cell phone or something I hope.

She probably is not one to burn bridges. I imagine she probably goes place to place, whoever will let her crash out. If she drug your name thru the mud, she knows that would be a bridge burned.

Let's see, it is Tuesday, if she hasn't made a scene about your CD'ing yet, it is pretty unlikely.

But, in preparing for the worst, just be ready to deny it. Or fabricate some kind of story like you borrowed one of her shirts or something, ya know the ol manly "Well, ya know, I had not done laundry and didn't want to go around smelling like armpit..." type thing.

[Karen564]

Just try to remember this....It's not the end of the world if word does get out....if it does, you'll learn to deal with it as it comes...You may even be pleasantly surprised after the dust clears & be gratefully that it happened....and thank her later..
Just be civil with her, and she may keep her word..but if she doesn't, there's nothing you can do about it...what's done is done..and maybe for the better..time will tell..

:hugs:

[docrobbysherry]

De Nial is NOT just a river in Egypt!:heehee:

" Hey! It was HER idea to change clothes to SPICE up our flagging sex life!":devil:

" Want to see pics of HER in nothing but my undies? Oh wait, I deleted them!":D

[Christine Kelly]

I suggest that you NOT deny who you are.
Admit it, if questioned. It's NOT a crime.
Nor is it really anyone's business!

[Rachel M]

Have you considered the fact that she might be going through a depression? I have been in your shoes in its not fun at all.From what you describe she is trying to escape via sleeping. As for telling people, she had to have a confidant she shared this with. Just be greatful there is no mockery being made of you. In my situation my ex would sleep or claim to be sick to avoid all aspects of being in the house. Sure, some thing were legit and there were other factors, but needless to say, she chose to move out as well. Use the separation as a period to grow and communicate. The two of you might learn you both want more in life, but not from each other.
Rachel

[ReineD]

I agree with Rachel. Please consider the possibility that when someone does nothing to help herself, it could be a sign of severe depression. She may have left quickly because she believes that her failures are causing you too much distress. She may have deep feelings of shame and guilt and her belief that she is imposing her presence on you is too much to bear.

It is likely not at all her intention to out you. What would she gain from this? Has she ever given you any reason to believe that she has a vindictive nature?

Of course none of us can possibly know why she behaved the way she did or her true motives for leaving. So it surprises me that some respondents to this thread can be so uncharitable. I know we all have a right to our opinions and it is natural that people will think ill of their exes, or their soon-to-be exes, even down to saying that throughout the marriage she never worked all. But oh yeah, she did have six kids. I'm sorry but this one pushed my buttons big time. :sad:

I also agree with all those who said you have nothing to be ashamed of. :hugs:

[Imogen_Mann]

Has she actually threatened to expose you ?

I'd say, don't keep your girly things hidden, but just "put away"... And if anyone important arrives at your door saying "are you a t-girl?" just pass it off as the disgruntled ex kicking back by telling lies. Explain how she was being toxic in your relationship and just be the normal manly you... Don't over-do the denial, remember, it will look forced and rehearsed.

Good luck, you sound to be better without her.

[Tranny Tee]

Do not allow yourself to be a victim.
If she outs you it will not be the end of your world, you will be embarrassed for a few days and may get some ribbing but life will soon be back to normal. Be strong.

[Joanne f]

It is always difficult to judge or comment on someone when you do not know them but i would at least consider the possibility of what Rachel M and ReineD has said about the possibility of her suffering from depression or at least low self esteem in which case you can get to the point where you just do not want to do anything.
I would not worry to much about the possibility of you being outed and if anything was said just say " what happens or does not happen in a relationship that i have with anyone does not concern you".

[sometimes_miss]

It's tales like this one that keep me scared of telling anyone. While I was going through divorce, I kept waiting for my ex to lower the boom on me somehow, that someday I was going to walk into work and be questioned by someone because of an anonymous call or having something happen at my home to out me to the neighborhood. Lucy, good luck. I hope nothing bad happens.

[mklinden2010]

Good for you with finding your limit and standing up for you.

As to what she does... Well, nobody likes someone who will, "Kiss and tell" so that works in your favor. As does the fact that everyone is entitled to their own business.

Once anyone knows, you can figure that - in one way or another - everybody knows in some way...

You'll find however, that if you don't bring it up, most people will just keep it on the back burner.

There's a lot less to worry about in being "outed" than you might think.

Sorta like public speaking... Once you get shoved out on the stage, there's nothing to do but speak up and say what you have to say.

It's what you do that really matters, not what someone else says about you.

[victoriamwilliams1]

I think her moving out was the best! I have no comment on if she will tell because I do not know her or her personality. I think as long as you changed the locks there is no reason to hide your clothes.

I would suggest not to lose any sleep over if she will out you, if she does just explain it and please do not become hyper masculine to prove your guy! I feel that hyper masculine guys exist because they wanted to suppress the girl in them!

[docrobbysherry]

------------even down to saying that throughout the marriage she never worked at all. But oh yeah, she did have six kids. I'm sorry but this one pushed my buttons big time. :sad:


So much so, and in so many ways, I have to just LET IT GO!:doh:

[Loni]

not to worry about getting "outed", it can be worked around.

how long were you two living together?
in some states she can sue you for cash support.
pending on how long you supported her.

be far more fearfull of a lawyer.

.

[Billijo49504]

I'm not a Dr. nor have I played one, but could she be bipolar?? That's how my wife acted before getting on meds. Just as others have said, it's your life, live it to satisfy your self. I wish I hadn't waited so long to realize this..:hugs:..BJ

[melissacd]

Lucy,

No matter what happens, I doubt it will live up to your fears and in the end you will get through it all and move on. Just hold tight and live and enjoy your life.

Melissa Paige

[sonia_dargency]

I agree with Reine, she exposed very well why your girlfriend would think/behave like this.

the whole thing is about your relationship (you both, I mean); what motivated you to get together to begin with? How do you feel having her? How do you feel losing her? how did the relationship turned sour? did you guys talked often before this weekend? did you listen to each other's stories and concerns?

being outed is not relevant, the question is rather if you guys want to stay together or not and what you are ready to do to make it work either way.

someone in this forum has a quote in her/his signature that reads: marriage is not something you get, it is something you do. that is clear and concise

good luck and courage

[Frédérique]

Any suggestions ? Has anyone gone through this before? She has swore to me that what I shared was to never go beyond us two but a persons word is as only good as the person giving it...

Yes, all you can do is brace yourself and hide the evidence. You bring these problems on yourself by coming out, but I’m not being censorious – I did this myself, and paid the price. I get a chuckle out of it these days, but at the time I was very worried. Luckily, I’m not a public figure by any way, shape, or form, relatively friendless, without colleagues to shock or a large family to alienate. It helps to be a nobody, but if a person who knows your secret is angered by your behavior (justified or not), you can expect to be outed. She’ll apologize later, but it’ll be too late. You will laugh about it someday, I promise…:doh:

[ReineD]

You bring these problems on yourself by coming out,

About the coming out ... I feel compelled to share something. I'm a recovered alcoholic (over 8 years :)). In the beginning, I felt great shame over letting people know about this. I know it is not the same as CDing, but it still carries with it quite a bit of social stigma, especially in some settings. I used to make up all kinds of stories to explain to people why I would not take a glass of wine. :rolleyes: The term alcoholic was a dirty word in my vocabulary.

Now, it is just a clinical term. It is a part of my genetic makeup, like the color of my eyes and when people ask why I do not drink, I simply say it is because I'm a recovered alcoholic. I feel no shame, no matter how much stigma the label carries with it. There are people who think I am odd because I don't drink, and it perhaps has affected some friendships I might have had otherwise, but I honestly I don't care.

You may not wish to shout to the rooftops you are a CD, and you may not wish to dress in front of others if it makes you or them feel uncomfortable, but if the CDing becomes known it will not significantly alter the opinions of those who care about you. IMO.

When people first found out about me many years ago, they did treat me as an oddity, especially friends and family who felt awkward if they wanted to have alcohol in my presence. There was no amount of reassurance I could give that would remove their bias, so I finally just threw up my hands at it all and chose to not take responsibility for their feelings. It all got much better when I stopped justifying myself, and instead just moved forward with enjoying myself in their presence, no matter what they were thinking.


I still don't believe your gf will out you, BTW, but I've been known to eat my words. :)