The End of Crossdressing for Me?

[Daniel]

Just so you know, I'm not the age most of you are - I'm only 20, still live with my parents, and have never gone out in drag with the expectation of being seen. So I'm not any of the "out" or "pro" crossdressers that seem to populate these forums.

Lately, my interest in crossdressing has been almost zip. Perhaps, then, I can get rid of all that clothing and get this "secret" out of my life.

But I hesitate to believe that the desire I had before could really just vanish like that. I have read, again and again, that this is a lifelong thing and that getting married or getting action will NOT make it go away. However, most of the turn-on of dressing up, for me, has been sexual. When tucking, I've always had to deal with erections. So for me, maybe getting action WILL make this disappear altogether!!

Most of you being jaded crossdressers yourselves, you may be quick to say that I should continue. But the last several times I dressed up, it just didn't feel anywhere near as good as it would have a year ago, even with new clothes. This makes me doubt if waxing would really do me any good.

Now, I'm certainly not going to go and burn my clothing. If the desire comes back, it would cost me about $250. And not making much more than minimum wage, this is a lot. Rather, what I might do is take that bag of clothing, and BURY it. Out in the woods, deep underground. And I'll keep a little "treasure map" handy so I can find it again should the desire come back in a week, month, season or year. It would be TEN YEARS before I could safely say the crossdressing is really gone.

Now what to do about my legs. They've been shaved this whole summer. And very, VERY surprisingly, nobody at home has said a word. So, ironically, should I keep shaving until fall so that people don't notice me growing my leg hair back?

[Julie York]

Stop doing it.

[Tristen Cox]

This is rather a personal journey. You could give it up for ten years only to find it does come back eventually at some point. Advice? As you say put those things somewhere protected and safe - that you can easily find them. Take a break, forcing yourself is no good. This is something that comes and goes and comes back again. I 'quit'/ threw out things for four years only to come back twice as hard. But I realised I should just do it when I could and felt like it, not for the sake of doing it. It's just clothes, so if you don't feel like wearing them then don't. Plain and simple. However do not deny yourself if you choose to take it up again. Things change real fast in the twenties, I went through that all to recent(now thirty) You may come to many different decissions in the next couple years. Best thing to do is go with the flow and find what it is that drives you to dress up(or not dress up). Then if after you figure yourself out you still want to wear the 'threads' by all means go with it!

I'd wait til winter to stop shaving when you can cover up with pants ;)

[Wendy me]

the only way to realy know if you are a crossdresser is to put away the clouthes not purge ...and in time it will let you know that you need to dress...as a lot of crossdressers have stoped not manny are cured as it is who we are .....

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

Do what feel right for you. If you're not interested, then don't do it. You're still figuring out who you are, so as Tristen said, things change a lot in your 20s. The urge may come back, it may not. Either way, nothing wrong with that.

And yeah, I agree it's probably better to wait for cold weather to grow out your legs.

[susiej]

Daniel,

Being CD is not a blessing, but nor is it a curse. Most of us here who are more than twice your age say it has lasted our whole lives -- but, that could easily be because the guys who fooled with it for a few years, then moved on -- aren't here!!

Do what you can not let CD-ing become the "forbidden fruit" of your life. I encourage you to move on if that's what you want to do. We old broads urge young people like you not to purge for purely economic reasons, but I think there's another, more important reason: giving up something that's fun and harmless, out of fear or shame, is not good for you. And once you give it up, then taking it back up again reinforces those negative emotions. It's not worth it, babe. It's just a few square yards of lycra and silk!

So, don't let CD-ing become your deep, dark secret. Sometimes I think a lot of us got into this because it seemed so terribly sinful at the beginning :).

Let your future girlfriends know that you "enjoy some kinky things", and if you're very lucky, the Woman of Your Life will share your sense of enjoyment in bending gender. Then, you've got the ultimate free option -- wear her clothes if you both are in the mood, or not. It'll be about as important a question as which movie you rent tonight.

Hugs, and best wishes,
Susie

[Vivian Best]

Most of you being jaded crossdressers yourselves, you may be quick to say that I should continue. But the last several times I dressed up, it just didn't feel anywhere near as good as it would have a year ago, even with new clothes.

Hi Daniel,

When I was your age, everytime I turned around I was quiting and starting back. Then I'd take turns condemning myself for what I was doing and hated myself for doing it!

Now to you, I'm not making a suggestion either way to you, however, I do think you need to give yourself a little time, maybe years to figure out what really your desires are in life. Being a CD'r isn't the end of the world or the end of life, and you are at the very beginning of yours! If you decide that your life doesn't include cding then by all means quit. If the desire does come back then embrase it. It's your decision to make

Most if not all of us on this forum have faced the struggle that you now face. Do I continue or do I quit. I like to say that I can quit because I've done it a thousand times. This sentence is sort of humorous, but it does capture the struggle most of us have gone through. Believe me, I have tried to quit! I do not say this to discourage you in your quest for inner peace I only say it to say that it is not a crime if you really want to quit and are not successful.

Best of luck in your quest.

Vivian

[susandrea]

If you bury those nice clothes they will likely get moldy, smelly and rotton so I wouldn't. Even well wrapped--- ick.

Better to box them wrapped in acid free tissue and stash them in the back of a closet (add a moth ball or two) or in the attic-- some place dry.

The thing is, if it's a long, long time before you want them again, you may find them out of style or too tight or something. Makeup doesn't last-- it goes bad after a year or so.

I wish you luck on your journey. Like ANYTHING that's an exploration of self, you're best off staying relaxed and thoughtful and see what happens. Whatever you choose is okay! :)

[Ellaine]

Hi Daniel All of the above apply. One thing I'd add tho, is that knowing the clothes are there, even though you don't feel the need, can be enough while you feel as you do. To not have them available should you want them, can suddenly bring about a change and start you wanting again. This is all subconcious stuff, and everyone is different of course. But it's a bit like light-smokers, they may be able to not smoke when they know they have some put by. But knowing they have run out, can start the craving!!

The sexual aspect, is not a good guide as to wether the desire will return either. If you are going to pack them away, do not use polythene, use paper and perhaps a few lavender flowers to ward off bugs.

Best wishes

Ellaine

[Daniel]

OK. Burying is probably a bad idea. How about this, then - I'll just keep them where I normally do. But if a year goes by and I don't use them, I will throw them away. Certainly in a year I will be able to afford something!

[Jamie M]

Go with it, I'm not that much older than you and i can certainly say that I've been through this exact stage. I came out the other side wanting to dress even more, you may well not , there's no hard and fast rules to this thing we do.

You may find that in a year you've completely forgotten about them anyway. I recently came across an old suitcase full of clothes from my teenage years in my parents attic that I'd completely forgotten about . Needless to say I could only dream of fitting back into them anyway ;)

[MichelleGray502]

Hello Daniel: Everything that 'th other girls have already said to do is 'th best thing and it's up to you to 'th final decision. i am double your age daniel and went through 'th same things that you are presently going through and what i did was when 'th interest wasn't there is that i would put them in cardboard box wrapped with tissue paper in 'th back part of 'me closet until 'th urge came back again I just pulled them out. bury them is a bad idea due mold,bad smell ect, and burning them isn't a great idea either. doing that and getting 'th urge back without clothes is very expensive to start over.

Daniel that's how i handle it when i was your age, i am now (41) happly married with a supporting wife i dress quite often in 'th house but don't go out femm much 'coz i to do a little work on a few things before i go out again. otherwise i just dress to what i am doing that day or circumstanes at 'th time.

Anyway Good Luck daniel and do what you think is right.

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

Sounds like a good plan Daniel -- except throw it away. :eek: Remember eBay is a boy/girl's best friend. There's beer money to be made. ;)

[susandrea]

OK. Burying is probably a bad idea. How about this, then - I'll just keep them where I normally do. But if a year goes by and I don't use them, I will throw them away. Certainly in a year I will be able to afford something!

Keep at least one thing and remember it with fondness. :thumbsup:

[joni-alice]

Money is no excuse to keep the clothes...Toss them out, give them to the Salvation Army or whatever.....\if you can....

If you cant, then perhaps you are not as through with CD as you'd like to think you are.

Anyway you go is OK, as long as you are happy.

[suanne]

Daniel, joni_alice gave some good advice. I'am with her. You want to know if this doesn't mean anything to you anymore. Get rid of them. Separate yourself from all crossdressing. If it doesn't bother you then maybe it was just a phase or something. But......if you do get the desire again, well...jump back on this site and we are here to help. Don't beat yourself up. I guess most of us have done that to ourselves from time to time. Really before the net us cd's were pretty much on our own and not able to share with others. Not so now.
So go for it. Good luck.....Write soon.....

I'll give you a goodbye hug.

Suanne :)

[Sharon]

Just remember something -- the members who say that crossdressing is a lifelong desire or obsession are currently members of a crossdressing forum! The people who have chosen to stop dressing, and have managed to continue not dressing, are no longer active members(what would be the point unless they miss it?).
If you think this will be a longterm or permanent thing, then, by all means, get rid of the clothing. Chances are, if you decide a few years from now that you want to start dressing again, then you will probably be earning enough so that $250 won't sound like so much to you.
In the shortterm though, I would just set aside the clothing and not put anything on at all. If, after a month or two or six (whatever), and you find that you still have no desire to put anything on, then just pack them up and get rid of them.

[Daniel]

Well, right now I'm torn between the weakening desire and an extremely rare opportunity for some serious dressing. This kind of opportunity only appears once or twice a year!!

I'm going to be home alone for an entire day and night tomorrow!!! Since my parents don't want to see me in drag, I have to wait until I'm home alone. But tomorrow, I'll have from when I get home from work at about 3:30 to... at least noon the next day, when I do not have to work.

So how about this. I'll WAX my legs. I can get a waxing kit and it will only cost me six or seven dollars. Already having gone this whole summer so far hairless, it's not really going to matter whether it takes two months or four to grow back. I'll make sure all my clothes are clean, and then take this opportunity and go one "final test" to see if crossdressing is, indeed, still for me. I'll just be sure to urinate before I hide my candy - it's going to be a LONG evening.

If I still find this fun or sensual, I'll keep going. If it's really, really, REALLY good, I might even buy a few more items!! I'll have some time to decide - I'll have fall and winter to decide whether to wax again next summer. It's just that shaving tends to leave red bumps and has to be done every single time I dress up, and it's not cutting it anymore. So I squandered another $30.00 or so on shaving supplies.

[Mx Justina]

Well, right now I'm torn between the weakening desire and an extremely rare opportunity for some serious dressing. This kind of opportunity only appears once or twice a year!!

I'm going to be home alone for an entire day and night tomorrow!!! Since my parents don't want to see me in drag, I have to wait until I'm home alone. But tomorrow, I'll have from when I get home from work at about 3:30 to... at least noon the next day, when I do not have to work.

So how about this. I'll WAX my legs. I can get a waxing kit and it will only cost me six or seven dollars. Already having gone this whole summer so far hairless, it's not really going to matter whether it takes two months or four to grow back. I'll make sure all my clothes are clean, and then take this opportunity and go one "final test" to see if crossdressing is, indeed, still for me. I'll just be sure to urinate before I hide my candy - it's going to be a LONG evening.

If I still find this fun or sensual, I'll keep going. If it's really, really, REALLY good, I might even buy a few more items!! I'll have some time to decide - I'll have fall and winter to decide whether to wax again next summer. It's just that shaving tends to leave red bumps and has to be done every single time I dress up, and it's not cutting it anymore. So I squandered another $30.00 or so on shaving supplies.

Everyone that has posted responses so far, has given you thoughtfull, helpfull suggestion...so not my inclination to repeat them... I just want to briefly comment that whatever you do in your near future, I can guarantee that the future yous (5, 10, 15, 20, 25 years, and so on into your lifetime) will see past personal events (fears, disatisfactions, urgencies, resentments etc.) quite differently than the present you.

BTW...I opt for electric shavers over razoring...have always found razoring slow, cutting and skin stressing.

J.

[arula]

Daniel, don't let it upset you. pack it away. But girlfriend don't fool yourself, It's part of you like it's part of all of us. I fought tooth and nail with it when I was your age, but hear I am today. For whatever reason we have been given this drive to admire ourselves as girls, when I stop fighting it, I found the peace I had been looking for all my life. To see so many girls with the same want ,to be a girl justs makes it easier to accept. What an exceptional sisterhood we have formed. Maybe its our destiny to aways want what the other sex has. Take care Daniel. XO Arula

[insearchofme]

Excellent advice all around (especially selling your unused item on ebay for beer money). I do have a small problem being call "jaded Crossdressers". I'm 56 and believe me every time I dress I'm not jaded and I don't beleive and of the other ladies here are either. It's still a big time thrill sometimes sexual but often times it just makes me feel complete.

Dana

[gennee]

Daniel:

There are days that the thrill of crossdressing won't be there. Like many things in life, the feeling won't be there, but it doesn't change who you are. We all go through dry periods in our lives. Look at it this way; brighter days are ahead. :rolleyes:

[Rachael Warren]

Daniel, I won't repeat what the other girls have said, it must be fairly obvious that we all have the same general feelings.

What I will add is that you, being a young man who isn't in a relationship yet, won't have yet experienced all of the stresses that life can bring.

Imaging living with a partner a few years from now, having to pay the mortgage/rent and all the other bills while raising a child. When stressed you, if you are anything like me, will want some sort of vent or escape. Believe me that donning the atire is a lot better than going on the traditional "bender", and a heck of a lot better for your familys finances and your relationship.

This is part of you and i'm sure in the years to come you will realise it is a very valuable part of yourself. For me Rachael is where my compassion and empathy come from, suppressing her would make me into a typical male shovanist pig.

What ever you do I wish you well, good luck with the impending extended time you have, enjoy it.

Remember that if you keep your stuff there will allways be somewhere you can go to get back in touch with yourself, however long into the future that might be.


Kindest wishes, Rachael.

[carson]

Hi Daniel,

I've only been a member of this forum for a few months, but I've been crossdressing since I was 10 (I'm 43 now.) You've already been given some very sage advice in this thread, but I just want to make three points:

1) While it's not chipped in concrete that CD'ing has to be a life-long compulsion, more than likely you will find it is.

2) The desire to dress will ebb and flow over time like several others have said.

3) If you tell yourself you're going to stop doing this and then you find you keep coming back to it, don't feel like you've "failed" or "given in" to something. Crossdressing is not a weakness or failure.

I wish I had allowed myself the freedom to explore my crossdressing nature more fully when I was your age. I would just be that much more ahead of the game mentally and emotionally now at 43.

[Toni]

Hi Daniel,

I also have a problem being pigeon holed as a "jaded crossdresser", I've been doing it for over 50 years and while it is not a sexual thing as it was in my 20's I believe I look reasonable when I go out and not like a bag lady! We have all given up or purged from time to time but if I had any doubts I would just leave my clothes where I could see them and if I wanted to dress I would, likewise if I didn't I wouldn't! Given time and patience I am sure it would resolve itself. Today things are so much easier and better for CD's than it was when I was a youngster and I suppose I am jealous of the way the young people have it today with the internet and much more relaxed moral attitudes. Another thing if you are determined not to dress then what exactly is the point of shaving your legs or waxing them. It all seems a bit pointless to me.

[FionaAlexis]

Most of you being jaded crossdressers yourselves, you may be quick to say that I should continue.

I'm neither 'jaded' [well not right now] nor a 'crossdresser' - but I do like your point! If you feel the way you say, there's not much point to it - is there? You might as well try life without cross dressing instead of being miserable doing it. I'd chuck it in. But it's not such a big deal either way!

Good crossdressing is like everything other skill it needs a bit of practice and hard work - and sometimes it takes a while until it comes together the way you hope.

Fiona xx