Regret?

[Myojine]

ok so my aunt being a sexist racist evil person she is, i dont know how much she lied to me or whatever
but she blurted out some statistic to me trying to convince me that im not a girl trapped in a guys body....
the statistic was
90% of MtF who have it done Regret it.

true false?
bullshit?

[KarenHiller]

From everything I've read and heard, that's total BS. You only get one life, so be who you are and go for it, if you're sure that's what you want.

Karen

[kimdl93]

I agree with Karen. The TGs I know regret the years wasted before they make the transition!

[Myojine]

I agree with Karen. The TGs I know regret the years wasted before they make the transition!

yeah im regreting everyday day that i am not able to transition...
5 years left...
then Enlistment up!!!!!
/end Army
/begin Female Life :D

[kimdl93]

well, just keep up your faith. it may seem like a long time, but believe me, time passes quickly. You'll have a whole lifetime ahead of you to live life on your terms.

[Traci Elizabeth]

Your only regret will be not following your heart and mind. And NO ONE can answer what is best for you other than you yourself.

Good luck and enjoy your life however you chose to live it.

[Lorileah]

90% of statistics are made up on the spot.

With all the hoops and time requirements to transition, I doubt many make it that far and regret it after. That's why they have those rules in place

[Frances]

Although there are no official statistics, most experts agree that is quite the opposite in terms of numbers, with a very small minority expressing regret. Also, when people talk about regret, it is mostly about the operation, not transition. Transition takes a long time and involves many steps and a lot of waiting. Every step validates the ones before. The day that I started hormones, I did wonder if I would regret it (for a few minutes), but the effects were completely concordant with my identity/personality. It was the same with transitioning socially. I could not imagine going back to being a boy. Even through all those hours of laser, I was asking myself if it was the right thing to do, but when I look at my body now, it feels right, and I cannot really remember when I was covered with hair like a monkey.

Everyone thinks they are an expert on gender, but no one but trans people experience gender. For everybody else gender is invisible. Non gender-gifted people simply cannot understand or empathise with our pain.

I personally do not know of anyone who regretted transitioning, but I know some women who are not totally satisfied with the results of the surgery.

Take it one step at a time and you will be on the right path for sure.

[Karen564]

LOL, I have no idea where she got her statistics, but I'm thinking she pulled them out from her A**..
She may have been closer if she had the 90% reversed, because it's less than 10% that have regrets after they have gone all the way..and that's because of the standards imposed to weed out most before they go too far as long as the one transitioning is being honest with themselves during this process..

[WalT]

IIRC it's much closer to less than 1%

[Myojine]

LOL, I have no idea where she got her statistics, but I'm thinking she pulled them out from her A**..
She may have been closer if she had the 90% reversed, because it's less than 10% that have regrets after they have gone all the way..and that's because of the standards imposed to weed out most before they go too far as long as the one transitioning is being honest with themselves during this process..

she said that her shipboard PSychologist(shes in the navy) told her that.
Well i dont know why i even gave her a doubt i mean she lied to me from day1 of me living with her.

Also, when people talk about regret, it is mostly about the operation, not transition.
what do you mean by that frances?
i am DREAMING of the day i can finaly get SRS.
i have realy mixed feelings about how i would look and everything but for me the biggest thing, realy hope i dont sound stupid or idiotic saying this, is when i can finaly feel inbetween my legs and omg its not there...
i cant wait for that day, and the for the time for finaly all those fantasys of... him.. me... oh god i hope dreams come true

btw sidewonder...
hwo long is it that you have to wait before you can finally have vaginal intercourse after SRS?

[Frances]

what do you mean by that frances?
i am DREAMING of the day i can finaly get SRS.
i have realy mixed feelings about how i would look and everything but for me the biggest thing, realy hope i dont sound stupid or idiotic saying this, is when i can finaly feel inbetween my legs and omg its not there...
i cant wait for that day, and the for the time for finaly all those fantasys of... him.. me... oh god i hope dreams come true

btw sidewonder...
hwo long is it that you have to wait before you can finally have vaginal intercourse after SRS?

Like I explained, transition is a slow process that includes lots of steps from therapy to hair removal to affirming your identity and overcoming your fears and even emancipating yourself from family (often necessary). SRS does not help anyone pass. Working on the gender expression, overcoming fears are all much more important to transitioning socially than SRS.

One of the most important things in my opinion, is reconciling fantasy and reality. The real life test is crucial to avoid regret. I have heard people say that when they would get SRS, everything would be better, but they could not even walk out of their apartment dressed as a woman. And I know of one trans woman who got SRS too early and now lives a lonely life because she is afraid to socialize.

Transition socially is the most important thing. Nobody you encounter in day to day life knows what's between your legs. There should not be any regret if everything is done carefully in accordance to protocols (again, in my opinion). After a period of time on hormones, I was no longer aware of my penis most of the time. SRS is just the cherry on the sunday at this point for me.

Intercourse is possible after six weeks.

[Myojine]

Like I explained, transition is a slow process that includes lots of steps from therapy to hair removal to affirming your identity and overcoming your fears and even emancipating yourself from family (often necessary). SRS does not help anyone pass. Working on the gender expression, overcoming fears are all much more important to transitioning socially than SRS.

One of the most important things in my opinion, is reconciling fantasy and reality. The real life test is crucial to avoid regret. I have heard people say that when they would get SRS, everything would be better, but they could not even walk out of their apartment dressed as a woman. And I know of one trans woman who got SRS too early and now lives a lonely life because she is afraid to socialize.

Transition socially is the most important thing. Nobody you encounter in day to day life knows what's between your legs. There should not be any regret if everything is done carefully in accordance to protocols (again, in my opinion). After a period of time on hormones, I was no longer aware of my penis most of the time. SRS is just the cherry on the sunday at this point for me.

Intercourse is possible after six weeks.

im fully aware that SRS isnt going to change anything except the way, sex happens.
The worst and most annoying thing that i get from people is the "If you get this its not going to change anything!"
My first reaction is, NO SHIT IM NOT STUPID, IM STILL GONNA BE ME!!! Its just one thing LESS i have to worry about!
they treat me as though they know more then i do.
I dont get that here thankfully.
Me i have no family left. My entire family has abandoned me, not because of my MtF isssues, but because of abuse and problems, i was the punching bag for all of it.
me im honestly not affraid of trying to "Pass" or what ever...
when i had long hair it was a daily basis of me being mistaken for a girl. much to my glee :). Well the BIGGEST worry i have is my voice, i am having alot of trouble trying to make a natural sounding female voice.
the lack of testosterone helps right/replacement with Estrogen? i have a dirty mouth too...thank you army! that ill work on too. theres quiet a bit of stun i know, im not under estimating any of this at all...
im just working on gathering as much info as i can, and planning.
Always planning dynamicly and concretely

[Karen564]

Well the BIGGEST worry i have is my voice, i am having alot of trouble trying to make a natural sounding female voice.
the lack of testosterone helps right/replacement with Estrogen?

Lack of Testosterone And adding Estrogen will Not change your voice at all...
Sorry, but that's just the way it is..only speech training/coaching & LOTS of practice will help you in that department..

[brylram]

I think the idea of 90% regretting comes from the fact that almost 100% of what most people hear about us is news about the 10% who do regret. It's tricky to change that perception though when reporters aren't interested in anything but scandal, and we're all too busy living our lives and being happy to spend our time obsessing over proving it to anyone. :\

[Frances]

I think the idea of 90% regretting comes from the fact that almost 100% of what most people hear about us is news about the 10% who do regret. It's tricky to change that perception though when reporters aren't interested in anything but scandal, and we're all too busy living our lives and being happy to spend our time obsessing over proving it to anyone. :\

:iagree:

[WalT]

I think the idea of 90% regretting comes from the fact that almost 100% of what most people hear about us is news about the 10% who do regret. It's tricky to change that perception though when reporters aren't interested in anything but scandal, and we're all too busy living our lives and being happy to spend our time obsessing over proving it to anyone. :\^ Sampling bias and all that.


Well the BIGGEST worry i have is my voice, i am having alot of trouble trying to make a natural sounding female voice.
the lack of testosterone helps right/replacement with Estrogen?Sorry, but you'll have to train your voice. Once your voice is deep, hormones aren't going to change it one bit. You'll have to train your voice in order to have a female voice.

[CharleneT]

ask her to get the ship board psch to fork over a reference for that number. Don't have the time to search, but there have been some quasi-studies of such and the results were in the opposite direction. I do know one post op who regrets her SRS, but not transition.

[MJ]

i have no regrets ... wish i had done this 20 years ago :hugs:

[morgan pure]

I used to know a few girls who transitioned fairly young in the early years when the only jobs available to them were in the sex industry and club work like hatcheck and dancing. Some of them had horrible experiences, a real mix of fun and degradation, and some were bitter and cynical.

Not ONE of them EVER expressed regret about transitioning.

Think of what we have to deal with: ignorant relatives, prejudiced employers, a world where comedians can still treat us as trivial oddities. And twits that we are we persevere in our aberrant behavior.

CHOICE? Did I chose it? No. It just happened.

[luvSophia]

ask her to get the ship board psch to fork over a reference for that number. Don't have the time to search, but there have been some quasi-studies of such and the results were in the opposite direction. I do know one post op who regrets her SRS, but not transition.
Even better ask her where she found a shipboard psychologist cuz to the best of my knowledge there aren't any.

[GypsyKaren]

How anyone else feels about their life has absolutely nothing to do with you or any decisions you make...just something to think about.

Karen

[Hope]

she blurted out some statistic to me trying to convince me that im not a girl trapped in a guys body....
the statistic was
90% of MtF who have it done Regret it.

<cough>bullshit<cough> What?

[Myojine]

Even better ask her where she found a shipboard psychologist cuz to the best of my knowledge there aren't any.

now...i am wondering
if this statement is true...
how much was the web of lies i lived with for so long...
how much trust did i aput into a falsehood that is my family
this is only reinforcing the beleif that my family are people i should never be around ever again.

[Karen564]

Even better ask her where she found a shipboard psychologist cuz to the best of my knowledge there aren't any.

Maybe on an Aircraft Carrier...Since they seem to have everything else on board...:straightface:

[Myojine]

Maybe on an Aircraft Carrier...Since they seem to have everything else on board...:straightface:

o.o
the USS Enterprise is a aircraft carrier...
thats what ship shes on...
EEEP? she told the truth once?

[GeorgiaHall]

Any statistical sample can be skewed to support the position of the pollster.... The same question can be worded two ways and give two different answers.

--------

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

--Theodor Seuss Geisel, aka Dr. Seuss,

[Karen564]

o.o
the USS Enterprise is a aircraft carrier...
thats what ship shes on...
EEEP? she told the truth once?

Yes, I believe she told you the truth as far as she has a Shrink aboard the vessel...But it is so highly unlikely he's an expert on GID matters aboard a US Navy warship......
Whatever the case, he just has bad data or misinterpreted it..or she could of twisted it around to suit her purposes in telling you only what SHE wanted to believe.....true or not... people have been known to do that a lot...not because she doesn't love you, but because maybe she does love you deep down, and showing tough love....

[donnalee]

Uh- why was your aunt seeing a psychologist? :devil:

[Diane Elizabeth]

Just like JAIL has a load of "jailhouse Lawyers", ships have a load of "shipboard shrinks". And that isn't even counting the official one on a carrier (whom is NOT GID traiined). Don't listen to the the prejudice, fear, and hate. Listen to your heart.

[Karen7cd]

I am a scientist and engineer by trade. I have had more math that most math teachers can imagine. In a statistics analysis class we examined the use of statistic in the media and publications. What was found is that any article be it left, right, middle, democrat,
republician, gay, straight, etc that quotes statistics is not telling the truth. By changing the pool of people that is sampled you "adjust" the results. In other words, if ask a bunch of mid-west farmers about school busing you get one result, and if you ask inner city parents in Detroit you will get a different result. The biases are built in to each survey, by the people who are paying for it.

[Jennifer in CO]

AMEN Karen7!!!
and Lorileah, its 87% are made up on the spot.... ;)

Jenn

[Myojine]

Yes, I believe she told you the truth as far as she has a Shrink aboard the vessel...But it is so highly unlikely he's an expert on GID matters aboard a US Navy warship......
Whatever the case, he just has bad data or misinterpreted it..or she could of twisted it around to suit her purposes in telling you only what SHE wanted to believe.....true or not... people have been known to do that a lot...not because she doesn't love you, but because maybe she does love you deep down, and showing tough love....

imma be realy ****in rude at this point and tell you that bitch doens love me and she never has, idc what fanciful idea gave you that impression but lieing to me and abusing me isnt love, as well as kicking me out of the house with out a care. how about the times where she said"I wish you would just fcking kill yourself already" to my face.
if thats love, these people are ****in sick.

Uh- why was your aunt seeing a psychologist? :devil:i dunno Psycho problems?
she has full bottles of Lamotrigine(Lamitcal) a bipolar medication.
Funny thing is i described waht she did and the situation, and my 1st Sergent, who is expeiranced, Said "Damn sounds like shes Bipolar". he hit the nail head on.

[Teri Jean]

To be honest it is 90% of shipboard psychs that wish they had transitioned. Morons

Teri

[WalT]

If your aunt is crazy as you say she is (not trying to stigmatize people with bi-polar disorder; I've known people that were diagnosed and didn't behave in ways your aunt does), why exactly are you treating her as someone as credible when it comes to knowledge of transsexuals? It just sounds like she's a highly prejudiced individual who will hop on any negatively biased data she can get instead of doing her own research and getting data from something reliable.

But seriously... most psychs don't really have a clue when it comes to transgender people, simply because many haven't dealt with them or in any significant number to realize we're not all the same, and some simply don't do their own research because of their own bias. It's amazing how some people have an iron grip on the myth of biological determinism and use a clinical approach to pathologize anyone who proves that biological determinism is bunk.

[Chris'spastime]

The biases are built in to each survey, by the people who are paying for it

True sometimes (especially in politics), but the goal in REAL research is to have a pool of participants that represents the populace as a whole.
That being said... We don't know anything about that relative's quote.

Personally I can see the REGRET issue from a personal standpoint. I mean we do have those who state they are quitting the CD life and they purge everything and try to start anew (like me). Yes, I know that many return again. But why the inner conflict and turmoil?

Also, I have regret because of the strain it has put on a relationship that was very dear to me. Facts are that most in the world consider this as sinful behavior. In spite of protective laws, many judge the morality of our lifestyle as deviant. This makes personal relationships even more difficult for us if we aren't living the CD lifestyle 100% of the time. I think it's because maybe then they honestly know who they are with, instead of finding out some other time.

I don't know?? I am just rambling some thought off the top of my head. :brolleyes:

[Karen564]

imma be realy ****in rude at this point and tell you that bitch doens love me and she never has, idc what fanciful idea gave you that impression but lieing to me and abusing me isnt love, as well as kicking me out of the house with out a care. how about the times where she said"I wish you would just fcking kill yourself already" to my face.
if thats love, these people are ****in sick.
.

Sorry,
I shouldn't of said anything, it's obviouse to me now that your family relations are a very emotional subject to discuss at this point..
I don't know you or your family, but it sounds like it's been dysfunctional.....
And with that being said, I find it too uncomfortable to say anymore about it, because it's way out of my league to help any..
I wish I could.....
Sorry,
Take Care..:hugs:

[Frances]

The biases are built in to each survey, by the people who are paying for it

True sometimes (especially in politics), but the goal in REAL research is to have a pool of participants that represents the populace as a whole.
That being said... We don't know anything about that relative's quote.

Personally I can see the REGRET issue from a personal standpoint. I mean we do have those who state they are quitting the CD life and they purge everything and try to start anew (like me). Yes, I know that many return again. But why the inner conflict and turmoil?

Also, I have regret because of the strain it has put on a relationship that was very dear to me. Facts are that most in the world consider this as sinful behavior. In spite of protective laws, many judge the morality of our lifestyle as deviant. This makes personal relationships even more difficult for us if we aren't living the CD lifestyle 100% of the time. I think it's because maybe then they honestly know who they are with, instead of finding out some other time.

I don't know?? I am just rambling some thought off the top of my head. :brolleyes:

It sounds like you are describing issues of guilt not regret. But the thread is about regretting transition or SRS. Trans people suffer from inner turmoil and conflict until they transition. Transition has cost me everything: friends, family and all of my money (I am in bankruptcy), yet there is no regret because of the inner turmoil and conflict being gone. Having SRS and regretting it is still a possibility though; I know some who do regret it a little and might not have had surgery if the gender designation change was possible without it.

[sherri52]

There are some that regret it but the majority regret waiting so long to have it done.

[Karen564]

There are some that regret it but the majority regret waiting so long to have it done.

True,
I do regret not doing this 30+ years ago...But even those words are hard for me to even say now, because if I that did happen, I wouldn't have my two wonderful Daughters Today..

I only wish that I had the choice Not to transition, but my condition left me with no choice in the matter what so ever...unless I wanted the alternative, which was 6 ft down under, but that really wasn't very appealing to me either...since that was the easy way out...

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Hey i take lamictal!!!!

anyway...90% is just plain obnoxious, thoughtless and stupid as a number for "TS regret"..

many transitioners rejecting transition have resulted in either suicide attempts...many are influenced by church and family as your family is trying to do...

don't fall for it...VERY VERY few TS women express regret outside of not doing it sooner...

i was very worried about this for myself, and regretting what i am doing never ever comes into my mind...i had a wife, a great career, and all the respect in the world from my friends and colleagues and i risked it all

i would do this all over again 100% of the time..

[Felicha]

I read that there are some that regret having the surgery but they were some of the first to break through the gender issue. That is people like Dr. Renee Richards and a few others but they also said that they transitioned for all the wrong reasons like fame. I honestly don't think that if a person transitions and has SRS for the right reasons there is no regret. That is also why it is so hard and so very expensive. I would imagine that it would be rather be difficult to say you made a mistake that took two to four years and $50.000. So your aunt is wrong or if not wrong she is 25 years out of date on her research.
You can read about these people at. Http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/TS/warning.Html
I thought it was a good read.

Felicha

[dawnmarrie1961]

Myojine, unfortunately she may be correct. This is because expectations are so high. The idea that SRS will automatically change everything.
The reality is that the 90 percent that she is quoting probably weren't ready for surgery in the first place. Quite unfortunate for those that had the procedure done and still did not feel complete.

That's why it is so important that candidate for SRS take the necessary time, no matter how long this, before taking the final step. Of course if many of them had they would have realized that they didn't really need the operation.

Transition starts on the inside.
The outside is just a paint job.

Be safe. Be smart.

Dawn Marrie

[Jessinthesprings]

ok so my aunt being a sexist racist evil person she is, i dont know how much she lied to me or whatever
but she blurted out some statistic to me trying to convince me that im not a girl trapped in a guys body....
the statistic was
90% of MtF who have it done Regret it.

true false?
bullshit?

Actually I think it's closer to the other way around. All the trials we have to undergo to get SRS gives us and our doctors a pretty good idea that this is not a whim. Even the ones who have horrible botched surgeries don't regret having it done... just done with that surgeon. I think this is a golden opportunity to educate. Google some facts and give them to her... If she's as evil as you say she is, it probably won't do any good, but at least you can wash your hands of it and say "I tried". In the end you may have to remove her from your life like you would any other disease. This kind of negitive treatment will only do you harm, and no one deserves that.

[Myojine]

Actually I think it's closer to the other way around. All the trials we have to undergo to get SRS gives us and our doctors a pretty good idea that this is not a whim. Even the ones who have horrible botched surgeries don't regret having it done... just done with that surgeon. I think this is a golden opportunity to educate. Google some facts and give them to her... If she's as evil as you say she is, it probably won't do any good, but at least you can wash your hands of it and say "I tried". In the end you may have to remove her from your life like you would any other disease. This kind of negitive treatment will only do you harm, and no one deserves that.

you know funny thing she realy isnt in my life now.
she kicked me out of her house.
and i lost everything i had.

ive worked so hard for nothing these days.
....

botched sugeries? what do you mean?

[Kaitlyn Michele]

there are many ts women out there that had botched surgeries...this is when the doctor either just cuts off her penis, or operates in unsanitary conditions...these women are happy to be disfigured women rather than be men.....

regret my ass....

[Myojine]

this is when the doctor either just cuts off her penis, or operates in unsanitary conditions


wait a minute wth...
im assume this happens where?
i mean, i obviously dont want that to happen to me. so prevenative meausure? should i be worried?

[TerryTerri]

The 'botched' jobs referred to (at least I think what is being referred to) are the illegitamate, back alley sort of srs surgeries. There are hacks out there, I've seen some documentaries on them and they do exist, that will perform srs surgery for a fraction of the 'normal' price. Due to financial hardship numerous t-girls have gone to these hacks and had, at best, substandard surgery and results and at worst lost their life.
If you go through the 'normal' standards of care procedures and obtain a 'real' srs surgeon (and many are overseas in Tailand) I doubt you have anything to fear in the way of a hack job. But, if you are trying to get a back alley srs for $3,000 instead of the more usual $12,000 to $20,000 price range, you need to be afraid, very afraid, afraid enough NOT to do it!

[Arianna Aine]

i know this thread has been dead for a few days now but oh well

from where i'm standing, which admittedly is a few years away from surgery but oh well, i can't imagine regretting the surgery itself. and, from where i'm standing right now, i can't see me ever regretting transitioning. so well that's me...

also, applying a statistic to anything but the original sample is technically a logical fallacy. even if that survey were accurate, it only applies to whoever was actually surveyed. yes, maybe 90% of that particular group was regretful, but that percentage has absolutely no bearing on any external group (yes, i know it can be used as a predictive sample, but i am saying this merely from a logical standpoint.) so even if it were true then and for them, that says nothing about now for anyone present.

and as a closing, i would like to say to myojine, omg i LOVE elfen lied! :jumping: