Are the on line Counslers who can help SO who is troubled by my CDing?

[Kathy Leigh]

It has been over a year since my wife busted me. We had some difficult times but have reached agreement on my dressing in terms of where, when and how often. My wife does not want to be involved at all. I am satisfied with the terms she agreed to. The trouble is that although she has kept her end of the deal, my dressing is causing her all kinds of emotional trauma.

I would like to go to counseling to see if it would relieve some of her stress but she is so embarrased by the situation she cannot bear to speak to someone in person. I am hoping there is an online counselor who is experianced in dealing with spouses of cross dressers.

Has any used or found a service like this?

Please let me know names or emails or phone numbers if you can.

Edited Thursday night 3/4/10

I am sorry if I was not clear in my posting above. My wife has not been embarrased in public by me. All my cd activity is in a very dark and closed closet. She has never seen me dressed nor has she seen any pictures of me dressed. She has never seen any of my enfemme clothing. We have made a peace between us. We cuddle in bed every morning for an hour after the alarm goes off. Having said that she still cannot emotionally accept my dressing and it is causing her a great amount of emotional distress. The reason I am looking for on line counseling is that she feels she is too embarrased to look someone in the eye and say her husband is a crossdresser. I am hoping it will be easier for her online or over the phone.

The GG's on this forum,especially the moderators, have been very forthcoming and helpful and I thank them for their time and efforet. This problem nees professional help.

So if you know of any professional who has online or telephone counseling services I would love to hear from you.


Thanks,

Kathy Leigh

[kimdl93]

i don't know about on line counselors, but certainly the GGs on the FAB forum may include individuals who would be willing to visit with your wife on a non-professional, peer to peer basis. Maybe that would help.

[sherri52]

It may even help to get friendly with a couple of girls in your area and have thier wives if accepting talk to her.

[mklinden2010]

>>I would like to go to counseling to see if it would relieve some of her stress but she is so embarrased by the situation she cannot bear to speak to someone in person. I am hoping there is an online counselor who is experianced in dealing with spouses of cross dressers.


You'll get a lot of advice to have her join the forum herself, etc.

But, if she's embarrassed and struggling with this a year later, what the heck have you been doing in the past 12 months to cause her embarrassment? And, what have you done to relieve it?

Talk to her. Ask her, "What is it about this that's bothering you so much?" (I know, "Duh.")

Talk to her, but start with, "OK, I'm a idiot. I've made a mess and I've been slow to admit it and to clean it up."

I offer this as someone who has had numerous SO and GFs respond to the same information in different ways - none of them very badly, but there are times when things can be tense.

Bottom line, you're the one with the "problem/hobby/kink."

She's the one with y-o-u - and that seems to a problem.

You need to work the situation too, not just leave it to her to figure everything out on her own.

Good luck to you both.

[Karen564]

Most Therapists that deal with gender/transitioning issues also deal with Cding issues with couples too..

[yazooey]

Kathy,
I read your post and it really got me thinking about seeking online therapy as well dealing with my crossdressing. Although, for different purposes. I came across the website: livepersondotcom.

This is not posted in an attempt to promote one site over or another but rather to let you know about a possible resource that I found and may use.

I hope everything smooths out for you and for your wife. I hope she comes to accept you for who you are.

[StaceyJane]

I talked to a counselor from Liveperson for about a year. If you have any questions about it feel free to PM me.

[Dragster]

Sometimes, a solution may not be possible Kathy Leigh. I first told my wife 20 years ago, and after many tears, I agreed on a "I don't want to see it" policy. I must have been very good at hiding it, because, when I joined this site 5 years ago, I decided to explain it more tactfully. I knew a lot more about it, and had the benefit of advice from here. She said she thought I'd stopped!

I bought "My Husband Betty", read it and asked her to read it, and ask me any questions she wanted answers to. 18 months later (and after prompting) she said she'd read the first 4 chapters, knew as much as she wanted to know, and had no questions! It was already established that I didn't want to change sex, and wasn't gay. All conversations since have been initiated by me, and we've had...
I think it's disgusting
I can't work up the enthusiasm to have sex with someone who wants to wear women's clothes
Don't print me any more off that "crappy" web-site, I don't want to read it
Don't write me any more letters, you can say it to my face
I'd have to move 100 miles away if anyone found out about what you do, I'd be so embarrassed
Don't get anything posted here (I have), the postman may find out if the package gets damaged, or it might get mis-delivered to a neighbour
I don't want either of us to see a therapist, I don't want anyone else knowing; it can get out!
Why can't you give it up for me?
Why don't you spend your time doing something else, then you'll just forget about it?
etc. etc.
We keep going round in circles. If we didn't love one another so much, and have had such a great 40 years together already, we might consider parting. When she threatened to move away if someone found out, I told her I wasn't moving, and I wouldn't hide the reason why she'd gone from our family. She then said she wouldn't be able to go because she doesn't want our kids to know.

If you find out what works, please let me know!

Tony

[Hope]

I think that if your wife is that ashamed of you, you have larger problems - regardless of how much cuddling you may or may not do.

Your instinct to see a professional is a good one - but please go see a real therapist, in person. You don't have to make it about gender issues, or even bring it up if your wife is unwilling, this isn't really about gender issues anyway. Offer to go with her, or to let her go alone if that would be more comfortable for her, but go see a competent therapist, not a life coach, not a friend, not some guy who calls himself "Dr." and has a "live chat" function on his web page, not a well meaning but untrained member of any forum - a therapist who is educated and trained to identify and help resolve relationship and emotional issues.

This really is the sort of thing you need to do in person.

Your GP can refer you or you can check out your phone book even - look for someone who has a PhD, or a PsyD, and advertises that they specialize in couples counseling.

[Tomara]

Hi Kathy Leigh
From personal experience I would urge you and your wife to find and go to a qualified therapist who has worked with people with gender related issues.
You have nothing to be scared or ashamed of and believe me if you are honest and forthcoming with your issues and you are willing to work towards solutions you will both benefit from professional help.
Good luck to you
Tomara

[natashab]

while you are trying to find some sort of councilling/help dont stop loving her. Handle her with kidgloves and show her you love here. It might be at times easier said than done. Remember that this is your "hobby" which is not blowing her hair back and until she finds peace do not stop showing her you care.

[dawnmarrie1961]

It is good that you a sensitive to how your wife is feeling. She may be reluctant about seeking out side help because she feels like your condition is somehow making a statement about her womanhood. Although this may seem to you to be unfounded it however can present a very real problem with her. She needs reassurance from you that she is all the woman you will ever need and that you will continue to be all the man for her.

Don't end up being introduced by your wife as her "partner", like I did, be her "husband" instead.


Be safe. Be smart.

Dawn Marrie

[funkybunny]

as a gg point of veiw it is hard to accept at first. give her time she will accept the situation meanwhile just be patient she will come around. i dont know of any on line couselors. good luck!

[eddiesavage]

I feel as though I'm starting on your same path Tony.
Lets hope we can both have a happy ending.

Eddie

[Sandygal]

Hi Kathy....If I'm allowed to post another site on here, I would suggest going to www.Lauras-Playground.com Years ago when I told my wife about cding, she said everything is fine, but I could tell it was bothering her. I went away for the weekend and when I came back she seemed her normal self. She took it upon herself to go onto the site. It was on my favorites. She found someone to call and talk too about cding. It seemed to answer a lot of questions for her and we have been great ever since. This site has a lot of help services for you and her. I love this site, I'm on it all the time. This site makes me feel good about myself, the other site is when I'm more troubled.....Best wishes....Sandygal
P.S. She never wants to talk about it with me since the first time. It might be she's embarressed to talk about it. Sometimes its easier to talk to a stranger. I guess.